I've realized of late that I'm a very shallow person. To illustrate this with the most recent example: I've seen a girl that I have a couple of Uni courses with around my building, we share a few words in the elevator, and I recently had a real conversation (ie. getting to know each other, as opposed to just small talk). She's cute, though not hot.

Now, although I suppose we were connecting through our speaking, I was feeling detached and focusing entirely on her physically, pondering whether I'd want to hook up with her. After we parted ways I was reminded that all my female interactions are like this. I don't think it's just the usual "check her out" behavior that I'm sure all males do...it's more intense. Assuming they have suitable enough of a personality to where I can handle conversing with them, I never find myself "giving a fuck" on an emotional level. I go along with the conversation, let it flow, but (and excuse me for sounding cliché) I just don't feel anything.

Anyways, I apparently think the answer is no, but I'll ask regardless: Is this normal? To what extent do other males do this?

EDIT- Byss' response made me think to mention this...maybe it's relevant: I also had a very degrading opinion of women in general. It's not universal, in that there's the occasional girl that I can't readily imagine on all fours, but...it's a pretty generalized sentiment I have.



[This message has been edited by chelovek (edited 01-23-2007).]

You probably haven't met the right girl yet. You sound normal, maybe a bit on the shallow side, but still normal. I would be worried if you reach 30 without ever having an emotional connection with a woman...

Well, I can't help you here, since I have a very peculiar world view when it comes to women. Sorry.

can you beat this: While tripping on shrooms last Saturday night with my gf and her best friend. my gf's best friend and I fucked and my gf wasn't upset and wants us to do it more.

I'm not shallow but that was just fucked up. So all guys are different.

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

You probably haven't met the right girl yet. You sound normal, maybe a bit on the shallow side, but still normal. I would be worried if you reach 30 without ever having an emotional connection with a woman...

Well, perhaps "normal" is too vague a word. I'm basically asking what the norm is...how does a guy that isn't me interact with females? That's a better way to phrase my question.

Ah, I see. Well, I'm not a guy, but from my observations alot of college aged guys are the same as you. And girls for that matter too.

Is this an issue with you? Do you care that you think you're shallow? Or are you just curious about other guys?

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

Ah, I see. Well, I'm not a guy, but from my observations alot of college aged guys are the same as you. And girls for that matter too.

Is this an issue with you? Do you care that you think you're shallow? Or are you just curious about other guys?

I don't really know if I care, per se. I mainly just think it's hindering me, and that I'm missing some valuable part of the human experience. I want a girlfriend, but only because it means constant sex. Emotionally there'd be nothing for me.

The fact that my shallowness extends to every female is what I'm wondering about. It even extends to my male-male relationships to some extent, though obviously without the sexual edge. I basically keep my friends for "entertainment", and I use them to further myself, as opposed to actually caring for them. That's not to say that I don't "like" them, but...if I'm supposed to feel something more, I can't confidently say that's the case.

I've grown out of it a bit, I get emotionally attached easily, usually to whores. I can spend a day frollicking in the flowers and shit, but it always comes around to fuck me in the end since all women are whores. So I keep it on coital terms feel me.

quote:Originally posted by Easy Rider:

I've grown out of it a bit, I get emotionally attached easily, usually to whores. I can spend a day frollicking in the flowers and shit, but it always comes around to fuck me in the end since all women are whores. So I keep it on coital terms feel me.

This is generally my approach as well. Don't open yourself up until you've closely scrutinized and tested the girl to see if she's worth the investment.

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

This is generally my approach as well. Don't open yourself up until you've closely scrutinized and tested the girl to see if she's worth the investment.

Ah, this helps. I have trouble "opening myself up", in that I simply can't really do it. I mean, there'll be a beautiful girl that I like, but after a point I can't seem to open myself any deeper. I can get the girl to do it, but not me. It's also not like I'm a boring person either, as I have plenty of things to talk about...but not at all when it comes to expressing whatever the hell is (supposed to be) inside me. I can move past basic small talk to get-to-know-you talk, and later to just normal conversations, not necessarily about anything...but it's emotionally meaningless on my side. Nearly all of my "conquests" (I dunno if that sounds corny or not, but I can't think of another word right now) have just been of the one night stand style. We'll meet, start talking (usually drunk on both sides of the equation), good qualities about myself are all fed into the conversation, and eventually a move is made, blah blah blah, and not much else. Hell, I can't really think of a single fucking girl that I've actually successfully courted in a drawn out, progressive type of relation. My hypothesis is that the longer someone spends with me, the more they sense that I don't go very far.

As I said, I'm not sure if I necessarily care about "fixing" this, but I want to understand it. If anything I'd like to learn what I'm supposed to do so I can attempt to pretend. When you all "open yourself up", what type of things do you talk about with the particular girl?





[This message has been edited by chelovek (edited 01-23-2007).]

Dude, it sounds to me like you're just the average 18-24 year old dude. You're not supposed to have any interest in settling down.

Trust me man, if you find THE girl that's worth you getting invested, you will know right away. It'll be a gut feeling.

Completely normal

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

Dude, it sounds to me like you're just the average 18-24 year old dude. You're not supposed to have any interest in settling down.

Trust me man, if you find THE girl that's worth you getting invested, you will know right away. It'll be a gut feeling.

I fully understand what you're saying. However....

EDIT:

The SHORT VERSION - You all are suggesting that it's just a typical phase, though I think that's a lazy answer. Guys that just manipulate women for years and think of them ALL as useless sex toys don't just suddenly develop healthy mentalities. My only means of progressing with girls is action and reaction. I think brushing that off as a phase would just mean I'll be really good at it when I'm 30. The purpose of this thread isn't really to just define normal or abnormal...I mainly am interested in the interactions of OTHER males with females. If I can fix myself, that might be good...but otherwise, I'd at least like to understand myself better.



[This message has been edited by chelovek (edited 01-23-2007).]

I think you talk too much.

Sounds like a superiority complex.

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

I think you talk too much.

Yeah. I don't know any other kid my age, that has a successful long term relationship with a girl. Its not like your pushing a midlife crises without a wife.

quote:Originally posted by Easy Rider:

Yeah. I don't know any other kid my age, that has a successful long term relationship with a girl. Its not like your pushing a midlife crises without a wife.

If you read my posts, my issue isn't simple "successful long term relationship with a girl". Here's an idea, shithead, read my post and provide a valid response, or don't post at all. Talking too much? On an online forum? In a thread about me? Fuck off.



[This message has been edited by chelovek (edited 01-24-2007).]

I don't know about most other guys my age, since i mostly hang around with girls, but I don't really 'open up' to anyone. Sharing my feelings and all that just feels weird, i don't really have strong feelings for anything. However, about 6 months ago that kind of changed. I found my current girlfriend (first real one..serious like) (im 17 btw) and now i see what people mean. Before that i always thought 'women are there to have sex and cook' but now i know they're so much more, and its so much more amazing to just spend time with her than i could have ever imagined. Like, to the point of thinking cuddling and talking is as good as sex, because it really is, she's so amazing.. just wait until you find the right one is my advice.

(sorry about the big block of writing, i have to leave now and i dont have time to press the enter key, haha)

quote:Originally posted by ottomann:

I don't know about most other guys my age, since i mostly hang around with girls, but I don't really 'open up' to anyone. Sharing my feelings and all that just feels weird, i don't really have strong feelings for anything. However, about 6 months ago that kind of changed. I found my current girlfriend (first real one..serious like) (im 17 btw) and now i see what people mean. Before that i always thought 'women are there to have sex and cook' but now i know they're so much more, and its so much more amazing to just spend time with her than i could have ever imagined. Like, to the point of thinking cuddling and talking is as good as sex, because it really is, she's so amazing.. just wait until you find the right one is my advice.

(sorry about the big block of writing, i have to leave now and i dont have time to press the enter key, haha)

Ah, thanks. This is what I was looking for: other experiences, as opposed to just "It's a phase, forget about it."

So, before you started that serious relationship...were you feeling the same way I was, where even when you wanted to open up, you just couldn't? I mean. did you feel like you were definitely holding something back, or that there wasn't anything there?

quote:Originally posted by chelovek:

Ah, thanks. This is what I was looking for: other experiences, as opposed to just "It's a phase, forget about it."

So, before you started that serious relationship...were you feeling the same way I was, where even when you wanted to open up, you just couldn't? I mean. did you feel like you were definitely holding something back, or that there wasn't anything there?

I'm really not sure, I know there was something there, but i just didn't feel comfortable saying really intimate things to someone who I didn't feel was right for me. Like...my friends would always be going out with girls for like two weeks, then break up and call them whores, etc... and i absolutely despise that, so i waited until i was sure of my girl, and she did the same with me, and its been going great.. Im not sure if that answered your question, but feel free to keep asking, i've got nothing but time, haha.

i see it this way. there is a girl i have major feelings for but at the moment we cant be together. with that said unless i feel some sort of wierd attraction i am exactly the same way with most women. its seen as would i hook up with you or not straight and simple. yeah i have girls that are friends but i find myself not being interested in most of what they have to say. it might be a bit shallow but i dont happen to think that it is

quote:Originally posted by chelovek:

If you read my posts, my issue isn't simple "successful long term relationship with a girl". Here's an idea, shithead, read my post and provide a valid response, or don't post at all. Talking too much? On an online forum? In a thread about me? Fuck off.



Fine you fucking homo. We fuck bitches to spread our seed because it gets us off, love is a chemical reaction for you to be with the bitch long enough to raise the kid and then its more. The whole point of life is to birth nigglets, technology can be made obsolete but sperming in a vag is forever.

quote:Originally posted by chelovek:

I've realized of late that I'm a very shallow person. To illustrate this with the most recent example: I've seen a girl that I have a couple of Uni courses with around my building, we share a few words in the elevator, and I recently had a real conversation (ie. getting to know each other, as opposed to just small talk). She's cute, though not hot.

Now, although I suppose we were connecting through our speaking, I was feeling detached and focusing entirely on her physically, pondering whether I'd want to hook up with her. After we parted ways I was reminded that all my female interactions are like this. I don't think it's just the usual "check her out" behavior that I'm sure all males do...it's more intense. Assuming they have suitable enough of a personality to where I can handle conversing with them, I never find myself "giving a fuck" on an emotional level. I go along with the conversation, let it flow, but (and excuse me for sounding cliché) I just don't feel anything.

Anyways, I apparently think the answer is no, but I'll ask regardless: Is this normal? To what extent do other males do this?

EDIT- Byss' response made me think to mention this...maybe it's relevant: I also had a very degrading opinion of women in general. It's not universal, in that there's the occasional girl that I can't readily imagine on all fours, but...it's a pretty generalized sentiment I have.





you'll never find true love

quote:Originally posted by Easy Rider:

The whole point of life is to birth nigglets, technology can be made obsolete but sperming in a vag is forever.

Or...in a cup...

Either way, a sample can be collected for reproduction.

quote:Originally posted by ottomann:

I don't know about most other guys my age, since i mostly hang around with girls, but I don't really 'open up' to anyone. Sharing my feelings and all that just feels weird, i don't really have strong feelings for anything. However, about 6 months ago that kind of changed. I found my current girlfriend (first real one..serious like) (im 17 btw) and now i see what people mean. Before that i always thought 'women are there to have sex and cook' but now i know they're so much more, and its so much more amazing to just spend time with her than i could have ever imagined. Like, to the point of thinking cuddling and talking is as good as sex, because it really is, she's so amazing.. just wait until you find the right one is my advice.

(sorry about the big block of writing, i have to leave now and i dont have time to press the enter key, haha)

hell yeah mang, i just got a girl where thats the case, its awesome.

quote:Originally posted by The_Rabbi:

This is generally my approach as well. Don't open yourself up until you've closely scrutinized and tested the girl to see if she's worth the investment.

I have the same phillosophy on apples and meat at the supermarket.