This is a little difficult to explain, so I'll start at the beginning.

On New Year's, I didn't really have a very good night. I got pretty shitfaced, and ended up being sort of sexually assaulted. It's sort of hard to define. It wasn't the guy's fault, he was too drunk to even remember. I wanted to stop him, but I don't think I could because I was so drunk. All I remember from it is trying to push him away and saying "we can't, we can't, I'm too drunk, don't." etc. etc. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I'm 90% sure it didn't lead to actual sex, just some rough fingering because it HURT in the morning.

Now here's my problem. After new year's I started dating this really nice guy, and I like him a lot. But any time we reach a certain point when things are getting physical, it's like my entire body and mind freeze and shut down, and I don't want ANYTHING to do with it anymore. The first thing I think of when this happens is what happened on New Year's. But I didn't think I was that affected by it, I mean, the both of us were completely drunk, and even though I spent new year's crying and the next few days being pretty upset, I thought I'd gotten over it.

Am I just much more deeply affected by what happened to me than I thought? Is my mind making up an excuse for what my body doesn't want to do with this guy? Am I being over-dramatic, and should I suck it up? Or has anybody else had similar feelings for completely different reasons? Any input, advice, or stories would be appreciated.

Yeah, thats pretty much rape. Don't make the excuse that the guy was drunk, there are no excuses for that type of behavior. I would see a therapist.

If that's too costly, or out of the question for some other reason, I would try and explain this to your boyfriend, and let yourself get comfortable around him. If you don't, he will eventually dump you.

PS: Sorry about the smily thing. It's a habit, and I realised how inappropriate it is after posting.

[This message has been edited by just a name (edited 02-16-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by just a name:

Yeah, thats pretty much rape. Don't make the excuse that the guy was drunk, there are no excuses for that type of behavior. I would see a therapist.

So you're saying that it's the guy's fault even though she was just as drunk? Hell, can ANYONE say double standards? Women wanted equal rights, and they're going to get them. If you LET yourself get raped, then you're just as much at fault as the rapist.

Anyways back on topic... If it was that traumatizing for you, then yes, you might very well have post-traumatic stress disorder associated with sexual pleasure. Go see a brain doctor, as the limit to what we can do online is, well, limited.

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

So you're saying that it's the guy's fault even though she was just as drunk? Hell, can ANYONE say double standards? Women wanted equal rights, and they're going to get them. If you LET yourself get raped, then you're just as much at fault as the rapist.



you are an idiot gus, rape is never right

for op, it was dumb to get that wasted, you probably trusted this guy that this occurred with and is now why you have issues with your boy, but still you need to admit to yourself that it was rape, you also need to realize that you can trust your boy and any other man that really means something to you, the past is always behind you, move on, you need to be mentally stronger, if you know that you really want to do something with your boy, just push yourself and don't allow yourself to stop when it comes down to doing it

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

If you LET yourself get raped, then you're just as much at fault as the rapist.

I dont really think theres such a thing as "Letting yourself be a victim of rape".

Rape is sexual intercourse taken by force, letting it happen is consentual sex. There is the catch 22 of letting yourself be in the wrong situation at the wrong time, knowing full well there is a big possibility that it might occur... and that just comes down to sheer stupidity ( but alas, it is still rape).

OP, you sound like you drank far too much and obviously you were targeted because you seemed like a easy win. You should see a psych, i dont mean to offend you but from what you posted it looks like alot more might have gone on while you were far too out of it to remember or even acknowledge at the time. You said "DONT", that means no and thats ALL you should have to say. Use it as a lesson and dont get yourself in a silly situation like that again.

I hope everything works out for you, im sure a good therapist and some coping strategies will help you

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

If you LET yourself get raped, then you're just as much at fault as the rapist.

Hey, fatty, you like raping people? Doncha, you fat tittied mother fucker? You want a chocolate bar? Sure you do, you're a fatty mc fat fuck. You like that? Yeeeaaaaah, course you do, fatty.

Man, you're so pathetic. Don't try and justify rape that it's her fault for being drunk.

Yes, she was stupid. Yes she put her self in a BAD situation. But honestly bad situation does not equate to a situation one's going to get raped in. She had no idea that she was going to get raped, so she hardly LET him do it.

Hey, how's the working out coming along? Can you see your dick yet?

*edit*

OP, tell your boyfriend what happened. If he's a good guy he'll help you work through it. Give it some time, and if nothing changes, start seeing a professional.

[This message has been edited by arquin (edited 02-16-2007).]

Thanks for the replies guys.

just a name: Don't worry about the smiley

I didn't want to say it was HIS fault, because I shouldn't have been that drunk. If you can't do anything to stop a guy from doing that to you... you've had too much to drink. We're BOTH at fault, I think. Though I'm the one who came out on the worse end of it. I wasn't expecting it, but then again, nobody who gets raped ever does. It was just 20 kids from my school all at my friend's house, seemed like a pretty safe situation.

I guess since the general consensus is to tell him, that's what I'll do... if he's worth my time, he should understand.

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

If you LET yourself get raped, then you're just as much at fault as the rapist.

I hope somebody makes you LET him kick your ass. Sounds stupid doesn't it

If you tell your boyfriend, he'll just demand to know the guy's name and kills him. Assuming he's the usual worthless macho shit

1.Buy cleats.

2.Ask for secksy-time with him.

3.when her whips it out,step on his dick.



Now your even,but you should just kill him.