I'm afraid.

I feel like my life is just crashing down around me at the moment.

I don't know what to do or how I should feel, and mostly I'm just angry. Really angry.

I've had depression for a long time now, this isn't it.

I've had two major blows in the last four or five days (they may not be major for you, but they are for me). I'm frightened and I don't know how to deal with it.

I found out on last week I was pregnant.

Keep your flames to yourselves, I know it's stupid. I also know you can get pregnant even if you're using protection, so just step off.

I spent a good half hour crying on my kitchen floor clutching a stick that had a little plus sign on it. I spent the rest of that week on and out of doctor's offices, having blood tests and being told that people are 'here for me'.

I'm getting the pregnancy terminated.

I can't have this baby.

It would ruin my life.

After deciding that, none of it seemed real. It's like it's all fake. It's something made up.

It's not going to feel real until I'm being driven up to the clinic next week. Then I'll probably just start freaking out again.

I’ve been trying to keep busy. To keep my mind off it.

I'm very lucky, I have a supportive partner, who agrees whole heartedly with my decision, and a supportive family.

But I'm still afraid. I've researched and read, I know what's going to happen, I know that getting and abortion is actually safer than giving birth.

I know it will all go away.

Things could go back to normal.

But it makes me so angry.

And so confused.

I wanted to talk to someone about it.

Someone who isn't a counselor, my partner or my family. I needed a friend.

Unfortunately, all my friend's have moved off to university for this year.

I found out today that the one person I could have talk to about this, is actually in Sydney, getting chemotherapy. He has leukemia.

He's helped me through almost every tough phase of my life. The fact of the matter is I value him more than almost any other person. It hit me hard that he might die. The fact I want to talk to him about me became unimportant after hearing he was in hospital. I couldn't care less about my pregnancy, my termination. I want him to be ok. But it just seems like it's one knock after the other. He's one of the truely good people I've met.

I don't know how I'd function if he weren't there.

I can't call or talk to him because they wouldn't allow mobiles in the hospital, and his ex-wife hates me, so I can't ask her.

Because I want to to him to know he's going to be ok.

(Forgotten, I'm surprised you'd think I'd be such a person to phone up someone who was dying to whine about a termination, you dissapoint me)

I just don't know what to do.

How to feel.

Advice? Support? Experiences?



Edit: Because Forgotten made me realise that I was probably giving everyone the wrong idea.

[This message has been edited by bloodenangel (edited 02-26-2007).]

If you need someone to talk to, you can add me on MSN. It's in my profile. I'm 17 and had an abortion last year... so I know this is some tough stuff to go through and anyone to talk with is good.

Don't let the pro-life stuff get to you, as I'm sure it's coming.

quote:Originally posted by bloodenangel:

I found out today that the one person I could have talk to about this, is actually in Sydney, getting chemotherapy. He has leukemia.

He's helped me through almost every tough phase of my life.

I don't know how I'd function if he weren't there.

I can't call or talk to him because they wouldn't allow mobiles in the hospital.



I felt sorry for you until I read this. You're terminating a pregnancy, which yes, is life changing but he has cancer and a fucking high chance of dying, and you’re bitching because you can’t get through to him so he can comfort you.

Here’s how it will go; you’ll have the abortion and everything will go back to normal for you apart for the fact that you’ll probably use this as another thing to try to gain sympathy and attention for.

Boo Hoo. Life’s hard. Deal with it.



[This message has been edited by Forgotten (edited 02-26-2007).]

If there's one thing I've learnt in a couple of decades filled with escapades and shinanigans, it's that things always have a way of working themselves out.

You'll be alright. Good luck.

*waits for jackketch to quote MrMojoRisin about ambiguous topic title*

Well I know god hates us all so...

ask if you can be knocked out while the alien gets nuked...

Thats what I'd do.

And if you do need a chat, I'm up for being sleepless, just post, if you have aim, anything like that.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

*waits for jackketch to quote MrMojoRisin about ambiguous topic title*

Nope, and all I will say is remember peoples NO SOAPBOXING either from the pro'choice' or Pro Life lobbies.

You have your opinion, you have every right to be wrong and I will delete anything that tries to convince others that you aren't.

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 02-26-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by Forgotten:

I felt sorry for you until I read this. You're terminating a pregnancy, which yes, is life changing but he has cancer and a fucking high chance of dying, and you’re bitching because you can’t get through to him so he can comfort you.



No, you've read this wrong, or I wrote it wrong.

Yes. I'm terminating a pregnancy. It's hard. It's going to change my life.

I'm not bitching because I have no one to cry to about that.

I bring that up because my best friend is fucking dying. And you interperate that as my whining because I don't have anyone to whine to? I'm sorry if I came out that way.

The way it was intended was that it was one blow after another.

You don't think that I don't know my problems pale in comparison to his at the moment?

What I'm saying is, I might lose my best friend.

The fact that he would be the only other person I would want to talk to about this is but a small factor in conjunction with every other thing I feel for him.

It hurts me more that he's in hospital.

I'm sorry you read it as me whining because I don't have anyone to talk to.



quote:Originally posted by TheParkinator:

Well I know god hates us all so...

ask if you can be knocked out while the alien gets nuked...

Thats what I'd do.



They put you under a general as I understand it.

I think they realise how traumatising it would be to witness something being sucked out of you. And then having your insides scraped.

[This message has been edited by bloodenangel (edited 02-26-2007).]

Normally I'm an un-sempathetic bastard... well Hell still am actually, I just think you WILL get through this. I got through pretty much a divorce. I was engaged to a girl for a year, and she left me for some asshole who treats her like shit. But I move my way on.

Now, in no way am I saying that these two situations are the same, but I know you're strong enough Bloodenangel. These times suck more than words can describe. I've been to the brink of hell. I've been to the brink of death and have the scars to prove it.

And as I said, I know I haven't been in the situation of an abortion. But I have been there for a miscarriage. And lucky me, I got blamed for it, because of my alcoholism and chain smoking, by my fiance and her parents. And she ended up leaving me. But just remember, you are an amazing person in control of your own life.

Things may rain shit here and there, but in the end, things happen and, even though I fought this idea for so long, happen for a reason. This may seem so bad now, and to be honest may for a while also, but in the end, things will come together.

I wish I had some uber positive way of ending this post, but I don't. There is no way to cherry coat things like this. Believe me I had friends telling me all this rainbow and happy bunny bullshit for months after the miscarriage. So listen or don't listen to these TOTSE people, its up to you. But I find, finding your sadness and even anger, and confronting it alone, is the best thing to do.

All the luck Bloodenangel. I know I'm usually a dick, but now I'm trying to be supportive, and I know you'll make it through this.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahhhaaha