My girlfriend has been telling me recently that I can't make conversation with people and if i'm at a party I will just kinda stand around and not socialize with people that much. Apparently a lot of people notice and it's embarrassing to take me anywhere or something like that. Anyway I just wanted to know how do you guy go out and make small talk? I would talk to people it's not that I am shy, I just don't have anything to say so I don't say anything.

Help me Totse!

Read:

http://genmay.com/showthread.php?t=716994

You know, same thing used to bother me a great deal. I'd actually get depressed over the fact that I sucked at making small talk.

I was very quiet and introverted, as well as painfully shy. It didn't bother me because it bothered me, though. It bothered me because it bothered other people. For as long as I could remember, people told me things like "You're quiet.", "You don't talk much, do you?", "Why are you so quiet?", etcetera.

It pissed me off, because that was just how I was. I talked when necessary.

Anyway, where I'm going with this is - It wasn't until I decided I didn't care that people were bothered by my lack of speech, that I gained the ability to speek freely. I stopped looking at it as a flaw and just - from what I thought, continued doing what I was doing. It became apparent that I had changed though, as everyone including myself noticed that I was significantly more social and whatnot.

I'm still quiet and introverted, but I'm not really shy. I don't suck at being friendly anymore, and I actually can make small talk. I just choose to not run my mouth when it's not necessary.

Screw people if they're bothered by the fact that you don't talk much. They just talk excessively. I'm not saying people that talk a lot are bad, I'm saying the ones who are uncomfortable because you don't, suck.

Several people have even said it's something about me they like. We're generally better listeners. It comes with pros and cons, just like anything else.

And, I leave you with :

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

"I often regret that I have spoken; never that I have been silent."

"No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.

"Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact."

"Silence is the true friend that never betrays."

"The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words."

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much."

I don't plan on trying to talk to everyone and be annoying because I don't think I could do that...i'm really just trying to not come off as rude and seeming generally friendly with people I don't know or am not comfortable with yet.

Thanks for the advice so far though.

What worked for me was to not care.

But, I also did some things that may have helped.

I really barely talked. Probably less than a hundred words a day or something. Like, for example, cashiers at Wal-Mart, or a gas station or something - It's their job but, when they'd ask how I was doing I'd ignore them. Small things like that. I started responding with "Fine, how about you?", and sometimes went as far as having a mini-conversation with them. I suppose it was good "practice".

Smile at people. If you're not going to talk much, at least laugh and smile.

As I said, I personally don't care if people don't like the fact that I don't talk much. BUT - admittedly, it does make people uncomfortable if you're just standing there emotionless while they make an effort to communicate with you. That's different. At the very least, nod your head and chime in with a few words here and there to indicate you're paying attention.

That's all I've got.

quote:Originally posted by RustyBurrito55:

My girlfriend has been telling me recently that I can't make conversation with people and if i'm at a party I will just kinda stand around and not socialize with people that much. Apparently a lot of people notice and it's embarrassing to take me anywhere or something like that. Anyway I just wanted to know how do you guy go out and make small talk? I would talk to people it's not that I am shy, I just don't have anything to say so I don't say anything.

Help me Totse!

What a bitchy horrible girlfriend you have got. Why does she criticizes you like that, she's supposed to encourage you and help you raise your confidence and self-esteem not emphasize your goddamened deffects.

Don't feel bad if you don't fit in parties or clubs and don't have fun in those places. It is very simple just don't go and that's it. Just frequent the places you like and get yourself another girlfriend please, what a whore!!!

Grunts

I'm not good at talking to people

but i don't like talking to people so it all balances out

Search for Leil Lowndes, she has some stuff that's right for you.

1.) Smoke less pot.

2.) Talk about anything. It doesn't matter if you think it's interesting.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

1.) Smoke less pot.



WRONG

quote:Originally posted by Maggotote:

What a bitchy horrible girlfriend you have got. Why does she criticizes you like that, she's supposed to encourage you and help you raise your confidence and self-esteem not emphasize your goddamened deffects.

Don't feel bad if you don't fit in parties or clubs and don't have fun in those places. It is very simple just don't go and that's it. Just frequent the places you like and get yourself another girlfriend please, what a whore!!!

I know I know but we've been together for 4 years now and i'm usually pretty happy except lately she's been telling me all this stuff I need to improve upon if she's going to be with me (making an ultimatum at this point seems completely rediculous to me)

If it were up to me I would just go on being like I am now and just not go to parties or anything because I don't find them all that enjoyable but I really like her and i'm willing to do whatever it takes at this point so...

I'm so whipped



[This message has been edited by RustyBurrito55 (edited 03-06-2007).]

talk about random shit. the other day i started a conversation by saying "if you dyed a cow blue, would it look like a pair of jeans with black spots on it?".

normally works a charm.