Ive been with him for about 3 months and around christmas time he told me he has problems "getting it up". Hes had this problem for aaaages now so hes pretty much use to it.

He takes pills for it and it works, however, last night it didnt work for around 2 hours and he got really upset over it.

Me, i dont have a problem with it all because I love him and nothing can change that. I keep telling him this but he's convinced its going to become a huge problem later on in our relationship and im going to leave him.

I just want to know, is there anything I can say to make him belive me? and also, what can I say to him to make him feel better about it, make him see that I understand his situation and that I dont really care if we have sex or not.

He has seen a doctor and if necessary a consellor for this? If not he needs to.He certainly shouldn't be taking pills for it otherwise.

You need to stop trying to reassure him...that will only make it worse.

You need to boost his feeling of 'manhood' and his testoserone levels.

If he does have an erection then be sure to praise its girth and width with awe. You can even pretend it is a litle painful for you when he is in you and SAY SO.

I'm not going to suggest you get into S&M but the more 'traditional' you are the better for him. Let him lead, let him 'be the man' in the relationship.

And constantly show him your desire in a way that doesn't threaten him.



[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 02-17-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by Sado:



I just want to know, is there anything I can say to make him belive me? and also, what can I say to him to make him feel better about it, make him see that I understand his situation and that I dont really care if we have sex or not.

And the above is exactly what you SHOULD NOT be saying to him.

He is male and what seems logical to you (ie love is more important than sex)isn't for him.

Tell him constantly how much you want his cock. Beg him to make you come with his hands/mouth.

Good tip, if he has 'morning wood' then say something like 'please please may i suck it, it looks so good...so big' (if you can find a non-corny way of saying it...)

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 02-17-2007).]

PPS> When he does make you come from oral/fingering then SCREAM in pleasure, tell him that was the best orgasm EVER!

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



Tell him constantly how much you want his cock. Beg him to make you come with his hands/mouth.



No...because when he can't deliver, he'll feel worse....much, much worse....occasionally I can't get it going early on (if I've been drinking.)....just keep fucking him.

Try to surprise him. This is pretty much always a psychological problem at this age (he wakes up with morning wood and gets them occasionally, right? there's your proof it's not physical) and it's mostly caused by just thinking about it or worrying about it. Get his mind off it. Maybe wake him up with a blowjob or something and he might be too busy thinking "this is fucking awesome" to think about anything else. Once he manages to get and keep one during something sexual, it should mentally reassure him and you can go from there.

quote:Originally posted by chickenpoop:

No...because when he can't deliver, he'll feel worse....much, much worse....occasionally I can't get it going early on (if I've been drinking.)....just keep fucking him.

Only if she phrases it like a demand. He already KNOWS he can't deliver as often as he would like...with his cock at least. But oral is always possible.

It is vital that he know how much she desires him. How he makes her drip with lust.She need s to remind him of that constantly.

People, men are strange creatures. Even a man who has lost his genitals will feel a million dollars if a girl blushes and whispers in his ear 'hon, i'm sooo wet, you've made me cream myself'

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

And the above is exactly what you SHOULD NOT be saying to him.

He is male and what seems logical to you (ie love is more important than sex)isn't for him.

Tell him constantly how much you want his cock. Beg him to make you come with his hands/mouth.

Good tip, if he has 'morning wood' then say something like 'please please may i suck it, it looks so good...so big' (if you can find a non-corny way of saying it...)



Honestly, I was in a situation similar to this but I reacted the complete opposite direction.

fucking lithium

that drug is hell on earth.

I had a boyfriend like that once. The realation ship didnt work out, basically because I went to so much effort telling him how hot and awesome he was and how much I enjoyed the sex, and he didnt spend any time or effort trying to convince me he couldnt get hard because I was unatractive.

It works both ways.

lewl hes gay!!!!!

^cluntoris^

quote:Originally posted by Mr.Happy:

This is pretty much always a psychological problem at this age (he wakes up with morning wood and gets them occasionally, right? there's your proof it's not physical).

Nope he doesnt get one AT ALL, only if he takes the pill. Hes been to the doctor. maybe it is pychological.

Its not a question of no sex no nothing. Hes great at doing everything else

He just gets so upset at the fact he cant get intimate with me without taking a pill (which has dodgy side effects).

He seems to think that hes a burdon and I should end it.

mehh

If it's psychological, it sounds pretty severe seeing as he doesn't get them at all. He should see a therapist or somebody, and go back to his doctor. And definitely stop taking medications he's not been prescribed, it can fuck people up and cause worse problems later down the line.

EDIT: As for the other side of it, I'm in a closer-than-close but non-sexual relationship with a girl and in talking about it (it's a bit of an odd relationship) we came to the conclusion that sex is irrelevant to love and wanting to be with someone if you love them, but it's a very nice thing to do if you can. The icing on the cake, but a really great cake. Kinda. It doesn't affect how you feel about him, basically.

[This message has been edited by Mr.Happy (edited 02-17-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by Mr.Happy:

And definitely stop taking medications he's not been prescribed,

He was prescribed them...



quote:The icing on the cake, but a really great cake. Kinda. It doesn't affect how you feel about him, basically.



Exaclty, but he doesnt see it that way, he thinks im going to leave him (like his last gf).

Which is why i want to know how can I convince him of this?

[This message has been edited by Sado (edited 02-17-2007).]

quote:He was prescribed them...

Sorry, my mistake. It sounded like he hadn't been.

I think the best thing you can do to convince him you're not going to leave him over this is to simply not leave him. It'll take time, but gradually he should see that you're not leaving him and that it's not causing a problem. There's not much you can do, although it won't hurt to carry on telling him what you have been telling him. Definitely make sure he still knows that he can still give you everything you want without using his defective organ, too.

So shall I take the others advice?

E.g.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

And the above is exactly what you SHOULD NOT be saying to him.

He is male and what seems logical to you (ie love is more important than sex)isn't for him.

Tell him constantly how much you want his cock. Beg him to make you come with his hands/mouth.

Good tip, if he has 'morning wood' then say something like 'please please may i suck it, it looks so good...so big' (if you can find a non-corny way of saying it...)

Telling him how much you love him, how it doesn't matter and that you won't leave him WILL only strengthen his 'angst' especially as his ex ditched him.

Men don't want to be cuddled and get all drippy-hippy-group huggy ...not on something like this.

Trust me, even taunting him be better than that.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Telling him how much you love him, how it doesn't matter and that you won't leave him WILL only strengthen his 'angst' especially as his ex ditched him.

Men don't want to be cuddled and get all drippy-hippy-group huggy ...not on something like this.

Trust me, even taunting him be better than that.

Hes not like normal guys though...And i would say that because I actually know the guy.

quote:Originally posted by Sado:

Hes not like normal guys though...And i would say that because I actually know the guy.



Assuming he's is not secretly gender dysphasic(sp?) and he has 2 balls and a cock then he is MALE.

Maybe he is different from other boys, and that is great. Many men wouldn't have been as open with you about such a problem or blamed you for it, so kudos to him and you.

Yeah, im slo glad he told me. He said he could tell we were getting serious and wanted to make love to me but just couldnt.

I feel bad for him, i feel bad that he has to take these pills that give him side effects, and how frustrated he gets when they dont work.

I wish I could make it easier for him

Jack's advice would be good up to a point, but from what I know it would definitely be a mistake to over-do it. Unless he's rather stupid, he'd probably figure that a sudden sharp increase in "I want you so bad big boy you're so manly and virile and grrrrr and you make me cum harder than I've ever cum harder in my life". By all means tell him those things (it helps if they're true, don't lie to the guy), just don't go overboard and don't do it specifically to try to combat this problem.

I do think it might be a problem, a lot of guys judge their manliness on sexual performance and if he perceives himself to be lacking there then being told how manly and sexy and impressive he is might just make him feel worse.

To be honest, I think it depends on the guy. You know him best. Some wouldn't want the lovey stuff and others would. Some wouldn't want the manly stuff and some would. It's not the kind of problem you're going to find a quick fix for and if it's psychological it's going to be him that ultimately overcomes it, not you.

I just want him to be happy, thats all. Im scared I might say something (I tend to open my mouth without thinking) and hurt him. Though it teaches me to think before i speak. I just dont want him thinking all I want is sex sex sex.

Thank you for all the advise though. Its good when its from other peoples (other than my friends) opinions.

Mr Happy, I was assuming she'd use some female subtlety and rephrase my words...

Sado, If you feel you can't take my advice then do at least try saying something along the lines of 'a fuck once a week from you is still better than one a night from other guys. I always walk funny the next day anyway'....

Remember 'along the lines', ie less corny etc.

Jack, i like your advise, im open to everyones advise

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Mr Happy, I was assuming she'd use some female subtlety and rephrase my words...

Haha, yeah, I was using my typical male lack of subtlety when I phrased it like I did too. It's good advice, I just wonder if the guy might still see through it. With all his worrying about the relationship he'll be particularly focused on any small changes in her behaviour and might well pick up on it. Definitely worth a shot, though, I don't disagree at all, just think she should be careful with it. By over-doing it, I meant more saying that kind of thing all the time than being really tacky-porn-dialogue about it.

quote:Originally posted by Mr.Happy:

Haha, yeah, I was using my typical male lack of subtlety when I phrased it like I did too. It's good advice, I just wonder if the guy might still see through it. With all his worrying about the relationship he'll be particularly focused on any small changes in her behaviour and might well pick up on it. Definitely worth a shot, though, I don't disagree at all, just think she should be careful with it. By over-doing it, I meant more saying that kind of thing all the time than being really tacky-porn-dialogue about it.

As you said before it must be kinda truthful. Not anything he 'could see through' more about being more honest. When she enjoys him hugging her then she should say so.

If he goes down on her and it feels goooood then scream! Or at least some loud 'oh babbby''s wouldn't go amiss.

HE KNOWS HE CAN'T GET IT UP! And worries he can't keep her. She needs to make him aware that even with a limp dead cock , he is still all the man she'll ever need!

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 02-17-2007).]

Thank you guys again.

Its all helped!

maybe ill update you all on this (if you care enough) were a pretty strong couple who could probably get through anything together. I love him dearly and im hoping he feels the same!

maybe he should get his hormone levels checked. he may have a naturally low testosterone level.

various things can cure this, whether it be injections or creams (testosterone creams would most likely work wonders on him).

cant hurt to test it at least, its not an expensive test anyway.