Alright, I have two. First off: don't you S&A junkies get tired of answering other people's questions? I mean, most of the time it seems like you're always answering the same question.

Now, I'm going to ironically ask a question that I'm sure will not net me a meaningful answer.

Are there any of you out there who, like me, were so frightened by social rejection that they completely avoided social activities (Don't go replying to my post just yet, I'm not done), didn't even know how to immerse themselves in social activities (i.e. didn't know where the hell to start), and overcame that fear? How?

How can a person coach them self to stop thinking about these unfounded and irrational fears?

Example: I just got a bulletin on (gasp) MySpace from a girl I'm interested in saying something along the lines of "Who wants to party tonight," "I'm bored," etc. I want to call her, talk, maybe hang out, but I don't even know what that means. I'm deathly afraid of calling her, and her sounding unenthusiastic, or hanging out with her and realizing that I don't know how to "hang out" with a person.

Wow.

Just do it. Just ask what's going on and stuff and why she's so bored or something. Then just respond with how you know how she feels and stuff like that. Shouldn't be too hard really. Just respond and try to evolve the conversation by slightly changing the subject and stuff. I'm really not too good at that sort of thing though so my advice might not be the best.

I havn't overcome this fear. I know exactly what you mean though. I don't even really know how people amass these huge armies of friends that they have. I mean, I have friends... But I'm not good at finding new ones or hanging out with people I don't know well.

I have no good advice but I'm going to watch this thread.

Sometimes I wonder if people ever do change, or if there are just some groups of people who live lives of quiet discontent without taking action.

I find that the headstrong "Just Do It" mentality is too big a step too soon.

But in the end it may be the only real option, because I'm tired of sitting on my ass wishing. However, I'm sure that the above will amount to absolutely nothing.

You've just got to de-emphasize the fear dude. It's really difficult for people to accept that most normal people encounter the same feelings, fears, experiences, etc. as they do. She's probably a little scared of social stuff too. Who sends out bulletins over Myspace, really? (Actually I wouldn't know, I don't use it, but I'm assuming...) I'm sure she'd be stoked if you talked to her. Perhaps a little wary at first, but as long as you're not creepy, it'll be cool. Really, just go for it dude.

Just compare fear of socialization to fear of... trying new foods. It's not THAT bad. Sometimes it becomes your new favorite, sometimes you get burning diarrhea, and sometimes you get both. Doooo it.

And as for your first question, there are some questions that do get tiresome. The "omg is my girlfriend pregzorz?!!" and similar are on that list. But I think when someone is genuinely looking for help, S&A is more than happy to contribute.

Yeah.

Guess I just have to stop being a little pussy, eh?

Also, I think it might help to look at the whole social exchange in a completely realistic way... like while you're going through all of the uncomfortable parts, thinking to yourself that in the celestial sense of things, whether or not I look like a retard matters exactly zero. Maybe I could put a sticky note on the inside of my brain to keep remembering that.

So so far we've got:

-Just Do It

-De-emphasize the fear, realize that you're not the only one and that your worst social blunders probably won't even be noticed.

-Realize that sometimes you get burning diarrhea, but it happens to the best of us (figuratively of course)

Thanks S&A, especially Demoiselle.

what you are talking to somebody for the first time...you have to take what they give you in the conversation and run with it.and if it starts out with just a "hi" and a returned "hi" ask them about a current event,most of the time someone will state their opinion after replying and run with whatever you got...i cant explain it to well,it just comes naturally to me.

Just get drunk.

Best thing you can remeber:

-Don't think about it just do it.

quote:Originally posted by d1rty piss stool:

Just get drunk.

Listen to this person. Alcohol is the great social lubricant. Weed too for a lot of people. Call her up sometime and ask her if she wants to hang out. If she says "yes," this part you have to sort of plan out a head, suggest a movie you have that you think/know she will like. Then tell her you have a bottle of vodka/sack of weed/whatever (if you can get it), that is feeling mighty lonely (modify that as you see fit). Also tell her you haven't seen said movie yet and are looking for someone to, hopefully, enjoy it with.

A lot of girls like hearing that you want to enjoy something with THEM for the first time, other than sex that is, although they quite often like to hear that too. And in the end you just have to go for it man.

To this day I am still kind of awkward in certain social settings. But I just drink my beer/shot, light up a smoke, tell the anti-smoking tards to piss off because its my personal freedom, and try to find someone to connect with for the night and hopefully longer.