I have the emotional stability of a five-year-old, and about as much mental stability. My emotions always seem to be at one extreme or another. I have a very low "social IQ" as well as very low "EQ." I see-saw wildly in temperament, mood, and... well, basically all mental functions. I have a gigantic ego combined with a crippling inferiority complex. I suffer from compulsions, obsessions, paranoia, and jealousy.

Basically, I don't feel like I can trust my emotional judgment. I don't know when it's appropriate to be upset, and when it isn't. I'm afraid of letting my paranoia, jealousy, and other destructive impulses take over... so my strategy was to basically ignore how I felt unless I was extremely, extremely, extremely upset. And even then I toned myself down. I'm worried, though, that now I'm a pushover... I don't know when to be angry, so I never let myself get angry, but what if I'm being weak? When is my anger a tool to fix a problem in our relationship, and when should I just let it go?

I feel proud, on one hand; she's the only one I've ever been able to sublimate my mental illness for. On the other hand, I worry that by doing so, I'm actually weakening our relationship.

Not really much of a point to this, I guess, other than to ask if anyone else feels the same way.

I kinda felt the same way when I was younger. Not sure if that helps. After a while I realized no one took me seriously when I was upset because I would get upset over nothing. Not trying heap shame or anything on you, but aside from a chemical imbalance, the only reason why anyone throws a shit fit on a regular basis is because they are very self centered. If you think everyone should work around your discomfort, you won't have many long lasting relationships, because that just gets annoying as hell.

I think it's a bad idea to trust your emotions anyway, on the whole (I'm not including instinct into that). It's far, far better to trust your head.

Rationalise.

quote:Originally posted by Twisted_Ferret:

I'm worried, though, that now I'm a pushover... I don't know when to be angry, so I never let myself get angry, but what if I'm being weak? When is my anger a tool to fix a problem in our relationship, and when should I just let it go?

I assume you're after a normal, healthy, slightly male dominant relationship? If not the following won't really apply to you.

So your girlfried does something wrong. Basically, if you feel angry, you have a right to be angry. But here's the key: you have to express that anger in a calm and dignified way. Any boy can snap, but it takes a man to be calm, assertive and forceful.

Snapping is bad for several reasons, not all of which are readily apparent. For one, you're hurting her, and that's not good. Two, you're losing control. Women are generally more emotional than men, and to be a good man I think is to remain calm and cool headed. Third, by snapping at her and beind nasty you hand her an undue amount of leverage, because after the heat of the argument has faded, you end up regretting it, apologising and grovelling for your hurtful remarks.

Basically, trust your emotions, but don't let them overwhelm you. It takes practice, and it starts off slow, but just keep at it.

TF, that was definitely me before I

1) Grew out of adolescence, and

2) Quit drinking.

I'm not actually aware if you ARE an adolescent, but if you are - dude, hang in there. It gets sooooooooo much better.

If you're regularly using any sort of substance, or putting yourself in wierd and complicated emotional spots... well, you might wanna stop that. If not, though, just give it time. Keep a journal, it really does help.

And you might consider seeing a shrink to find out if you actually are bipolar. I don't recommend that, though - the medications have some icky side-effects, and I've always been raised to play the hand you're dealt. Good luck, bro.

It's probably better to feel all that stuff than bottle it up and hide it from people so it's all simmering away under the surface.

therapy are Suicide

quote:Originally posted by Twisted_Ferret:

I have the emotional stability of a five-year-old, and about as much mental stability. My emotions always seem to be at one extreme or another. I have a very low "social IQ" as well as very low "EQ." I see-saw wildly in temperament, mood, and... well, basically all mental functions. I have a gigantic ego combined with a crippling inferiority complex. I suffer from compulsions, obsessions, paranoia, and jealousy.

Basically, I don't feel like I can trust my emotional judgment. I don't know when it's appropriate to be upset, and when it isn't. I'm afraid of letting my paranoia, jealousy, and other destructive impulses take over... so my strategy was to basically ignore how I felt unless I was extremely, extremely, extremely upset. And even then I toned myself down. I'm worried, though, that now I'm a pushover... I don't know when to be angry, so I never let myself get angry, but what if I'm being weak? When is my anger a tool to fix a problem in our relationship, and when should I just let it go?

I feel proud, on one hand; she's the only one I've ever been able to sublimate my mental illness for. On the other hand, I worry that by doing so, I'm actually weakening our relationship.

Not really much of a point to this, I guess, other than to ask if anyone else feels the same way.



I feel you, Mr. Ferret.

What I’ve found to work best is to try and my best to remain ration in social situations and work through my emotions to the best of my abilities on my own time.

It certainly helps me from making impulse decisions that I'm bound to regret later.

-F☺rd

quote:Originally posted by Twisted_Ferret:

I have a gigantic ego combined with a crippling inferiority complex. I suffer from compulsions, obsessions, paranoia, and jealousy.

Your complex is likely a result of you thinking that nobody else has to deal with those things to the same degree that you do (self-centeredness). It's all about how you control yourself. How we deal with complete bullshit is what gives substance to our character. Learn to stay composed and find mature ways to deal with your negative emotions.

quote:Originally posted by Leduc:

Your complex is likely a result of you thinking that nobody else has to deal with those things to the same degree that you do (self-centeredness). It's all about how you control yourself. How we deal with complete bullshit is what gives substance to our character. Learn to stay composed and find mature ways to deal with your negative emotions.

I am dealing with some of the same things as the OP, and you're right. For some reason, I don't want to believe that other people are feeling the same way as I, because all of these emotions are so intense. Seriously, when you're depressed and you bottle it all up inside, repress it, and you finally bawl like a baby because you feel so hopeless, helpless, worthless... it actually feels really good.

Adolescent hormones are a bitch, and they're deceptive. They amplify everything. I guess my small, almost worthless bit of advice is just remember to step back and get some perspective. When I get into bouts of rage and angst, thoughts like this don't really help me that much, because I'm too stubborn to step back. But it's a good idea.

Anyway, back to the subject. StillArmedStillAngry said that he has a... distrust?... for medication. I don't know how I feel about medication. At some level, I feel like I should be stoic, organic; I should deal with this myself, because dealing with this problem entirely myself, with no help, is honorable.

But sometimes, you can't do it yourself.

Other people are gently nudging me toward therapy. I don't think I can do it. I tried it, and it kind of detracts from my pride... I'm not knocking therapy, whatever works for you...

Anyway, ketch, is the above kind of conversation (personal, introspective stuff) S&A material? Because I'd really like to have a discussion about this kind of self worth stuff. I think it's pretty interesting.

But maybe I should hop over to Humanities for that kind of stuff.

Thanks all for the replies. Read and acknowledged.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

I assume you're after a normal, healthy, slightly male dominant relationship? If not the following won't really apply to you.

So your girlfried does something wrong. [...]

Good advice, but that's the problem. I don't know what's wrong and what's not.

quote:Originally posted by StillArmedStillAngry:

TF, that was definitely me before I

1) Grew out of adolescence, and

2) Quit drinking.

I'm not actually aware if you ARE an adolescent, but if you are - dude, hang in there. It gets sooooooooo much better.

If you're regularly using any sort of substance, or putting yourself in wierd and complicated emotional spots... well, you might wanna stop that. If not, though, just give it time. Keep a journal, it really does help.

And you might consider seeing a shrink to find out if you actually are bipolar. I don't recommend that, though - the medications have some icky side-effects, and I've always been raised to play the hand you're dealt. Good luck, bro.

I am indeed adolescent. I know that wild emotions are common, and for a while I thought that was my problem... but now I'm not so sure. I know I have OCD - I have tons of rituals that I have to do, been to a psychiatrist and had it confirmed, etc. - and I was thinking maybe my obsessiveness is extending to my relationship... but I, too, am leery of psychiatric medicines.

quote:Originally posted by Ford Prefect:



I feel you, Mr. Ferret.

What I’ve found to work best is to try and my best to remain ration in social situations and work through my emotions to the best of my abilities on my own time.

It certainly helps me from making impulse decisions that I'm bound to regret later.

-F☺rd

That does help. What I've been doing, in fact. Just don't know when I SHOULD be letting my true feelings out...

quote:Originally posted by ApocalypsePlease:

Adolescent hormones are a bitch, and they're deceptive. They amplify everything. I guess my small, almost worthless bit of advice is just remember to step back and get some perspective. When I get into bouts of rage and angst, thoughts like this don't really help me that much, because I'm too stubborn to step back. But it's a good idea.

That IS good advice. Especially when I deal with others. The problem, though, is that somehow I am able to restrain myself for her. She means so much to me... but I worry I restrain too much!

It's getting better, though. Much better. I have been getting less and less mentally ill for the past 17 years... I hope it will continue!

quote:Anyway, ketch, is the above kind of conversation (personal, introspective stuff) S&A material? Because I'd really like to have a discussion about this kind of self worth stuff. I think it's pretty interesting.

But maybe I should hop over to Humanities for that kind of stuff.

I would like to post this kinda thing too, even if it didn't involve a relationship. S&A seems to be the unofficial psychology forum.

quote:Originally posted by Twisted_Ferret:

I know I have OCD - I have tons of rituals that I have to do, been to a psychiatrist and had it confirmed, etc. - and I was thinking maybe my obsessiveness is extending to my relationship... but I, too, am leery of psychiatric medicines.

I've been on just about every ssri for at least a little bit of time between now and somewhere in 2003 or so. They never did help, they made my anxiety alot worse, my obsessive rituals alot worse, mania and so on. Since this is a sex forum I should also mention the letters ED while speaking of these pills.

It seems to me like pretty well anyone could read a desription of the symptoms of something like ocd or manic depression and think that they have it. For some reason, doctors just keep wanting to put more and more people on these disgusting drugs.

I don't trust my own judgment either, that's why I turn to totse for advice (seriously )

Go get your self checked out for a chemical imbalance in teh BRAINZOR.

quote:Originally posted by StillArmedStillAngry:

And you might consider seeing a shrink to find out if you actually are bipolar. I don't recommend that, though

This man speaks the truth.

The trial and error period of medication is HELL. You'll want to die every single fucking day. But then when you find your right medication, everything changes. It's like a heavy burden is lifted off your shoulders. All of a sudden you can cope in society again.

But then you build a tolerance to your medication and need to up the doses. And with upped doses, come stronger side effects.

If you go to school your grades will drop if they put you on the wrong medication, also, if you work, you'll get fired with out a doubt. Not sure what country you're in, but in Australia you'd be allowed to get medical exemption for three months.



Dude, it seriously sounds like you have a major chemical imbalance going on.

What you described = me. So yeah, stay strong.

Wanna E-group hug?

I got problems too dude.. Im probably a little crazy but I happen to like it. id be pretty bored if my head wasnt firing up all lopsided.. (I say so mainly just when Im at school ill revert to a balanced state when Im with people I know) Im not all shy and insecure about my emotions tho thats a shitty way to live (unless you got a lot of people to make you feel better all the time. i dont.).. Id say try and figure out why youre feeling a certain way when its happening and if you cant youre just being crazy and its meaningless.. you then should then proceed to giving your own values to these situations based on your best judgement (fuck what anybody else says) and then youll probably end up balancing out. youve probably been relying too much on emotions without applying them rationally as i think somebody else said. long story short just think about everything youre feeling and thinking and analyze it until youre cured and happy. this however can be a lot of work.. Ive had to balance myself out of aggressive behavior a few times and Im sure there are alot of people that are much worse than Ive ever been with my kinds of neurosis.

oh yeah and what you have is in fact a neurosis at least it sounds so.. look up psychoneurosis it may help as well.

quote:Originally posted by Leduc:

I've been on just about every ssri for at least a little bit of time between now and somewhere in 2003 or so. They never did help, they made my anxiety alot worse, my obsessive rituals alot worse, mania and so on. Since this is a sex forum I should also mention the letters ED while speaking of these pills.

It seems to me like pretty well anyone could read a desription of the symptoms of something like ocd or manic depression and think that they have it. For some reason, doctors just keep wanting to put more and more people on these disgusting drugs.

That's true. I think it's largely a moneymaking scheme. But, as arquin's post shows, it might actually help sometimes...

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

This man speaks the truth.

The trial and error period of medication is HELL. You'll want to die every single fucking day. But then when you find your right medication, everything changes. It's like a heavy burden is lifted off your shoulders. All of a sudden you can cope in society again.

But then you build a tolerance to your medication and need to up the doses. And with upped doses, come stronger side effects.

If you go to school your grades will drop if they put you on the wrong medication, also, if you work, you'll get fired with out a doubt. Not sure what country you're in, but in Australia you'd be allowed to get medical exemption for three months.



Dude, it seriously sounds like you have a major chemical imbalance going on.

What you described = me. So yeah, stay strong.



Hmm... as I said, I'm leery of messing around with my head. But as you said, if it's an imbalance I'm messing with I might actually need it...

I've heard a few miracle stories about how a psychiatric drug changed life completely (and for the better), and I think I might have an imbalance. I'd still like to try to cope without drugz, but I will get myself checked.

Thanks for the advice, everyone.

quote:Originally posted by thendoftheline:

Id say try and figure out why youre feeling a certain way when its happening and if you cant youre just being crazy and its meaningless.. you then should then proceed to giving your own values to these situations based on your best judgement (fuck what anybody else says) and then youll probably end up balancing out. youve probably been relying too much on emotions without applying them rationally as i think somebody else said. long story short just think about everything youre feeling and thinking and analyze it until youre cured and happy. this however can be a lot of work.. Ive had to balance myself out of aggressive behavior a few times and Im sure there are alot of people that are much worse than Ive ever been with my kinds of neurosis.

oh yeah and what you have is in fact a neurosis at least it sounds so.. look up psychoneurosis it may help as well.

Good advice in there. It does help if I try to think my feelings through, but the problem is is that I often find that I do know the reason, just not if it's valid. I'm emotionally irrational!

I am neurotic. Well, haven't been diagnosed so as with my OCD, but it fits me pretty closely. For instance, I wrote a description of my emotional state once. Then, a day later, I found a description of a neurotic person.

Almost exactly the same.

quote:Originally posted by ApocalypsePlease:



Anyway, ketch, is the above kind of conversation (personal, introspective stuff) S&A material? Because I'd really like to have a discussion about this kind of self worth stuff. I think it's pretty interesting.

But maybe I should hop over to Humanities for that kind of stuff.

As long as it pertains to a relationship with someone else(parents, g/f, friends) then I'm fine with it.

We've kinda become a home for such things since people have no longer felt able to post serious threads in SG.

Hopefully when the new software comes we will get the 'Head cases'forum (hopefully modded by Lauren and Euda!) and then we'll sort out such threads between us.