Sexual tension will always get in the way. There will always be that primal urge that goes deeper than conscious though. Obviously a lot of people will deny it, but admit it, in almost every friendship, there is at least an iota of desire, whether sexual or romantic.

Also, men and women are too different from each other, so this also detracts from any possibility of a "true friendship". Males bond with males in a different way than males and females bond, for example.

It will never be the same.

Not that I'm saying there's no point in having friends of the opposite sex, but don't be naive, accept the fact that it's not a "true friendship", and treat it as such. It's a different kind of friendship, and it can be just as good.

Thoughts? Anyone want to bring some examples to the table to try and disprove me?

i think its possible for a girl to be friends where it is 100% friendship but not guys as our penises rule our brains

edit: unless they are ugly. lol. chauvinistic but true

[This message has been edited by TTMan (edited 01-14-2007).]

maybe in kindergarten when all my boy friends turned into boyfriends.

as of now, i have no problem having guy friends and not being attracted to them. maybe it's just because i'm in a relationship, and it's the kind where no one else is attractive to me anymore, but i have guy friends now that i'm absolutely not attracted to whatsoever. and it's the same for them. i talk about my boyfriend, they tell me about their random hookups and prospective girlfriends, and it's all fine. honestly. i can see where you're coming from because i've seen friendships be completely charged with sexual tension, but it's definitely not impossible to be just friends. period.

That is bullshit. My best friend is a girl. I would fuck her if the opertunatly came up, but it doesnt stop us from being 'true friends'.

Gaz, let me quickly paraphrase your post.

Young people in a peer group will find it hard to create male/female friendship because of potential and likely probable sexual tension, majorly associated with the male.

Point out any holes in my assumption.

I don't agree.

My closest friend is a guy and although there was a point years ago where he wanted me, it is no longer so. Once we got to know each other it changed for him (he was always just a friend, to me), our personalities are just not compatible in a dating kind of way. I am not at all attracted to him and he feels the same.

He certainly is a true friend though.

It is possible...but the guy i am sure will still have sexual feelings

Me for EX.

my GF broke up with me, but we remain extremely close, I am now considered her best buddy and whatnot. Now I have sexual feelings for her like I always have, but like I always have I am not acting on those.

It all depends on if they guy wants to act on the feelings or not if it can be a "true" friendship

Watch "When Harry met Sally". Should answer all your questions.

All i have to say is ladder theory. Even the ugliest can be fucked with enough alchohol consumed.

quote:Originally posted by nau06248:

That is bullshit. My best friend is a girl. I would fuck her if the opertunatly came up, but it doesnt stop us from being 'true friends'.

That's what I meant. Trust me, that does affect the friendship, and it would especially moreso if you two were to actually fuck, in a serious way.

If there's sexual tension, then it's not a true friendship in the traditional sense.

quote:Originally posted by YouLookFourteen:

i have guy friends now that i'm absolutely not attracted to whatsoever. and it's the same for them. i talk about my boyfriend, they tell me about their random hookups and prospective girlfriends, and it's all fine. honestly.

I'm willing to bet that they would fuck you if given the chance.

quote:Originally posted by Nascarphreak008:

It all depends on if they guy wants to act on the feelings or not if it can be a "true" friendship

It doesn't matter. The tension itself will detract from it being a true friendship.

It's still a friendship, just not the same kind that two males can have or two females.

quote:Originally posted by Docta?:

Young people in a peer group will find it hard to create male/female friendship because of potential and likely probable sexual tension, majorly associated with the male.

Pretty much. Sexual and romantic desires go way deeper than our conscious thought, so you can't change who you have feelings for, or who you want to fuck for that matter.

And people are sexually attracted to physically attractive members of the opposite sex, especially guys.

quote:Originally posted by myscars:

My closest friend is a guy and although there was a point years ago where he wanted me, it is no longer so.

He'd still fuck you.

False.

A great friend of mine is a girl. At first I wanted something with her, but it never happened and she started dating a guy she'd known for years.

I quickly got over my romantic feelings for her, and we've been really good and supportive friends since.

It can happen mate. All it takes is mutual understanding, the right conditions, and sometimes a bit of time.

It's impossible not feeling attracted by your male or female friend at one point.

I slept with my best male friend from 5 years a few times, even though we knew it was wrong the the sake of our 'friendship' the sexual tension was irresistible (plus the sex was amazing)

Anyway, that happened over a 1,5 years ago and now we're just regular friends and I'm commited into a relationship. Still, we've slept together (only sleeping) on a few ocassions; we haven't kissed or had sex but the tension is still there... !

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

He'd still fuck you.

No, he wouldn't. You should stop pretending you know things. We form opinions based on our experiences and our situations. You don't know anything about myself or him. You are making statements as if they are fact when they are not.

youve all just learnt to block out your feelings.

gadzooks tells it how it is

quote:Originally posted by stab:

It can happen mate. All it takes is mutual understanding, the right conditions, and sometimes a bit of time.

Maybe there's something wrong with me then... Because I would fuck any of my hot female friends, I can't help it... they're hot.

And I don't really hang out with many ugly chicks. I just prefer hanging out with male friends over anything when it comes down to just hanging out. Sometimes I'll hang out with attractive female friends, but that's usually because they just happen to be around.

I prefer hanging out with new people overall though. If I had it my way, I would be hanging out with a new group of people every night.

quote:Originally posted by LucyintheSkywithDiamonds:

It's impossible not feeling attracted by your male or female friend at one point.

I slept with my best male friend from 5 years a few times, even though we knew it was wrong the the sake of our 'friendship' the sexual tension was irresistible (plus the sex was amazing)

Anyway, that happened over a 1,5 years ago and now we're just regular friends and I'm commited into a relationship. Still, we've slept together (only sleeping) on a few ocassions; we haven't kissed or had sex but the tension is still there... !

Thank you!!!! That is what I'm talking about!

quote:Originally posted by myscars:

No, he wouldn't. You should stop pretending you know things. We form opinions based on our experiences and our situations. You don't know anything about myself or him. You are making statements as if they are fact when they are not.

Ok, let me rephrase that:

He'd still most likely fuck you.

Just ask him one time when he's drunk or something. Just bring up the idea of you two getting it on, and see how he reacts.

(actually don't, because that would be being a tease, which is fucked up)

quote:Originally posted by TTMan:

youve all just learnt to block out your feelings.

gadzooks tells it how it is

Thank you. And yes!! That is exactly it!!! You've all just learnt to block out the feelings.

I think the answer to the original question is - If either of the people in the friendship feel attracted to the other before they become friends, i think they always will. If anything, the friendship will only increase their feelings. Unless you suck, in which case they wouldnt be your friend anyway.

However

If neither is attracted to the other from the start, a 100% true friendship is possible. However, even this situation can change as when you get to know someone, you can fall for them even though you didnt think that way to start with.

all just my opinion of course

The only way I could be "friends" with a girl would be if she was ugly. Otherwise I'm just going to want to fuck her.

quote:Originally posted by TTMan:

If neither is attracted to the other from the start, a 100% true friendship is possible. However, even this situation can change as when you get to know someone, you can fall for them even though you didnt think that way to start with.

Yeah exactly, if there isn't already feelings there, there is always the potential for them to spark.

It's just a part of human nature.

quote:Originally posted by Parallax:

The only way I could be "friends" with a girl would be if she was ugly. Otherwise I'm just going to want to fuck her.

Yep, exactly. Any guy who is friends with a hot female but says they wouldn't fuck them is either A) Gay, or B) In denial.

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

Ok, let me rephrase that:

He'd still most likely fuck you.

Just ask him one time when he's drunk or something. Just bring up the idea of you two getting it on, and see how he reacts.

(actually don't, because that would be being a tease, which is fucked up)

I still disagree, and I won't argue about it anymore. I'm sure he would have like 4 or 5 years ago but not now. We're past that. I'm not just speaking in a naive way, it's how it is.

I do see your point though and I would agree if you said it doesn't often happen.

pfft... occasionally it can be a friend's girlfriend who has reached the level of "one of the lads" as she's basically untouchable.

quote:Originally posted by Docta?:

pfft... occasionally it can be a friend's girlfriend who has reached the level of "one of the lads" as she's basically untouchable.

if she split up with your mate though, and she was hot, you are telling me you wouldnt want to hit that

Here are some cases of female friends that I would not fuck:

1) The unattractive ones. But how do I know that they wouldn't want to fuck me? Either way, I don't know if I even consider them friends. I hate to sound like a shallow asshole, but I don't really have any unattractive female friends. Actually I barely consider any of my female friends as true friends.

2) I have one really good female friend who it kinda good-looking, and I might have had sex with her in the past (actually for a while, I even had a thing for her). But her boyfriend was also my friend, and he has passed away unfortunately, so I just wouldn't be able to do anything of a sexual nature with her. Of course that doesn't stop casual flirting and the like, it's still a female-friendship like any of my other ones, only I wouldn't actually act on any sexual impulses.

3) Some of the girls I've known since I was a little kid. Now, if they're hot, I could fuck them, but it would definitely feel weird and awkward, since I've known them for so long.

4) Girlfriends of male friends. The whole man-code thing. None of my friends really get with any hot girls anyway though, so that isn't much of an issue.

But other than that, if they're hot, I'd hit it.

I believe that mostly, i just wanted to stay friends with this one girl, but now it evolved into sort of a relationship.....mainly because of talking to her too much(too much work haha)

I'm going to prove you wrong right now.

One of my closest bestfriends is female. We've known each other since she was 6, and I was 8.

Well, after growing up together, the very idea of the other naked disgusts us. We see each other as second family.

My best friend is female. We've been friends since pre-school.

No sexual tension.

quote:Originally posted by DesertRebel:

I'm going to prove you wrong right now.

One of my closest bestfriends is female. We've known each other since she was 6, and I was 8.

Well, after growing up together, the very idea of the other naked disgusts us. We see each other as second family.

That reminds me of the movie Eurotrip.

But anyway, I somewhat agree. I have female friends that I have known since as early as I can remember, which kinda makes it weird, but if they're hot, they're hot.

So all of you are telling me that there is no differences whatsoever between your friendships with members of the same sex and your friendships with members of the opposite sex?

Gotta love the unintentional flirting between male and female freinds.

Unless, they're gay or she's horrible.

At some level, guys will want to sleep with her.

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

So all of you are telling me that there is no differences whatsoever between your friendships with members of the same sex and your friendships with members of the opposite sex?

Between my good female friend and I, yes. The only difference is simple: I feel more comfortable about asking her the most embarassing questions about females I got, and how to solve a relationship crisis.

quote:Originally posted by myscars:

I don't agree.

My closest friend is a guy and although there was a point years ago where he wanted me, it is no longer so. Once we got to know each other it changed for him (he was always just a friend, to me), our personalities are just not compatible in a dating kind of way. I am not at all attracted to him and he feels the same.

He certainly is a true friend though.

Trust me honey, he still wants your ChunChun

Well no one has shown how sexual tension would get in the way of a "true" friendship.

quote:Originally posted by Sentinel:

Well no one has shown how sexual tension would get in the way of a "true" friendship.

If one person has unrequited feelings (either sexual or romantic) towards the other, then there is an imbalance, and the way I see it, a friendship is supposed to be based on equality.

Like I said before, guys and girls can maintain a friendship, but it will always carry extra complications that most same-sex friendships won't create.

I used to have a girl that I was best friends with. But things happened, and I started getting stronger and stronger feelings for her.

I told her that it felt like I loved her, but it sorta back-fired, and things just got awkward. And still are.

It still depresses me to this day, but hopefully, things will get better. If they don't, well, I don't really know..

I myself have two best female friends. One even has sleep overs in my bed with me. Well the other one we just get along really well. They however both hate each other for some reason. Any who my point is it is possible for a male and female to be just friends. Wait a sec....My one best friend told me she and I were soul mates but she has a bf. Hmmmm er maybe I mistaken it. Ok Ok yes its hard to be best friends with a girl

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

If one person has unrequited feelings (either sexual or romantic) towards the other, then there is an imbalance, and the way I see it, a friendship is supposed to be based on equality.

Like I said before, guys and girls can maintain a friendship, but it will always carry extra complications that most same-sex friendships won't create.



Well that's not logical, because what if you have a really smart friend? or a really srong one? you're not equal with them either,

quote:Originally posted by silverballs:

Gotta love the unintentional flirting between male and female freinds.

quote:Originally posted by Sentinel:



Well that's not logical, because what if you have a really smart friend? or a really srong one? you're not equal with them either,

I meant equality in the way they feel for each other.

i think it is possible to be friends and not be attracted to each otehr. like a friend of mine, L, is one of my best friend's girlfriend. i met her through him, and i don't feel any attraction to her. i respect both of them. i can talk to her about relationship stuff. it's a good friendship. i also have another friend, K, who i used to hang out with daily with 2 other people. i liked her for a short time, but then didn't, and now we're jsut really good friends. she's one of my best friends, actually.

Very true!

Despite all this bullshit about trust, I think it's the duty of either partner in a relationship to tone down their associations with the opposite sex.

It's playing with fire really.

Yes, there can be a real friendship. For example, one female friend I used to have could have done WAY better than me, because she was into that whole rap/hip hop/rnb scene. But I could have done WAY better than her, because I was into emo chicks at the time. We could both do better than each other, so real friendship exists.

Also, if you're a gay male.

And again, if you're in a relationship with some one you're totally and utterly satisfied with. Then, it's easy to see females in a friendly way.

Zooks, stop thinking with your dick, and you might have a few less AIDS scares...

I bet there is sexual tension even between male friends...I'm sure there's a bit of hidden homosexuality, however insignificant it may be.

It's only as impossible as you make it to be. Can you control yourself? Can she?

I have at least one male friend whose relationship with me is strictly platonic. Obviously I have no idea what's going on in his head, but there's no tension, no eletricity.. and I'm not his type in looks at all.

It is possible for a male and female to just be friends, but since humans are sexual beings all year round, their interractions are always likely to have feelings tied in with sexuality underneath. I think it happens across the genders, not just with a male and a female.. but that's just a guess.

And to everyone who says men just think with their sexual organs more.. I do think that women are just better at disguizing their urges or pushing them aside, thus avoiding the sexual tension.

But I've seen for a fact that inter-gender friendships can be utterly platonic, even if it's more unusual. But I like women slightly more than I like men.. so maybe it's different for me. I do know that I'm sexually attracted to males as well though.

And my relationships with my lesbian friends are utterly platonic, in fact. It's like.. hanging out with the lads?

Yea, if the friend is not hot and the guy is in a romantic relationnship with someone better.

I completely and utterly disagree. I have a few male friends that are "true friends" - above most of my female ones. I also have a lot of male friends who aren't quite "true friends". I think it all depends on HOW the friendship begins. Most of the time when female meets a male, they check each other out, in that case, the sexual tension can of course screw up any hope of a true bond as friends. However, friends made THROUGH relationships (a girl spending the majority of her time with her bf's mates) can lead to "true friends" for life. And, there's never any tension there, because it was never allowed to begin with. I've lost my train of thought there, but yeah, after puberty maybe, "true friends" can be found in the opposite sex easily.

Are you trying to say that an M/F friendship can't involve sex? I don't see a problem with friends having sex.

I just don't see your logic here.

i find it hard to make friends with other girls. mainly cos they annoy the fuck out of me. all my mates are guys. they all think sexually though and it kinda does my head in, makes me wanna be a guy so they wont fuckin like me. anyway i do have one mate we are 100% platonic friends and dont want anything more. we had to go through a 3 day sexual relationship though to decide we didnt want it just cos of the curiosity. and other male friends who dont want a shag are generally my exs. i used to think it was possible, i do still kinda think its possible but for everyone theres always the what if factor if you get so close to someone. once you love them in one way it begins to get abit confused i think.

I think it exists. My best friend is female and we understand eachother better then anyone else. And bout sexual attraction getting in the way. If that happens you just sleep with eachother and continue bein best friends. it's not that hard really

This just explains everything so i am not gonna bother to paraphrase it.

http://www.laddertheory.com/

What about teh gayz0rs?

You seem to assume that all female/female and male/male friendships are totally non-sexual.

Though I'm not a lesbian, and wouldn't even really class myself as bisexual, I'd get my freak on with hot lady friends.

Maybe it's different for guys. Having The Gay is more of an issue for you. Whereas I think women are more flexible in that way.

Still, I think the whole sexual tension thing is an issue with any two people who find each other attractive, rather than just male/female friendships.

Jx

Its not impossible. And especially if your friends with a girl for ages then you lose the urge to fuck her.

Sexual tension isn't something you need to fear, gang. The thread's title begs the question - what's a "100% true friend?"

For instance, I used to hang with this chick who was as unavailable as they get (engaged to my buddy... no thanks, ma'am). There was always some sexual tension there, but... so what? Once you get over the idea that not fucking every single woman you want to fuck is some sort of huge, horrible defeat, sexual tension just makes things interesting.

quote:

Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?

Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry: No, you don't.

Sally: Yes, I do.

Harry: No, you don't.

Sally: Yes, I do.

Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.

Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.

Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?

Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.