Sorry if this is incoherent or anything, i just woke up and thought i'd better type this while I have the computer to myself for a while. The questions are at the bottom if its too long for you to read

Short Version-

My gf and I spend lots of time together, recently spent ~36 hours laying in my room together. My parents think I'm getting too attached, and she will be too attached, and that I am setting us up for disaster. - questions at the bottom-

Long Version-

I've been going out with my girlfriend since like September, and we've been basically inseparable since then. We haven't gone more than two days without seeing each other, and neither of us can seem to get sick of one another.

Just recently, she has been allowed to sleep over a few times. The last time she slept over, we basically stayed up all night, didn't sleep, and then just layed together, talking and holding each other.

I've told her I love her, and i really do. She has said the same to me. I could, and have, gone on for hours to her about why i love her, and she did the same for me. I really, truly can't seem to find much that I don't like about her.

She is my first serious girlfriend, not that i couldn't have had girlfriends before, I've just always wanted to have the best, and now i do, and I am so glad i waited.

She gets along so well with my family, my mom said if we ever broke up and i moved out, she could easily have Jenna over just to hang out. She gets up after dinner and helps clean, she helps my mom cook, and she brings things for my dad.

Now, after the last time she slept over, my dad sat me down and had a big talk with me. He told me not to get too attached to her, since she is my first serious girlfriend, its bound to end, and I'm only setting us both up for disaster when something happens.

He went on to explain how a girl he once dumped slit her wrists because she couldn't live without him. Then he continued to say that if she gets too attached she might just get pregnant on purpose to keep me around forever. I really do not see this side of her.

My parents were also worried that she is isolating me from everyone else, so that I'm all hers. The only evidence they have of this is the fact that we layed in my room for like 36 hours ONE TIME.

side story; didn't know how to fit this in with the rest - After supper one day, my girlfriend said she had a headache and was feeling very cold, so we went and got under the covers in my bed, but she was still cold, so we went to the basement and layed beside our wood stove. We were alone in the basement for a couple hours because we were both comfortable and we were having a nap.

My dad said he thinks he was just trying to get me away from everyone else so that its just me and her all the time.

Now, my question is:

Do you think getting this close is a bad thing? I always thought that was the whole point of a relationship.

Do you think my dad's advice was bad? I really can't get sick of her, and i love spending time alone with her, its not like she is dragging me away from all my friends or anything, i choose to spend that time with her, and i don't like it when my whole family is there and we want to talk or something. Does anyone else like having lots of time alone with their partner?

My parents also said she seemed 'needy' so that i would be with her (ie I have a headache, let's go lay down alone) Should i be worried about this? I really can't see my girlfriend doing this.

Like...am I out of line for thinking my dad is way off the mark? She will be switching to my school next semester (only a few days away), so I'll soon see how she reacts to me being with my friends, who are mostly girls. I am kind of jealous when she is friends with other guys, but i know not to let it get in the way, so I am able to act normal, but ill see how she is in a little while, because she has never really been around me with other girls there.

(jesus...ramble on or what? haha)

[This message has been edited by ottomann (edited 01-29-2007).]

I dont understand.. you've got something great and you're both happy.

..so what's the problem?



Who fucking cares if it's not going to be 'forever', the fact of the matter is that you're happy together now and you should enjoy it.



The next time your parents try to take you aside for that 'little chat' bullshit, explain to them that you're happy now and dont particularly need to hear what might happen in the future, and as you are happy now would they please not try to damage things?

You've got something good. Dont let it go!

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

I dont understand.. you've got something great and you're both happy.

..so what's the problem?



Who fucking cares if it's not going to be 'forever', the fact of the matter is that you're happy together now and you should enjoy it.



The next time your parents try to take you aside for that 'little chat' bullshit, explain to them that you're happy now and dont particularly need to hear what might happen in the future, and as you are happy now would they please not try to damage things?

You've got something good. Dont let it go!

Thank you yoyo! that is exactly what i was thinking, my dad was almost disgusted because we cant keep our hands off each other.

We'll be sitting at the dinner table and when we finish we just hold hands, or i put my hand on her leg or something, and my dad brought that up and said if it were him he would be so sick of it. But i just said 'well, luckily im not holding your hand all the time or you'd be sick of me' and left it at that.

I just can't get sick of her, and my parents are just afraid one of will get hurt or something will happen, but i really dont care; i'll leave that until something DOES happen.

Like...my parents asked if i plan on marrying her, and i just told them its not planned or anything, but if nothing serious ever goes wrong, why would i NOT want to keep her around?



aghh i keep rambling, sorry!

[This message has been edited by ottomann (edited 01-29-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

I dont understand.. you've got something great and you're both happy.

..so what's the problem?



Who fucking cares if it's not going to be 'forever', the fact of the matter is that you're happy together now and you should enjoy it.



The next time your parents try to take you aside for that 'little chat' bullshit, explain to them that you're happy now and dont particularly need to hear what might happen in the future, and as you are happy now would they please not try to damage things?

You've got something good. Dont let it go!



yoyobek is half right and half wrong

yes, you do have a good thing going on and no one should tell you what you should or shouldn't do with your time

but, yoyobek failed to mention that your father has a good point, it may sound like something typical to say, but it is true, your father knows what is best for you, i'm sure his intentions aren't that of trying to get you apart from her, but he knows what can happen when a relationship ends and one person is too attached, for him it was HIS girlfriend that slit her wrists, but what your father is really concerned about is YOU slitting YOUR wrists if it ends

take both yoyobeks and your fathers advice, try to distance yourself from your girlfriend just a bit, you probably don't even know what it feels like to miss her, and if you do then that should give you more reason to be apart, bcuz the more you are the more you will miss her

one last thing, i am 22 years old, hopefully not too much older than you, and so i think i can still relate to your situation, my first girlfriend was also my last and that was when i was 16, it ended when i was 17 and i was still missing her for a year after that, then she wanted to be with me for a year after that and i didn't want her, now i'm all fucked up and haven't had a serious relationship since then bcuz i'm scared of all the bad that comes from it

just be careful about getting too close, especially if your still young

[This message has been edited by ram_from_meche (edited 01-29-2007).]

i say that its ok to get close but if you get to close it can make it easier for her to gold dig you or to hurt you really bad

I think your father's judgement is clouded by his own bad experiences. Normal first-love breakups usually unvolve a couple of months of feeling awful and then you're back to being okay (although it'll always have some kind of effect on you). The odds are against you (and every other teen relationship), of course, but all you can do is stick with what makes you happy. Try to explain to your parents that you need to do this for yourself; they would have wanted to do the exact same at your age in this situation.

And good luck. Enjoy first love, it's wonderful.

EDIT: Don't try to distance yourself from her. If anything's likely to damage the relationship (and these things are a little more fragile than they seem, unfortunately), it's behaviour that she does not understand and/or that you do not explain. And explaining that you want to spend less time together so that your possible breakup won't hurt as much will not go down well. It's very possible you'll end up hurt by this, but it's also possible you won't. This isn't the time of your life to live cautiously (I'm guessing you're 16/17?), go for it. Even if it doesn't work out (and it sometimes does, of course; my friend's grandparents have been together since they were 14/15, and they're almost 80 now), you'll remember it for the rest of your life, and you shouldn't do anything to make it less wonderful.

[This message has been edited by Mr.Happy (edited 01-29-2007).]

Do either of you have other activities that you have quit since meeting each other in order to be able to spend more time together?

Also, why is she switching schools? Are you of high school or college age?

first serious girlfriend? and you havent spent more then 2 days apart?

Watch out bub, your in for a wooorld of pain if something doesnt work out.

But if it does, hey, i guess you showed him?

I was like that with my first boyfriend. We would go to his house, lay around and watch movies all day. We hung out at school, at lunch, after school... any time we could.

We were fine for about four or five months. Then we started fighting. Then he cheated on me.

By then, I was dependant on him. I didn't know what to do with my time if he wasn't there. So even though we had broken up, and he was dating another girl, we still spent a LOT of time together. We ended up dating again, and, of course, he cheated on me again. I still didn't know what to do with myself, so I stuck around for awhile... the fighting just got worse and worse, and I finally broke it off. I didn't talk to him for the rest of the summer, but he got his tounge pierced and all this stuff in hopes of impressing me.

Funny... that was two years ago, and I just thought about our last kiss. I still miss those times, in a way.

But anyway, we didn't talk for a year or so, but we do now, and we both realized that there were things we didn't see in ourselves or each other. I didn't see him as a jealous, cheating, lazy guy. He was protective, relaxed, and capable of mistakes. He didn't see me as needy, clingy, and jealous... until after it ended.

This is getting long, sorry... but spending time apart is definitely healthy. I make sure to stay in once or twice a week so I'm not tempted to call my boyfriend... I don't want to become dependant on him, and I want to make sure we both always have time for friends. Remember, you've only been dating her for a few months. Yes, it's great now, but do something to avoid either of you getting bored with the relationship.

I Cant answer Your Qeustion Right now so im going to reserve myself a place to put it later.



O yah and Fuck your parents for saying that. My Parents told me something along those lines when I was younger and I proceeded to date any girl I could just so they would get mad. Then i grew up. (but that has nothing to do with your post.....)

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Do either of you have other activities that you have quit since meeting each other in order to be able to spend more time together?

Also, why is she switching schools? Are you of high school or college age?



Shes switching schools for a few reasons. The one she goes to now is a catholic school, and she hates the uniform (i like it though, nice little skirt and all ), but its like an hour bus ride each way to get there, and she has alot more friends at my school. When she switches it will be a 7 or 8 minute bus ride. I am 17 and she is 16 btw.

I haven't quit any activities, but i wasnt in any to begin with. She is quitting cheerleading, but thats just because it was at her old school, and she cant stay on the team now that she is switching.

quote:first serious girlfriend? and you havent spent more then 2 days apart?

Watch out bub, your in for a wooorld of pain if something doesnt work out.

But if it does, hey, i guess you showed him?

well we have spent more than two days apart, like when i went away for a couple days, and she got 'grounded' and wasnt allowed to see me for a while. We often go one day without seeing eachother, but the longest stretch of not seeing eachother was like 4 days.

quote:Originally posted by firekitty751:

I was like that with my first boyfriend. We would go to his house, lay around and watch movies all day. We hung out at school, at lunch, after school... any time we could.

We were fine for about four or five months. Then we started fighting. Then he cheated on me.

By then, I was dependant on him. I didn't know what to do with my time if he wasn't there. So even though we had broken up, and he was dating another girl, we still spent a LOT of time together. We ended up dating again, and, of course, he cheated on me again. I still didn't know what to do with myself, so I stuck around for awhile... the fighting just got worse and worse, and I finally broke it off. I didn't talk to him for the rest of the summer, but he got his tounge pierced and all this stuff in hopes of impressing me.

Funny... that was two years ago, and I just thought about our last kiss. I still miss those times, in a way.

But anyway, we didn't talk for a year or so, but we do now, and we both realized that there were things we didn't see in ourselves or each other. I didn't see him as a jealous, cheating, lazy guy. He was protective, relaxed, and capable of mistakes. He didn't see me as needy, clingy, and jealous... until after it ended.

This is getting long, sorry... but spending time apart is definitely healthy. I make sure to stay in once or twice a week so I'm not tempted to call my boyfriend... I don't want to become dependant on him, and I want to make sure we both always have time for friends. Remember, you've only been dating her for a few months. Yes, it's great now, but do something to avoid either of you getting bored with the relationship.

Thanks for the in-depth reply. This is the only thing that i am scared of happening. I know i will never cheat on her, its just how i am. We have never had a fight or anything, when we disagree on something, we just agree to disagree and leave it at that, maybe nothing serious has come up yet, im not sure. Like, we make all the decisions we need to together, so that always works out.

I have strong doubts that she would ever cheat on me, we have talked about it seriously, and her first boyfriend cheated on her, and she said she could never ever do that to someone she cares about, and i trust her completely.

I just cant foresee anything that would make a fight big enough that would break us up, but then again, i guess nobody does in the beginning.

As a parent it would concern me if either of you were dropping out of activities to be together more, thus the questions.

I didn't have a lot of interests at your age either. I think that's sad because it can become problematic if you focus all your time and energies on a person then, after a time the two of you split.

It's good she will be going to your school and will meet your friends. Hopefully there will be some friends that she likes who you can do group activities with as well. I think that would be good and would probably help to ease your father's mind a bit.

It doesn't sound bad to me...but then I'm an outsider too.

Do either of you work, btw? (doesn't really have anything to do with it...just curious.)

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

As a parent it would concern me if either of you were dropping out of activities to be together more, thus the questions.

I didn't have a lot of interests at your age either. I think that's sad because it can become problematic if you focus all your time and energies on a person then, after a time the two of you split.

It's good she will be going to your school and will meet your friends. Hopefully there will be some friends that she likes who you can do group activities with as well. I think that would be good and would probably help to ease your father's mind a bit.

It doesn't sound bad to me...but then I'm an outsider too.

Do either of you work, btw? (doesn't really have anything to do with it...just curious.)

Ya, actually thats how we met. We both work at a chocolate shop, but ill be quitting soon, so i can get a better paying job.

Its not like we're quitting everything else we do to be with each other, she is a very high achiever so she won't skip classes or anything to be with me, and she really motivates me to do well, so i think ill be attending class more than usual with her around.

Its just that we spend all our spare time together, and since the tv/dvd player/nintendo/computer/bed is upstairs in my bedroom, we dont hang out with my family alot, and my dad thinks shes taking me away from everyone or something.

See, before we started going out i was very family oriented, I have friends and a social life, but my mom, dad and brother are like my best friends, we spend alot of time together doing everything, but now that's changed a bit, since me and Jenna like to have our 'alone time'.

Make more time for your family. Explain it to her...she should understand that.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Make more time for your family. Explain it to her...she should understand that.

But that didn't seem to be his main concern.

Like, he seemed to be scared that it/when we break up both of us will be so devastated and all that. Or if i try to break up she'll get pregnant to stay with me or something. Am I out of line, or is this a valid concern? Do girls actually do this? I cant imagine anyone who actually would. Argg, i dont know, I'm just confused why he is meddling in my business, like, i know daddy knows best and everything, but even so, i want to have the experiences and know what it all feels like, good and bad.

why do I imagine one of you will end up face down on the floor...well just so long as its loaded. But I digress

Don't think it will last, it never does. Infact even if you get mettied chances are you will break up with her. teen love never lasts...all good things come to an end.



Michael

quote:Originally posted by ottomann:

But that didn't seem to be his main concern.

Like, he seemed to be scared that it/when we break up both of us will be so devastated and all that. Or if i try to break up she'll get pregnant to stay with me or something. Am I out of line, or is this a valid concern? Do girls actually do this? I cant imagine anyone who actually would. Argg, i dont know, I'm just confused why he is meddling in my business, like, i know daddy knows best and everything, but even so, i want to have the experiences and know what it all feels like, good and bad.

Doing that would help return things closer to the way they were before. It would not end all his concerns, but it would help with his thinking that you would be "lost" without her because your social life would not be completely wrapped up in her, and vice-versa.

The pregnancy thing, yes...girls do that...even today.

Anyway, try it...then see how things go. It might be just enough...

Talk with your girlfriend and see what she has to say. (I presume she's aware of all this?)

i have a kind of similar situation. however, it's not my parent's, but my boyfriend's parents...actually just his mother, his dad loves me.

a few weeks ago his mother sat me down just flat out told me that he and i should not be together all the time (which it was winter break from school, and there was nothing else to do...usually we aren't together all the time when we are at school). she pretty much told me that he and i shouldn't be dating each other and should see other people.

now that just pisses me off.

here is one of the main reasons this pissed me off:

she is married to the man she started dating when she was 16. yes, for a about 2 years when she was about 20 she broke up with him and was a HUGE slut, but still. he is the man she has loved for pretty much all her life. now how can she have issue with her son being in the same situation? at least he was 17 when he met me and not 14 like his father was when they met (yeah, she robbed the cradle lol). i don't feel the need to be with anyone else, at least not right now. that may change, and if/when it does then we will act on it. i am not going to break up with a guy i am so happy with just becuse his mommy doesn't think its a good idea.

in conclusion: only you and your girlfriend know your relationship. and only you two should be the ones to decide what happens between the two of you.

all this talk about love is making me depressed *slits wrists*

quote:Originally posted by NiGhT PrOwLeR:

all this talk about love is making me depressed *slits wrists*

Pfft. Love is nice and all, but it's not the only thing worth living for.

Think of the mercedes you'll never drive. You'll never absail down the empire state building. You'll never order a take out pizza with extra extra extra extra extra extra cheese on top, you'll never get married, or own the bestest stero system in the world. Think about it, If you die now, you'll never get to level 70 in silkroad.



Never give up, man. There are so many cool things to live for.

#

Guinea pig and irish wolfhound farm, here I come!!

Back on topic===

Dont try to distance yourself from her OP, or things might well go sour. She'll think you're distancing because of something she did, and unless you explain properly in a way she'll understand (which is unlikely) she'll start to distance herself to protect herself, and then things will start to go oh so wrong..

But as for the holding hands at the table thing, I guess some parents just dont like their kids doing that. Out of politeness to them you might want to cut down on that a bit.

Hell, it's statistically unlikely you'll be with this girl the rest of your life, but is Oral Fixation just pointed out, it does happen. I've always gone through good relationships with the mindset that "it's statistically not going to last forever, but everythings really swell and I hope it does".

Anyway, good on you for finding someone rad. But you do have to be careful about being dependent. Especially if she's the only person you tell your problems too, and you cut out your friends more and more. I had that with an ex, everything was rosey but I relied on her too much as she was my only friend, and pretty much the only person I saw, and the stress of having to "take care" of me was too much for her, you know? So I think you should take a little more time out for your friends and family. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Oh, and if your dad doesn't want you holding her hand and touching her leg at the table, you should respect that. I don't think you'd like it if he was all over your mum in front of you

just make sure you guys stay social, and make sure that you keep up with personal hobbies and friends, and things

its very important.

being so close to each has ripped me and my first girlfriend apart. after 8 months since she is my first girlfriend, and im not her first, its like im so uncertain about what im doing its not fair to her.

a large reason is because a) i have no prior experience beyond liking other people, where she has very tame physical, and some more emotional experience, so of course she knows alot more about what love is, but me? not even close

Codependency makes for a weak relationship.