My friends are quite possibly the most important thing to me. Let me tell you about one of my two best friends. His name is Kevin.

I became friends with Kevin in 3rd grade when I moved in with my mom. We stayed friends and ended up attending college together. So we've been pals for a long time. Fourteen years to be exact. We're family. Along with my friend Shawn, he's the closest thing to a brother I've ever had.

Kevin never dated anyone in high school. Ever. But in our sophomore year of college, he met a girl. We'll say her name is Ellen. And they started dating.

Ellen is a fun loving girl. She's not very bright... at all... but she's very well-intended and friendly. She taught me how to play guitar. So she's got my seal of approval. Ellen is also relatively wealthy. She comes from an upper class family. So they don't necessarily have millions and millions of dollars, but they do have one of those nice homes in a semi-gated community.

Kevin, however, comes from humble upbringings. His dad was a preacher until he hurt his back and couldn't stand up for long periods of time. His mom is a phlebotomist. She is the sole breadwinner of the family. They get by just fine; it's not like they're struggling to make ends meet, but they can't afford to support Kevin forever.

Ellen continues attending school. Kevin dropped out of college a few years back and now works at a tire shop. He makes minimum wage. They've been together for four years.

Last week, I received a message that they're going to get married in the next few months.

I don't know how to feel about this. Ellen's dad isn't going to support them, nor should he WANT to, nor should he NEED to. Kevin is going to need to get a college degree if he wants to get any kind of worthwhile career to start a family. But he refuses to go back to school.

Here's the kicker: Kevin is 1/3 native American, so he can attend public university for absolutely zero cost.

I've tried telling him to transfer his credits from the private university we attended to a state sponsored college and finish his degree. But he won't. He doesn't want to go to school for anything. All he wants to do is get a job at a car company driving cars back and forth between dealerships. I've tried explaining to him that that sort of job doesn't pay a lot of money.

He gave up a degree in computer engineering to pretend to be a race car driver. If it were possible, that's what he would be: a race car driver.

They're spending their honeymoon in Hawaii using Ellen's savings.

Sigh.

I live in Japan and I don't know how feasible it's going to be for me to be able to come back to the United States to attend the wedding. I want to even if I don't support the marriage entirely because he's my brother.

Homie keeps making bad decisions and I'm not gonna be around to bail him out.

That is all.

Sometimes you just have to let them make their own mistakes if they won't listen to you. You won't always be around to bail him out.

Maybe once he realizes just how hard it's really going to be, he'll change his mind about school. It's his life, though. All you can really do is hope for the best.



Has Ellen tried to get him to go back to school? Maybe he would get the message better if it came from her.

quote:Originally posted by MandatorySuicide:

Maybe once he realizes just how hard it's really going to be, he'll change his mind about school. It's his life, though. All you can really do is hope for the best.



Has Ellen tried to get him to go back to school? Maybe he would get the message better if it came from her.

I honestly don't know if she's tried or not. I know that two closest other friends have tried with lackluster results.

She's a communications major. I have *no idea* what the hell kind of a career SHE could acquire with that kind of a degree.

As long as he's doing what makes him happy, who are you to get in the way? Yeah, college will get you a job that pays better, but if he loves what he's doing then he can do without the extra 50k a year.

quote:Originally posted by MandatorySuicide:

[B]It's his life, though. All you can really do is hope for the best./B]

is that all you can really do? see, i think the point of friendship is to be able to help friends. no u shouldnt try to inturrupt so much that they hate you, or inturrupt because of your views instead of theirs. like stopping a wedding because you just dont support it. u should be able to talk about it to try to stop it. now if he still keeps going you still should be there for him to help him. afterall you did say he was your brother. now if he'd say he was gonna go kill a bitch, then yeah that might be the ok to leave him be and stop caring for doing something that stupid. i'm in a hard situation right now that is making me indecisive and kinda rambly. sorry. but this caught my attention cause it sounds kinda like me :-\

If he's happy and not hurting anyone, I have no problem with what he does. If he can make it work.

Therein lies the problem.

As it stands, I don't see it being able to work. I worry about the guy. I want his life to be damn good, and I want to help make that possible. I can't live his life for him, nor do I want to. I just want him to make GOOD CHOICES.

But that's why this is more of a vent than anything else.