Was listening to the radio a minute ago while cooking. For the younger among us a 'radio' is box which sound comes out of...kinda like MS Media Player in its own container and WITHOUT Pictures!

Seems we have the lowest number of marriages in the UK since records began in 1862.

They had some 'talking heads' on to explain these stats to us idiots and one of the 'experts' said something that caught my attention and I think she is right.

She made the point that back in the 50's and 60's all the talk was about women being 'good wives' or men being 'good husbands'.

Nowadays no one talks about that. All the discussion and social pressure is on being a 'good parent'. Do you take little Britney to enough after school clubs, does Buffy have the necessary number of ballet lessons . Do you organise suitable 'play dates' for Jamal? etc etc.

S&A your thoughts?





[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 02-21-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

For the younger among us a 'radio' is box which sound comes out of...kinda like MS Media Player in its own container and WITHOUT Pictures!

I know what a goddamn radio is, asshole.

It seems that it's considered almost sexist to refer to a woman as a 'good wife' now, like it somehow implies a woman is there to serve the man (which I really don't think it does). Seems like it's something that's neglected now, not considered important or necessary. Which I think is a shame, really, to be a good partner to your other half should be something people strive for and take pride in, be they male or female.

Were wives ever held accountable or sometimes blamed for their husband's behaviour? Women get that over their kids' behaviour now and I'm wondering if that's something that changed with the shift in perception you're talking about. I'm not old enough to know this for myself, y'see

[This message has been edited by Mr.Happy (edited 02-21-2007).]

I think I suck at both by "set" standards. But...that's okay...I'm almost middle aged anyway.

(I know, that's not what you mean.)

I think people talk too much.



[This message has been edited by oc6 (edited 02-21-2007).]

It's because all the chavs get pregnant before they are legally allowed to get married, thus altering the stats.

i think it is a mixture of teenage pregnancy and the couples not staying together, let alone getting married, and all those people out there nowadays that put careers first and are afraid of commitment. how many women back in the 50s and 60s were 35 and unmarried? virtually none, unless they were hidious or widowed. it has become very common for people to just not marry as much these days.

it really is a shame. i guess its just me, but if it wasnt for the necessity of money these days i would love nothing more than to be a wife and mother. not one or the other, but both. keeping your partner happy, the person you are supposed to love most in this world, is just as important as bringing your children up correctly. you shouldnt be overly involved with your children and never see your spouse. that is just stupid.

[/rant]

I guess we are just being socially conditioned to think of women not as wives. To be honest, I feel uncomfortable when my girlfriend does the dishes. As if I am a caveman or just a generally bad man. I actually do my and her laundry and iron her clothes too.

Maybe I've become a good boyfriend through guilt!

Marriage isn't fashionable anymore.

It's all about children and career.

Getting married is seen as limiting yourself and your potential.

Seems to me to be quite a selfish attitude that we've got ourselves. Or at least overly self centred.

Also maybe because of massive divorce rates (which are made quite a fuss of) people's faith in marriage isn't what it was. People are pessimistic.

Whatever the reason, I think the law should move with the times. People in long term relationships for X number of years having similar rights to married couples. I don't know, I'm not up on the law these days, but from what I've heard there are big gaps in that department.

Jx

This sucks for me. As soon as my boyfriend gets out of school we are getting married and then starting a family. I have no intentions of going back to work util the kids are off to college or grown up. IMO if you want to be a good parent you have to have a good foundation layed out for them.

Yeah I saw the fucking newspaper today shouting out "BRITS GONE OFF MARRIAGE!!!!!!!!"

It's like we're being turned into fucking sheep. Just cause the 'stats' say that lots and lots of people dont marry anymore, it means that obviously anyone who gets married is doomed.



It made me spit rage and blood for a while.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

Yeah I saw the fucking newspaper today shouting out "BRITS GONE OFF MARRIAGE!!!!!!!!"

I'm guessing that was The Sun right? Or one of the other equally trashy papers which I thankfully can't recall the names of right now.

quote:Originally posted by specus_meretricis:

I have no intentions of going back to work util the kids are off to college or grown up.

IMO that's how it is supposed to be.

quote:Originally posted by MomentaryLapseOfReason:

I know what a goddamn radio is, asshole.

For the love of God I hope so, you are the mod of the Radio Free Amerikka

This generation of parents is just cranking out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids........................



We 're all gonna die.

quote:Originally posted by gibson lespaul:

This generation of parents is just cranking out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids to crank out more stupid kids........................



We 're all gonna die.

If people are breeding like rabbits because it's what the herd wants, then lets hope our civilization doesn't make it that far intergenerationally.

I can't think of anything more repulsive than using a child as a fashion accessory.

Case in point:

quote:Nowadays no one talks about that. All the discussion and social pressure is on being a 'good parent'. Do you take little Britney to enough after school clubs, does Buffy have the necessary number of ballet lessons . Do you organise suitable 'play dates' for Jamal? etc etc.

[This message has been edited by Spungo (edited 02-23-2007).]

I don't think it is a question of a "child as a fashion accessory" Its more to do with benefit aid and sending the feral little shits out on the rob before they are old enough for the police to nick them.

Descent society collapsed with the rise of political correctness,the removal of corporal punishment, the threat of child abuse and all its conertations.

The scum in this country rule, because all the laws protect them.

I think I just ranted!

quote:Originally posted by MomentaryLapseOfReason:

I know what a goddamn radio is, asshole.

This made me chuckle, good show. What radio station do you listen to ol' man ketch?

I think you're right, 'ketch.

I think we way too often forget to be partners because we're busy being parents.

This is something that my wife and I are working hard to accomplish though (being good partners, that is!).

We go out to concerts, movies, "dates" and things that interest us WITHOUT THE KIDS (SHOCK!!!) every so often, make sure to tell that we love each other (and mean it!) and do things for each other.

The kids are mostly old enough to take care of them selves for an evening, so it's not too big an issue.

The result? The kids brag about us to their friends who tell them that they suck for having cool parents.

quote:Originally posted by Jessic:

Whatever the reason, I think the law should move with the times. People in long term relationships for X number of years having similar rights to married couples. I don't know, I'm not up on the law these days, but from what I've heard there are big gaps in that department.

If two people are in a long term, exclusive relationship which they want to be legally recognised (for the purposes of obtaining the rights that you mentioned) why shouldn't they just get married/civilly partner'd?

That would make sense, since the rights granted exclusively to couples joined by marriage/civil partnership are granted to them for a reason.

I know a big part of my 'marriage' with my partner is the parenting. But coming from the values I did come from, I make sure that I meet the qualifications of what a good wife is. My mother, a bit of a sexist, was very sure to instill the idea of how a wife should treat her husband, and how a wife should be treated in return. My parents have been together 20 years and seem to have the ideal good partnership.

I make sure that my husband has something to eat and that the house is somewhat clean. But I don't do it because it's my 'duty' as a woman. But it's my duty as a wife to make sure that he is taken care of. Just like it is his duty to make sure that I am taken care of. He goes to work and brings home the financial support for our family.

That's not to say that our roles couldn't change though.. I think that a lot of times, women are just afraid to be caught in a role that they feel forced to take. It is degrading to have to cook for a man, and take care of a man. But I find that if we don't take care of each other physically, emotionally, etc., then it gets really hard to take care of the kids the way the deserve to be taken care of..

EDIT: I realize this was a very random post, I'm having a case of scatter brain.. Hopefully someone will get it.

[This message has been edited by Hardly There (edited 02-23-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

[b]Was listening to the radio a minute ago while cooking. For the younger among us a 'radio' is box which sound comes out of...kinda like MS Media Player in its own container and WITHOUT Pictures!

[B]

Bullshit! I tried turning it to Rob Zombie, and the stupid thing kept playing Britney Spears! Man I was pissed! Oh and to make things worse, the fucker kept censoring out words like bitch and shit.

Now to the serious answer:

These people who want parents to be "good parents" I've noticed usually dont have kids. And are old. So, its easier to tell someone how to be a "good" parent, than it is to be one. Fact of the matter is all kids are different. Some need more control than others. My parents, whom I consider good parents had the attitude with me "Its your life, your free to do what you want, you fuck it up, tough" whereas with my sister, they have a lot rules in place. All because I was more independent than my sister and I had a lot more sense than her.

Perception is reality, what works for one doesnt work for another, and the only people who should be allowed to give parenting advice should have had a mininum of 3 kids.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

It made me spit rage and blood for a while.

Here I was, thinking you weren't cool.

quote:Originally posted by Hardly There:

It is degrading to have to cook for a man, and take care of a man.

]

You did kind of lose me there.

I wouldn't think it degrading, just not particularly fun all the time.

quote:Originally posted by DesertRebel:

...and the only people who should be allowed to give parenting advice should have had a mininum of 3 kids.

Given that criteria, should you have posted at all? Or...is that not advice? :P

UK, is becoming anti- marrage

Vastly because of younger age of pregnencies. this causes men to think:

'fuck, look at the baggage, aww, I bet she is loose'



Also i dont think that basically 20% on UK are chavvies helps the situation.

Hope this isn't to far off topic, but where do you draw the line when it comes to being "a good parent" i have a buddy that told me the other day he had to start selling some stuff, motorbike and boat and other things. He said his sons pursuit of sports is causing him to go broke. He tells me 10,000 since OCT 06, for equipment, travel, hotels when they are away to competitions. I thought to myself he is 12yrs old. I thought it was ridiculas

Interesting 2020.

Although, the father might see his son's interests as being more important than what he sacrifices in material goods. Perhaps he see them as a means to a future in professional sports should his son's be good enough or a means to get a scholarship to a decent university.

2020, i think yuor mate is a good father, willing to sacriface his own luxories to give his son a helping hand in life, we should join hands for him!

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Interesting 2020.

Although, the father might see his son's interests as being more important than what he sacrifices in material goods. Perhaps he see them as a means to a future in professional sports should his son's be good enough or a means to get a scholarship to a decent university.



Well there sport he is into(swimming) at best will get him a scholorship, But he isn't just selling off his play toys . They are also having a hard tme paying the bills. I don't think it's right that the family as a whole suffers for this kids ambitions

But, anyway...

I think it's important that one is seen as an individual, as spouse, and as a parent...etc. Balancing that can be difficult to do and I think that people get focused on one area a bit too much sometimes.

I know I struggle with all these things.

struggling to pay the bills is a factor of parenting. I'd strongly disagree if it was like an Xbox 360, with a 28" HD LCD TV, but or books, and a bike etc, i think its very noble.

I suppose he is doing the right thing , but it just pisse me off because I'm sure down the road the kid will take up something all together different

I listen to the radio all the time =(... and I'm 16.. o.o

parenthood sucks..children are a huge drain ...i can imagine my bank balance before and after a child and it involves red. Plus I would feel obliged that my child goes to a good fee paying boarding schoolm so more expenses.

MJR deus ///////

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

Yeah I saw the fucking newspaper today shouting out "BRITS GONE OFF MARRIAGE!!!!!!!!"

It's like we're being turned into fucking sheep. Just cause the 'stats' say that lots and lots of people dont marry anymore, it means that obviously anyone who gets married is doomed.



It made me spit rage and blood for a while.

Why do you care though? You aren't married, so you shouldn't be worried about your life turning to shit....oh wait...

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Given that criteria, should you have posted at all? Or...is that not advice? :P



Negative, I wasnt telling anyone how to raise their kid. Simply stating that what a good parent is, is based on a case by case basis. No set formalae.

To prove this "theory", lets refer to the number of books written by "parenting experts".

quote:Originally posted by 256:

If two people are in a long term, exclusive relationship which they want to be legally recognised (for the purposes of obtaining the rights that you mentioned) why shouldn't they just get married/civilly partner'd?

That would make sense, since the rights granted exclusively to couples joined by marriage/civil partnership are granted to them for a reason.

Yeah, I realised I was talking out of my arse there, but I never got around to editing.

You win .

Jx

quote:Originally posted by Hardly There:

[...]It is degrading to have to cook for a man, and take care of a man.[...]

It's REALLY degrading to have little part in your child's life because you're working a full-time job while trying to keep the home together, and have to share a bed with some fridged bitch who's too full of her own self-pity about how her life is so wrong...

It's true. When my dad left us, he said, "It used to be that we were husbands/wives first--now we're fucking parents."

quote:Originally posted by MJR deus:

parenthood sucks..children are a huge drain ...i can imagine my bank balance before and after a child and it involves red. Plus I would feel obliged that my child goes to a good fee paying boarding schoolm so more expenses.

MJR deus ///////



Yeah. Because nothing's more important than money.

Right?

quote:Originally posted by DesertRebel:

Negative, I wasnt telling anyone how to raise their kid. Simply stating that what a good parent is, is based on a case by case basis. No set formalae.

To prove this "theory", lets refer to the number of books written by "parenting experts".

I know, I was just teasing. I think you made a good point.

I have friends who don't have kids who love to give advice. And, I remember when I was one of those well meaning friends too. So, I can see both sides since I had mine later in life. Now their kids have kids, and I'm just beginning to learn what it must have been like for them to some degree.

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

It's REALLY degrading to have little part in your child's life because you're working a full-time job while trying to keep the home together, and have to share a bed with some fridged bitch who's too full of her own self-pity about how her life is so wrong...

I missed something..

Well in the eyes of society you shape your kids to a huge degree, you are pretty much getting them ready to be let loose on the world primary socialisation blah blahblah. People want to know you aren't raising total dipshits who might hit their skull in with a brick some day.

quote:Originally posted by Hardly There:

I missed something..

I missed it too...

And everyone I know is a married housewife, but then I do live on a military base...