Lets say you know this really good person is being cheated on. Would you go out of your way to tell them?

Telling them, in no way, personally benefits you.

Also they're a good person in terms of morals, integrity, life style, etc. Just a nice, decent, honest person.

So you would you tell them? Or is it not your place?

If I knew for certain, yes.

Oh hell no.

I know the instinctive reaction is to tell the person who's being cheated on.

But experience has taught me that the messenger is nearly always shot, and the message is ignored.

I would risk a friendship so they could have the information.

Is it my friend or someone I know? Do I care about the cheating person?

Probably no either way. I agree with the "messenger being shot" thing.

If I was good friends with the person, then yes. Otherwise it's none of my fucking business.

I'd confront the person to tell them, then if it didn't happen within a few days...I'd tell them. That's assuming I respect or care for the person in question.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

But experience has taught me that the messenger is nearly always shot, and the message is ignored.

And what if you have irrefutable evidence?

Still a bad decision?

It's kind of complicated.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

And what if you have irrefutable evidence?

Still a bad decision?

It's kind of complicated.

I can only speak for myself, but I've been burned for telling the truth.

I'd just pretend I didn't know anything about it.

I would definitely tell my friends. They'd tell me unless the person cheating was a friend/the person cheating on my girl was a friend/ they were sworn to secrecy. I'd tell them anyways. Circumstances pending.

It would depend on the situtation. If it was say my sister or my best friend, where I know most of the whys and whats of their relationship, then I would say something to them. That and I know they aren' going to hate me for telling them a few months down the road.

But if it was like a co-worker or a more casual friend, no. One, I don't know what kind of relationship they have or what the dynamics between the two are. They might be okay with it, or the "innocent" party might know and just not want to deal with it. Two, they will hate you for it. HATE you. You not only know all about something very personal, but you decided to be the white knight and "save" them. That is just a resentment incubator.

I don't usually do interference, but in that scenario, I might.

If the cheatee(?) it was, say, my best friend or someone I really care about, I'd more than likely tell them, and face the consequences.

If the person I really cared about was the cheater, I'd forcefully make sure they knew they were in the wrong.

Being cheated on isn't nice and if it were me, I'd want to know.

They will only hate you for as long as they're willing to be deceived.

Not if I was the only who saw or knew about it. There's always that possibility of it turning into a "your word vs. there's" and that never goes over well. If it was my best friend though, getting cheated on by some asshole... well, I'd kill the fuck first, then tell her. No wait. I don't have a best friend.

Plus, you have health risks to consider.

Yeah, pretty sure I'm going to tell them.

Them hating me is something I count on and couldn't care about. Just feels like something I have to do.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

Not if I was the only who saw or knew about it. There's always that possibility of it turning into a "your word vs. there's" and that never goes over well.



Exactly.

One of the few things I've learned for sure about people is that they believe what they want to believe.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Yeah, pretty sure I'm going to tell them.

Them hating me is something I count on and couldn't care about. Just feels like something I have to do.



Best of luck.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

Oh hell no.

I know the instinctive reaction is to tell the person who's being cheated on.

But experience has taught me that the messenger is nearly always shot, and the message is ignored.

Yup, I know exactly what you're saying. I've been there a couple of times, now I just watch from the bleachers.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:



Exactly.

One of the few things I've learned for sure about people is that they believe what they want to believe.

Like I said, I have irrefutible evidence. If the person refuses to believe evidence, then maybe they deserve to be cheated on?

If that happens, wish them luck (pity them?), give them a pat on the back and be on my way.

Also, unlike what some one said before, there's no physical danger towards me.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Like I said, I have irrefutible evidence. If the person refuses to believe evidence, then maybe they deserve to be cheated on?



Maybe they'll believe you.

Good luck.

EDIT: I'm not going to try and convince you not to tell them - just be prepared in case you get burned.

[This message has been edited by fullcircle (edited 02-17-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:



Maybe they'll believe you.

Good luck.

EDIT: I'm not going to try and convince you not to tell them - just be prepared in case you get burned.

Haha, I'm the person they got cheated on for.

If they don't believe me they're an idiot. Or naive. I can relate to both. But still, they deserve to know. If they feel they need to burn me? Mace. To the face.

Don't get me wrong, I know this will end badly.

*sigh*

[This message has been edited by arquin (edited 02-17-2007).]

You're trying to be moral about it. Congratulations.

Accepting consequences is part of life.

I would strongly say to the person who was doing the cheating to confess to the person, give a week or I'll say it myself.

If I didn't know them that well, it really wouldn't be my place, but I'd try and go for the forced confession.

DONT DO IT. Let her tell him, its not your job and most fo the time people dont want to believe it and will be naive.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Haha, I'm the person they got cheated on for.



You have weird threads, but they're interesting.

If some hoe was cheating on one of my friends, I'd definatly tell him.



But if it was some girl, and a guy that I kind of new... then I wouldn't tell. Exactly like fullcircle said, the message is always ignored.

quote:Originally posted by shiva:

DONT DO IT. Let her tell him, its not your job and most fo the time people dont want to believe it and will be naive.

Shhhh!

She wont!

We sexed many times, kissed many times, all while she was with him. If she hasn't yet, then she wont. The dude is so good and deserves soooo much better. Fuck, he puts him self in physical harms way for her! Do you think he would if he knew what was going on?

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Shhhh!

She wont!

We sexed many times, kissed many times, all while she was with him. If she hasn't yet, then she wont. The dude is so good and deserves soooo much better. Fuck, he puts him self in physical harms way for her! Do you think he would if he knew what was going on?

Man why don't you put yourself in someones shoes before you do stuff. how would you have felt if someone was secretly railing amanda while you were with her? honestly.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

Oh hell no.

I know the instinctive reaction is to tell the person who's being cheated on.

But experience has taught me that the messenger is nearly always shot, and the message is ignored.

Exactly, happened to me.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

Oh hell no.

I know the instinctive reaction is to tell the person who's being cheated on.

But experience has taught me that the messenger is nearly always shot, and the message is ignored.

Very well put. That, and I really don't think it's anyone's business to come in between a couple. If you want to express your feelings about the subject, go to the cheater. The more people that know, the more nervous he'll get, the closer he'll come to giving himself up. And that's so much better of situation than if she were to confront him.

I keep my mouth shut when gossip comes into my knowledge. It makes my life drama-free.

If it was a good friend, I would. I know they probably wouldn't believe me and that it might fuck things up between us, but I couldn't not tell them. I'd expect a good friend to do the same for me.

I'd have to make absolutely 100% sure, though.

I've just realized, at least one girl has cheated on their boyfriend with me.

Her idea though..

Apparently her boyfriends a dick anyway.

Anonymous email/letter. No messenger to shoot, person finds out. Attach any evidence.

Hell no. Other peoples business is thier own.

Perhaps thier is reasons for cheating and the partner pretends not to know. Telling would only force a relationship to break up.

Most people instinctly know when partner is cheating.

I've done it before, but I was asked directly, and I wasn't going to lie.

I wouldn't unless the person was a very good friend.

i knew a friend of mine was cheating on his girlfriend with one our other friends. i didn't care for his girlfriend and actually thought she was annoying, but i knew how insanely deep her feelings for him were. i told her what was going on and she did not believe me. she was quiet and did not say much when i told her, i thought she was just shocked and sad, so i left her alone. the next day when i see my friend he is wicked pissed at me and he ended up convincing her that i was lieing and just jealous of their relationship (which gave me quite a laugh...easily the worst couple ever).

like a month later the girl he was cheating with told his girlfriend and she finally believed it after the girl described some personal charateristics and things he does during the act. and you know what? the bitch never even thanked me for telling her or for not believing me.

so yeah, blew up in my face. totally not worth it. just tell the person who is doing the cheating that they are retarded for what they are doing and think about the whole situation.