I don't know if this is the right forum to post this in, but it's the nearest I could think of and I figured I'd have better responses, so whatever.

I remember since the age of eight or ten, when I began to be home educated and practically became a hermit, I would go through spells where I'd cry for no reason and generally feel like shit.

I figured I could handle them, but they've been growing. last summer, it was really bad and I found myself really detesting people and pushing everyone away. It's kind of pathetic, but besides going on the internet, I would just lay in bed, with the curtains closed and watch Taxi Driver, because I felt attatched to the main character.

All my life I felt lonely and then I got a job in a shop. The woman I worked with was an utter bitch to me, putting me down all the time and eventually I got let go, thankfully. I withdrew more and decided to never leave the house and really began to hate people.

then I got scared because I felt t he depression coming back. I realized that sitting in the house, I was waiting for something that wasn't going to come, that I had no friends, qualifications or a job, I had only bad memories of my things such as my dad smashing up the house and the one person I ever truly loved never talking to me again.

i began to hear this voice in the back of my head that would go on and on and on and I feared for my sanity, it's still there but I really don't give a crap now. Last couple of days I was going through the crap where I cried for no reason. Last summer it happened I decided to go to a psychologist, but my mother talked me out of it, not wanting me to tell shit to a person outside the family.

the only person I really had to talk to was my mother and a few days ago I snapped for no reason at her. I hid in my bedroom and I could hear her downstairs talking to my sister, and I found out what she really thought of me. She went on and on about how useless I am and that I just sit around and do nothing and was beginning to just get in the way.

so, home alone, without even thinking about it, just thinking about how no one wanted me and I had no future, I took my belt, made a noose and put it around my neck. i was going to hang my myself in my closet but couldn't go through with it. now a now I keep having thoughts about suicide. I keep fantasizing about how I'd do it. I think about going to the hill by the ocean and throwing myself off. I'm seriously fucking scaring myself and I feel like there's nothing Ican do. I feel like giving in and ending it all, but I don't want to even though I see no reason not to.

This is going to come off as terribly rude and bitchy, and you're going to think "they jsut don't understand me..." but seriously, stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. If your mom thinks you're so useless then give her reason to think otherwise. Sitting around and being miserable will achieve absolutley nothing. You said you feel like there's nothing you can do, but that's only because you refuse to do nothing. Get up off your ass and find something that makes you happy. Take an art class or join a club or do something social, anything but sit around and think about how unimportant you are. People aren't born happy, they try new things, experiment, work hard. So seriously, man... if you've got all these problems then do something about it.

You're depressed, go to the doctor. Also, do you exercise? I'm pretty sure 30 minutes a day has been proven to be as effective as antidepressants.

Are you healthy? as in physically healthy?

If you are 'aware' of this depression SO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

grit your teeth, walk out the door and get a job.

Mr. Geist, I know exactly how you feel. Do you have MSN or AIM?

I am a hermit, too. I have friends but I never want to do anything with them. If I had my way I'd sit in my room all day. My mother is a wonderful person and I love her, but through laziness and anger I push her away. My parents think I'm useless, too.

There are some things you have to realize, though.

quote:the only person I really had to talk to was my mother and a few days ago I snapped for no reason at her. I hid in my bedroom and I could hear her downstairs talking to my sister, and I found out what she really thought of me. She went on and on about how useless I am and that I just sit around and do nothing and was beginning to just get in the way.

so, home alone, without even thinking about it, just thinking about how no one wanted me and I had no future,

Your mother loves you and likes you. Notice when you heard what she "really" thought - after you snapped at her. Obviously she'd be hurt and angry. But she wouldn't care for and listen to you if she didn't like you overall!

No one wants you? That's not true - I know your mother does. But even if it WERE, who gives a rat's ass? Happiness isn't found in other people. And if it counts for anything, I quite like you.

No future? You only have no future if you kill yourself. I can think of several people, famous mathematicians, artists, and philosophers, who didn't start anything until they were middle-aged or even elderly. How old are you? If you're younger than 70, then relax - you have plenty time to "make something" of yourself. Only do so if you WANT to, though... "success" is relative to the person, and if you want to spend the rest of your life sitting around and contemplating, that's fine. The most brilliant man that has ever been (that we know of), William James Sidis, just wanted to sit around and collect trolley tickets. That's it.

quote:I feel like giving in and ending it all, but I don't want to even though I see no reason not to.

That you don't want to isn't a good enough reason? Yes, of course it is.

Don't give up hope. I was going to kill myself once upon a time, too, but I kept on (because I couldn't acquire a gun or other sure way)... and now, a year later, I am damn glad I did.

Things to do:

-Creative. Drawing helped me immensely, even if most of my drawings turned out like this (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v392/Twisted_Ferret/Portraits/help.png). It's just nice to get it out. Writing always seemed like too much effort, but once I started I always ended up feeling better.

-Exercise & other self-improvement. Learn a musical instrument, improve your creative skills, etc. Exercising not only will make you feel better in mood, but it will make you healthier as well, and the improvements it brings are easily discernable. Any achievement will help; just keep busy.

-DON'T sit in your room in the dark all day. Go take long walks, do push-ups, draw, something. It will help immensely, I promise.

-Long hot showers. Okay, it might just be me but I loved the isolation and the sensation and the peacefulness. People leave you alone, it feels good, and you can contemplate. I dunno, give it a try.

-Listen to happy music and lose yourself in happy novels. Stay away from sad, listless stuff.

Oh, and smile. Even if you don't really feel like doing it. I don't mean ALL the time, but the more you smile the better you'll actually feel. It works both ways.

Sounds like a plan.

I was never in that state of depression, but I went through some very poor levels of confidence and happyness days.

What you want.. is friends and exercise.

Easy to make friends, just be a little bit witty, grow a pair of balls and be happy.

Not hard to do.

Start smoking weed.

quote:Originally posted by MomentaryLapseOfReason:

Start smoking weed.



Helps me. Alot.

Honestly get out of the house as soon as you can. If your younger then 18 wait and deal with this shit for now but once you turn 18 go to college, get a job, and it doesn't really matter where you go just go somewhere. Then find something your good at and work hard on it. Don't worry about anybody else just work on what you like and people with similiar intrest will come to you.

No offense dude but your mum sounds like she was a lousy parent, especially if she didn't want to let you see a doctor about it because he wasn't a family member. Exercise does help, I am talking from experience here, really, I know people say it all the time but you have no idea how much it helps to just talk to someone. When I was a kid I went through some shit and talked to my mum for a bit when I was drunk once and then the next day I sat down and I a proper conversation with her about it but talking to a relative just isn't the same as talking to a doctor. I don't know how to word it but please go see a doctor or it can fuck you up worse than you are now.

- ♫.i.b.y.v.n.t.h.♫

Find yourself a friend man,

take to a shrink, they have good advice.

but you can turn your negative frustration into positive energy, just do something you enjoy, improve yourself, rather then letting people think you suck.

I've been where you are mate. You get over it.

Basically, you have to force yourself to do something. Anything.

Play playstation, learn guitar, read books, ANYTHING.

Just force yourself, because nobody's going to be able to drag you out of this if you don't want to.

Oh and I have to add this because you're still in the stage where suicide is an option. It's not.

[This message has been edited by stab (edited 01-26-2007).]

run.

Get up, and run every morning.

That will help much more then any antidepressant you can get. They work, but only 25% of the time, and are pretty dangerous if they get it wrong

quote:Originally posted by MomentaryLapseOfReason:

Start smoking weed.

Only thing that works for me

You sound a lot like myself. A good and smart person stuck in a bad situation. Keep the faith in yourself man, you're not alone.

Things do get better with time if you keep the faith in yourself and work to make yourself better.

I don't know how old you are, but if you're an adult, get out of your house!

First of all, your mom's a little off. I don't know to what degree, but she's a little twisted. Are you Italian? Anyway, fuck what she thinks, because obviously it's a bunch of stupid bullshit.

Go to a psychologist, man. If you don't like that first one, go to a different one until you find a doctor you are truly comfortable with. This is the only you're going to be able to help yourself. Unless you want to join the military or commit yourself to being a Zen Buddhist for awhile, I suggest you seek therapy. They observe (by law) confidentiality of their patients. Whatever you tell him in that room, stays there.

You have depression and sitting there (as you know) is just going to make it worse. If you really want to help yourself, all these things that seem impossible now, you will accomplish. A job, your own place, therapy, friends.

Everything is there for the taking, it's up to YOU to be actively working for it. In the end, you're the one who chooses the course of your life. The more struggle, the stronger you become.

quote:This is going to come off as terribly rude and bitchy, and you're going to think "they jsut don't understand me..." but seriously, stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. If your mom thinks you're so useless then give her reason to think otherwise. Sitting around and being miserable will achieve absolutley nothing. You said you feel like there's nothing you can do, but that's only because you refuse to do nothing. Get up off your ass and find something that makes you happy. Take an art class or join a club or do something social, anything but sit around and think about how unimportant you are. People aren't born happy, they try new things, experiment, work hard. So seriously, man... if you've got all these problems then do something about it.

I’ve been like this on and off for eight or ten years. I’ve tried getting up off my ass when I was feeling better. I tried college and three days in it came back and I just dropped out. I can’t handle being around people when like this. Seriously, it just keeps getting worse.

quote:You're depressed, go to the doctor.

I keep meaning to but I keep putting it off. The doctor is just going to put me on drugs or not take me seriously at all.

quote:Honestly get out of the house as soon as you can. If your younger then 18 wait and deal with this shit for now but once you turn 18 go to college, get a job, and it doesn't really matter where you go just go somewhere. Then find something your good at and work hard on it. Don't worry about anybody else just work on what you like and people with similiar intrest will come to you.

Well, I am 18. For awhile, I thought about just getting up and leaving one day without telling anybody and moving away. But really, I wouldn’t be able to afford rent or anything.

I dunno if there is anything I’m good at. I feel like a terrible writer and dumb a lot of time, but I enjoy reading philosophy and literature. I wouldn’t mind taking up writing again and trying song writing and theatre acting.

Go somewhere.

Somewhere you've never been before, maybe by the sea. Save enough money to go there and stay for a day or so.

Changing location gives you perspective, and when you get back you'll have a bit of distance from your original situation. So you'll be able to understand better.

And then you should go to the doctor, and be able to explain your situation with your new understanding of it. See what they can do.

Don't give in, because you can change and you know it.

Jx

hey at least you won't get the hiccups

I really hope I can help

This is how I was a few months ago, I would basically cut myself with a razor a lot. Not emo shit either, like, actual blood. Not just a little bit either. The scariest part to me was I thought it was fun and that is the only reason I kept doing it. It was fucking fun. That was really scary to me. So, I considered suicide seriously and almost did it. My parents found out from my cousin and I was sent to the hospital, from there I went to the psycho ward for a week. The under-lying reason for this depression was only the fact I was attracted to children, but it led into things like drugs, cutting, social isolation etc. What really helps me is playing piano. Plus, get a psychologist. You have the right to do it and unless you are a Scientologist you can go right ahead. I am pretty sure it's a right to have stable mental and physical health within reason. (Like, you have the right to get better. Not that you should be looked after 24/7)

Anyway...I don't really know where I was going but I hope I offered some advice