I fucked up my original writing by pressing alt+f4 instead of copying my writing. I am thoroughly pissed and will continue.



How to start this again. My thoughts are about a page infront of the beginning of what i wrote and i cant remeber how i started.

It was something like this

Im writing this for one purpose i have figured out now. the other may or may not follow.

I am writing this:

TO CLEAR MY MIND AND THOUGHTS. TO FOCUS MY TIME ON SOMETHING.

Now. I might be looking for advice/to rant/ pity. Ive never posted here but this belongs here the most. I dont want this to be eaten alive by SG or tohers. Thanks for your time, im warning you, you may lose a lot of it, im writing a lot about something thats almost nothing, something that i should be able to get rid of, but cant for the time being. I have not experienced some traumatic experience, but i seek counsel.



This was supposed to be the short version but i decided not to do that. Im revisiong severely. I may write out the beggining later but for this moment im doing my best to keep myself busy.

I dated a girl for three weeks that went out witha friend of mine from last year up until november. We rushed things. I mightve said somehting to her too, but im not sure, were both headstrong and knew we would bump heads. LONGER STORY SHORT. she went to a party i couldnt go to. a friend of both of us called and said "About ten minuetes ago XXXXXX was making out with another guy. Did i flip out? not to badly. severely mad i punched my bag in the garage and exhausted went to sleep, it was now 915. 930 rolls around, she calls and says the party isnt really fun but its ok. She doesnt say much else but shell call me later. We had decided two days earlier it was okay to use the L word. (love) little early eh? this was three weeks in. Meh. Anyways i fell asleep. sometime later she calls and in my sleep state i ask her if she had fun who was there ect. she give me, like 4 names. I decided i would ask more later. she tells me a few of the guys were drinking and she had a little too. she said a few of them left to get high and when they came back one tried to make out with her. (if i hadnt deleted my ealrier writing it would explain how jealous i get. ) I said " i bet you made out with him" in a joking matter and she quickly denied it. i had forgotten the call i recieved from an anonymous firend earlier. The next day she called at about 4. i had found out about how many people had been there from small talk with another girl (just a friend) When my girlfirend called and we started talking about it i said, "Oh, who all was there?" she gave me names, excluding that of the guy she HAd made out with and the person i think called me, also anothe person. I might be being harsh for asking her things like this to catch her in a lie but that has to do with my jealousy and trust problems.Anyways i joked around with her about the guy that tried to make out with me and she said o yeah i forgot XXXXX was there. (good job if you fill in names). We laughed about it and then while talking she said something about our relationship being ruined becuase w ehad rushed it. We have a code word for Im hurt by that/That statement makes me angry. I used it. Infact i overuse it. whenever theres somehting like that. We had tlaked briefly the night before the party about this and i thought we had decided to slow down.

Now is where those of you that analyze other peoples actions and have important some advice/criticism can think about this whole deal please. Im gonna post this and let it stay no matter what.

I said Hey!, didnt we figure this out the other day? and soon we were engaged in a conversation in which i understood she was commited to quitting. possible excuses (thats how i took them) Like, what do you even like about me?

And, if we try and slow down i know i wont be able to, well just go back.

We should have gotten to know each other better before we tried this.

I said, like we cant still do that? like we cant hang out without sexual interaction or we cant say no to each other.

At this point i was sure she was commited as she reffered to a relationship she had had with a guy i know for a fair amount of time. a first "major" relationship, i had also been in a somewhat similar thing and we had at least some experience in this type of thing.

I said lets try and work it out. Lets fix it. She made refences to this guy about how the whole 11 months they dated they only had two fights. How we had had way too many in the last three weeks. What fights? maybe the code word thing ment something else to her.

this is my seconded writing piece on this so if any refences to prior things dont make sense, ask, ill explain if its not here.

At the beginning of this whole relationship we had a hard half week in which she didnt know what she was going to do, we like each other. but as she explained it there was this triangle and sometimes pentagon that was worthy of being on jerry springer. Then her parents were upset when she aid she no longer liked this guy they already knew/liked. Her parents said NO to me, but half that week later they were fine with me.

I didnt know at that time before if she was making excuses or if we sriously had some kind of problem.

Infact writing this and thinking back maybe she just planned to date me for a week or two and get rid of me. a rebound? i had asked. no i was told. i come back to the main point finally now. We ended up breaking up. one of the last things she said was be carefull what you say to me i may change my mind.

I said okay, well ill be waiting.

At this point. two days after our break up. im confused. mentally fucked to a certain extent. We had decided two weeks in to use the L word. probably a big rush, but what other words descirbe your feelings for someone, i hope to find out what this word means someday, ill look for a thesaurus after i post this.

Anyways, she said i bet you hate me, i didnt give her an answer, said good bye, she said yup. then she hung up. I left her a message later syaing i didnt hate her. She left me one back a while after about how she didnt think it wa sa waste of time, i wasnt a waste, shed miss me, i wanted to leave her one too. a letter? something. something that would let her know i wanted to fix it. Something to let her know i think shes funny. She has a great personality, we have a lot in common. Something to tell her i may be clinging, highly jealous, not very trusting, something to let her know id forgive her for cheating and lieing( she still doesnt know i know) something for all the times weve passed each other in the hall without a second glance, something to let her know that atleast giving her a ride home would suffice, something to let her no im not mad, im not angry, id forgive her, if shed forgive me. To work whatever we need to work out. to get ot know each other. To hang out one last time.

I realize i just dragged that melodramatic speach out. i guess in the end im writing this to get my feelings out there somewhere, someone to tlak to. My friends may or may not get it. They may or may not understand.

One of them, the one i would call my best friend. Is afraid for me. he doesnt know exactly how i feel, but he can guess. He wouldnt even let me go into albertsons alone this morning to get a rockstar and take a pee before we went to school. es a good friend, everyone needs one. ive never talked to him about feelings or anyhting else. I feel like i should. I need to tell Someone.

So totse. Ive opened myself up to S&A. Ive made my first post here. and am looking for ANYTHING ANYONE has to say. Advice, tell me im a fool, tell me im melodramatic, whatever it is. Ive opened myself up. I guess thats why i finally wrote this. So i could get my feelings out there.

Ill let you say something now.

Yeah.... I didn't bother to read that... Invest in cliff notes.

love gets thrown around so lightly these days. love is the single best emotion i have ever felt (and i experimented with plenty of substances in my days) but love cant also bring the absolute worst feeling i have ever felt.

i dont think love cant be summerized in words. its the feeling you get when one minute with that person could put a smile on your face easier than anything on earth.

love is risking it all for that one shot at true happiness.

and the saying is true "if you love something let it go, if it comes back than thats how you'll know"

i do believe i am in love as we speak (or should i say as i type) and the girl i love is going off to college in september. i can already start to feel the pain of loseing her and its like six months out.

love is a blessing so enjoy it while it lasts.

[This message has been edited by shrek45 (edited 02-28-2007).]

Relationships are a waste of youthful energy and unneeded stress.

You should have gotten to know each other better before you tried this.

I said, like you cant still do that? like you cant hang out without sexual interaction or you cant say no to each other.

At this point i am sure she is commited as she reffers to a relationship she had had with a guy you know for a fair amount of time. a first "major" relationship, i had also been in a somewhat similar thing and you have at least some experience in this type of thing.

You should have said lets try and work it out. Lets fix it. When she made refences to this guy about how the whole 11 months they dated how they only had two fights and you had had way too many in the last three weeks. What fights? maybe the code word thing ment something else to her.

this might be your seconded writing piece on this but still some refences to prior things dont make sense. Please explain as its not here.

I seee at the beginning of this whole relationship you had a hard half week in which she didnt know what she was going to do, but you liked each other, and as she explained it there was this triangle and sometimes pentagon that was worthy of being on jerry springer. Then her parents were upset when she aid she no longer liked this guy they already knew/liked. Her parents said NO to you, but half that week later they were fine with you.

You obviously didnt know at that time before if she was making excuses or if you seriously had some kind of problem.

Infact writing this and thinking about it maybe she just planned to date me for a week or two and get rid of me. a rebound, don't you think? no you was told, but you should come back to the main point finally now. You ended up breaking up. one of the last things she said was be carefull what you say to me i may change my mind.

And then you said okay, that youll be waiting.

At this point you should really consider what your girlfriend meant. I am trying to understand what your situation is, and I even told about it to my parents and thats when my mom got scared and said you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel-air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said "fresh", and it had dice in the mirror if anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought man forget it yo homes to bel-air. I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie 'yo homes smell ya later'. Looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel-air. So anyway after a little while I start to get these friend requests from people I don't know. Freind requests from emo girls and shit. I suppose they are shy and dress like that because they don't want to look approachable so they don't have to talk to anyone they don't want. They use myspace for their only tie to the real world.

Sorry for the long post, I hope the above would make some sense.

I don't think my brain knows how to respond to a post that big.

You have however, found the solution to your breakup.

It's funny how nobody read any of the long posts :D

She cheated on you.

How simple do things get?

quote:Originally posted by Agent 008:

It's funny how nobody read any of the long posts

I read them, but this one was a bit of a train wreck at the begining so I didn't bother. I don't go for that artsy freeflow writting style too much.

Reading long posts cuts into my jacking off time.

Ok, ok, I admit it - my bel-air attempt fails

Ahhh... the teens. Such a sweet time.