I was just curious as to how all of you have dealt with a break up? Whether it be a one month relationship or a 30 year marriage.

I have recently been dumped by my ex of nearly 4 years. I would just like to let some feelings out before I give some tips that helped me deal with the pain of losing her. She was my first love and I was hers, we lost our virginities to one another in an entanglent of ultimate pleasure. We were also the best of friends and always looked out for one another.

Two weeks ago she was pointing out engagement rings and talking about kids. Then last monday she came home from work and told me she doesn't ever want to see me and wants to stand on her own two feet- be more independent.

So the weekend just gone I'm pretty sad about it, then my brother comes home from the nightclub and wakes me up at about 4am and tells me he saw my ex (Whom I still love deeply) passionately making out with another guy all night- WELL my heart shredded and I ended up praying to god to end my life. Not only that but the guy she was with lives across the road from me and I heard her there that night. Which was really depressing.

Anyway, now I would like to share some ways I dealt with it- which I will express in steps...

Step 1: Realize that the person that you depended on is gone and there is NO WAY you will get back together- DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT CLING ON TO ANY HOPE AT ALL. It might make you feel better for a little while, but then you will just get shot down and you'll have to start from the start again.

Step 2:Realize that you lived before you got with this person- so you CAN live without them.

Step 3: Read books, not just any books, books on coping with loss. But not only that read books on life in general- self development, success stories, spiritual healing. So you can see that there is a future for you.

...And this is where I am up to, I feel I have progressed a lot in just over a week.

By the way I am 19, so if you think this is juvenile- that is why.

Thanks

Nietzche, Kierkegaard, and Camus. Also, drugs and self-injuring. Lots of wallowing. Lots of clinging to the hope of getting back together. Wanting to die. Yeah, that's pretty much it. It persists until i find someone else. I'm not a healthy person.

quote:Originally posted by PhatMonkey:

Then last monday she came home from work and told me she doesn't ever want to see me and wants to stand on her own two feet- be more independent.

So the weekend just gone I'm pretty sad about it, then my brother comes home from the nightclub and wakes me up at about 4am and tells me he saw my ex (Whom I still love deeply) passionately making out with another guy all night- WELL my heart shredded and I ended up praying to god to end my life.

That would anger me in a way that can't be described in this language. You're a good man for not killing either of them. I'm not sure I could say I'd do the same. Atleast destroy everything material she owns.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

That would anger me in a way that can't be described in this language. You're a good man for not killing either of them. I'm not sure I could say I'd do the same. Atleast destroy everything material she owns.

Ya...agreed.....I can't imagine the fury and pain that would be going through my mind in a similar situation.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

That would anger me in a way that can't be described in this language. You're a good man for not killing either of them. I'm not sure I could say I'd do the same. Atleast destroy everything material she owns.

lol, after the sadness I did feel like killing her- then him, then climbing a clock tower with an AK and shooting people in a fit of frenzied rage. Well at least I know I'm a 'good man' for not killing them, hehe.

She probably wants to make you feel like you've already been replaced. But heh, you don't replace a relationship of 4 years by a quick hookup, do you. I know you're hurt but if you are around her or people related to her, just act like you're doing fine with it. She probably hooked up with him to make you feel bad, and if it doesn't even seem to affect you, she will just feel stupid. So yeah, move on, work out, join a sport club (not the army), read, play music. Reaching another level is a good way to get rid of that kind of memories, and it will make you put a win on her in the long run while she is sleeping around.

[This message has been edited by deiki (edited 02-13-2007).]

^^Thanks, that really helps a lot.(I don't know if that came across as sarcastic or not, but it wasn't sarcastic)

I think you might be right about her trying to make me feel bad. I guess by making me feel bad it makes her feel good, because if her single life doesn't work out like she planned, she can always come back to me(or so she thinks), because I'm sad and the only way to take that away at the present time is to get back with her.

In a way I am grateful that she showed me not to take love for granted and by her breaking up with me I've also felt like I have 'evolved' into a new understanding and meaning of life.

Thanks deiki

Last break up, was me finally being a fucking man about my life and telling her shes fucked me over to much and dumped her.

Fuck I was and am happier without her. But if your talking about sadness, when I was with her I'd blow speed everyday.

EDIT: I started "dating" (not official) afterwards and it fucked me over when she abandoned me because I finally figured out not to trust people so much.

[This message has been edited by trippydeath (edited 02-13-2007).]

Edit: Misread it

Heh, I broke up with a girl over a year ago, we dated a year and half, long time for a guy whose only had one girlfriend.

Between September (when we broke up) and January, I was super depressed. Between those months, I watched my grandfather die (of naturally causes). But he kicked me in the ass mentally, as people were discussing his life. And join I did.

Time and very close friends helped me through it.

Thats why I suggested going to sea initially, cause thats what I did.

[This message has been edited by DesertRebel (edited 02-13-2007).]

I just shared my pain with friends until all of us were sick of it, then went out dancing, and started to date again if I met someone who interested me.

What else is there to do?

(and I love my friends)

i'm not sure how to handle the breakup that's on my hands at the moment. see, one of my friends is more pissed off than my ex is. crazy shit.

You think your story is bad? When I was 17 I had this super hot gf I mean skinny nice ass, descent tits and she didnt live with her parents. Oh she was a 20 year old ex-tweaker but anyway we dated for a while it was all good. Then one day my manager rachel, at work started talking to her they where friends kinda' and she gave her the idea to dump my ass which still makes no sense because I helped her out allot after she left her husband. I sold her a really nice car dirt cheap for $100. But anyway a week later my best friend and I are hanging out at his place drinkin' and having fun then all the sudden he tells me he's screwin my ex I was pissed I left barley drove home, I was wasted. Eventualy like maybe three days later I got over it then she screwed my buddy over somehow. A week later we found out she gave us chlamidya. Oh and before that my buddy was dating my manager at work and he left her for my ex fucked up shit eh?

Alcohol is my last and only love to not break my heart in some way or other. Benn in love for 6.5 years and still going strong in this relationship. Always there for me and willing to listen to me rant and express myself.

about 1 year

i just drank a lot with my friends

If a breakup is the worst thing that's ever happened to you, consider yourself lucky.

Take comfort in that.

quote:Originally posted by DissectionalX:

If a breakup is the worst thing that's ever happened to you, consider yourself lucky.

Take comfort in that.

Exactly, I've been talking to a few older blokes from work and they say they know it's painfull, but there is a lot worser things that will happen to you during your life.

So I look on the brightside and think it's not the worst thing that could happen to me- my whole family and everyone I know dying would be a lot worse.