My girlfriend and I just passed the 2 year mark in our relationship. We live together and have for the past 9 monthes and we get along great. Predictably, we have less sex than we did when we first met. We started at about 4 times a day on average (we've had it as much as 9 times in a day and that was after a year of being together). The frequency, overall, has been dwindling though recently at an alarming rate. 3 monthes ago, we were having sex every other day. 2 Monthes ago it was twice a week. Now it's down to only once a week.

I am still totally interested and I make myself available to her so I am pretty sure it isn't me. Should I take it personally and view it as a problem in the relationship or is it simply the way things always go? If it is, when does it stop? Is it going to continue to diminish? Is once a week going to seem like an orgy 5 years from now?

The problem is I don't know how to talk about it without sounding like an asshole. I really believe that sex is an important part of our intimacy and closeness and important need that we have as human beings. Is there any way to discuss it without sounding like a horny douchebag?

You seem like a reasonable kind of guy. I think you can phrase that in a eloquent kind of way that your girlfreind would understand, like ''Hey _____ , you remember when we first together and we were very intimate together in bed? I miss that. *Puppy dog eyes*...before you know it BAM! money shot.

Unfortunately it does tend to be the way things go.

The only real solution is to talk about it with her.

Most importantly of all, when you broach the subject with her, listen to what she says!.

There can be any number of reasons why her sex drive seems to have died...from the simple SAD to she's screwing the milk man behind your back!:P

Often a little 'leadership' from you will help the situation. Y'know?

Sorta 'STOP fretting what we need from the supermarket/the dog's poorly tummy/the state of world poverty , get in the bedroom and get your knickers off' kinda thing.



[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 02-21-2007).]

what is SAD?

Seasonal Affected Disorder or 'winter blues'.

Hmmm.....I never thought of that. It actually makes a lot of sense.

Marry her and then come back and whine about once a month

Back in the day when it was assumed that people did not have sex until they were married, there was this (can't think of the word for it... not really an "old wives tale) thing that went like:

On your wedding day, take a big jar and put a bean in it every time you have sex for the first year of your marriage. At the end of the first year, reverse the process and take a bean out of the jar every time you have sex.

Legend has it that you will NEVER empty that jar.

In most relationships, the original thrill does wane over time. In your case, it does seem that the decline is on the excessive side. (this coming from a fellow who in the later years of an 18 year marriage felt lucky to get it once a year)

Bottom line is to look seriously and honestly at the balance of your relationship. If it is good in all other respects, I would think it best to hang in there and see if it is just a transitional thing. By all means, try to have a discussion about it with her (preferrably outside of the bedroom, but not in public). You may be surprised to learn what her perspective is.

If the situation persists, or gets worse, consider counseling. It took me a long time to realize that in our case, it had less to do with true libido as opposed to just an overwhelming control issue on her part.

God luck, my man!

Seems a normal trend spice stuff up maybe? I mean 5 times every day for a while could be part of the reason its declining so fast.

The same things happend to me sort of but theres some circumstances I can't talk about but it seems sex starts going down with time.

I think ill definatly try that bean trick I hope to god that I either have sex 3,000 times that first year or the legend you won't empty the jar is wrong.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Seasonal Affected Disorder or 'winter blues'.

Hrmmm. Used to be, people who were less happy in the winter just didn't like cold weather so much. Now it's a mental disorder. Ha, next thing you know people will have DMVD ('Diurnal Mood Variation Disorder') because they're not at their happiest in the morning. Grrr.

Sorry, pet hate. /polite rant.

You sound like you're intelligent and understanding enough to straight out bring this up with your girlfriend. I'm sure she'll be just as aware of it as you and I'm a firm believer that it's a good thing to talk about anything that's on your mind about your partner. Don't be accusatory, don't blame her (or yourself), just talk about it, see if it's anything in particular causing it or just a general lessening of her sex drive or something. Just talk it over, she might be worrying about it as much as you are.

This thread scares the fuck out of me. I never want to be in a long relationship.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

This thread scares the fuck out of me. I never want to be in a long relationship.

QFT

Seen it before in friends. Sorta had it happen with a girlfriend, but it was long-distance too.