I live in a different city than my boyfriend, and him, my sister, her boyfriend and my best friend all came to visit me this weekend. I had a really good time but I did notice that my boyfriend seemed mopey all weekend.

I asked him, "Is there anything wrong, or anything you want to talk about?" but he insisted that nothing was wrong. In my experience, guys are horrible at hiding things and will usually end up blowing within a couple of days of acting like this, and I mentioned that, but he still said that nothing was wrong, so I let it go.

They drove home last night and he texted me at one in the morning saying "text me when you want me to call." My exact reply was this: "Call me tomorrow cause I was already asleep...love you!"

This morning he texted me back:

"What's up with the new persona? I didn't know if you were sleeping last nite so I didn't call, and you give me shit as though I was supposed to know you were asleep through text message. If you're grumpy due to lack of sleep, that's fine, but stop making me feel miserable."

We then proceeded to have a 'fight' of sorts over texts with him saying he had a horrible weekend because I was contradicting him and ragging on him and making him feel like shit all weekend. We ended up talking on the phone (well him talking, me crying) which culminated in him saying "I have to go to work, do you want me to call when I'm off?" and I said "Yeah fine, bye. Have a good day" and I hung up. I will concede, it's not very mature to hang up on someone, but I was really upset and he had to go anyway.

Then he texted me some bullshit about how he didn't appreciate what I said under my breath when I hung up on him. I texted him back and said "I said 'have a nice day'. Can't you see that you're always nitpicking to find something wrong with what I do/say?"

His reply:

"Well fine, walk all over me and make me feel like shit and every time I get a little concerned throw hissy fits and bawl your eyes out and tell me I'm just being a dick just looking for an excuse to start an argument"

My reply:

"Well it kind of feels that way when you can't even give me a good example of what I'm doing wrong."

Him:

"I need to work and I don't need this stress right now. So once again I'm going to just stop arguing and say I'm wrong and you're right. But the next time you do or say what I'm talking about, I'll make sure that you remember"

Ugh, I'm so frustrated right now. I seriously don't even remember fighting with him or contradicting him this weekend. I think it's just a matter of him taking little things way too personally (like the 'I was asleep' text) and I really don't know what to do about it.

It's so hard to deal with him when he's grumpy. It feels like no matter what I do or say when he's in a mood like this is wrong.

It seems like all our fights end this way, where one of us just gives in but we don't actually resolve anything. If I try and push to get things resolved he accuses me of wanting to fight more.

So yeah, to those patient enough to read this, what is your interpretation of this fight? Can you offer any advice on how I should deal with him if he's grumpy?

Thanks.

Edit - He just sent this:

"I'm not going to break up with you so don't get the wrong idea from what I've just said. I still love you and I'm just a little upset right now. Let's just stop fighting so we can both have enjoyable days and we'll calmly and maturely talk later, okay?"

That makes me feel a bit better, but I'm still not sure how to approach this talk. It's so hard not to get defensive, because I don't think I've done anything wrong...

[This message has been edited by Sick_Boy (edited 02-05-2007).]

Cell phones will be the death of us all.

Wow. That was a silly fight.

He'll get over it, though it sounds to me like he's pissed off at something totally irrelevant. :/

Thats the kind of bullshit drama I'd expect to find in middle school. For the love of god...people need to grow up.

This is really weird, but earlier today I was like, "I think something is going to take Sick Boy's and her boyfriend's relationship down."

apparently I am a prophet

hail eris, vote rizzo '08

So is he just being a dick then? How can I get him to not take little things so personally?

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

So is he just being a dick then? How can I get him to not take little things so personally?

Just remember that human beings are prone to irrational behavior because of stressful and confusing circumstances. Ignorance (see: miscommunication, distortion of perception, etc) is the main cause of conflict. Realize that people aren't their outburst of emotions, although extreme circumstances can reveal big truths. Deep down he loves you, and you love him. Remember that and be patient.

oh, fuck

for him to not take YOU so seriously

I thought you meant the other way around

my bad

[This message has been edited by Rizzo in a box (edited 02-05-2007).]

Is he an emotionally stable kid?

He sounds like me. When I'm in a bad mood I'll blow the tiniest little thing into a fullblown fight.

That's what he did.

quote:Originally posted by HandOfZek:

Cell phones will be the death of us all.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Is he an emotionally stable kid?

He sounds like me. When I'm in a bad mood I'll blow the tiniest little thing into a fullblown fight.

That's what he did.

In general he's pretty stable. Is there anything a girl can do that will diffuse your bad mood?

Edit - He gets grumpy if he's not high, which is a bit concerning, but not a pressing issue...

[This message has been edited by Sick_Boy (edited 02-05-2007).]

Leave him alone for a while, he'll feel like crap later about what he did, and call you, and apologize, and he'll mean it too. Doesn't mean it won't happen again though,and again, and again..

quote:Originally posted by Aseren:

Leave him alone for a while, he'll feel like crap later about what he did, and call you, and apologize, and he'll mean it too. Doesn't mean it won't happen again though,and again, and again..

Exactly.

It's going to happen a lot more. You've got tough times ahead. There's two things you can do: Fight him. Leave him alone on a good note. As in "I'm sorry babe, I'm helping mum with something, we'll talk in a bit okay?"

Just lie to him and say family issues. Why? Because no decent guy would oppose to family issues. He'll be like "oh...okay". He needs time to cool down.

That, or physical intimicy. Being touched calms me down. Since you live so far away, that's not an option.

Kick him in the balls if he has any and tell him you need a man not a fucking child. Tell him to grow up or move on. I agree with other posts he is being childish

texting....urk..



It's so hard to say what you mean in a text. It's also hard to portray emotion, or send something to someone without them taking it the wrong way.



Keep texting to "I wuv you shnuggle umpkins" and "I'm buying a ps3 with the rent,love U XXX"

and keep the serious stuff to face to face and on the phone.

lol that dude's a fag. looked like one of the conversations i'd have when i was 13.

That was a bit too much detail for a generic fight. Come next week you'll have forgotten about it.

Have to agree with arquin here. I think he was just looking for an excuse to get mad. As for things you could do to help... well, I always help myself by reminding myself who exactly I'm snapping at and how much I love her. I consider my anger in the context of my wonderful relationship, and it suddenly seems churlish and silly. Maybe you could help remind him that you love each other etc., that it's not worth it? Other than that, I just wouldn't take it personally and might give him some space when he's like that.

It could be that he's just an asshole, though.

Dump him.

You know. He may have been a little bummed when he came to see you, for whatever reason. And maybe he felt you weren't paying him enough attention for his effort or were neglecting him and he felt put out and unappreciated?

Just a guess, but it seems he makes efforts to visit you a lot, like when he got a bus all night to see you because you were home sick or something?

sick_boy, belt up!

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just be there for him, because we ALL have our rough patches once in a while. No need to soak it up.

Sounds like you're the newest member to the "People That Are Dating Immature Idiots And Who Might Very Well Be Immature Too!" club, which boasts a membership in the millions (and that's just the North America chapter).

I'd suggest getting used to idiotic fights that don't make sense, and learning to deal with them the way he seems to have: Get high because you can't handle life.

^You pretend to be a nice guy sometimes, but you're a very angry man.

His words are an excuse. Something else is the problem.

He may break up with you soon, if that problem is a serious one.

Don't expect him to tell you what that problem is though.

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

"Well fine, walk all over me and make me feel like shit..."



"So once again I'm going to just stop arguing and say I'm wrong and you're right."

Sounds like her percieves himself being a little whipped up, is at boiling point and it doesn't take much to set him off.

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

Edit - He gets grumpy if he's not high, which is a bit concerning, but not a pressing issue...

I'd call that very unhealthy and concerning.

[This message has been edited by rabbitweed (edited 02-05-2007).]

A fucking men, brother.

I never use my cell phone.

quote:Originally posted by Aseren:

^You pretend to be a nice guy sometimes, but you're a very angry man.

I'm sorry if the truth is too horrible for you to hear... Perhaps you should just go and stick your nasty little face back under the rock you've been living under and try and forget about everything you've read.

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

I'm sorry if the truth is too horrible for you to hear... Perhaps you should just go and stick your nasty little face back under the rock you've been living under and try and forget about everything you've read.

Gustave telling someone they've got a nasty litte face?



gustave???!

OOoh, the hypocrisy of it all!!

I love butter.

Your boyfriend has lost his mind. Don't buy into his drama and be reasonable with him, he'll come around.

Meh, you're not worth hurting.

[This message has been edited by Aseren (edited 02-05-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

Gustave telling someone they've got a nasty litte face?



gustave???!

OOoh, the hypocrisy of it all!!

lol hypocrisy of u tellin gustave he has an ugly face as well lol owned.

quote:Originally posted by Zinedine Zidane:

lol hypocrisy of u tellin gustave he has an ugly face as well lol owned.

har d har har





[This message has been edited by fullcircle (edited 02-10-2007).]

I used to have some of that kind of fights with my ex-boyfriend, text message fights are always useless... and very misleading.

anyway it seems that he was upset over something that happened in that weekend, maybe you act differently about him when family is around? just a guess.

anyway he was mad over some little thing he didn't want to tell you about during the weekend and ended up blowing it on you later on. he's not truly being a dick i guess... and calling at 1am isn't that bad for boyfriends n girlfriends, maybe he really wanted to talk to you after that weekend about whatever was bothering him, and then u saying u were asleep made him feel even worse...

Guess his last text was real mature, he realised you guys were fighting over nothing. so yeah just talk to him, ask again about whatever was bothering him, be sympathetic and you'll figure it out and end up making out.

good luck!

Sorry sicky toolazy/didnt read but good luck!

So I'm not the only one that goes through this.....

My girlfriend starts "text-fights" all the fuckin' time.

Women..

[This message has been edited by Sioux-Reborn (edited 02-05-2007).]

He's being a little bitch. You should definitely dump him for me. I mean, long distance internet relationships based only on one way sexual attraction culminating from a hot picture always work out.

But seriously, he is being a little bitch.

Or maybe he does have reason to think he's been wronged... did you unconsciously ignore him all weekend? If so, then assure him that you weren't ignoring him and that you care about him, blah-fucking-blah.

Or maybe he doesn't have reason to think he's been wronged. But if you still want to stay with him, then follow the above procedure anyway.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

Gustave telling someone they've got a nasty litte face?



gustave???!

OOoh, the hypocrisy of it all!!

Are you trying to insult me, or just make an even bigger target of yourself? Because you of all people should know that insulting me isn't that easy... So I guess you were just trying to make some form of asshole out of yourself.

Oh well, that's to be expected I guess.

Thanks guys.

I think he did realise he was being immature because he just phoned and apologised (good call, Aseren).

Iso, he was acting bummed before I could have given him a reason to be, so I think it's just stress in general that's getting him down. We both miss each other alot and this makes both of us grumpy, and unfortunately sometimes we take it out on each other. Doesn't really make sense, but it happens.

deathbyrainbows, we live together (with my family) so I don't think that's the issue. You did get me thinking though, that his bad mood could have been partly due to jealousy, because normally when he visits it's just him and I smother him with attention, lol.

Sioux-Reborn, he started this text fight. Men...

ApocalypsePlease, this isn't an internet relationship. We've known each other since we were 15, but we didn't get together until last year.

My new plan is to just try to not take it personally and get defensive if he's in a mood like this. I love him so much, and most of the time our relationship is amazing. I guess I can't expect it to be perfect all the time.

Thanks again.

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:



ApocalypsePlease, this isn't an internet relationship. We've known each other since we were 15, but we didn't get together until last year.

Lol... nevermind.

At least he's answering your texts. -_-

He's probably feeling insecure 'cause you're so far away.

Long distance never works , its far too easy to break up . No awkward moments either a quick phone call 5 minutes of your life and bam relationship gone. Plus seeing them when you are out is somewhat minimal so its win win

Didn't read many other posts in this thread but..

There's always two sides to a story.

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

Because you of all people should know that insulting me isn't that easy.



Yes it is. You're a morbidly obese computer nerd with stalker tendencies who thinks he's going to live on Mars or Venus.

Lets not forget that you're a conceited pseudo self proclaimed superior. You're not better than any one.

Get over your self.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:



Yes it is. You're a morbidly obese computer nerd with stalker tendencies who thinks he's going to live on Mars or Venus.

Lets not forget that you're a conceited pseudo self proclaimed superior. You're not better than any one.

Get over your self.

Again, you fail to understand where fantasy meets reality, and how truly difficult it would be for anyone on this website to make me give two shakes of a rat's ass about either of the two.

I've never claimed to be better than anyone else child, I've merely said time and again, over and over, that the only thing I have that everyone else lacks is the will power to get something done.

Now, since I know your kind well enough, why not take it to B&M and make a thread about me? You seem to care enough to keep posting about me, so it'd be even easier for you if you just made a thread about me in B&M, stopping the sidetrack of this thread (not that it had much chance anyways).

Is he still working as a painter?

If so, it's probably all the fumes. I've never met a painter that didn't get a little unbalanced over time from all the fumes.

You're probably dead right about the spread of attention between him and your sister; he probably feels childish about it and doesn't want to go into detail.

Is he living with your family while you're away? How does that work?

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

Now, since I know your kind well enough, why not take it to B&M and make a thread about me? You seem to care enough to keep posting about me, so it'd be even easier for you if you just made a thread about me in B&M, stopping the sidetrack of this thread (not that it had much chance anyways).



See, there you go again thinking you're important. This time it's the deluded thought that you are worth having a thread devoted to you.

In what sick twisted world are you worth the 30 seconds it would take to make a thread?

Venus? or Mars?



[This message has been edited by arquin (edited 02-06-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by arquin:



See, there you go again thinking you're important. This time it's the deluded thought that you are worth having a thread devoted to you.

In what sick twisted world are you worth the 30 seconds it would take to make a thread?

Venus? or Mars?





Whatever world you seem to live on, as you've not only gone and replied to me, you've had to edit your reply as well. I'm certain that you spend more than half a minute making this reply, so I'm rather sure that you've just proved your entire point completely and utterly incorrect. As such, it makes me wonder why I'm wasting my time on someone that doesn't have the basic understanding of what his own actions are doing, and instead needs to attempt to insult a person because of their dreams and wishes.

Sorry, but you just aren't worth the time it takes to reply to you anymore. You've outlived your usefullness a good bit ago, but I've only now decided that it was time to retire you. So, with that in mind, enjoy the little time you have left kid. And never stop dreaming.

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

So, with that in mind, enjoy the little time you have left kid.

LAWLZ, coming from the fat kid predisposed to high cholesterol, heart disease and diabetes. Thanks, gave me a good laugh.

Ciao, chubby.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Is he still working as a painter?

If so, it's probably all the fumes. I've never met a painter that didn't get a little unbalanced over time from all the fumes.

You're probably dead right about the spread of attention between him and your sister; he probably feels childish about it and doesn't want to go into detail.

Is he living with your family while you're away? How does that work?

Nope, he's not a painter any more. I got him fired from that job, lol. He works at Petcetera now.

And yeah, he lives with my family while I'm gone and it works great. They love him.

Ask him if he wants to chase you around with a shit-stained towel, like old times?

quote:Originally posted by Gojeero:

Ask him if he wants to chase you around with a shit-stained towel, like old times?

Haha! That's awesome.

dont worry guys can just over react just as bad as girls do. but i remember reafing i a magazine that when guys start acting like that there just trying to get you to break up with them because they dont want to hurt you. although he may just be a grump or is mad at himself and taking it out on everyone around him. alls i can do is give advice of what the situation sounds like i hope you and your boy work it out and make everything better.

~gecko

Stupid, pointless text arguments... Ive had my share of them. 99.9% of the time, all my fault.

Why?

Guilt.

It may sound stupid, but it was always the reason. I was guilty for cheating on my girlfriend so I would start a fight with her, that way she would be pissed off with me and I would feel slightly justified by that.

Luckily, Ive grown up a lot since then... now I just send a picture message of a two fingered gesture!

quote:Originally posted by Sioux-Reborn:

So I'm not the only one that goes through this.....

My girlfriend starts "text-fights" all the fuckin' time.

Women..



Seriously. And they do it at the worst fucking possible times. Like they instinctively know when you are in the middle of something important like talking to your boss or driving out on the freeway. That is when they strike. And if its not bad enough your phone is ringing/vibrating from the constant text attacks your girl is sending you, at least 5 of those consecutive texts are your girl saying the same exact shit like "U rnt gonna reply now?" or "Hello??!! U dont want 2 talk 2 me?"

At first you'd think, "Ahh... she doesn't know that I'm busy doing something right now, so I guess I can understand why she keeps texting every 30 seconds." Oh no fucker, she knows you are in the middle of something. God gave women that ability at the exact same time he gave the inspiration to some guy to invent the built in text messenger into cell phones. He gave them that and the ability to text full messages in mere seconds.

I'm not even going to start how fucked up the person who invented the side kick is.

Guys do that too...

My ex would message me if my phone had been busy for more then 20 minutes saying "Who the fuck are you talking to for that long?". Because i dont check the txt messages untill i hang up i would then get messages saying "Get off the phone", "Fine dont worry about it". I would call him and he would be a grumpy fuck... god damn im so glad hes gone... he was such a conceited bastard.

quote:Originally posted by Docta?:

Luckily, Ive grown up a lot since then... now I just send a picture message of a two fingered gesture!

I'll assume those fingers would be embedded, and be on my merry way.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

His words are an excuse. Something else is the problem.

He may break up with you soon, if that problem is a serious one.

Don't expect him to tell you what that problem is though.

Yeah, thats what I was thinking too. But I could be wrong. I've said some of the exact things to my girlfriends before, prior to breaking up with them.

Sick Boy, if your boyfriend is not prone to being moody or under lost of stress, I would be worried. Fighting alot in a relationship is not healthy, it can be very toxic to the both of you. I hope things work out for ya.

Peace