Short version: I'm seeing a guy, broke things off, got wasted, kissed him, then almost had sex with a friend, stopped that, explained to boy why I wanted to slow things down, and feel really guilty about the friend. Justified?

Last night I decided to break things off with the guy I've been seeing. Mostly because he's extremely unreliable, never returns calls, ignores calls, and he's pretty flaky.

When I tried, he said something about how maybe we should take a step back, but he wants things to work out.

We ended up at the same party, and things were slightly awkward. By the time he left, we were both pretty plastered, and I kissed him. His friend told me to make up my mind because "He really, really likes you."

Fast forward, I've had a bit more to drink. I give another friend a ride to his car, and we end up making out. I was uncomfortable with it, and I was too drunk to care, but I take full responsibility. We were on the verge of having sex, but I stopped it and had him get out of the car.

I hadn't expected the boy that I'm seeing (we'll call him B) to show up tonight, but he did. It was awkward, I kept catching him looking at me, and vice versa. I was thinking today that I was taking things a little too personal... He never answers his phone or calls people back, it's not just me. I don't know exactly what I want, and I'm tired of people asking me where he is or if he's coming with me, and even calling me to find him. It's irritating, I don't want to be half a person. Plus, people started calling us a couple before we'd even talked about it.

Him and his friends had a loud conversation about why he doesn't answer his phone, conveniently while I was listening. Fair enough, the front screen is broken, so he never knows who is calling. He said something about why he doesn't call people back but I wasn't listening. I asked his friend if it was worth talking to him and he said "yes, definitely. Do it."

I did, and he said that it's fine and asked me to call tomorrow.

I know that the first thing I have to do is figure out what I want, which is proving difficult. I've been extremely stressed out recently, due to things completely unrelated, but I want to pursue something.

But I guess the real point of this thread is that I feel really guilty about kissing that other guy. No matter how much I thought about how much I wasn't enjoying myself, and how much I tried to pretend it was B, or how drunk I was, or how I stopped it, I still feel like I did something completely stupid. I'm not dating B, and I don't see why it should bother me so much, but it really, really does. Should I feel this guilty, or am I just being stupid?

First point: Don't drink and drive.

Second point: You're not being stupid. Sometimes it's really hard to figure out what you want. My take on the situation is that deep down you want B back, and that's why you feel guilty for kissing your friend...

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

First point: Don't drink and drive.

Second point: You're not being stupid. Sometimes it's really hard to figure out what you want. My take on the situation is that deep down you want B back, and that's why you feel guilty for kissing your friend...

It's not deep down, I know I want him "back" although things weren't entirely broken off... just slowed down so we can both figure out what we want.

I see. Well, I'm not sure what to say then, other than don't beat yourself up over a drunken indiscretion.

Break it off. He doesn't deserve you, and you don't deserve him.

Drink driving eh? Well fuck you, you useless piece of shit.

Are you longing to let out your "inner drunken slut"?

To get up

To get down

To shake it's butt all 'round?

By the time I drove I had sobered up.

quote:Originally posted by Zonko:

Drink driving eh? Well fuck you, you useless piece of shit.

Damn straight.

If you stay too sober? Where is the next generation to come from? ...

...Can I freshen yer drink liddle lady?

You drink too much.



Stop drinking and seeing guys through your misty beer goggles. It's fucking you and them up.



From the sounds of it you act like a skank when you're drunk, and I know you're not. So really,really think about how you want your reputation to go.

"oh,there's that drunken skank. She'll do anyone!"

^^I doubt very much you want to be classed as.

quote:Originally posted by firekitty751:

Should I feel this guilty, or am I just being stupid?

Sounds like you're just being stupid, and need to chill the fuck out before you start going Bushy on us hun.

I've told you before, and I'll tell you again: Stop worrying so bloody god damn much about men. You aren't going to mentally survive if you can't learn to stop being so insane when it comes to these things. You really need to spend some time single, learning how to love and care for yourself without needing anyone else.

After that, you MIGHT just be mentally and emotionally mature enough to have a relationship, although I wouldn't bet on it... Most people never gain the type of maturity that is needed to keep a stable relationship. But trying never hurt anyone.

I agree with you Gus. I keep thinking, what a pretty girl and it's not like she's dumb.

wtf is she doing?

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

wtf is she doing?

She's enjoying herself. Regretably, she keeps being thrown for loops by guys. Maybe a bit too much flying by the seat of her pants, but that's just a part of life sometimes.

You feel guilty, that means there's reason to feel guilty; it matters not at all if it's based in foolishness, a feeling is a feeling.

Hopefully the stress isn't permanent, good luck with working things out.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

She's enjoying herself. Regretably, she keeps being thrown for loops by guys. Maybe a bit too much flying by the seat of her pants, but that's just a part of life sometimes.



I lived it Euda, although straight and sober for the most part. That's why I agree with Gus. Try to leave guys behind for a while.

quote:No matter how much I thought about how much I wasn't enjoying myself, and how much I tried to pretend it was B, or how drunk I was, or how I stopped it, I still feel like I did something completely stupid.



Don't do things you don't want to do in order to try to cover something else up. As you've found out...it doesn't work.

Try to use your head a bit more, and as others have pointed out...drink a bit less.

Don't dwell on feelings of guilt either. All they do is tell you that you're heading in the wrong direction and to change that.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

I agree with you Gus. I keep thinking, what a pretty girl and it's not like she's dumb.

wtf is she doing?

Exactly... It's like those people that try and blame their problems on everyone else... That's just not how life works. If you have a problem, it is YOUR FAULT. Even if it's not your fault, it's still your fault. Why? Because it's your problem.

She's having issues with men because she's letting herself have these issues. Really, there isn't anything else to it but that. Well, and that she needs to fix it of course.

~~~

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

She's enjoying herself. Regretably, she keeps being thrown for loops by guys. Maybe a bit too much flying by the seat of her pants, but that's just a part of life sometimes.

And so is understanding that with all things comes resoncibilities and consiquences. She isn't being "thrown for loops by guys", she's being a normal stupid teenage girl and is getting hurt because she hasn't grown up enough to understand that men have COMPLETELY different mental responces to the exact same thing. That men, while technically similar to women, are completely different animals when it comes to how we think, act, and do everything.

Until she understands that and truly takes the time to better herself, she'll never figure out why she isn't able to interact with men without getting hurt and confused. It's sad, though, how most people NEVER learn and then blame it on the other gender. Sad and pathetic.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

You feel guilty, that means there's reason to feel guilty; it matters not at all if it's based in foolishness, a feeling is a feeling.

She feels guilty because she doesn't get that when a relationship is "over", it's OVER. She also feels guilty because she doesn't want to end the relationship, but she isn't able to keep a healthy relationship going for very long. Rather normal for most teenagers.

~~~

Oc6 is right, though, in that she needs to take a break from worrying about something so completely useless as dating until she is mentally and emotionally stable enough to actually contribute to a healthy relationship. Which she can only do WHEN she understands what it really means to be in a relationship.

And I'm rather certain she can do it, but she needs to have the will power and the WANTING to actually understand it, and do it. It's not easy for most people, and in fact, most people just don't even try.

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

Sounds like you're just being stupid, and need to chill the fuck out before you start going Bushy on us hun.

I've told you before, and I'll tell you again: Stop worrying so bloody god damn much about men. You aren't going to mentally survive if you can't learn to stop being so insane when it comes to these things. You really need to spend some time single, learning how to love and care for yourself without needing anyone else.

After that, you MIGHT just be mentally and emotionally mature enough to have a relationship, although I wouldn't bet on it... Most people never gain the type of maturity that is needed to keep a stable relationship. But trying never hurt anyone.



Whats that supposed to mean?