We’ll call him Delph, one of his gaming names. I’ve known this guy a looong time – we used to work together, actually. He’s 5 years my senior, and has always been someone I can go to for friendship, understanding, or comfort. Granted, this sets up the possibility of my using him for emotional support, but it’s been stressed many times that the age difference makes me more like a younger sister, and he’s happy to just have a friend.

For posterity: Delph - a tallish (6’, 150 lbs, I’m guessing) awkward-sort-of blonde, 23 - lives alone in an apartment, works at a local Target, does not drive, dropped/flunked out of college (a local community college, actually), doesn’t drink/smoke/etc., has zero IRL friends outside of work (and myself), devotes himself entirely to his computer (Warcraft, Guild Wars, other MMORPGS), hasn’t had a chica in 3-4 years, and is heavily depressed. Awesome guy, really.

Conversely, I’m a 5’7’’ female, athletic, 18, a musician, a student, a workaholic, and involved a loving relationship.

So – we talk. Fairly frequently, about most any topic. No, it’s not me bitching to him; there are equal levels of emotional sponging. I am, however, taken. Considering he hasn’t gotten laid in almost 4 years, I make a point of avoiding conversations about my boyfriend. It is well understood, however, that I’m happy in my relationship, and unavailable to Delph.

Last week, however, he decided that - perhaps there’s an opening. After some whining on how lonely he is and how long it’s been since he’s had someone to talk to, he invites me over. Fine, cool, I’ll come over when I get the chance. The conversation then turns to my relationship – he asks if I’m happy/if I’d change anything. Me: “Very happy/of course not, etc., why do you ask?” Delph: “No reason, just curious what it’s like being happy.” ::eyeroll::

This leads into “I’m very unhappy, I’m lonely, etc., and as proof – I’ve been thinking about some weird things lately.” I’m assuming he means suicide or self-injury, right? After all, he’s depressed, he’s had his rough nights, it wouldn’t be the first time he’s threatened it.

Not quite. After some prompting on my part… “Well… I’ve been thinking about you.”

Me: “What?” Delph: “Like… fantasies.” Me: “I’m taken, you know…” Delph: “It’s just physical, I promise.” That’s a comfort. He goes on to confessing that he’s been fantasizing, frequently, about forcing the situation. Me: “You mean rape?” Delph: “Yeah, basically.” He proceeds to go into detail about method, material, and preferred outcome.

Physically, he could. He’s definitely stronger than I, and has had anger management issues in the past. Emotionally, he gets into mindsets where he has no conscience. Being around him now would just be inviting it, especially since he’s confessed it.

In conclusion: I’m creeped out, naturally, hurt, and a bit insulted. It’s disrespectful to me, and to my boyfriend. Incidentally, my boyfriend is livid about this, and wants to beat the shit out of Delph at the earliest opportunity. While Delph > me, physically, he lacks the strength and aggression of my enraged significant other and would get hisself completely destroyed. Being somewhat of a pacifist, I’m looking for a solution that does NOT end with manslaughter/assault on my boyfriend’s record. I can avoid Delph easily enough, but it’s the loss of a) a “good” friend, and b) a safe haven. I trusted him, confided in him, we’ve known each other through a -lot- of crazy occurrences. He hasn’t –done- anything, really… just expressed a desire to. Is a restraining order overreacting? Thoughts?

quote:Originally posted by CandyVeins:



Not quite. After some prompting on my part… “Well… I’ve been thinking about you.”

Me: “What?” Delph: “Like… fantasies.” Me: “I’m taken, you know…” Delph: “It’s just physical, I promise.” That’s a comfort. He goes on to confessing that he’s been fantasizing, frequently, about forcing the situation. Me: “You mean rape?” Delph: “Yeah, basically.” He proceeds to go into detail about method, material, and preferred outcome.



Not even I'm that socially inept, I'd be seriously concerned and looking for ways to extradite myself from any contact with him as soon as possible.

It’s not that he’s had rape fantasies, I’ve had those, it’s just that he told you about them. I don’t know any more then you told me, but I’m getting a really unpleasant vibe in relation to that guy.

::sigh:: It mostly resolved itself. He and I had a long debate, which involved a lot of manipulation on his part, trying to talk me into coming over so he could "apologize," etc. At this point, it's been made very clear that All Contact Is To Be Broken, and that the friendship is beyond any hope of repair.

If he violates that, however, I've grounds for rest. order, if necessary. Mregh. This has just been a hassle. Has anyone had a friend go too far with "flirting" or "closeness" like this?

I have no experience with a situation like that, and hopefully I never will.

It's weird... do you think there was anything in particular that pushed him over the edge, or was it just a gradual build up of crazy til he couldn't take any more and he burst and the crazy just spewed out everywhere?

I honestly couldn't tell you what started it. I do know that I saw him in person (ran into him at work) about a week before he mentioned it to me, and that was the first time we'd had physical contact of any sort in months.

Maybe it stirred up old feelings, I don't know. He -is- a little peculiar, he's certainly attempted things that fall under "kinky" with his self/partners. Perhaps he didn't see the harm.

ok

I guess you just have to cut him loose and hope for the best then.

Good luck from Cardiff.

Just have sex with him.