Anyone have any fart stories?

I had this beautiful girl I was 69'ing with once. She was on top sucking and slurping on my pen0r, and I was on the bottom with my face buried in her pussy and my nose sticking right in her a-hole. And she was letting out these very faint but pungent silent farts that smelled like broccoli. I couldn't eat broccoli for years after that.

One time i took sleeping pills and gave some to my x and she had this crazy reaction and started stumbling around and couldn't breathe, i helped her to the bathroom to throw up and she fell on the floor and farted like 3 times. It was hilarious, i was just happy she didn't die.

Girlfriend at the time pinched me. I tensed and let out the biggest fart possible. I'd never farted in front of her before.

Also, I had a stomach bug for a while and would fart for like 5 seconds of ever minute. They were ALL completely silent (I'm the the fart ninja or something).

Any way, the same girl. Has a phobia of bugs getting into her ears while she's asleep so sleeps with the blanket over her head. Well yeah, she woke up, looked at me and said "Can you fucking fart OUTSIDE the blanket?"

Ewww thats gross as fuck man sucks for you. I don't have any that occur during sex but the girl im with now me and her are VERY comfortable around each other. We always have had a good connection with everything being comfortable whether its been talking or what ever. Well a few months ago we were together and she was sitting on my lap and she let one out and I only felt it and i was like OMG YOU JUST FARTED DIDN"T YOU. Of course she did and well ever since we both have been ok with the fact that the other farts which is nice not having to leave the room to fart.

So pretty much farting is very common with us, at first it was kind of DIFFERNT "KNOWING" that girls farted this oen in particular but after awhile its just like when any of my guy friends fart except not loud or anything. I must say the first time you hear a girl fart and first time it smells and all that other stuff is very interesting. Because yea we all KNOW Girls fart at some point but you never really think about it. But then when it happens and you have proof and all its like WOW SHIT Girls actually really.

Oh funniest thing with me farting around my girlfriend. One time we were saying our goodbyes and she gave me a BIG BIG hug and well she squeezed me so tight I farted. And it wasn't just a little one it was LOUD. Sadly it was late at night so that was the only sound. We both just started laughing. First time I ever farted in front of her and she knew about it.



[This message has been edited by AprenticeChemistBITCHS (edited 02-19-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by howard_payne:

she fell on the floor and farted like 3 times.

This made me laugh for like two minutes. The mental image. Ahhh, good times.

I have a no fart policy.

Hah, this one just happend a couple hours ago.

First off, me and my woman are very comfortable around each other.

I was puttin' it in her butt and I pulled out cause she needed a break. I was standing at the edge of the bed and she was laying on the bed with her legs up on my shoulders so her butt was right there at my wang and she goes I gotta fart I said hold it in but she said she couldnt cause it hurt. well she ripped one and i felt lube spray out of her bum onto my legs.

don't be silly. girls don't fart. nor do we poop. just ask my boyfriend, he'll set you straight. believe it or not it's been almost 3 years and while he's now at the point where he can say "be right back, i'm going to go poop," i'm fairly sure i still have him convinced girls are perfect.

quote:Originally posted by Evil Furby Laugh:

I said hold it in

Why? It's not going to kill you, and if she needed to...

quote:Originally posted by Evil Furby Laugh:

well she ripped one and i felt lube spray out of her bum onto my legs.

quote:Originally posted by YouLookFourteen:

don't be silly. girls don't fart. nor do we poop. just ask my boyfriend, he'll set you straight. believe it or not it's been almost 3 years and while he's now at the point where he can say "be right back, i'm going to go poop," i'm fairly sure i still have him convinced girls are perfect.

That's the way

No big deal. When I started going with chicks, it was having to hold it in till I got home which could be a chore.

But now when I have any sort of sex and my chick farts we just laugh it off nd carry on, unless it breaks us up too much laughing. I dont fart a lot really, but she can let loose occasionally, at the most crtical moments.

Its a natural body function so treat it as such , we al do it unless we have a real problem. It can be embarrassing to start with in a relationship cos you want to give an impression on perfection(unless you are a slob anyway), but if you are comfortable with each other no big deal. Same with using the toilet in each others sight, you get used to it. Nothing like having a quick blow job while she is sitting having a pee.

Relaxed girls are cool.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Any way, the same girl. Has a phobia of bugs getting into her ears while she's asleep so sleeps with the blanket over her head. Well yeah, she woke up, looked at me and said "Can you fucking fart OUTSIDE the blanket?"

I loled for about 10 min at this, dear god.

Done it, laughed about it, no biggie. She does it too, I don't care, as long as it's not directly in my face or particlarily pungent :\ Then any jokes/etc. are fair game.

quote:Originally posted by Twisted_Ferret:

Originally posted by Evil Furby Laugh:

I said hold it in

Why? It's not going to kill you, and if she needed to...

I said it laughingly. She was laughing when she said she had to. It was ment as a joke we do it all the time.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

I have a no fart policy.

Only perfect 10s are permitted to fart and only then are alloted 1 per year because Im going to need some recovery time afterward. If you go over that quota the deal is off. 10 year marriage down the drain.

My ex took a bunch of xanax one time... and then we were hanging out and she suddenly get's this weird look on her face and mumbles something. So I ask her what's up and she says i just farted.

I don't have to fart very often. Maybe it's my diet.

What a great topic.

I accidentally let one go in front of this guy who I've been dating for less than a month... we were sitting at his kitchen table on wooden chairs, and I went to bring my knee up into my chest so I could rest my chin on it, and it slipped out somehow. It was clearly audible, since there was no conversation/background noise at the time. I pretended it didn't happen, and he pretended not to notice, but I'm still a little embarrassed about it. He must not have minded THAT much though, because he didn't mention it and he hasn't dumped me yet, haha.

Great bedtime game. Dutch Ovens. When you let one rip in bed quickly pull the covers over both of you. First one out is the loser.

I accidentally let one slip during sex once. The girl quite literally froze and called me out on it. Really ruined the mood.

Thankfully, I've never been farted on.

quote:Originally posted by pedro the swift:

Great bedtime game. Dutch Ovens. When you let one rip in bed quickly pull the covers over both of you. First one out is the loser.

Are you Australian?

quote:Originally posted by pedro the swift:

Great bedtime game. Dutch Ovens. When you let one rip in bed quickly pull the covers over both of you. First one out is the loser.

Ever had a Dutch Treat?

Apparently i do little ones in my sleep in the morning, but it's okay because i usually do it in the loo/if at all and he does them bunches anyway.

kind of like farting, but last week i drank some coke fast nd pop doesn't agree with me at all... he ended up having to burp me like a baby 'cause I can't maek myself burp. It was more lol than ew

WTF is a dutch treat or do i want to know is it anything like a cherry cheesecake?

i wouldnt mind... if i had a gf

Reminds me of Mallrats..

This one time in grade nine me and some chick were in my room making out and i was holding this fart for about two hours, and I finaly let err rip!

and it was so loud and her just laughed

fun

quote:Originally posted by Isobutane:

Apparently i do little ones in my sleep in the morning, but it's okay because i usually do it in the loo/if at all and he does them bunches anyway.

kind of like farting, but last week i drank some coke fast nd pop doesn't agree with me at all... he ended up having to burp me like a baby 'cause I can't maek myself burp. It was more lol than ew

The mental image was good for a little chuckle.

So I was trying to get rid of this creepy stalker-like girl before, so I was doing everything possible to repell her. I guess girls must not mind burping and farting all that much.

The fortunate part, she's gone.

The unfortunate part, I'm practically single since I have a lond distance girlfriend and we don't get to talk a whole lot.