My boyfriend and I (girl) have been together for almost a year now. Everything was great up until about two weeks ago. I think about him all the time and I long to be with him, but when I am around him my feelings change instantly. There are a couple different things that annoy me to the point where I just have to walk away. I am looking for help, and I was hoping some of you could give me advice

1.) I always have to wait

I'm always put on hold. I have to adjust to his schedule all the time. I waited for him for three months while he was off in Europe, I have to wait to hang out with him because he's always drinking with his friend, I have to work around HIS work schedule (which he planned to not fit well with mine, seeing as I work nights and he works mornings), I am currently waiting for him to make a decision on college (something he's been putting off for a month), and I have been waiting to have fun during sex for seven months now.

2.) Sex isn't thrilling for me

Every time, it's the same thing. When I tell him that I am sick of doing the same thing over and over again and I am not getting anything out of it, he says, "It will change with time." I haven't orgasmed from anything he's tried to do. I give all of the time, but I never receive. Everytime he tries to start something and I tell him I don't want to because I don't get anything out of it, he says this time will be different. It never is. I feel like I am being used for sex.

3.) I am being trapped into his parents game

His parents just recently got divorced and they are playing "tug of war" with all of their boys, especially my boyfriend because he is the youngest. He is going off to college, as said before, and his father says he won't pay for his college if he doesn't go to a particular school (of which my boyfriend doesn't want to go) and become a fraternity boy. His dad is using me as bait. My boyfriend wants to go to the college I am going to, but can't unless he wants to make his father mad and have 40,000+ loans later on in life. So, I am used as the knot in the middle of the tugged at rope.

I am a person that doesn't handle stress well, and this is all stressing me out. If you could give advice to at least one of these I would appreciate it. I just needed somewhere to let it all out. Thanks for your time.

I honestly think you should get out of there before it gets worse and you get dragged in deeper.

He sounds like a bit of a dick if he's not taking your feelings into consideration.

Have you tried telling him how you feel about him not paying you any attention and his "busy" schedule?

quote:Originally posted by ShutMeUp:

I honestly think you should get out of there before it gets worse and you get dragged in deeper.

He sounds like a bit of a dick if he's not taking your feelings into consideration.

I agree. The thing that annoyed me the most is the fact that you have to adjust to his schedule everytime, that is so wrong. A relationship won't work unless there's commitment on both sides.

quote:Originally posted by sirlicksalot:



1.) I always have to wait

I'm always put on hold. I have to adjust to his schedule all the time. I waited for him for three months while he was off in Europe, I have to wait to hang out with him because he's always drinking with his friend, I have to work around HIS work schedule (which he planned to not fit well with mine, seeing as I work nights and he works mornings), I am currently waiting for him to make a decision on college (something he's been putting off for a month), and I have been waiting to have fun during sex for seven months now.

Stop waiting and go do your own thing. Now, this will either cause him to open up some of his time...or it will end the relationship because you won't have time for each other.

There...that's one thing.

(Love your username btw.)

No, like I really always have to wait. I ask him to go to a movie with me or go out to eat after I get off of work (because sometimes, honestly, I really don't feel like cooking for myself) and he says, "Oh well I am going camping with the guys tonight," or "Oh, I was going to *insert name here* tonight." He is always drinking with his friends, always. That's all he did in Europe as well. Before he left the only thing he could talk to me about was how their beer comes in ... pints or liters or whatever (sorry European Totsians I am not familiar). I end up eating alone at local restaurants or going and sitting alone in a movie theater because I really wanted to see it! It's like he uses his free time to drink away his problems instead of making decisions. He puts them off all the time, like he does me.

And when I tell him somethings wrong he always turns it to my fault. "Maybe you are one of the few women that can't orgasm" or "You work too much." After I go through a whole spill of feelings, he says, "Well what did I do wrong?!" and then starts getting offensive. Why is it always my god damn fault! How can I get him to see that it IS him and his fucking family?

[This message has been edited by sirlicksalot (edited 01-23-2007).]

Like I said...stop it. You have a choice as to what to do. You choose to wait, but are grumbling about it. Stop making that choice and try something different. What harm can come of taking a different approach toward something that is already making you unhappy.

Do it with one thing...then...the other things will fall into place more easily.

Or....continue on with what you've been doing....and grumbling about it...

edit:

The way I see it is that he's living his life and many aspects of it does not include you. You need to do the same. If you do then...some day you just might meet someone who wants to live their life with you.

I hear that can happen.

[This message has been edited by oc6 (edited 01-23-2007).]

Sounds to me like you dump him.

That makes sense to me Rabbi.

I wrote him a note telling him all of these things and stuck it on his car. When he gets off of work he will get it. It was the only way I could htink of to get him to listen to me one last time. After this... I don't know what. Maybe it IS time to call it quits for a while and just let it lay as is.

Seriously, from what i read, he is just in it for the sex. I mean, for fuck's sake, when i'm in a relationship, i wanna spend every minute together with my girl...On a second tought, maybe thats why i'm single...LOL.