One thing that turned me away from Judaism was that, according to some crazy Qabalistic law I'm predestined to be some kind of crazy martyr prophet. I spent three years of my childhood studying to become this prophet and ultimately planned to go through with the supposed motions: move to Ysrael, contact whosit and whotheyare, find myself a lamb to slaughter, whatever... I planned this, automatically, accepting it as my lot in life until I was sixteen.
Sixteen! I can't believe I lived that long beliving I was going to kill myself in the name of god! What bollocks!
I finally decided it was just that and that, well, I didn't feel like being a martyr. I didn't even feel like being a prophet. I decided I was much more interested in playing the guitar.
But, because of that, I can understand why someone would feel the need to die for their faith just because they think it's their destiny. If people who trust keep telling you something about yourself over and over again from childhood, you will almost definitely believe them.
If someone I knew told me they decided to become a martyr I'd tell them they should take up a new drug addiction, hardcore and right away. I'd say, there are way better things to kill yourself over than an invisible dictator in the sky. An invisible dictator, also, you apparently doesn't like you very much, if he wants you to kill yourself in his name.
I can think of a few assholes I'd like to kill themselves in my name.
I wish I had that kind of power.
Mmm, brownies.
Cheers,
Lost
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