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Sex and Affection Anything and everything about sex and relations. Please try to keep this forum on-topic, since things tend to wander a bit. Search through old topics before posting a new one, as questions get repeated a lot here.

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 #1 
Old 2007-02-24, 05:41
xiggi xiggi is offline
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Default hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

hi i really want a girlfriend. i want to hold her hands and kiss her lips...mmmmm the first kiss...mmmmmmmmmmmmm

anyway yeah so i really want a girlfriend but i dont know how to get one.

any pointers?
 #2 
Old 2007-02-24, 05:48
Chairman_Mao Chairman_Mao is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

Surprise penetration, girls like surprises.
 #3 
Old 2007-02-24, 06:02
Markalon Markalon is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

Pay attention to what a women wants and pretend to care.

Never, ever give up. Keep chasing as many ladies as you can. For every 2 rejections you will get 2 yes's.

Don't act like you care too much. Women smell pathic desperation.

Don't be creepy, nobody wants to hear that you can masterbate 10 times in a day or women are scared of your 12 inch penis.

Never, ever forget women want a man to care for them. More than you want a women. You have the power. If they don't want you move the hell on. Many more out there. Women want to know other women want you. Use that.

Don't refuse going out with less desirable women. Women wanting you attracts more women to you.

Get lots of female friends. They will hook you up and provide release when needed.
 #4 
Old 2007-02-24, 06:05
Regular
 
Australia, Victoria.
Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

When you see the girl you like don't say anthing to her, don't even smile. Just. Do. This. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvVZegDnbJU)

Word.
 #5 
Old 2007-02-24, 06:14
LostieDrunkard LostieDrunkard is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

The first step is for you to know and to like the girl.

The second step is to ask her out. Not a comfy situation, but you gotta deal with that.

You gotta know what you can get...don't aim too high.

Cheers.
 #6 
Old 2007-02-24, 06:26
krazy_white_kid krazy_white_kid is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

step 1: get rag.

step 2: soak said rag with chloroform.

Step 3: ???

Step 4: t3h s3xx0rz!!1!!1one!!one!1
 #7 
Old 2007-02-24, 06:49
LostieDrunkard LostieDrunkard is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

^ or that. lol
 #8 
Old 2007-02-24, 07:04
Quebb Quebb is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

Be a dick to her and ignore her.

Not kidding.
 #9 
Old 2007-02-24, 07:40
Soda_Can_Sniper Soda_Can_Sniper is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

IB4L
 #10 
Old 2007-02-24, 07:56
Achilles Armour Achilles Armour is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by krazy_white_kid:

step 1: get rag.

step 2: soak said rag with chloroform.

Step 3: ???

Step 4: t3h s3xx0rz!!1!!1one!!one!1

Step 5: Profit



Fixed.
 #11 
Old 2007-02-24, 09:40
Moderator
 
dodging the rain and tractors
Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

much to be learning you have, young padawan.
 #12 
Old 2007-02-24, 11:20
BluryVision BluryVision is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

Just be friends with this nice girl, tell her your story how you want a girlfriend in a cute way. She'll be 'AWWW' And then, if she's nice you'll get introduced to all her friends. Just be cool and funny. And becuase you know the girl it'd be easier to get numbers. :O!
 #13 
Old 2007-02-24, 11:26
avivsworld avivsworld is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

Do a barrel roll.
 #14 
Old 2007-02-24, 11:43
Jessic Jessic is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

Bahaha.

I picture this poor kid having to choose which responses to try out.

"Well I'll try the surprise penetration, and if that doesn't work, I'll ignore her and be a total dick to her. If she's still not impressed I'll go on to her friend, and then her friend's friend, and then her friend's friend. Then I'll dance. Then I tell her a cute story? Then I ask her out. Then I get the chloroform and sexx0r her up?

Sorted! Thanks totse!"

Jx
 #15 
Old 2007-02-24, 11:48
LostieDrunkard LostieDrunkard is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

I think he'll try the dancing one.

Mines the least creative
 #16 
Old 2007-02-24, 15:11
Pilsu Pilsu is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by krazy_white_kid:

step 1: get rag.

step 2: soak said rag with chloroform.

Step 3: put it in her face and watch her die because you're a dumbass that thinks it's used like this

Step 4: Dead girls don't say no *unzips*

Fixed
 #17 
Old 2007-02-25, 04:26
stringfire stringfire is offline
Regular
 
Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by Markalon:

Pay attention to what a women wants and pretend to care.

Never, ever give up. Keep chasing as many ladies as you can. For every 2 rejections you will get 2 yes's.

Don't act like you care too much. Women smell pathic desperation.

Don't be creepy, nobody wants to hear that you can masterbate 10 times in a day or women are scared of your 12 inch penis.

Never, ever forget women want a man to care for them. More than you want a women. You have the power. If they don't want you move the hell on. Many more out there. Women want to know other women want you. Use that.

Don't refuse going out with less desirable women. Women wanting you attracts more women to you.

Get lots of female friends. They will hook you up and provide release when needed.



words of a wise pimp
 #18 
Old 2007-02-25, 04:47
squirrel girl squirrel girl is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

don't try to be the nice guy thats just a friend. Make sure she knows your interested in her by making jokes about sex and stuff like that(actually if shes a prudish girl that cant take a joke, than don't do that). Also tease her a lot. Then ask her out, of if you're too nervous to do that then just get drunk with her, make out, talk about it the next day, and if it doesn't sound like she wants to make it into a relationship then just play it off as a "oh we were just drunk" mistake.
 #19 
Old 2007-02-25, 05:43
silverballs silverballs is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

See the problem with having a girlfreind is youll get emotional then you hit puberty and hormones start messing with your head and youll start going through phases and all that shit which drives me to drink and whatever else i can get my hands on to numb the pineal fucking gland stupid fucking control thingy fucking with my brain you fucking asshole.

my mind in a nutshell

dont end up like me.
 #20 
Old 2007-02-25, 06:21
Behexen Behexen is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by Markalon:

Pay attention to what a women wants and pretend to care.

Never, ever give up. Keep chasing as many ladies as you can. For every 2 rejections you will get 2 yes's.

Don't act like you care too much. Women smell pathic desperation.

Don't be creepy, nobody wants to hear that you can masterbate 10 times in a day or women are scared of your 12 inch penis.

Never, ever forget women want a man to care for them. More than you want a women. You have the power. If they don't want you move the hell on. Many more out there. Women want to know other women want you. Use that.

Don't refuse going out with less desirable women. Women wanting you attracts more women to you.

Get lots of female friends. They will hook you up and provide release when needed.



THIS MAN SPEAKS THE TRUTH!!
 #21 
Old 2007-02-25, 06:38
Pseud0nym Pseud0nym is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

put yourself out there. actually actively talk to random girls and after maybe 10 you will find a good one. be cocky, and funny and download some ebooks from david deangelo, he says what i cbf saying on totse.
 #22 
Old 2007-02-25, 06:56
chickenpoop chickenpoop is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by Forgotten:

When you see the girl you like don't say anthing to her, don't even smile. Just. Do. This. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvVZegDnbJU)

Word.

If i could do that, i definately would at a party, or at a club....or anywhere else that provided the opportunity....
 #23 
Old 2007-02-25, 07:40
Regular
 
Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

you also have to learn the signs that she is into you as well

SO READ THIS... DON'T YOU SKIP THIS

-------------------------------------

1- She touches you. This is one of the most telling signs.

In many instances you will find that the woman you're out on a

first date with will not touch you at all.

Why not? Because she's not attracted to you.

But when you're out on a date with a woman who likes you,

you will notice that, in most cases,

she will find an excuse to physically touch you in some way during the date.

Often it won't be a clearly obvious move like holding your hand or

taking your arm as you both walk down the street together.

That can happen, however, and it's a great sign when it does.

More often though,

the kind of touching I'm talking about will be something as

seemingly insignificant as a tap on the shoulder from her or her knee

"accidentally" bumping yours and lingering for an extra second before

she withdraws it.

If you end a first date with a woman,

and she hasn't touched you in any way whatsoever during your

entire time together, then chances are you're dead in the water.

But if she even just tapped your shoulder once that night while

laughing at one of your jokes,for instance, then you're in play.

If she tapped your shoulder three times during the evening and then

grabbed your arm for a couple of seconds to guide you over to a book

she wanted you to see while the two of you were browsing a bookstore

-- then you're in the money!

The more she touches you and the more often she touches you,

the higher her Interest Level in you.

2- She compliments you. A woman who has high interest in you,

even after only knowing you for an hour or two,

will often give you one or more sincere compliments.

And if there is a sparkle in her eye when she delivers the compliment,

then you've got yourself a bona fide high Interest Level sign.

3- She exhibits genuine curiosity about you.

A woman who has no romantic interest in you whatsoever

will still ask you polite questions about yourself.

"So where did you grow up? Where do your parents live?

What kind of work do you do?"

But a woman who really likes you will show a genuine,

warm, curious interest in you.

She'll want to know what makes you tick.

She'll want to know what's important and meaningful in your life.

As you look into her eyes,

you'll be able to see the wheels turning as she's trying to figure you

out. That's high interest.

4- She makes reference(s) to future activities together.

You tell her that you're an avid rollerblader and in response she says,

"I love to rollerblade!

Maybe we could go rollerblading together sometime."

5- She gives you a nice kiss at the end of the date.

At the end of your first date with a woman,

you should always make a move for a lovely kiss.

No big deal, just a kiss.

The way that she responds to you as your lips move toward hers will

give you crucial feedback.

If she turns her head and gives you "The Cheek" before your

lips can touch hers, then it's hasta la vista, baby .

But if she responds warmly and enthusiastically kisses you back,

then, dude, you've got a live one.

--------------------------------------

sry about this... but it is the most important thing any guy should know SO READ THIS
 #24 
Old 2007-02-25, 10:36
LostieDrunkard LostieDrunkard is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

^ Goodluck remembering that

The first point is so damn long.
 #25 
Old 2007-02-25, 11:47
frl frl is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

just come off really nice like you're interested in them but at times allow them to approach u and start conversation because thats how give and take works (dont want to start to annoy her and wana keep her guessing). of course though dont ignore her tooo much cos thats harsh
 #26 
Old 2007-02-25, 11:54
Regular
 
Memphis, TN
Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by xiggi:

hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriendTotse is the wrong place for this.
 #27 
Old 2007-02-25, 12:01
kieran1394 kieran1394 is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by Pinball Mgruff:

Originally posted by xiggi:

hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriendTotse is the wrong place for this.



Ha ha.
 #28 
Old 2007-02-25, 12:11
Vilkacis Vilkacis is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by Quebb:

Be a dick to her and ignore her.

Not kidding.

Works with some, not all girls.
 #29 
Old 2007-02-26, 02:03
genericwittyusername genericwittyusername is offline
Regular
 
Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

Get a giant silicon penile implant, then just walk around with it hanging out. I'm sure it'll work eventually.
 #30 
Old 2007-02-26, 02:12
Mr. Dazed and Confused Mr. Dazed and Confused is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by Vilkacis:

Works with some, not all girls.

I find that it works with nice innocent girls. That isn't my style, but I have a friend who treats nice girls like shit and they flock to him. I'm a nice guy, but don't be so nice you're being taken advantage off. Playful teasing works pretty well.
 #31 
Old 2007-02-26, 02:17
ShadedAssassin ShadedAssassin is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by Chairman_Mao:

Surprise penetration, girls like surprises.



I laughed outright, well done.

Totally, start on the mountain THEN the bunny hill. Penetrate her..THEN first kiss :P
 #32 
Old 2007-02-26, 03:29
RedWasp RedWasp is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by squirrel girl:

don't try to be the nice guy thats just a friend. Make sure she knows your interested in her by making jokes about sex and stuff like that(actually if shes a prudish girl that cant take a joke, than don't do that). Also tease her a lot. Then ask her out, of if you're too nervous to do that then just get drunk with her, make out, talk about it the next day, and if it doesn't sound like she wants to make it into a relationship then just play it off as a "oh we were just drunk" mistake.

If she can't take a joke, you shouldn't be dating her anyway.
 #33 
Old 2007-02-26, 04:03
stringfire stringfire is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by 333_Bethrezen:

you also have to learn the signs that she is into you as well

SO READ THIS... DON'T YOU SKIP THIS



Nice.... read this

You'll be getting (.)(.)'s and \|/ soon
 #34 
Old 2007-02-26, 05:20
pyrogeek pyrogeek is offline
Regular
 
Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

Just don't mention anything about not wearing underwear. It freaked this one girl out the other day when I said that.

No, it wasn't out of the blue. She made a comment about me wearing briefs, so I meant for it to be that at least I'm wearing underwear, but somehow that came out. I geuss I was just really uncomfortable.



My advice. Just relax, and act natural. Don't compliment them, don't be overly nice. Seems like that freaks them out. Just treat them like a normal person and try to strike up a normal conversation.

Maybe I should put it this way. Quit looking.
 #35 
Old 2007-02-26, 15:42
smallpox champion smallpox champion is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by pyrogeek:



Maybe I should put it this way. Quit looking.

Then just recognize opportunities/signs that a girl even remotely likes you.
 #36 
Old 2007-02-26, 20:24
Maggotote Maggotote is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by xiggi:

hi i really want a girlfriend. i want to hold her hands and kiss her lips...mmmmm the first kiss...mmmmmmmmmmmmm

anyway yeah so i really want a girlfriend but i dont know how to get one.

any pointers?

That's impossible, you have to find that out for yourself!!
 #37 
Old 2007-02-26, 21:31
SeventhSon SeventhSon is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by 333_Bethrezen:

you also have to learn the signs that she is into you as well

SO READ THIS... DON'T YOU SKIP THIS



I have that memorized word-for-word
 #38 
Old 2007-02-27, 00:24
StillArmedStillAngry StillArmedStillAngry is offline
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Default Re: hey guys teach me how to get a girlfriend

quote:Originally posted by BluryVision:

Just be friends with this nice girl, tell her your story how you want a girlfriend in a cute way. She'll be 'AWWW' And then, if she's nice you'll get introduced to all her friends. Just be cool and funny. And becuase you know the girl it'd be easier to get numbers. :O!

That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. Seriously. That will just get dude laughed at... at his current level, he has neither the comfort nor the bravado to even remotely pull this off.

OP: Do not listen to Dude. He is leading you up the garden path, so to speak.

Anyway, here's my angle. There's no quick and easy way to "get a girlfriend." Well, okay, there is and it's called college. But there's no quick and easy way to get your first girlfriend, because you haven't learned much yet about dealing with the opposite sex, let alone internalized those lessons. So here's what you do.

Make yourself happy. No, seriously. Do shit that makes you feel happy, confident, generally sure of your positive value as a human being. Do not ask "what girls like" - you're already on the defensive there. Focus on YOU - make yourself happy.

When you make yourself happy, you go around feeling happy. Other people will notice that you're a cheerful, upbeat guy, but without faking it. Some of these people will be female. They will want you. It's that simple.

Beyond that, the basics. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Don't be a brittle wannabe hardass who can't take a little ribbing, but don't ever let a genuine slight slide past unopposed. Be proud of your accomplishments, but never arrogant.

Stand tall, do as you will, speak the truth - they will come to you, my friend.
 
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