Where some irony, coincidence, circumstance, or idiot caused you to lose your chance to umm...hit that shit?

My only interesting story is jumping out of a window because a girls parents came home, but I've heard some pretty funny stories from friends. I was wondering if you guys have any?

My parents went out of state for the weekend one time. This was the first time they had ever left the house unsupervised and me in it. Obviously i had to throw the parents-out-of-town party, and mad people started coming and i ended up going upstairs with a girl. RIGHT as my dick entered her mouth some "friends" (or so i fucking thought) busted in the room. She turned around, dick in hand, with a look of horror on her face. They imitated that face for weeks, complete with the dick-in-hand motion.

I got one.

Well me and this girl had been talking, and we had become friends with benefits. Well, if any of yall remember, December 22 was national orgasm day. I was leaving for FL on the 23, so this worked out perfectly. Well we were all at this other girls house, and she motioned to me for us to leave, adn she said something to everyone about her needing something from her house. Well, we start walking out the door, i'm just about to put my arm around her, and one of my guy friends comes out the door and yells, "shotgun!"

Fuck. I told him to leave, and since he didnt know about all this, he just kept saying, "you're not gonna do anything with her, blah blah blah..." and wouldnt leave my car.

If we werent such good friends, i would have killed him. When i got back from FL, she had a b/f. So i lost a chance to hit the finest ass ever.

once I tried to dickwhip a kung fu sensei

[This message has been edited by rabbitweed (edited 03-07-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

once I tried to dickwhip a kung fu sensei



They parry that shit like it's nobody's business.

i was at my friends house and us and a few other of his friends were kickin it in his garage hitting the hookah and the spacebag, his hot friend and i were trying to get it on but my friend [who's fucking in love with me] kept sitting between us and he ended up kicking his friend out for trying to get with me.

once my girl was afraid to do much with me kuz we were in this room that didnt have a door that locked. so she didnt suck my cock much. once my friends busted in video taping us, haha it was funny kuz they said it looked like she was about to whip my cock out and suck it, little did they know she was finished and jus zipping me back up.

I had gotten into a fight with this crazy ass computer nerd who pulled a machete which i grabbed and then proceeded to punch his face in and was presently in the middle of foolin around with this big tittied hot ass bitch when i get a call from my brother tellin me to come downstairs in the apartment complex. I come outside and see the police and just throw my stash in the opposite direction and went down to get arrested. got charged with assault inflicting serious injury but once all the facts came out it was obvious this motherfucker pulled a machete on me. but got cock-blocked by the cops and thrown in the holding cell until the next morning anyway. fuck the police.

The worst? I realized it wasn't a cock-block so much as an attempted cock-intercept. 'Nuff said.

I was in an empty tent with the most gorgeous girl ever. We were just talking, I was about to do move into making out, then BAM, this dick (who wanted to fuck her) jumps in the tent and starts conversing. No easy way to tell him to fuck off.

I forgot to mention, there was already a drunk bitch in the tent who vomited earlier (and again later, like thrice more).

well i was in the backseat of a car and feeling up my gf at the time. i had the window down and had my legs apart, trusting that nothing bad would happen, when the next thing i felt was a sharp pain coming from my cock, i looked up to the brother laughing his head off and throwing a large stick back on the ground and i was sore for a long time.

the moral of the story, dont leave the car window down when your girlfriends brother is lurking round with large stick ready to stab you in the cock

quote:Originally posted by potatosacked:

well i was in the backseat of a car and feeling up my gf at the time. i had the window down and had my legs apart, trusting that nothing bad would happen, when the next thing i felt was a sharp pain coming from my cock, i looked up to the brother laughing his head off and throwing a large stick back on the ground and i was sore for a long time.

the moral of the story, dont leave the car window down when your girlfriends brother is lurking round with large stick ready to stab you in the cock

Thats...really...scary =(

These all seem relatively crap compared to mine..

Last lent, I gave up wanking, in fact.. I actually started early and did an extra five days.. but anyway, that wasn't the half of it.

St Paddy's Night, I'm at a friend's houseparty and I'm hitting it off with this really hot Indian chick, kissing, heavy petting and I suggest we go into the next room. We're both drunk, I'm slighly high as well and it's all amazing.

The next room, a bed room had some people in it, namely my friend whos bedroom it is.. he goes something like "dude that's my ex-girlfriend". I'm just thinking, meh, you've got another one now, I'm in the zone.. leave me to it..

Her clothes come off and she's fucking amazingly hot. Especially since the only girl who I'd got to be close to whilst she as naked was a stripper, in a strip club.

It was all going great, ate her out and it was time for the next step. So I looked in his drawers and eventually sent him a text "Dude, where do you keep your jonnies?".

No reply. He's deliberately not replied to piss me off. I try opening the bedroom door, but every time I try, the door seems to be pulling apart..

My plan at this time was to pop my head round into the next room, ask for a condom and go have sex for the first time. Be happy, satisfied and be given tons of high fives, continue drinking.

No such luck. She wasn't on the pill, it would have been a really bad idea, even though she was game.

We make out a bit more and fool around, but apart from that.. no sex. She has to go home soon anyway. I sigh, unsatisfied.

Can you imagine, that built up jizz? I could have killed her!

Ah well.. I had a great night other than that and when I get home we might hook up. So it's all gravy.

So wait, you wanted to fuck your friend's ex, in your friend's house, in your friend's bed? And he wasn't cool with it, and you still wanted to go for it? Doesn't sound like you care about him.

Was at a small party and started getting off with this girl, proceeded to fingering and licking out and then fingering again when i noticed my two fingers were red, she then suddenly screamed and said something along the lines of OMG i'm on, i ran and washed my hands and didn't go enar her for a while, if that hadn't have happened i would have definately got somethign back, maybe even sex, but it turned me off completely despite being completely wasted. Unfortunately one guy was sent to hospital (prick, my parents found out from the school as well) so the person throwing the party had to call his mum, so i had to sleep at this girls house, in the morning i thanked that period when i realised she was pretty ugly, never felt so awkward in my whole life. Don't know if it counts as a cock blocker but it did stop me from getting more action.

[This message has been edited by shadow operative (edited 03-07-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by genericwittyusername:

So wait, you wanted to fuck your friend's ex, in your friend's house, in your friend's bed? And he wasn't cool with it, and you still wanted to go for it? Doesn't sound like you care about him.



Don't forget he was upset he couldn't use his friends condoms

hanging out with a group of friends. i was with this pretty hot chick. we were hooking up and she was about to unzip my pants when this fag came out of no where,literally picked her up and just walked away like nothing even happened. pissed me the fuck off. got back at him tho because he had a broken nose and a gash in his face by the end of the night =]

B to the U to the M to the P

I was flirting with a girl at work, and my co-worker picked up the phone (it hadn't even been ringing..dumb bitch should have probably noticed this) and said "your girlfriend is on the phone, there's something wrong with your kid"

ultimate cockblock.

I cockblock myself on a regular basis.

my friend cock blocked me without even knowing it... he was sayin i was talking bout her when i wasnt just to make small talk ....



it irritated me since i liked this girl, but o well

plenty of punani to go around

my friend used to try cock block me all the fucking time, but he mostly made himself look stupid.

Me: "How old are you anyway?"

Her: "Fifteen"

Fuck.

I was a party, I had my own cds, because I was told by the person throwing the party that if I brought my own music it would be played too, 4 hours later and no cigar. I'd met a girl, very hot, and we'd talk and she was obviously interested. We had the same taste in music so I said "There's a CD Player in Maddy's bedroom, i got some cd's, wanna go?", her I both had similar intentions. We get in the room, put on some music and sit on the bed. My buddy comes in the room "Dude I heard metal, thank god, save me from that shitty music.

I was at a friend's party and there was a girl there I hadn't met before. Turned out she lived around the corner from me, so at the end of the night she was going to give me a lift home. I spent most of the night talking to this girl and pretty soon she's sitting on my lap, with my hand making its way further under her skirt. The time to go arrives and we say our goodbyes to everyone. She turns, looks me in the eye and says "My parents are away and sleeping alone in the house makes me nervous." nothing else, just a fairly suggestive look and we turn to go to her car. Five seconds later we hear this "Hey can you give us a lift too?". It's my housemate and the girl's ex boyfriend. We all get in the car and she tries to drop them off at the ex's place but he kept going "Nah, I'm too drunk, my parents will kill me. I have to stay at your's." This led to a big fight between them by the end of which she wasn't really in the mood. I could have killed that fecking weasel but I didn't. When she booted him out the door of her house I took him to mine and let him sleep on the couch... He didn't even say thankyou.

I don't have a lot of experience in this, but there was one thing that annoyed me.

My (now ex) girlfriend was over, empty house. Literally as my dick entered her mouth the damn Indian takeaway delivery guy knocked the door.

I suppose I could have just ignored it... What can I say? I like blowjobs, but I prefer Indian food

This topic is awesome.

I think everyone can relate to this one as it has happened to me a dozen times:

When you're spooning with a girl or making out/having sex/whatever and her god damn cell phone is constantly ringing. That always throws me off, especially if it turns out to be her parents who want her home.

quote:Originally posted by Pinball Mgruff:

This topic is awesome.

god damn cell phone is constantly ringing.

Yes and Yes.

I'll have to remember to hide/break/turn off their phones in future.

quote:Originally posted by Pinball Mgruff:

This topic is awesome.

I think everyone can relate to this one as it has happened to me a dozen times:

When you're spooning with a girl or making out/having sex/whatever and her god damn cell phone is constantly ringing. That always throws me off, especially if it turns out to be her parents who want her home.

i have my own lol i just seen that ( didnt read full thread at the time)



ok so me and this girl who i was dating for like 1 day were at the park and we were about too make out all of a sudden my fuckin phone starts ringing so i answer it....it was my dad and he "wanted" too know what time i would be home god was i pissed cause we had too leave right then

[This message has been edited by nexor (edited 03-14-2007).]

Girl#1: How's my hands look like (she was talking to another girl)

Me: Lol you have a small hands, lemme see your hands

girl#2: *giggle*

*match our hands*

Girl#1: my boyfriend's hand is like twice bigger than your. I bet his dick is too

Me:.....mmk.





[This message has been edited by Volcanbaru (edited 03-14-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by Volcanbaru:

Girl#1: How's my hands look like (she was talking to another girl)

Me: Lol you have a small hands, lemme see your hands

girl#2: *giggle*

*match our hands*

Girl#1: my boyfriend's hand is like twice bigger than your. I bet his dick is too

Me:.....mmk.





ooooh! OUCH!

That made my face cringe. Pwnt.

quote:Originally posted by Volcanbaru:

Girl#1: How's my hands look like (she was talking to another girl)

Me: Lol you have a small hands, lemme see your hands

girl#2: *giggle*

*match our hands*

Girl#1: my boyfriend's hand is like twice bigger than your. I bet his dick is too

Me:.....mmk.



What a fucking cunt.

quote:Originally posted by Volcanbaru:

Girl#1: How's my hands look like (she was talking to another girl)

Me: Lol you have a small hands, lemme see your hands

girl#2: *giggle*

*match our hands*

Girl#1: my boyfriend's hand is like twice bigger than your. I bet his dick is too

Me:.....mmk.





Let me try to decipher this:

Two girls are comparing hands for some inane reason. Some chick said that her boyfriends hands were twice as big as the above poster's and therefore his dick was probably twice as big. This angered the above poster who was trying to initiate sexual relations with the other female present.

Did I get it right?

[This message has been edited by ApocalypsePlease (edited 03-15-2007).]

well me and my gf were in her room and we were halfway through when I heard noises downstairs. she said it was just the dog (they have a huge rotwieler gaurd dog)so im all ok.. 5minutes later i hear more noises close to her closed door. thinking ahh its just the dog i push on... then ur older brother walked in on us

he sicked the dog on me and chased me 3 blocks. never ran so fast in my life (espiecaly with my pants halfdown)

[This message has been edited by brakeandenter (edited 03-15-2007).]

I call bullshit on brakeandenter.

How could you escape a sicking rotweiler from the 2nd floor of the house it's in, with her brother between you and the door, as well as your pants down?

I was drunk at a party and I was trying to hit this kinky goth chick, when my friend comes over and says hi to her, and was like "Dude, your its your girlfriends birthday, how could you forget?".

Needless to say, I didn't hook up with her and ended up ditching my friend 40 miles from home because I just wanted to lay down on a park bench and die. Ahh... I miss my drinking days.

this has happened in mutiple forms many times over the course of my last relationship.

i was over at the g/f's house, and we were in the basement making out and whatnot. Suddenly, she gets an idea.

"want me to go get some lotion?"

"...um... you're sure your mom/siblings wont interrupt?" notice i don't decline the handjob.

"it'll be fine" *scurries upstairs*

well, as i had beat off the night before, i was able to withstand her stimulation for a bit longer than it usually takes. she has to stop. her little sister comes downstairs. My pants are open, the g/f's hand is by my crotch, and i'm hunched over myself. well, the sister goes back upstairs.

Because i don't want a repeat of this, i suggest speeding up the process with her mouth. she eventually agrees.

No sooner does the point come that i am indeed about to cum, does her father open the basement door. she flies off of my dick and across the room. i am again hunched over myself, dick haning out of pants as her father sits in the chair across from me. with my right leg crossed over the left, i carfully collect myself, save for buttoning my pants (too much motion). then her dad says "i'm not going upstairs". Fuck. incomplete blowjob.

the g/f motions for me to come upstairs. i try to mouth "my pants are undone". she doesn't hear me. fortunately, while trying to pull me into a standing position, she sees this. she throws my coat to me. i cover myself and hold my pants up while i get the fuck up the stairs. her father never caught on to anything.

yeah. every incomplete handjob or blowjob was courtesy of one of our parents. fuckers...

quote:Originally posted by Volcanbaru:

Girl#1: How's my hands look like (she was talking to another girl)

Me: Lol you have a small hands, lemme see your hands

girl#2: *giggle*

*match our hands*

Girl#1: my boyfriend's hand is like twice bigger than your. I bet his dick is too

Me:.....mmk.







hahahahahhahahaahahaha

quote:Originally posted by RogueEagle91:



No sooner does the point come that i am indeed about to cum, does her father open the basement door. she flies off of my dick and across the room. i am again hunched over myself, dick haning out of pants as her father sits in the chair across from me. with my right leg crossed over the left, i carfully collect myself, save for buttoning my pants (too much motion). then her dad says "i'm not going upstairs". Fuck. incomplete blowjob.

the g/f motions for me to come upstairs. i try to mouth "my pants are undone". she doesn't hear me. fortunately, while trying to pull me into a standing position, she sees this. she throws my coat to me. i cover myself and hold my pants up while i get the fuck up the stairs. her father never caught on to anything.

yeah. every incomplete handjob or blowjob was courtesy of one of our parents. fuckers...

hahahahahahaha and i think he knew exactly what was going on lol

this thread is gold

Well i remember this shit like it was yesterday since it burned a fucking hole in my memory.

A near dime piece girl i was talking at during the time of my junior year, she was digging the fuck out of me. I came into school one day and was running my mouth about her and how i thought that she was just trying to play me....unfornately for me some dude that was at the table that day that heard me and had her in his spanish class and she used him as like a middle man type deal to tell me what she said. I didnt really relate to this, cause she never talked to him directly really.. Since she randomly saw me talking to him.

Well i see the bitch in the hallway and shes like Hey, are you afraid of me? Im like heck no why should i be? And shes oh ok just wondering.....Then immidiately i thought, THAT FUCKING KID TOLD HER. I seen her the next day, pulled her aside and told her to not listen to that shit fuck kid anymore unless its a direct message from me lol...

I seen him at this job fair later in the same day when she confronted me and my brain felt like it was being lit on fire. I walked up to this kid and i was so ready to just swing. Hes like hey man whats up, immidiately i asked him if he told her what i said. He laughs and says yes(cause he was a freshman, stupid kid!) and i got a lil closer to him, and i raised my voice asking him why the fuck he did that.



FUCKED ME GOOD!!!! Temporarly, until i stepped up my game to the next level(cause this was a in the beginning near fatal block)

quote:Originally posted by Puscifer:

hahahahahahaha and i think he knew exactly what was going on lol

this thread is gold

he just came home not two minutes prior. and he's pretty fucking slow. me thinks not.

quote:Originally posted by ApocalypsePlease:

Let me try to decipher this:

Two girls are comparing hands for some inane reason. Some chick said that her boyfriends hands were twice as big as the above poster's and therefore his dick was probably twice as big. This angered the above poster who was trying to initiate sexual relations with the other female present.

Did I get it right?



They were testing lotions out. I made a comment about girl#1's hand. Girl#2 laughed, which that I thought it was a good thing. Then I compared my hand to girl#1's hand. After that, she said the magic line.

i was talking to this one chick who i was mackin on and we were alone and flippin thorugh the channels. she obivously liked me and when i made my move she liked it and we started for it. RIGHT THEN!!!!! my dam sister comes into the room and cockblocks me! i was pissed.

another time i cockblocked my self. i got really sick for a week and didnt talk to the girl for that long, didnt have her #, and notin happend. i also was high and i did a realy stupid movement, acting out how you play football(mind u i was high), and lost the deal.

thinking back been cockblocked my friends too...dam ive had lots of chances to do stuff but people jsut come in at the wrong time lol. +10 confidence!

quote:Originally posted by Pinball Mgruff:

This topic is awesome.

phone is constantly ringing.



God yes. Worst cock-block I've ever had was hooking up with a girl, getting wristies and about to pick it up a notch, when her friend rang her and told her they were leaving. She freaked out when the girl I was with said not yet.

And so ended my night with me jerking off.

Repost to my locked thread

last weekend I experienced my first major extreme cock block! Theres this girl and we both REALLY like each other. We were both at a party and then all of a sudden all my mates, about 10 or so decided to leave. Now heres the dilemna I was with them and all my clothes, work shit was with them so i had to go with them. The girl I was with offered me head if i stayed, but I couldn't (bros over hoes). So i told my mate this on the phone but he was still being a cunt and made me leave anyway. And what was even worse was that when I left I knew shed get with someone, which turned out to be true. Guess I wont go out with that Tom again.

so my boyfriend and i were getting busy. he had just gotten in when my sister knocked on the door wanting to return my jacket. getting dressed and answering the door as quickly as possible while hiding him in the bathroom ruins the mood.

Well, one chick called me up pretty much ready to go so I was gettin ready to go over to her house and fuck her but I had to piss so I gave my friend the phone for a minute.

When I came back, my friend was gone and my other friends told me he had gone to meet her >_<

Yeah he got an ass kicking.

I've said it before: attempted cock-intercept under the guise of a cock-block. I'll say it again: 'nuff said.

*bump*

Here's another one, this one is at party, and everyone are drunk as hell.



Girl: *bite my nipple*

Me: Fucking ouch, what was that for?

Girl: Gotcha!

me: Oh I see that, you just can't lay off my nipples, eh?

Girl: Oh yeah!

Me: Ohhh that sounds interesting

Then some dude just walked over to her and started making out with her. JUST in the middle of our conversation(or should I call it; flirting?) And um..they were very into it.

Me: Mmm....alright then *leave*



[This message has been edited by Volcanbaru (edited 04-01-2007).]

cockblocked by morals.

family before bros before hoes. left house FULL of girls because she asked me too plus a friend was going to come over with some alcohol and weed and we all were going to party but he lied to be BIGTIME and i stopped it before everything happens. for some reason i cant stand lying, im a hypocrite, and ill st op anything because if it mainly. i was also alittle sick so that didnt help. oh yeah family came over thsi weekend lol

quote:Originally posted by Ballin:

my friend cock blocked me without even knowing it... he was sayin i was talking bout her when i wasnt just to make small talk ....



it irritated me since i liked this girl, but o well

plenty of punani to go around

Lol, that happens to me on a regular basis. It once ruined a whole relationship...I was a day from asking her out and I knew she liked me me

EDIT: Pagina Dos

[This message has been edited by Pseud0nym (edited 04-01-2007).]

I am cockblock in essence.

Yeah one time I was at a party and I was gunna hook up with this girl that I had dated on and off for like 2-3 years. And we were in this really tight space my friends refer to as the pit, as it is just a pit behind a bed filled with pillows and shit.. and my dumbass friend told my other dumbass friend to jump in their with us.. well.. the guys comes in and jumps in..yeah.. funny.. now leave.. nah.. he had other plans. Needless to say this guy slept in their with us that night.. very funny..

Well yeah my friend asked this girl out for me and made shit really akward with us.

Fucking great.

quote:Originally posted by robyextreme:

Well yeah my friend asked this girl out for me and made shit really akward with us.

Fucking great.

Nothing pisses me off more, than when someone else asks a girl out for me. Especially when I've already told them too mind their own fucking business.

Foolin around with a girlfriend under some blankets while "her mum was out".

said mum woke up and came in, ripped the blanket off, and started screamin and swingin at me.

lucky she lived near my mate so i dived outta there and stayed at his till morning

I'm amazed nobodies said anything about premature ejaculation yet

quote:Originally posted by dark_one:

I'm amazed nobodies said anything about premature ejaculation yet

Well even if you've jizzed inside your pants, you've still had fun.

quote:Originally posted by MaddMan:

Well even if you've jizzed inside your pants, you've still had fun.

thats beautiful...

quote:Originally posted by dark_one:

I'm amazed nobodies said anything about premature ejaculation yet

That doesn't sound like any sort of blockage to me...

Oh the many cockblocks...

This one time I was with this reallly hot girl who was diggin me, so we went to a room upstairs( it was at a party) and we started making out and getting into it when my friend burst into the room. He said, "Dude hahahaha come here man!" I casually told him I was busy when he said "NO man you have to see this!" so the girl was like, "let's go see what is soo important." One of the kids there was so messed up he was trying to climb on the roof and he kept almost falling. The girl and I returned to the room when my friend burst in again! This time I stepped out and told him,"dude, I am about to have sex with this girl, just wait until I am out to barge in, ok?" He was like "OOOH!" I was down the hall from the room though, and this girl's fat friend had stepped in the doorway and started talking to her. I tried to get by her but she didn't budge, WTF? I hate fat people so much.

Another time I was at a party in a bedroom with another girl when my friend bolted through the door as she was giving me head. He threw up all over the floor, stood back for a moment and yelled,"HAHAHAHAH oh shit, this isn't the bathroom!" Needless to say, regurgitation is a moment killer.

quote:Originally posted by Exploration of Space:

I hate fat people so much.

lol

So, I was at a pool hall. Me and some other girl were really hitting it off. her beautiful black hair hung over her very italian looking face. You could tell by the way she talked, walked, and dressed that she was looking to get fucked. Her skin-tight red shirt and small low rider jeans showed off her curves in a way I've only seen in women looking for dick. We'd been talking for the past three hours, flirting really heavily. My arm was around her and my hand was in her pocket. Her hand was on my inner thigh and snaking upward.

Of course this is when it happened. The ground shook as a godzilla of a woman approached, complete with a stupid spikey haircut and too much make-up. I knew it wasn't good when the girl I was with straightened up and took her hand off of my thigh. I remember knowing that this would be trouble. The gremlin-beast spoke: "You know she has a boyfriend. He loves her and she loves him. He's nicer than you." This was, of course, her revenge to me. Earlier that night I told her the only way she was getting any was if she found a monster from the eighties.

The girl I was with turned to me, "she's right." She stood up and waved goodbye. I, of course, was livid. I stood up and looked at the fat girl with disgust. I waited until the other girl was out of earshot.

"Cute. I know your kind. You're the fat, ugly cougar at the party that keeps all your friends from getting laid because you're missing action. You swoop in like a bald eagle and snatch up any chemistry around people because you believe that you're doing them a favor. Newsflash: The world isn't you. You're a stupid bitch." Of course this resulted in her screaming at me in a very high voice about how I didn't know her, I didn't know her story, yadda yadda yadda... Eventually she told me that everyone else she knew told her she looked pretty. My response was, of course: "That's because they're afraid you'll eat them. She walked away crying with her stupid bondage pants clanking into eachother.

Eventually, some guy walked up to me when I was playing some pool and grabbed me by the shirt. He got in my face and asked me if I liked making girls cry. I remember replying "only in the bedroom." He told me that I wasn't safe in that parking lot when I was leaving that night. I told him gingers don't scare me.

So, we were outside squaring off. I knew it wasn't going to be that long because someone was going to stop it when either of us started to win. He took off his shirt. Someone should have told him gingers, no matter how buff, are not scary. I kept cracking carrot top jokes. I told him this wasn't a Ron Howard movie, blah blah blah.

So, he threw a punch when I was laughing at him because he talks in a shrill voice when he gets agitated. He clocked me on the side of my chin. I fell to the ground and he tried to get on me. I wrestled him to the ground after a couple of punches to my facial area and body. Finally, I was on top and he was sheilding his face. I can remember yelling in his face: "You started this, fucking remember that. You attacked me!" So, I punched him in the face a couple more times. Here's the kicker: after the fat chick had left she called the hot chick's boyfriend and told him to get to the pool hall because the hot girl was lonely. He showed up and saw the goth girl's make up was runny, and she redirected him to me.

So, I was beating the shit out of the hot girl's boyfriend. She showed up outside and started screaming at me. I, of course being all bloodied up in my good white shirt, was confused. I had made many people that night angry, and am no longer welcome at the pool hall. Needless to say, I didn't get laid.

Hahahahaha. That was by far the best. +1 to you.

He hadn't gone out with the girl for about 2 years. And he was already going out with a girl for 6 months at the time.

I was also drunk, hadn't masturbated in so long and fancied the hell out of this chick. He gets to use my bed whenever its available anyway. He did this weekend with his new girlfriend.

fucking oaned noob.

At a party for someone who was leaving work, was kinda nervous as I was new to the whole drinking/sex scene and my buddy promised to show me the ropes.

I meet this girl and she is into me, starts talking to me about how she likes to take it up the ass and she gives amazingly good head.

So I'm like 'ye i guess i can wing it' as my friend is nowhere to be found.

We find an empty room which was apparently the parent's room, we sit on the bed and chat for a while and she starts rubbing my chest and working her hands down..

Then my friend runs in and starts jumping on the bed shouting "OMG JaMES IS BOUT TO GET SOME PUSSY!" and he runs out.

I think this is the end of it and she is still into me, and her phone rings.

I can hear some bitch screaming into the phone "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!!"

Her fat bitch friend had been alerted by my friend that I was about to nail this chick.

Fat bitch busts in the room, threatens to call girl's parents, she leaves.

I drive home leaving my friend to walk, fucking prick.

Mine has some rather annoying irony in it.

Went to a girls party with the plan of getting smashed and telling her how i feel about her (the mans way of doing it) and when i got there she was already well and truely pissed and had made out with two guys (i suspected they had taken advantage a bit). Well it was an all night party and i eventually got to spend some time with her alone in her attic. I was just lying on the matress that was there and she came up and she was still abit drunk and was making it clear she wanted me to make a move. She kept moving next to me and in my also slightly drunk state my morals kicked in and i realised i didnt want to take advantage of her either so i moved away.

Oh well it all worked out in the end i asked her out a couple of weeks later and we are now going out.

Yet again, a fat girl ruins it.

Lesson: Never invite a fat chick to party. If there is one at your party, dispose of her quickly and effectively.

Never been subject to the fat friend phenomena but it sounds like it is a bitch of an experience.

Haven't been cock-blocked all that much, but the experiences aren't necessarily bad for me.

First year in university was a good time, new friends, new situations, lots of mistakes to have fun with haha. So either way, after I broke up with my gf from the end of highschool I had a lot of special friends around my residence. I fooled around with different ones as the time came up.

So we all went to a party one night and there was this girl there who started to dig me. We were downstairs where the music was loudest, so she would come really close to my body to hear what I was saying, nearly pressed up against me. I look over to one of the couches and notice that 2 of the 3 girls I fooled around with were staring straight at me with this look of unhappiness bordering on anger.

About a couple minutes later, one of my friends jumps off the couch and squeezes in between me and this girl, and then another minute later, the other one squeezes in, and now I have a girl on either side of me that is not the girl I wanted to speak to lol.

The nice thing about this whole story is I ended up going back to residence without the new party chick, but still got laid by one of the two cock-blocking ladies. Can't complain!

One time my husband and I were having sex while our daughter was (supposidly) napping. Our bed creaks a LOT, so we were going really slow to minimize noise and also because I like it slow. I was on my stomach and he was on top and I was just really starting to get into it when I opened my eyes and saw my (then) 3 year old daughter with her chin resting on the bed and her wide, innocent eyes looking at me with undisguised curiosity. As if that wasn't bad enough, she then chose that moment to say, "Mommy I just had an accident in my bed...I pooped."

Of course then I had to convince her to leave the room for a minute so I could put myself back together.

This one time I was away at camp.

It was about 17 days into it and only 2 more weeks to go.

I seen one girl, beautiful.

I had been hitting on her and discussing her with other people and they were saying she had been saying similar things about me.

So, we were having this nasty shitty dinner in the canteen (it was egg quiche with fried onions, which was an improvement from last nights curry with salsa sauce).

She started making eyes at me, and I did the same back.

She started glancing at the toilets, trying to give me the hint to go when she does.

She gives me a wink, and gets up to go.

She seems excited, does a little skippy run on the way there.

I get up, put away my trray and follow.

I go into the stalls, only to see, her squatting over a toilet with the blackest shit pouring out of her ass like a tap dispensing tar. There was steam coming out of the bowl. There was dark red and gray splatters all over the walls.

Only now had she noticed I was standing there in the door of the cubicle. She looked up at me, with the most scared look in her eyes, and let out the loudest fart I've heard in my life, and suddenly there was a huge pile of shit, that fell out of her ass, and splattered on the floor like a water balloon filled with hot crude oil.

I ran out, and the most embarrassment I had to put up with was one boy seeing me come out of the girls bathroom. I just said I had walked in by accident.

The next she had been sent home and I never seen her again.

Huge turn off.

Seriously.

I'd rather see goatse than see that again.

That's even worse than the "Battleshit" scene in Harold + Kumar.

I understand, I'd rather see real live goatse anyday than that.

She turned around, dick in hand, with a look of horror on her face. They imitated that face for weeks, complete with the dick-in-hand motion.

wow thats fucked up.

The fat friend phenomena
That should be in a book.

so how shall we dispose of these fat cokblockers?

free buckets of chicken outside the door ^

...
All I can say is what the fucking fuck.

I was 12 and didn't know she was offering (and before you fuckwits decide to laugh I bet you wouldn't have known either....there's something more to the story...too complicated to explain rlly *read my other threads*).....anyway, the experience was sorta odd (she was technically a bit older than I, not like that makes any difference, and I guess I left her disappointed :( ) and I never realized just what she was doing till I was 15.....then I was like "YOU FUCKIN RETARD!!!" *kicks self*.....anyway.....with new knowledge in hand, I finally got some by the time I was 17, but it woulda been hilarious had I actually fucked at 12(if that was even possible) :p

last year.. around september.. This chick had a party at her house since the rest of her family was gone for the weekend, so pretty much all of her girl friends ended up sleeping the night there...

I got to the party pretty late so by the time I got there everyone was already drunk and just runnin around doing crazy shit... and by this time most everyone else left just a couple people hanging around and all the girls that are spending the night there... and it's like 8 hot girls...

so we are in the chicks room and weare watching the movie cars.. and im in the bed with theese two other girls and then they invite me to come lay down in the middle with them.. so Im like hell yea.. and weare about to start and shit.. I have my hands in one of the girls pants already.. but here comes this dude knocking on the door and then busts in.. (drunk) saying that hes about to leave and saying good bye to the girls... and then notices that I was there to.. so hes all like yo wassaup mainee... and then after he leaves.. the girls start talking about how they cant do it.. and shit.. I was like fuckkkkkk

hahahahahahaha and i think he knew exactly what was going on lol

this thread is gold

TRUE =]

QFMFT! haha