I kinda don't know where to start. Last night my best friends boyfriend tried to kill himself (And no this was not the first time) over how they don't have a relationship anymore.

I never liked this guy from the start. They met each other about 4-5 years ago when we were in high school together - He wasn't, as he’s 3 years older then us. Firstly, he really wasn't her type - he's social phobic, unhappy with himself, and an asshole to me. There relationship was really unhealthy from the start; he would never go out with her anywhere or met her friends. She would always just go to his place or in his car and that was about it. The only contact I had with him was online; he's quite similar to a lot of totse people, in the fact that he just spends his life online.

He always used to go out of his way to be rude to me and just a general asshole. He is the one person in the world that I truly hate and wish death upon, and that’s saying something considering I apparently come across as a rather bitch on totse/IRC and look like I hate everyone, which I don’t lol.

My friend though, it the complete opposite to him. She's extremely social and really enjoys being out with her friends. She is the kindest and most genuine person I know. He doesn't deserve her, and he’s destroying her in front of my eyes with all this bullshit he’s been pulling on her lately and I'm really at the end of my tether with this crap.

Last night was Saturday night, so as what is fairly normal we decided to go clubbing and drinking that night.

I headed over to her work that night, got drunk, smoked some pot and wandered into the city. As we started doing this she starts to get texts from her ex, that sound all fucking emo and suicidal. She sends back a message saying that she still cares about him and that she would never forgive him if he went through with it. She has made it clear many times that it is over between them and there is no chance of them getting back together – he says he understands this.

It was probably a good thing that we were really fucked because she tried to get on with her night (as he had managed to ruin her weekend 2 weeks beforehand with an 'I'm standing at the top of a cliff' txts.)

From what I remember he was really delayed or non responsive to texts that she was sending him, and he wouldn't answer her calls as we got into the first bar. I was pretty fed up by this time so I told her that there was nothing more she could do. So she put her phone away and we carried on with our night.

As we left she gets a slurred and basically unreadable txt from him saying that we worked out to mean that he had over dosed on something (his sleeping pills I later found out) and that on of his friends (his other ex gf) had called an ambulance for him.

20 minutes later another txt comes through asking her to come to the fucking hospital. At fucking 2.30am.

So off she went.

I told her before she went that this has to be the last time he can do this to her because it’s just not acceptable or fair to her. I don't think running to his aid is the answer. She told me that if he did ever kill himself then she'd hate him forever, but yet feel guilty and blame herself for it always. She still cares about him and I wish she would fucking get over it or even just start to realise that she needs to, in my opinion, end all fucking contact with him!

He's ruining my friend, she was at such a good space in her life at the moment and he's pulling this selfish bullshit on her.

I'm really not very tolerant with people that act this way, and because I also really hate him makes my judgment and advice for her very harsh and quite opposite to the way she would try and help someone. She's much to kind of a person sometimes, and that's her downfall. There's times when she needs to look out for herself rather then some asshole.

And why is it that she seems to attract these types of people? Always, has she attracted some nut case guy which is in such a contrast to her personality. She deserves someone that will come out with her friends; go out with her for a movie/coffee/drink. That won’t fuck her around and play stupid mind games with her. I'm personally sick and tired of being there to try piece her together after the many times he has done this to her. I only get to spend 3 months of the year in the same city as her and he is constantly fucking up every weekend we seem to spend together.

She broke up with him because he was just so different to him - he's 22 and yet acts like a 40 year old man! She finally realised that their relationship was unhealthy and when she finally does the right thing for herself all this shit happens. It makes my job hard to try and convince her again to do what’s right for her and to shut him out of her life for good.

Oh and he was just diagnosed with bi-polar a few weeks ago, and has also been told in the past that he suffers from depression and social phobia and takes meds for these.

I hope they admit him into the mental health hospital this time, he really needs to get serious help, and plus it will keep him away from her.

I just don’t know what else to do, I just can’t believe how he can be so selfish to someone he apparently loves – because IMO if he truly did love her he would let her go.



Updates might follow..

God I need to take a shower.

Your friend sounds sweet, but very stupid.

If she's going to let someone do that "I'm going to kill myself because of you!" bullshit to her you need to give her a light slap and say enough is enough.



Gah..

I've got nothing helpfull to say. She'll do what she..feels she has to. Not what she wants to, what she feels she has to.

I guess all you can do is continue to be a good friend.

And perhaps leave lots and lots of sleeping tablets lying around the guy and quietly take away his phone, so he cant attention whore once he's taken the overdose..

EDIT:

quote:..and that’s saying something considering I apparently come across as a rather bitch on totse/IRC and look like I hate everyone, which I don’t..



It's true though. I like you but you act like a complete cow to me..

[This message has been edited by yoyobek (edited 02-04-2007).]

He should let her go, but judging from what you've said...he probably doesn't know how to do that. That's the biggest issue I see with guys, and girls, who don't like meeting new people. They just don't know how to let people who are in their life go.

If I could offer constructive advice, I would.

It sounds as if they're still friends. Otherwise, she wouldn't have gone to the hospital.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:



It sounds as if they're still friends. Otherwise, she wouldn't have gone to the hospital.



They tried the friends thing, and it didn't work. I told her last night that it will never work so she needs to tell him that its really not a goer. She's just scared that if she does then he'll try it again, its like a vicious cycle - she doesn't want the guilt of his death on her mind for the rest of her life, she'll never forgive him and even though she knows she shouldn't feel guilty or like its her fault, there will always be that thought in her mind that it was her fault.

All I can say is that I hope he kills both of you, then himself.

You know how to use a strap-on don't you?

Wait until he's drunk & alone (as usual) & go over a give him whatfor! Put on your Huge Strap-on & ream him until the cows come home.

He's a bitch (a kinda Kiwi Hand of Zek) & he'd surely appreciate a well busted ass cherry!

quote:Originally posted by kAtE-:

They tried the friends thing, and it didn't work.

"I want you in my life as a friend, but I can't have you in my life while in this state. I want you to seek professional help."

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

"I want you in my life as a friend, but I can't have you in my life while in this state. I want you to seek professional help."

If it were only so easy.

This guy is a pussy, someone that truly wants to kill himself will always succeed. Only losers fail to commit suicide...



[This message has been edited by Back Alley attack (edited 02-04-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

"I want you in my life as a friend, but I can't have you in my life while in this state. I want you to seek professional help."

Wish my first ex said that to me.

that's really the crux of it though kate.

That basically describes my ex-fiance, minus the "want to be back together" thing. Actually, she is more like your friend (social and so on) but with the suicidal issues.

Multiple suicide attempts (e.g. cries for help), been raped before, and so on. She broke off the engagement after 8 months to start dating a guy she knew in the 3rd grade but we were still locked in the lease on the apartment. I finally called the cops on her latest suicide attempt, she spent 72 hours in a psych ward, and is on about six different antidepressants. She calls asking about whether we should still be friends, I tell her I'm fine with being friends if she will stop drinking alcohol with her meds. Indeed, one of her friends called me on the way over to my girlfriends house last night saying "She asked me to come over right now, but she is not answering the door. What do I do?"

At some point, you need to accept that you have done everything you can do, and stop answering the phone. I have the same guilt issues as your friend, as in I would probably feel responsible if she ever went through with a suicide even though I am not in the picture, but I did everything I could to resolve the issue. At some point, she is either going to figure shit out or actually kill herself - you have absolutely no control over either outcome.

So, tell your friend this person is like a drowning person. Life jackets and life preservers were thrown out, and now she has decided to jump into the water to save the guy. The problem with a drowning person is that unless they willingly accept the help of the rescuer (by not panicking), they will drown both themselves and anyone else they can get a hold of. By not answering the phone, your friend is not abandoning the guy to his fate, as the life preservers (friends, family, medical attention, etc) are still out in water within easy reach.

For both your friend and this guy, it is sink or swim time.

Sit your friend down without her (or you) being on any kinds of...well anything that can alter your state of mind. Then tell her the reality of the situation and listen to her side of it, i could tell as soon as you said that he was a bitch to you that you'd hate him and wouldn't be able to see things from her side so you need to listen to her side really carefully and then explain to her that the cons outweigh the pros. Sit down with her and get a piece of paper and a pen and get her to list everything good about the guy. You do the same (or nothing if you cant think if anything. Then you both write down everything bad about the guy, see which list is longer and that can help win a hell of a lot of arguments trust me. And also do something to make sure that guy gets some help because he might not be doing an attention seeking thing. Well he obviously is but it might not be a full on attention whore when hes conscious of it. If you can't kill yourself then thats really really stupid but even if he wants to kill himself really badly his subconscious is probably telling him not to because he can et attention off your friend. It happens a lot with people who have bipolar. Good luck!

quote:Originally posted by kAtE-:

...and an asshole to me.

What an asshole

As much as I don't really care. He sounds like the guy that stole this girl I was with on a camping trip. NOT COOL!

thats all. And she shouldn't really care. The world would be better off with out having to worry about suicidal people.

Your friend should just tell that guy to get lost, and report him to a mental hospital.

A girl did that to me once, saying she cant go out with me because her ex will kill himself if she goes out with any other boy....then I owned her house.

I feel like I'm doing the same thing to my ex girlfriend... Like I haven't said I was gonna commit suicide over it, but I'm fairly openly depressed about it (though I try to hide it). It makes me realize how selfish this kinda is. Wow.

Thanks guys.

I'm seeing her again today, she just txt me to say that he just picked another fight with her this morning (thats 2 now since saturday night).

She's so fragile at the moment that all she'll do is probably break down and cry

[This message has been edited by kAtE- (edited 02-05-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by Back Alley attack:

Only losers fail to commit suicide...

Does he jerk off while he rapes her mind?

Have her practice saying, "Fuck off! You asshole!!! I'm getting a restraining order. If you threaten suicide, I'm calling ES & they'll have your sour ass in for observation at the Psyche Ward, you pervy baaaastard!"

Make her practice until she's got it right.

I think you need to have a chat to him, to tell him that he's making her life shit.