First off I would like to get the difference of jails and prisons out of the way. A jail is a housing unit in minimum security, meaning visits, sometimes no cameras, and few gaurds. Prisons are heavily gaurded impounds for criminals, sex offenders, murderers, rapists, ect.

Now that that is out of the way lets begin.

How to avoid getting beat up:

Upon entering your prison start looking around for a loner. Someone who is weaker and not around anyone else. This is your target. You must get into a fight with him and just lay his ass out sort to speak. Make sure to get lots of publicity. This will get you some respect from some of the weaker clicks. Now all you need to do is state a reason proving you are not a homosexual. Say something like, "that faggot grabbed for my dick, I don't like that sort of thing." This will make you look badass no matter how skinny you are.

How to not give blowjobs:

If you are forced at lights out by one or more men for a blow job it is not smart to hold you mouth closed nor is it smart to bite. What happens if you do either is the men literally punch your teeth out or beat your face on the wall until a similiar effect is accomplished. What you have to do is deep throat the dick far down and up into a tissue in your throat that makes you vomit. If you vomit all over the guys dick he will no longer want a blowjob.

How to not get fucked in the ass:

Ok this is a bad one. Getting fucked in the ass is not pleasant, I don't know first hand but my girlfriend sure as hell does . What you need is anything with a spike at the end of it. You can get a number of things: a pencil, a plastic fork with all but one of its teeth cut off, a sharpened end. Now for the first unpleasant part. If you know some guys will come to fuck you the following night you need to get ready. Stick whatever item it is you have far into your anus. Make sure the item is not sticking out and is not visible. Now when your roommate or whoever comes just put up a fake struggle and completely relax your cheeks and allow him for easy entry. When his penis is almost at the sharp object (your anal cavity is very sensitive and you will know when it is) tighten your ass so that the object does not slide and watch the man scream in pain as the object goes into his dick hole and renders him immobile for you to kick his ass and get credibility and recognition.

Avoid getting sent into "the hole":

You are sent here for many reasons. If you disobey officers, if you act or get accused of a crime inside the prison, if you do anything that cause bodily harm to you the guards or anyone, etc. To avoid getting put in here you can register with the medical center that you are a clostrophobic (afraid of small closed spaces) and virtually never be thrown in the hole. It is also very easy to fake the clostrophobic test.

How to make weapons and such in prison:

HandMace:

this can be done with a sock and anything heavy that you come across, a full soda can, a part of a wall that you break off with a wheelchair, a wheelchair wheel, some stail bread that you take from the cafeteria, a cup, etc. Just place the object into the sock and you have a mace.

Switchblade:

to make this you need a toothbrush, a lighter, and some plastic food wrap, this is all mildly easily obtained. If you can't get a lighter apply for a kitchen job and use the stove. Now wrap the the plastic wrap tightly around the tooth brushes bristles and melt it a bit with the lighter. Run the brush back and forth on concrete or anything rough to make an edge appear. Continue melting and shaping it until you have your self a sharp switchblade.

LeadPipe:

if you are lucky enough to sneak into an electrical/boiler room you can unscrew one of the pipes there by hand

How to not turn gay:

always have women on your mind

never do anything but masterbate at night

always keep in mind that when you get out your getting yourself some pussy



Escaping prison:

this is almost if not completely impossible but i have worked out a way to do it. What you need is the knowledge of all the security gaurd rotations. After memorizing their paths take out a security gaurd that will not cross paths with another. If there is no such gaurd then take him out and hide his body in your cell under the mattress. If you cannot get out of your cell at night you have to do it in the day. Take the security gaurds clothes and start a fight with an inmate. Make sure he wins and get your face really damaged so that identifying you would be impossible from all the blood. Now you will be taken to a hospital or internal medical facility from which you escape because all the gaurds where there maintaining order. Because you posed as a securiry gaurd you are also trusted better when you leave the facility. Climb the fence and put your security gaurd shirt over the barbed wire at the top and jimmy your way over. This plan is not 100% fool proof but does have a spark to it.

That is all the advice I have to offer.

I don't care if I'm passing teeth for weeks, or my face is horribly disfigured. I will never stick a guys dick in my mouth.

Wake up and smell reality man, if your teeth are broken and your disfigured your giving nothing but blowjobs that whole night. Use common sense.

Getting ass raped?? 2 words... Glass Underpants

They are easy to conceal... seeing as how they are clear, and you can wear them all the time even in the shower, and if ever you are bending over and picking up the extra soap other people have dropped... and you hear a "dink" noise you turn around and beat that mother fucker standing behind you, also if he is not gay... but is attracted to your glass underpants, you should still hurt him, because I would think he is fucknig stupid.

Once again no common sense. What are you thinking man? Glass in prison? Why don't you just order a automatic machine gun while your at it. Also some grenades, a tank, and your very own Britney Spears to acompany you at night. These are all very bright ideas.

Are you stupid you don't pick on the weakest guy. You go up to the biggest badest motherfucker and kick his ass. Anybody can kick the sissys ass. You won't earn any respect by kicking some sissys ass. You find a guy who isn't respected by lots of inmates but who is feared because of his strainth. So that if you kick his ass you don't get the whole prison against you.

I disagree, I think that if you attack the biggest baddest guy everyone who is in that particular guy's gang (which is big tough guys) will all come and knock the shit out of you. By attacking the weaker guy noone will be on your ass cause he has no protection or very few.

By initially kicking someone's ass, aren't you ensuring the fact that someone will, in all eventuality, kick your ass in return just because you're hostile and perceived as a threat?

My only recommendation: Have a large supply of cigarettes to barter with.

Finally an intelligent comment. Yea you do pose as a threat but that is what keeps you in high regard. I think it's a positive thing to have, never being in prison myself I can only guess.

Are you makeing this up? From my experience in prison, none of this ever came up. I had no problemb not turning gay, because well, I'm not gay. Ass rapeing and Blowjob squads did not roam the prison at night, nor did my cell mate ever even slightly hit on me. The "Hole" is not a small dark room in the prison basement, like holywood likes to portray it, it is just an isolation cell, not dark, not scary. Picking a fight? Yeah you will get your ass kicked daily that way. Mind your own business and be nice to others, and you will survive fine in the prison system. As for your weapons, well you watched way too many movies. Maybe your prison experience was worse than mine, but for some reason, I doubt you were ever even in prison.