Not suicide, or murder/suicide, or any variation of that.

Now, this concerns my girlfriend (sort of).

We broke up about... 2 months ago, sort of got back together about a month and a week ago. I know, short period there. Broke up over her getting stupid-drunk too much, seeming careless and some other bits and pieces. She came back 3 days later and apologized and whatnot, it was another 5 or so days before I talked to her again. For some reason, we ended up back together again, starting somewhat fresh and whatnot. She made me happy, and vice versa, all was well. Every now and then, she'd say, or do, or I'd find something out that pissed me off and started a small arguement or really long talk, a lot of which never got finished.

When we're together (she's at school, 4 hours away), things are generally good, both happy and whatnot.

When we're not, they can get bad fast, she does some stupid things sometimes (party-related and whatnot), sometimes doesn't tell me the whole truth (apparently 'no' guy friends is amazignly large amount), and I know less about what she does or her day than I do with my friends, and that feels wrong somehow.

I've somehow always managed to squeeze out reason and will for another chance, probably because of my feelings for her.

This latest time, finding the numerous random guys on her facebook, her wall full of messages from them. She didn't tell me because she was afraid of how I'd react. I say finding out myself is a lot worse.

She's also somewhat immature/stupid about drinking, it's drink to her limit or don't drink at all, and I rarely find out about any of it until after the fact.

She has a surprisignly close relationship, as a friend, with an ex. She talks to him about me sometimes, which bothers me, apparently it's about how much she loves me and whatnot, but if we have an arguement, he seems to hear a lot I don't, and that blows x1000000000

The fights/arguements are all of the same kind, over the same basic ideas, and I don't know how much more of it I can handle, if it keeps going, really.

Ok, that done, the positives. :\

I love her personality, witty, smart (er.. most of the time) and logical (most of the time).

She's said she's willing to do anything to try and make things better, but I don't know how far that extends, don't know if I care to find out.

Well, as much as it may seem my mind is all but made up here, I still need a push here, tell me I'm right here, tell me I won't regret this, and ffs stop me from wandering back or thinking of it. :\

tell her to stop drinking and talking to the ex. if she doesn't dump her.

There we go. Man I'm good at life.

quote:Originally posted by Orange_Crusader:

She has a surprisignly close relationship, as a friend, with an ex. She talks to him about me sometimes, which bothers me, apparently it's about how much she loves me and whatnot, but if we have an arguement, he seems to hear a lot I don't, and that blows x1000000000

Let me start by saying that a lot of this reminds me of an ex. I know what a lot of this feels like, especially the her having tons of guy friends and never hearing about the whole truth, her telling bits and pieces and then revealing a ton more later on. Yeah, it sucks.

This is what friendships are about: venting. Get over the not knowing everything feeling. It sucks, but it's life. We cannot know everything. If you're uncomfortable with her friendships, then move on. Bottom line: You don't trust her.

Next, she's being unhealthy with her drinking habits, and she's far away from you most of the time. She has a lot of guy friends. You guys fight a lot. Add all of this up to a failed relationship. The breakup will come sooner or later. However, this is just my view from what I've read in your post. You obviously know more about the situation.

So think, think, think. Make sure you're ready to break up with her, or prepared to stay with her and work things out. If you can't work them out, then move on.

She sounds like my ex, and you sound like me.

Very, freakishly similar.

Let me tell you how it ends: you break up.

Do it on good terms, if she's anything like my ex she'll be an amazing person when she grows up. Plant a seed, and leave her, get her back at a later date.

She sounds like she's just acting her age: lots of male friends, partying a lot, getting smashed, etc. Let her be young, she wont have a second chance.

Oh, and don't let her lure you in with the sex! If it weren't for the sex my ex would have been my ex A LOOOOT sooner.

TLDR. If possible fuck her in the cooter, then dump her. If not, just dump her.

Your relationship is doomed mate, so strengthen up and do not rely on her for anything.

You don't trust her, which is obvious for all to see, and really that means everything.

I think you're both not ready for a relationship, mate.

Murder/Suicide sure sounds like your best option, but if you don't want to breaking up with her should be good enough.

Leave her now before she really hurts you.

She's secretive, drinks a lot, has many male friends and likes to party.

That's a recipe for disaster and heartbreak right there and I think you know it too.

If you stay in this relationship you're only going to get fucked over royaly.

I have kind of had experience with this too. More of the arguments over stupid shit. I can understand some arguments over some things, but if its something constant when you aren't with each other, I would not recommend going on with it. I know it sucks, you love her, you guys jive well when your together, but you need to jive well when you are apart. If she really cared for you, she would be totally up front and honest about everything. It's kind of hard to change someone who is in their party stage. She has to want to change out of it. If she doesn't want to change, then she doesn't want to do anything it takes.

You need to tell her that she needs to shit or get off the pot basically. It sucks, but in my opinion, that would be best.

There always is the possibility of her growing up and out of her current phase, so don't completely burn that bridge, end it on good terms and maybe some day you and her will get along better. Just give it time.

SA

talking to an ex isn't so bad, I am best friend with one of mt ex's and I would NEVER want to get back with her. But if you mix long nights with an ex and booze...then problems may arise. I would tell her to watch the drinking.

good luck!

Telling an alcoholic to watch the drinking is like telling a Lioness to watch the wildebeest hunting.

Right now... half catatonic here, really.

I know I don't trust her anymore, plain enough, I know it can't work because of that. Not my fault, she did pretty much everything to push it to that point and that pisses me off. Just more or less found out that she only stopped thinking selfishly/about herself after we broke up (6 months in). For someone not to respect me or consider me at all for that long, not once... I don't know what to say, I feel like the absolute bottom of crap right now :\

I know it can't continue, but the next few.... months or so will be absolute hell. I've been lied to, blown off, argued with over nothing and generally treated badly for too long with no reason... as much as I know I take a lot more than I should, I'm no one's bitch (long-term), I can't bend over and take this anymore. As crappy as this will be, right now feels worse, I think.

Yet, again that small part of me asks what it's like now, her attitude is completely different lately, it's not all perfect but it seems to be improving, I just have to put my foot down every single time I feel the need to over something and not bend and she at least complies, or seems to care for/respect me now. The slim shade of hope there makes me feel a bit bad, like I might be losing something here, but the rest of me (read: 95%) says that a person can't truly change like that, and how I can still stand here, with all the crap and whatnot that's happened in the past. I'm not one to wipe the slte clean and forget it all, to start over, for one reason or another that's impossible for me.

I don't want to go through the hell that this re-breakup is going to be, I know she'll keep trying to contact me, get back together or just talk, and that's likely going to be the hardest part... goddamn... life just sucks sometime.

But, at the moment, with the news that she saw me as that little for that long, I can't see anything more between us at all, any trace of a relationship (friends or other) or pretty much any contact for a long, long time. Damn, I feel like breaking something, very big, and very violently. :\