So my girlfriend of 4 months told me that ever since she moved out of her mom's house that she's been under a lot of stress. In the weeks before she moved out, her mom was picking fights, her grandmother was harassing her at all hours of the day, etc.

Now she lives with her dad and her older sister. But her mom is still being a bitch by not letting her go back to get a lot of her stuff (ID, shoes, dresses, CDs, iPod charger, etc).

And so for the last month or so she's been really stressed. Her grades have slipped, she can't get to sleep at night, and now she told me last night that she has been not eating regularily/making herself throw up after eating. She said that she threw up 1-2 times daily. She also said that a couple years ago she did this for a couple months after a guy dumped her because he said she was fat.

Now, she isn't perfectly super-skinny, but she is definitely NOT overweight.

Needless to say, I was devastated when she told me this. I felt sick all night and then all of today. I couldn't get to sleep at all last night. I am extremely upset still.

However, since I saw her earlier tonight I am not as upset. She has promised to stop throwing up and eating more.

Fuck, I am really scared for her... I don't want anything to happen to her.

I still feel sick to my stomach. Am I overreacting?

Thanks for listening, &T.

Tell her that you find a girl with all her teeth more attractive than a girl who's super skinny. Then slap her for some lolz.

Stomach acid and teeth aren't friends.

This may be a myth, I don't know.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Tell her that you find a girl with all her teeth more attractive than a girl who's super skinny. Then slap her for some lolz.

Stomach acid and teeth aren't friends.

This may be a myth, I don't know.

No, it's the truth. The stomach's acid eats away the teeths natural coatings and they rot away.

And it also destroys the REST of the parts of the mouth... This is why body image controlling is something that hurts more people than it helps.

See, irrational hatred of "fat people" cause weak people like this to break down and do idiotic things. Maybe you should start THINKING about what you're saying, eh?

I do find her super-hot!

She gets me going EVERY FUCKING TIME! I love it! She really is sexy.

She said it kinda relieves the stress...

Fuck, at least it's over now...

You are most certainly not overreacting. It can be quite a serious issue. I have zero experience, so take this FWIW, but at the very least be there to support her and to help her towards a positive body image. Although I'm gonna guess and say this isn't about her weight per se -- it's about her stressful environment. Purging is one way of coping with her problems. If it gets out of hand, seek professional help.

The thing is: She hates doctors/councellors/physciatrists/etc.

She refuses to seek help for anything from aches and pains to bulimia.

Dammit. I would never have expected her to do this... of all people.

And thanks for all of the helpful, mature, supportive, and positive replies. S&A is one of Totse's few remaining safe havens.

But I don't expect it to get out of hand... She promised to stop.

[This message has been edited by pepper23 (edited 02-10-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

See, irrational hatred of "fat people" cause weak people like this to break down and do idiotic things. Maybe you should start THINKING about what you're saying, eh?

No. The fact that they break down so easily is directly tied to their will power. That's why they're fat in the first place, because they don't have the willpower to do anything about it.

So my irrational hate for fat fucking slobs will remain.

What more can I say than ?

Make it a note to tell her that she was already skinny but now she looks emaciated and that you can't be attracted to her if she continues to lose weight. Let her know when she was skinny (don't say bigger, as she's already sensitive) that you'd never been more attracted to any one in your life. That you'd be even more attracted to her if she'd start eating healthily. Also tell her that the teeth she has are for life. Ask her if she wants to look like a meth addict. Most importantly, praise her when she does the right thing, give her a lot of attention. When she does her little bulimic routine, don't give her any attention, not even the negative type. It's an attention seeking act. Other wise she wouldn't have told you about it and would have just continued to do it with out you knowing.

If all that doesn't work, make fun of her when she loses weight, and make love to her when she gains weight. It's evil, but it worked for me. I got a girl from disgustingly thin to nice and healthy!

Ignore arquin's suggestions and the suggestions of anybody that isn't a self-admitted bulimic, or experienced, trained, professional.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Ignore arquin

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Tell her that you find a girl with all her teeth more attractive than a girl who's super skinny. Then slap her for some lolz.

Stomach acid and teeth aren't friends.

This may be a myth, I don't know.



I was at work once and this lady walked by our windows. The guy I was working with, who was a miserable motherfucker anyway, told me that the woman had no teeth becuase she was bulimic and the stomach acid ate her teeth.

How ironic is it that she puked to lose weight and therefore look more attractive but lost all her teeth because of it and now looks like a 6th grader's pumpkin? Minus the orange of course. And the lines.

quote:Originally posted by pepper23:

So my girlfriend of 4 months told me that ever since she moved out of her mom's house that she's been under a lot of stress. In the weeks before she moved out, her mom was picking fights, her grandmother was harassing her at all hours of the day, etc.

Now she lives with her dad and her older sister. But her mom is still being a bitch by not letting her go back to get a lot of her stuff (ID, shoes, dresses, CDs, iPod charger, etc).

And so for the last month or so she's been really stressed. Her grades have slipped, she can't get to sleep at night, and now she told me last night that she has been not eating regularily/making herself throw up after eating. She said that she threw up 1-2 times daily. She also said that a couple years ago she did this for a couple months after a guy dumped her because he said she was fat.

Now, she isn't perfectly super-skinny, but she is definitely NOT overweight.

Needless to say, I was devastated when she told me this. I felt sick all night and then all of today. I couldn't get to sleep at all last night. I am extremely upset still.

However, since I saw her earlier tonight I am not as upset. She has promised to stop throwing up and eating more.

Fuck, I am really scared for her... I don't want anything to happen to her.

I still feel sick to my stomach. Am I overreacting?

Thanks for listening, &T.

Yeah, I had a girlfriend who was anorexic... stress at home, and when she told me she was anorexic, I felt sad. It's weird, and it's something very powerful. Even when I tried to help her, she would lie to me about whether or not she'd thrown up and what all she had eaten that day.

All you can do is be repetitive about how her body is beautiful. Also, many girls feel like they have no control over anything in their life, and think that the only have control over what they put into their body. You should probably try to see why she doesn't feel in control and help her with that.

quote:The thing is: She hates doctors/councellors/physciatrists/etc.

She refuses to seek help for anything from aches and pains to bulimia.

Dammit. I would never have expected her to do this... of all people.

And thanks for all of the helpful, mature, supportive, and positive replies. S&A is one of Totse's few remaining safe havens.

But I don't expect it to get out of hand... She promised to stop.

She's fighting for her control of her body, and she almost feels like they're trying to tell her what to do. But don't forget about it, because there is a good, I would say probable chance that she is lying to you about not doing it. Don't be overbearing, but be persistent about checking on her and assuring her that she has control over her life. I hope that helped.

I used alot of "control"s

[This message has been edited by ApocalypsePlease (edited 02-10-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

Ignore arquin

QFT

We can only pray that gus becomes bulimic.

I didn't mean it in that light.

arquin does have a variety of good and helpful views. Just not for this thread.

Yeah, I had an ex like that. She would vomit and cut. When I first found out i was so sad, because I thought she was so beautiful.

But now to get to reality, I can bet you money she hasn't stopped throwing up. She is just saying that to make you feel better. There isn't really a way out of this... except keep telling her she is beautiful... But chances are she still won't believe you. I'm gunna go out on a limb and say it's a phaze she'll pass through.

quote:Originally posted by Chinese Food52:

I can bet you money she hasn't stopped throwing up. She is just saying that to make you feel better.

quote:Originally posted by Chinese Food52:

I'm gunna go out on a limb and say it's a phaze she'll pass through.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Ignore arquin

lol. Never gets old.

If I had a bulimic girlfriend, I don't think I could stomach the idea of being "supportive" and "understanding". Surely some tough love is the way to go. If she can't take control of her life, she needs someone else to take control or it will go to shit.

Tell the bitch there's people in the world digging in dumpsters for a rotting peach pit, but she goes and pukes up a meal because she "feels bad"?

Buck up you damn sissies. I've seen and been through worse, and I didn't yak up anything I ate to "ease the pain".

Sorry pepper23, but I hate anorexics and bulimics. Dated one before too, complete fools they are.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

If I had a bulimic girlfriend, I don't think I could stomach the idea

lawl I just realised a made a pun

quote:Originally posted by ApocalypsePlease:

But don't forget about it, because there is a good, I would say probable chance that she is lying to you about not doing it.



How the hell would I even know? I mean, if she tells me that she ate, and I don't live with her (I'm 16 in a month and she's 16), how would I tell?

Also, if she threw up 1-2 times a day for a month, could she have serious problems already? Should she see a doctor?





[This message has been edited by pepper23 (edited 02-10-2007).]

BUMP?

Also, could this be revealed on her next dentist check-up?

Euda is right. People don't understand these conditions; worse, they think they do understand. It's nothing to do with willpower. It's nothing to do with needing attention or reassurance. The only person who could really help if it was at all serious would be a counsellor, doctor or psychiatrist. The people who offer advice without understanding it are giving advice that could do a lot more harm than good. Sorry arquin, as far as this thread goes this means you.

All I can say is make her feel beautiful. Make her feel like she's the greatest girl in the world and maybe she'll see it too.

I know a lot of girls who don't eat or who throw up because guys like skinnier and skinnier girls.

Personally I find them disguisting. I could never date a girl as small as myself, and I'm not bullemic or anorexic, I eat a shitload.

Haha! Arquin for President!

quote:Originally posted by pepper23:



Fuck, at least it's over now...



If someone is stupid enough to start doing something like that, they're not going to one day say "hey, this is really bad for me, I'll stop right now!!"

Chances are she's lying to you to make you feel better and still vomits when you arent around.

Such things dont just 'go away'.



Meh.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

If someone is stupid enough to start doing something like that, they're not going to one day say "hey, this is really bad for me, I'll stop right now!!"

I was gonna make a big post about how much booze I drink, and that if I felt like it, I could stop drinking anytime. I've done it before. I just hate that people who ask you to stop drinking think you should change yourself for them.

But if those people really do have messed brain chemistries that make them do stupid shit like yak a good meal, then it probably isn't related to willpower like drinking is.

quote:Originally posted by pepper23:

How the hell would I even know? I mean, if she tells me that she ate, and I don't live with her (I'm 16 in a month and she's 16), how would I tell?

Also, if she threw up 1-2 times a day for a month, could she have serious problems already? Should she see a doctor?



Well, my gf would only admit to me later that she had been lying to me. It's kind of a tough thing to deal with, because you don't want to lord over her, she'll start to hate you.

Yes, see a doctor. She probably won't want to... at all. But be persistent.

Remember, eating disorders are mental illnesses. Your girlfriend probably isn't thinking like a rational person would about food.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:



If someone is stupid enough to start doing something like that, they're not going to one day say "hey, this is really bad for me, I'll stop right now!!"

Chances are she's lying to you to make you feel better and still vomits when you arent around.

Such things dont just 'go away'.

Meh.

Yoyobek, you're a hardcore motherfucker, and you've had some sort of eating disorder if I recall correctly. What would be the best thing for a boyfriend to do in your opinion? I fear I may one day have to deal with this...

Get her to cut herself instead.

quote:Originally posted by genericwittyusername:

Get her to cut herself instead.

Unfortunately you made my day.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:



If someone is stupid enough to start doing something like that, they're not going to one day say "hey, this is really bad for me, I'll stop right now!!"

Chances are she's lying to you to make you feel better and still vomits when you arent around.

Such things dont just 'go away'.



Meh.

She told me out of her own will. She just one night told me that she didn't actually eat supper like she told me (that's the first time and only time she lied to me) and that she's been making herself puke for about a month.

Again, would this be revealed on her next dentist check-up if she barfed 1-2 times daily for a little over a month?

I kind of want her dentist to tell her dad about it, just so she could get some help...

Any suggestions on how to persuade her to get professional help?

She'd probably be looking for something cheap and anonymous. Any suggestions on what kind of professional help for her?

I really don't want anything to happen to her.

She's an attention whore.

Tell her to shut the fuck up, pull her finger out her throat and eat a burrito.

You know, she probably isn't going to stop purging just like that. Like many things, it's addictive and euphoric, and it kinda sounds like she's pretty dependent on it if that's her way of coping with stress.

It's easy to get something of your chest and just go "yeah i'll stop it now k" to just make you happy and not have you on her case 247. If she said that she'd carry on doing it, then you'd be on her back about it, wouldn't you?

Dig deeper

edit: it's dangerous no matter how few times you do it. When you drink too much and help the vomitting along to feel better, it's pretty painful, oui?

If you've a keen eye, you might be able to spot if she's still throwing up but denying it, but don't call her out, approach it delicately. The fingers like yoyobek mentioned, also sore throats and burst blood vessels on the face. They're really tiny and stuff, but she might have them if she's doing it violently enough.

[This message has been edited by Isobutane (edited 02-11-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by pepper23:



Again, would this be revealed on her next dentist check-up if she barfed 1-2 times daily for a little over a month?

I kind of want her dentist to tell her dad about it, just so she could get some help...



It depends really on how she does it, and for how long.

It is true, stomach acid is hell on the teeth. Also, if she's vomiting and not getting the right nutrients her teeth are going to weaken.

Do you know..the mechanics of how she does it? I take it she's purging by vomiting not by laxative use..

I guess you cant ask her if it's a sensitive issue, but if she's using her finger to vomit atleast she wont be damaging her teeth as much as if she was using a toothbrush, pen or other item.

Take a look at her fingers, if they look really rough, bitten, generally damaged,you'll know she's just using fingers.



I generally use a toothbrush, it's longer, can go deeper so makes the whole thing alot quicker to get done. Also alot more violent. Dont mention toothbrushes to her.

So yeah. It's going to be really fucking up her teeth, but if she's not been doing it long then the effects might not be that noticable to the dentist.yet.

Also, unless your dentist has knowledge of bullimia, or is a Doctor also, they may well not even assume your girlfriends bad teeth are eating disorder related, and simply due to too many sweets,ect.



Also, I dont know if dentists are any different to doctors, but isnt it illegal to share the confidential information of a patient with anyone else?

What country are you in?

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

Yoyobek, you're a hardcore motherfucker, and you've had some sort of eating disorder if I recall correctly. What would be the best thing for a boyfriend to do in your opinion? I fear I may one day have to deal with this...



Hardcore motherfucker,no. Stupid,yes.

Generally I dont do it that much anymore. It's the cost more than anything. But I still do it when I'm feeling really bad. I also get through 3 packs of laxatives a week.

After a while it stops being about food and starts being about.. sheer desperation not to be a fat freak, I guess. I dont know.

To be honest, I cant advise much about it. I want my boyfriend to know as little about it as possible. He bitches at me when I'm sick, but he bitches at me for eating complete junk even if I keep it down. I'm also pretty sure he's not happy about the poundage I gained after quitting meth and shit a few years back. But I know he still loves me and that be bitches because he cares.

If your girlfriend actively asks for your help or clearly wants you to mention it all you can do it tell her she's beautifull.



But for the love of god, even if she *is* fat, or unatractive, do not tell her so if you want her to stop her nasty stupid desturctive habits.



My boyfriend called me the 'C' word last week. The 'c' word that ends in 'hubby'.

O_o



Girls are weird. Eating disorders are fucked up. There's no way anyone will ever be able to understand either.

I tell her that she's beautiful, sexy, hot, etc.

However, it's not like I focus only her physical appearance. I often compliment her on her talents, traits, etc.

How can I convince her to get some professional help from an expert without being too hard on her?

Stop thinking about yourself. You aren't the person that is suffering from this condition. You can do nothing besides be there for support. Unless she wants to get help, there's nothing to be done. Think of it in terms of drugs, nobody can force someone to quit.

You have to trust her to take care of herself. You're her boyfriend, not her father. You can't make decisions for her, it's her choice. As long as she's aware that it deeply concerns you and you dislike it, there's nothing left to offer.

Thanks Iso and yoyo.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 02-11-2007).]

Shit man, you're right.

I just want to help her, but I guess I really can't do much about it.

But I would like her to get some help, I just haven't said that to her really. I'm wondering what the best way to suggest it would be...

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

You have to trust her to take care of herself. You're her boyfriend, not her father. You can't make decisions for her, it's her choice.

If a girlfriend I loved was in danger of seriously hurting herself than I would damn well make decisions for her.

Hmm... Well, I think I have a few words for the situation...

The main thing to realize, is if you love her and hope to say with her (Which it seems you really do), you're her panhandle on life man! Be her rescuer, her knight. Be content with the fact that hey, her life sucks right now, but YOU can be the one not sucky thing in her life!

Continue to console her, ask her about what's going on in life and how she feels about it often, and always offer a positive outlook and some good advice.

Good advice is actually the easy part, as most good advice is simply pointing out the obvious! Honestly, rarely does the advice I give anyone require much thinking. Advice, in my opinion, works much like medicine, it dosen't cure anything itself most of the time, it just helps the body's immune system defeat the sickness. When you console and give advice, you're simply pointing out and renforcing the good choices she's making in her own mind.

Anywho, it's late, and I tend to go off an tangents like the one I just did, but yea, be her life's panhandle!

[This message has been edited by Win A Free Ipod (edited 02-12-2007).]

Your girlfriend blows chunks.