Okay guys. I know that I give advice myself sometimes, and I'd really appreciate some legitimate responses. It takes a real guy to admit that he's fucked up big time anyway. But to explain how I got here, I have to give a synopsis of my relationship:

Met a girl, let's call her H. We started dating February 26, 2006 and have been dating ever since. We used to be very, very close, and she was dependent of me for her happiness; plus, the whole "serious relationship in high school" thing was getting to me, so I began to distance myself from her about two months ago. I started hanging with people she didn't like and doing things she didn't do (smoking, toking, getting pissed); as a result, about February 12 we seperated and decided to take a break. Needless to say we were both upset, and after a few days I realized that she was really my world, and that I had to have her back. I called her grovelling, crying like a child, begging her to try it again. Here is what she said:

quote:Originally posted by H:

Look, for months you've been hurting me, ignoring me, and I have had to suffer and emotionally distance myself from you. I can't be lovey dovey right now and I don't know if we'll ever be the same.

Now, since I was the one who had the glittering revelation, and because I am a man, I simply hopped right back into full-love mode from a few months back, quit the smoking and the drinking, and rededicated my life to her. Well.. she was right. She is emotionally distant, physically off-beat (not a fan of PDAs right now), and I do not know how to prove to her that I really love her and that the bullshit that went down in the past will not happen again.

I'm asking for help TOTSE. I am in love with a girl that I hurt, and now I'm trying to convince her of both my love and dedication for her. I am trying to make our relationship the way it was. Personally, I figure I just need to give it time, but there has to be something I can do to be more proactive about it.

Any help will be immensely appreciated.

Start ignoring her again. She's liking the new attention and has no incentive to stop provoking it by continuing to act distant. If you ignore her and she doesn't care, break it off because she's over you.

Ìt's really hard to know what to do. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and things went like that. It was all-or-nothing, and just like you, he started being cold, and distanced himself from me. I know that this is different, but even though we weren't in a relationship, I loved him, and still do. So it hurt, and I tried to keep a distance too, to prevent the hurt.

Eventually it starts to hurt less.

It's easy for us to sit here and tell you what to do - trouble is, every situation is different. Mabey you should ignore her. Mabey you should shower her with gifts. Mabey you should try and make her jealous.

Communication is the key, I rekon. Sit her down, talk to her, mabey take her away for the weekend somewhere nice - but stipulate no sex, just talk. Mabey you can work out what you both want, and whether you are both heading in the same direction.

From there, I guess the best advice I can give is to remember the little things in the relationship that make it special. A bunch of flowers, a compliment, a surprise lunch - whatever works for you.

Thank you so much for the kind words friends.

I suppose that maybe she is taking advantage of my desperation? She knows I can and will do anything for her, and I feel that this may be the root of her indecision. Of course, if I back off, I risk distancing and alienating myself from her again. Meh. Who knows what to do?

What would you do?

quote:Originally posted by Opus:



What would you do?

Id probably wouldnt make a decision, then one night id be drunk, it would make her upset, and shed use it as an excuse to break up.

hmm

To update my situation, I guess that we're doing a little bit better now. She's being a little bit more affectionate towards me, and we had a good wank session together last night. I know that she really does care about me, and the longer I wait the better things seem to turn out, so I hope that this will be the case.



I still want a few more thoughts, escpecially whether or not you think this is a decent route.