Don't read this if you haven't got the time or desire, it's long and drawn out with a lot of overanalysis and details put into it.

I'm sure someone has been involved in a similar situation. Every parent(s) I know except for my own is okay with having their son or daughters' significant other spend the night.

My parents say 'it isn't right' to have the love of my life spend the evening. This is the first time we have been in love, it's incredible how you find each other - and it's something you can't express.. i'm sure many can relate. but this isn't the point at hand.. in any case

I've talked with them on a person to person basis on their reasoning and I haven't gotten an answer with any real basis or social skills, which is puzzling. they've stated 'it's contributing to the delinquency of a minor' 'it isn't right' and 'i'm not having it in my house'. we (my girlfriend, her mom, me) have talked about it and settled that it was on a psychological level - either they do not trust me consciously or they do not trust me subconsciously. Some people won't change their views no matter how lacking in basis, understanding, etc. they are. and that is definitely what it feels like at this point. I've given up asking, because they feel as if I'm only trying to get something I want. Honestly, it's -nothing- like that, -i wonder if they've ever been in love-. They're married - so they must know what love is - but their style of living is so different, we're completely different people, and we've never seen eye to eye on anything. we're both almost legal adults at this point.

as humble as I am let me say we are both very mature people with good judgement and mature outlooks on life.

What's the deal..

How would you feel if someone is having sex down the hall in your own house?

Edit: In most parents' mind, it's disrespectful, I think. Or they just feel too uncomfortable. So maybe you should have a talk to your parents WITH your girlfriend, and say that you won't have sex in their own house(be careful how you say it, make sure that you say it's their house). If not, they are treating you like a little kid.

[This message has been edited by Volcanbaru (edited 01-27-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by Volcanbaru:

How would you feel if someone is having sex down the hall in your own house?

This is, probably, the source of it all. Imagine your mom/dad having sex down the hall from you. Now pretend you had the power to stop it. Would you? Exactly.

My parents are pretty much the same. Even my boyfriends little brothers overprotected girlfriend is allowed to stay with him. They're loosening up a bit now, I think it's because his mum asks them, not me. And she's a primary school teacher. Everyone trusts those.

I mean, my boyfriends were allowed to stay HERE, but they had to sleep in a seperate room. I was just NEVER allowed to stay with them. It still pisses me off that it's such a sin to sleep in the same bed. WE'VE HAD SEX. I'm sure they'd know that by now. They KNOW I'm not a virgin. Why is it such a bloody sin to sleep in the same bed?!

Goddammit, now I'm angry all over again.

quote:Originally posted by PirateJoe:

This is, probably, the source of it all. Imagine your mom/dad having sex down the hall from you. Now pretend you had the power to stop it. Would you? Exactly.

No I wouldn't. They can do what they like as long as I don't have to hear it or see it.

quote:Originally posted by Staples:

Don't read this if you haven't got the time or desire, it's long and drawn out with a lot of overanalysis and details put into it.

I'm sure someone has been involved in a similar situation. Every parent(s) I know except for my own is okay with having their son or daughters' significant other spend the night.

My parents say 'it isn't right' to have the love of my life spend the evening. This is the first time we have been in love, it's incredible how you find each other - and it's something you can't express.. i'm sure many can relate. but this isn't the point at hand.. in any case

I've talked with them on a person to person basis on their reasoning and I haven't gotten an answer with any real basis or social skills, which is puzzling. they've stated 'it's contributing to the delinquency of a minor' 'it isn't right' and 'i'm not having it in my house'. we (my girlfriend, her mom, me) have talked about it and settled that it was on a psychological level - either they do not trust me consciously or they do not trust me subconsciously. Some people won't change their views no matter how lacking in basis, understanding, etc. they are. and that is definitely what it feels like at this point. I've given up asking, because they feel as if I'm only trying to get something I want. Honestly, it's -nothing- like that, -i wonder if they've ever been in love-. They're married - so they must know what love is - but their style of living is so different, we're completely different people, and we've never seen eye to eye on anything. we're both almost legal adults at this point.

as humble as I am let me say we are both very mature people with good judgement and mature outlooks on life.

What's the deal..

Once you take control of your own life, your parents will have no say in whether or not you can do this, even if it is in their house. Your girl will love you more for it too.

Be a man. Take control.

How old are you?

Do your parents know that you've slept with this girl before?

Do you live with them, or are you talking about like... a visit?

Dude, my dad wouldn't let me have a girl in the house until I was 20! Lame, I know, still living with my dad but it's easier than paying rent/bills!

I had brought girls back home before anyway...And he hated the idea of it or he'd have a go at me telling me I was treating his house like a knocking shop.

Then when I met my girlfriend (who I am still with), I decided to do it differently.

She lived in a pub at the time so I said to my dad "come down to the pub tonight...You'd like it, it's pretty cool...Plus I'd like you to meet my girlfriend."

He came down, met her, liked her and when I asked him a few days later about her staying the night, he was cool with it.

I think for him it was the respect of actually asking him for permission to do something in his house and the fact that I invited him to be part of a different aspect of my life, i.e being aquainted with my girlfriend/friends.

I think all you need with your parents is to find the respect part that they think you're overlooking and assure them you aren't.

Even in my thirties if I brought a guy home to meet the folks we had to sleep in separate rooms at their house...even if we were living with each other.

Their standards were different than mine, but I always respected that.

I wouldn't dream of asking my parents if my boyfriend could stay the night. And if I ever did, he'd be sleeping in the spare bedroom, alone. Those are my parents, I respect that.

My boyfriend's dad is totally ok with me spending the night at their house. However, my bf's sister's boyfriend is not under any circumstances allowed to stay there. And that was before he kicked a hole in the front door.

As long as you're living under your parents roof, you live by their rules. Not being able to have your girlfriend spend the night isn't so tragic.

I would be thrilled if things were such that I thought I could ask this kind of question with any possibility of getting an answer other than hell no. Consider yourself lucky man.

My friend's mom is okay with his girlfriend spending the night if she is there, which makes so sense seeing as she lets them sleep in the same room in the same bed.

Just sneak her in man.

I'm currently still living with my mother, but when I graduate I'm moving in with my boyfriend. She understands this and is fine with him sleeping here (although she doesn't know quite how old he is). He likes to but I feel more comfortable staying in hotels anyway, so I suggest you just get a room.

Well it sounds like you have tried logical reasoning, and it's obviously not working. An even more effective rhetorical appeal however is pathos, playing to their emotions instead of their logic. Give it a shot.

Kill your parents... Kill your parents... Then, kill yourself!

Kill your parents... Kill your parents... Then, kill yourself!

Kill your parents... Kill your parents... Then, kill yourself!

Kill your parents... Kill your parents... Then, kill yourself!

Kill your parents... Kill your parents... Then, kill yourself!

Kill your parents... Kill your parents... Then, kill yourself!

If a parent was around, then the rule was the same as at a party. Don't disturb the other people that are around. Try not to rub it in anybody's face.

Edit: A stepbrother of mine wasn't allowed to have girls around. They thought he was too "young" to be with women. He's two or three years older than I.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 01-28-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by Markoni:

Well it sounds like you have tried logical reasoning, and it's obviously not working. An even more effective rhetorical appeal however is pathos, playing to their emotions instead of their logic. Give it a shot.

Pathos: the quality in art or literature that stimulates pity, sadness, or sorrow in the reader or viewer.

FYI for anybody who doesn't know.

And no, that was not a copy + paste, I was studying English last night ok?

You and your girlfriend should both stay up all night at your own houses. Then have her come over the next morning so you can sleep together. Your parents won't suspect a thing.

Yar, I'd never dream of having another gender than mine spend the night. Like others said, the very first thing'd happen is some sex!

Who cares right? I get my own gender over here, easy.

is it really an expected thing these days, that your parents are supposed to let your girlfriend stay at your house and vice versa?

actually, my parents do let me stay at this one girl's house, and her parents are fine with it too, obviously. i think my parents would let her stay here, but i doubt she would be allowed to by her parents. we've slept on the living room floor next to each other, sharing blankets, etc, and her mom sees this in the morning and hasn't said anything. though i wonder what she thinks...



but i dont think any of my other friends would be allowed to do such things. i was surprised i was allowed. you're really not being screwed over, assuming you're still a kid.

i'm 18, by the way.

Thanks for the replies, I snapped yesterday. After trying asking nicely jacking off logic reasoning subliminal messages i was out talking to my dad in the garage and i snapped, saying the magic in their marriage had died so long ago that they didn't even remember what love was. that he didn't understand what heart was, and he only looked at it from his closed minded (cuss words galore) perspective and things escalated to me yelling at him at the top of my lungs filled with every degrading thing i could think of, how even if he did understand he didn't realize, and he wouldn't even admit things to himself. he was working on his car and i wanted his attention so i slammed the hood down as hard as i could and two cruisers showed up all intimidating, saying it was his house and his rules and i said i understood, i told him in the garage that there was no changing the way some people think, and that it was real love - something you can't express. 'i told him it was a waste of time' *cops look around anxiously*

anyway i'm going to settle with sneaking her in, because there is no changing their views, however you interpeted them okay w

just got in a huge fight im leaving the house now, i might be back i may now not sure whats happening at this point. thanks again,

Staples

Really the only thing is if your parents and her parents trust you with her.

Dude, how old are you?

And snapping on your dad like that eliminates any claims you've made to being mature.

quote:Originally posted by Staples:

Thanks for the replies, I snapped yesterday. After trying asking nicely jacking off logic reasoning subliminal messages i was out talking to my dad in the garage and i snapped, saying the magic in their marriage had died so long ago that they didn't even remember what love was. that he didn't understand what heart was, and he only looked at it from his closed minded (cuss words galore) perspective and things escalated to me yelling at him at the top of my lungs filled with every degrading thing i could think of, how even if he did understand he didn't realize, and he wouldn't even admit things to himself. he was working on his car and i wanted his attention so i slammed the hood down as hard as i could and two cruisers showed up all intimidating, saying it was his house and his rules and i said i understood, i told him in the garage that there was no changing the way some people think, and that it was real love - something you can't express. 'i told him it was a waste of time' *cops look around anxiously*

anyway i'm going to settle with sneaking her in, because there is no changing their views, however you interpeted them okay w

just got in a huge fight im leaving the house now, i might be back i may now not sure whats happening at this point. thanks again,

Staples



Let is drop, apologize, thank you lucky stars that you have still have free room and board. Then scrape up whatever spending money you have and hire a hooker to change you father's mind, sounds like he needs a good lay. Then invite your girlfriend over, don't mention when she's going home unless asked, just stay up watching movies all night in the living room or something like that, then go leaves at 5 in the morning to eat breakfast, and come back in an hour later by yourself and at like she had left and hour after you parents went to bed.

Almost legal adults, so i say 17, yet you cuss out your dad like an angsty 13 year old girl. Pitifull.

Something that as a parent i don't have to worry about. Although all my kids are sexually active none of their girlfriends are insane enough to want to spend the night in this house or be naked in the boy's room ...at least not without a full course of wide spectrum anti-biotics to hand.

Although if one of them did ask I wouldn't have a problem with it...prefer they did it in a bed than on the floor of the upstairs toilet like recently.

i haven't left yet, and when i do leave it will be on a 'time to leave for a while' accord. you have no idea how fucked up this house is, my dad almost killed me. so fuck you, i'm out.

later.

quote:Originally posted by Staples:



I'm sure someone has been involved in a similar situation. Every parent(s) I know except for my own is okay with having their son or daughters' significant other spend the night.



Don't know If anyone mentioned this before, I'm too fucked up lazy to read the whole thread but there are hotels and motels you know...