If you don't want the story you can scroll to the end and read how I'm going to break up with him. I just want commentary on if it's a good break up talk.

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I'm going to go ahead and be concieted here for a minute and let you all know that I am an awesome girlfriend. I really only want to see a guy 2 - 3 times a week tops, I don't get jealous of your friends or if you still talk to your ex's, I always stay fit and try to look nice, I'm amazing in bed - I mean I do things even French girls think is gross, I can cook, I love to cut a mans hair, I give great massages. I mean, I've never been dumped before. I'm aces at the girlfriend thing.

So imagine my surprise when I hook up with my good friend who has given me much love advice over our two years of friendship and he does this after nearly a year of being exclusively together:

1. Refused to bring my broken guitar to his place so I could get it easilier. He says "I can get it from the bar whenever you want!" and it's like, dude, I don't want my guitar hanging out at the bar where someone might steal it from the storage room. But, that was just too close for him.

2. Stood me up on New Years.

3. Ignored me - not returning my calls for a week and a half just to invite me over to his place for 10 minutes of lousy sex, but refused to walk around the corner to the bar to have a drink with me.

4. Scoffed at me when I said jokingly that "I'd love you forever" if he would pick up my dinner on the way to work. I mean, shit, we've been dating for almost a year and I'm not even allowed to joke about it?!

Then last weekend I went home with him after work on Saturday. I didn't want to but Saturdays are a 24 hour day for me. I have to be at the salon at 7am, work there till 4:30pm, then go straight to the bar (which is an hour commute on public transit) and work there until at least 3am. He lives around the corner, I live a half hour away, it's just too easy to go to his place and pass out. Anyways, I spent the night again and in the morning he didn't even get breakfast like he usually does. Instead he fucked me for about 30 seconds, came, and then went into his work studio and when I said I was leaving he said

"Yea. That's why I'm standing over here and not with you. I really need to get this stuff done and I don't want to encourage you to stay." Uh... WTF?!?!?!?!

Now, I was really depressed about all this for a long time because I thought this was a problem with me. I mean, how could my old friend who I know cares for me treat me so carelessly especially now when I've just lost my job, all my friends are out of town in college, and I've just gone back to school where all my friends but me have graduated so I have no friends. But I realized it's not me. It's him.

We started things famously prematurely. He's not over his ex. And he really understands me, and I'm afraid to lose that (plus all the free drinks and the place to stay on Saturdays doesn't hurt either), but I can find someplace else to crash and it's just not enough. I'm starting to feel not only unappreciated but used.

Anyways, I've never cheated on anyone but after leaving his place last Sunday I called this guy who has been pursuing me and asked him to get coffee with me. We ended up going back to his place, and no! We didn't fuck. But, we did make out like crazed teenagers on crack for about an hour. I have indian burns on my crotch from all the dry humping.

So now I have to tell him I've at least kissed someone and I really have to break it off, but he's been my friend of a long time and I want to do this as nice as possible (despite how he's treated me). And I've written all this up into this statement which I plan on presenting to him via phone. I would do it in person but we only see about once a week and I need to do it now. So here it is:

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"I've been thinking about things and you know that I've been unhappy lately and I think one of the reasons I've been so upset about things is because I thought you were treating me like this because of something wrong with me, but I was thinking about things and it's not me. I couldn't understand why after dating for almost a year you would do things like refuse to bring my broken guitar to your place, or stand me up on New Years, or scoff at me for even jokingly saying the word "love", or ignore me for a week and then invite me over for 10 minutes of sex, but not even come around the corner to visit me.

I couldn't imagine that my friend who I'd recieved so much good advice from before would suddenly treat me so carelessly; Especially now when I've just lost my job, my friends are all gone, and I've gone back to school. But, now I know it's not me, and I wont accept that this is you. That this is just how you treat the woman you care about. I don't think you're over Sierra and I think we both agree we started things prematurely. I mean we've never even been on a date besides my birthday. And I feel like in some ways you really understand me and I'm afraid to lose that, but it's not enough and I'm starting to not just feel unappreciated but used.

I really don't want to lose you, but I think it would be better for the both of us to get clear about what we're doing and take a break."

What do you think of that for a break up? I think I gave a good clear synopsis of the relationship, what was wrong with it, and a remedy. You?

Cheers,

Lost

Scan...

not over old girlfriend. You.. cheated on him for whatever reason, nothing serious but I'd be pissed...

Conclusion: Stick around, talk to him a bit about it, if it heads downhill nuke it.

quote:Originally posted by LostCause:

I really don't want to lose you, but I think it would be better for the both of us to get clear about what we're doing and take a break

Do you fully intend on getting back together with him?

I doubt this is a break, don't lie to the guy. Be honest, tell him that you're ending it.

Also, is he a good artist?

FUCK YOU BITCHES AND YOUR 'TAKE A BREAK' BULLSHIT.

Jesus Christ, don't fucking lie to the man. Just say it's over. It doesn't make it easier on us to 'take a break.'

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

FUCK YOU BITCHES AND YOUR 'TAKE A BREAK' BULLSHIT.

Jesus Christ, don't fucking lie to the man. Just say it's over. It doesn't make it easier on us to 'take a break.'

Has your wife asked you for a break?

Just say "I don't think this is working out"

Don't tell him about the kissing thing yet, just break it off and keep everything else you're doing in the mean time.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Has your wife asked you for a break?

Haha shit yeah negro, like 5 months ago. I was a sucker and thought it actually meant a break.

We both have moved on. Sort of. Now we're both just fucking around and getting fucked up, no idea where we're going. Perhaps our paths will one day re-converge. I'd like to give another go sometime in the future, but I won't kill myself if it doesn't happen.

Bottom line is that breaks are fucking BULLSHIT.

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

Bottom line is that breaks are fucking BULLSHIT.

Breaks, while sometimes used with honest intentions, are just way of slowing the inevitable.

Basically, they fucking suck.

Dude, tough break. Weren't you a tad young to be married any way?

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

Now we're both just fucking around and getting fucked up, no idea where we're going.

I remember you and among_the_living always used to tell me "Arquin NO promiscuous sex, NO getting fucked up".

Now you're doing them. Is that you maturing, or taking a step back?

Kind of curious as to whether I need to do growing up, or if I've already done it.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

I remember you and among_the_living always used to tell me "Arquin NO promiscuous sex, NO getting fucked up".

Now you're doing them. Is that you maturing, or taking a step back?

Kind of curious as to whether I need to do growing up, or if I've already done it.

Of course it's a step back. I don't deny it. But I've lost my ability to give a fuck. My principles only resulted in me losing everything I cared about.

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

Of course it's a step back. I don't deny it. But I've lost my ability to give a fuck. My principles only resulted in me losing everything I cared about.



Doesn't sound like a step back to me if it caused you to lose everything you cared about.

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

My principles only resulted in me losing everything I cared about.



Mind explaining how being a moral upstanding person can result in anything other than gain?

You were so strong with your principles, how could that be a negative thing?

You really remind of of one of my closest girlfriends. She would do exactly what you've done. Create a script to work from.

Every break up I've ever had...well...most were initiated by me and I wasn't really that good of a girlfried (as per your list)...anyway...

Just make the break with as short an explanation as possible. If you're really friends then you'll remain friends. I don't think you should imply that this could be a temporary thing at all. I think you should say straight out that the relationship is not working for you and you want out.

I'm a controlling and unbelievably arrogant and jealous asshole. Eventually it comes to a head and they can't take it anymore, because I never budge an inch.

Of course, looking back, I would have been different. But I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to do things right a second time around.

Sure you will Rabbi, just maybe not with her.

It sounds to me like you're just a little off balance right now. After a while you'll find that balance again...and it will be a slightly different version of what you once were too.

Well...that has been my experience anyway. I'm very slow to change. I might "try things on" to test them out...but I usually revert back with only minor alterations.

(I don't know how else to express that. Sorry if it doesn't make sense.)

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Sure you will Rabbi, just maybe not with her.

Ahaha, that's the point my good man. I will not even bother for anyone else. Once you've been with your best friend anyone else is just a cheap substitute.

It's strange, though. The less I care about them, the smoother my 'relationships' seem to go. It's when I start caring that I begin to act the fool.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Well...that has been my experience anyway. I'm very slow to change. I might "try things on" to test them out...but I usually revert back with only minor alterations.

(I don't know how else to express that. Sorry if it doesn't make sense.)

That, my dear, makes perfect sense. I couldn't have explained it better my self. I do that A LOT.

Emphasis on the word "seem". That's because you don't care...so everything floats past you, for the most part.

I'm not sure what you mean by "fool" though. There's more than one way to play the fool.

Fool as in being jealous and controlling. I once called her phone 19 times in a row and left pissed-off voicemails because she was at her girlfriend's house and I thought she was cheating on me because she wouldn't answer. Turned out her phone was just charging off the cigarette lighter in her truck.

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

Fool as in being jealous and controlling. I once called her phone 19 times in a row and left pissed-off voicemails because she was at her girlfriend's house and I thought she was cheating on me because she wouldn't answer. Turned out her phone was just charging off the cigarette lighter in her truck.

Atleast you can look back and see that it was the wrong thing to do. Which means you wont do it agian, learning experience.

See if you looked back on that time and thought "Fucking bullshit, I was in the right, she was in the wrong, she didn't answer her phone so I had the right to ring another 18 times leaving angry voice calls" then you wouldn't have come far at all, and hope would be lost.

But you don't, do you?

No, I think not.

How cruel the fates that I only realize the error of my ways until it's possibly too late. Yeah, that sounds emo, but I love the stupid bitch, damn it.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Atleast you can look back and see that it was the wrong thing to do. Which means you wont do it agian, learning experience.

Some behaviors take longer to unlearn. I don't know how many times I've repeated things.

Or...picked up new bad behaviors to replace the old ones.

LC, do you think it would have been better to keep him as a friend instead? Too late for that now. He's never sounded like a good boyfriend. That trouble with your sister & him not giving you shelter?

That certainly sticks in the mind...

If he's as much of a tosspot as he sounds, I really doubt he'll take the time to read what you've written.

Keep it simple:

"You're unloving. You're annoying. You upset me on a regular basis and I dont see that being one of the definitions of 'boyfriend'. Me go now."

Personally, I'd give him a kick in the balls, destroy something very precious to him, perhaps his art studio, and then fuck his best friends. But there you go..



You've tried. It's really upsetting that when you try so hard the other person doesent even give a shit. He isnt worth any more of your effort.

I agree with the guys here that you ought not say 'take a break.' Just say you think you two should stop dating or 'break up' or whatever you want to call it. DON'T say 'break,' though. That just happened to me as well, and only 2 weeks later it was break up/found someone else.

As far as the cheating (I do consider kissing as cheating), it's a pretty bad thing of you to do. Even if you are unhappy in your relationship, it doesn't give you an excuse to go out and do anything with somebody else. I will say that I am oddly glad that you didn't sleep with that guy, though. Maybe you are coming around!

Like yoyo said, I am not so sure that he will really want to read the entire synopsis. In fact, if he acts so carelessly towards you, he might just blow it off entirely. Maybe you should just be short and sweet about it: "we need to break up."

If he asks questions, then you can get into it. If he doesn't, then there is no doubt it was the right decision.

Good luck! You sound like a sweet girl despite your insanity.

quote:Originally posted by malaria:

I agree

Good luck! You sound like a sweet girl despite your insanity.

You leave him?

Why, girls want to be treated badly, sadly...

Its a axiomotic fact

there is no scientific evidence, its just fucking fact...

quote:Originally posted by MJR deus:

You leave him?

Why, girls want to be treated badly, sadly...

Its a axiomotic fact

there is no scientific evidence, its just fucking fact...

Are you female? Do you feel like this?

Or, are you pulling facts out of your ass?

I suggest you stop thinking you know everything there is to know about *all* females just because you've met a few stupid whores desperare enough to fuck you and shut your mouth.

It doesn't read very smoothly, and you also drag it out a bit with a slight lean towards pretention but it gets the point across.

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

Perhaps our paths will one day re-converge.

Hence, it would have been a break then. I don't so much fully intend on getting back together with him, but I can definitely see it happening.

Cheers,

Lost

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Mind explaining how being a moral upstanding person can result in anything other than gain?



Let me explain it to you. The world isn't happy fun fun land. Just because you're having a good day or being a good person doesn't mean everyone out there is going to be, too. So you can be a moral and upstanding person until the cows come home. Some people will still just walk all over you and take advantage.

Reality bites.

Cheers,

Lost

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

If he's as much of a tosspot as he sounds, I really doubt he'll take the time to read what you've written.

Keep it simple:

"You're unloving. You're annoying. You upset me on a regular basis and I dont see that being one of the definitions of 'boyfriend'. Me go now."

Personally, I'd give him a kick in the balls, destroy something very precious to him, perhaps his art studio, and then fuck his best friends. But there you go..



You've tried. It's really upsetting that when you try so hard the other person doesent even give a shit. He isnt worth any more of your effort.



You're a vindictive little bitch, aren't you? I like you.

Cheers,

Lost

Maybe you should make him think you're going to break up with him for a while? Maybe he'll stop being a dick then? If he doesnt he probably doesnt want to be with you anyways? I dont know.

So, I did it last night. We broke up. We were up till about 6am hashing it out, and I'd like to add one more lousy thing he's done to me recently that I've forgot about.: We hardly spoke for nearly two weeks and then he send me a text message telling me to come pick up my hat that I'd left at his place. Literally, doesn't talk to me for hella long and then writes "Pick up your hat". WTF is that?

At first he tried to be defensive, but after I'd listed about three or four of all the horrible things he's done to me he just got sad and apologised. He said he feels like an awful person and he can't believe he did all those things to me. I told him that not even my exhusband who beat me treated me this badly and he told me that if that's the case I should hang up and never speak to him again. But, I didn't - we work together - we have to work it out.

The whole thing was just unbelieveably sad. I cried so hard I threw up. And I didn't want to be that girl who cries when she dumps someone, but you have no idea how much all of this hurt me. I haven't been this heartbroken since my marriage ended.

Cheers,

Lost

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that Lost.

The "pick up your hat" incident actually sounds like him trying to break up with you, in my opinion. Not that it matters much anymore.

I'm sorry that you feel so bad about it. I suppose at this point you can look forward to the opportunity to become better friends now that you aren't together. I don't know if that is what you want or not, but it's a good option.

Threw up? Threw up the poison is more like it & that is good.

Did you ever use your Huge Strap-on in him to try to loosen up his tight-ass 'tude?

Sounds like you'd be better off without him. Yeah it'll hurt, you'll get over it...eventually. =/

Best of luck to ya Lost.

Good luck.

Either you are one unlucky girl that seems to have bad luck with relationships all the time or you mentally cause all this drama in your head and create bad situations with your relationships. I haven't read much of your threads. But for those I have read, I see a recurring subject of boyfriend, cheating, thinking about cheating, ex-boyfried, jealousy, and something I recall about a boss being an ex-boyfriend.

What you need is a fuck buddy. You get the perks of a relationship without the drama. Unless you tend to get jealous, then it would be nothing but drama.

Do you have a knack for choosing assholes?

quote:Originally posted by LostCause:

So, I did it last night. We broke up.

Glad we could help.

quote:Originally posted by Knight of the Realm:

Do you have a knack for choosing assholes?

Show me a guy who isn't an asshole and I'll show you my magic fairy land. All men are assholes. The question is to what degree.

And okay, so a wrench got thrown into all of this. I skipped my period last Saturday which I didn't even think about because I thought, may be I was just being absent minded and it was the wrong week, but now I've started spotting. Just a tiny bit. It could just be from stress, and so I'm going to give it another two days before fuck freaking, but yea, THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!!

Cheers,

Lost

quote:Originally posted by LostCause:

Show me a guy who isn't an asshole and I'll show you my magic fairy land. All men are assholes. The question is to what degree.

And okay, so a wrench got thrown into all of this. I skipped my period last Saturday which I didn't even think about because I thought, may be I was just being absent minded and it was the wrong week, but now I've started spotting. Just a tiny bit. It could just be from stress, and so I'm going to give it another two days before fuck freaking, but yea, THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!!

Cheers,

Lost

Conversley, all women are bitches to a certian degree, and you can retort with "oh, not me." but when you say "Lets take a break." and mean "We need to end our RELATIONSHIP." Then it is proof.

I'm sorry. I hope that everything works out for you. But if he was as bad of a boyfriend as you implied, then you are better off without him anyway. He kind of reminds me of a guy I know. I'm sure that everything will work out for you though.

quote:Originally posted by LostCause:

Hence, it would have been a break then. I don't so much fully intend on getting back together with him, but I can definitely see it happening.

Cheers,

Lost

?

I'm a bit confused. Are you saying that there's little chance of that happening in my case?

quote:Originally posted by The Rudeboy:

Conversley, all women are bitches to a certian degree, and you can retort with "oh, not me." but when you say "Lets take a break." and mean "We need to end our RELATIONSHIP." Then it is proof.

The rule applies to women too, I wont argue with that, nor will I argue that I'm some sort of acception to the rule. But, when I said let's take a break I meant it. I don't want to break up. I just don't see anything else I can do. I can't go on like this. It's bad for my self esteem.

EDIT: O, and I got my rag. It was just stress.

Cheers,

Lost



[This message has been edited by LostCause (edited 01-25-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by LostCause:

Show me a guy who isn't an asshole and I'll show you my magic fairy land. All men are assholes. The question is to what degree.



"Show me a woman who isn't a bitch and I'll show you my magic fairy land. All women are bitches. The question is to what degree."

And you know what the real difference between you and me is, sweetheart? If I say what you said, I'm a misogynistic dickhead. But for rolling off that pile of narrow-minded, self-fulfilling, psychological defense mechanism bullshit, you'll just get a lot of sympathy.

I was just going to hold my peace, but that's a load of crap. Your shitty taste does not equal a massive failing on my gender's part, okay? I mean, you've been putting up with all the bullshit you've outlined for how long, and you're just breaking up with him now? Never in my entire life have I accepted such ludicrously disrespectful behavior from a member of the opposite sex, let alone one I was dating.

You can blame your romantic problems on men all you like - or, you can realize that we accept the love we think we deserve, get your head together, and learn to respect yourself.

Just a couple a' pennies. Take it or leave it.

[This message has been edited by StillArmedStillAngry (edited 01-26-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by The Rudeboy:

Conversley, all women are bitches to a certian degree, and you can retort with "oh, not me." but when you say "Lets take a break." and mean "We need to end our RELATIONSHIP." Then it is proof.

Exactly.

How dare you say that all males are assholes. There are decent people in this world, you know?

It gets on my nerves that women think all guys think that women are just meat to them and all we want to do is fuck.

You're wrong. Like the guy said above, then all women must be bitches, just to a certain degree!

And for you to get back with asshole men over and over is YOUR problem and NOT HIS.

When you start to see things go down hill, you talk about it. You don't just dump everything on him at the last moment as an excuse to bail out of the relationship and not talk about it and come to some conclusion.

Common sense tells you if you explain to him his problems before they pile up, they wont happen and he'll try and change.

If he doesn't change right away, then COMMON SENSE tells you that he's not the right person.

You should never have to make a person like you, it should just happen naturally.

"All men are assholes."

Let me back up that statement and say that this thread is worthless. You should have known that a long time ago, dear.

You people have the reading comprehension levels of 5 year olds. I clearly stated that it went both ways. But, whatever, you all have your heads so far up your asses all you can see is shit anyways. You're just looking for a fight and you're not going to get one. Run along now.

Cheers,

Lost

You should've mentioned the problems earlier.

quote:Originally posted by LostCause:

You people have the reading comprehension levels of 5 year olds. I clearly stated that it went both ways. But, whatever, you all have your heads so far up your asses all you can see is shit anyways. You're just looking for a fight and you're not going to get one. Run along now.

Cheers,

Lost

Everyone is pretty clear on the fact that you are a lying bitch. Not only are you a pathelogical liar, you insult other people's reading comprehension and try to boast about your credentials as a writer.

Your writing is shit, your life is shit, this discussion is shit, and as far as I'm concerned you are shit. A relationship that you said was open to flirting/fondling other people is room for disaster.

Stop bringing your played out bullshit to the forums, okey dokey?