It is always better to trim or use a buzzer.

NOTE: YES IT IS A WALL OF TEXT, BUT WELL WORTH IT.

Don't Shave That Hair!!!

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR

It was disgusting, but I couldn't stop reading!!

Yay for Clerks 2.

LAUGH

MY

FUCKING

ASS

OFF

Ohhh my god man, that made my entire night!!! Youre a god, but i hope your re-growing goes well for you...

I remember when that was posted somewhere on here a few months ago.

Quite funny.

hmmm... i have a rather smooth behind with no hair... i dont really face any of the problems you do, maybe you could try spraying deoderent in between your cheeks, maybe some axe? and stick a peice of toilet paper in between your crack.

Yeah, this piece is legendary. It's on par with the story about the guy shitting in the Chuck E. Cheese.



Also, OP, give credit where its due, don't try and lead people into thinking you wrote this.

good read, well played sir

Old.

-deus-

you should be a writer

hahahahaha that was awesome

doood, that had to be like the best story of the night lol

quote:Originally posted by deus-redux:

Old.

-deus-

Tru dat

I've heard it all before.

....I assume waxing is out of the question then?

yea, about a year or so ago my mom shaved her ass and told me it was the most horrible thingy and to never do it.

quote:Originally posted by KeanuReeves:

It is always better to trim or use a buzzer.

NOTE: YES IT IS A WALL OF TEXT, BUT WELL WORTH IT.

Don't Shave That Hair!!!

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR



I added that NOTE in a post a long time ago.

Listen to the story. The answer is, as ever, do not shave.

I couldint stop laughing.

HAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHHA

THAT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY!

Give proper credit. But it is a hilarious story.

I've shaved my ass hair before and didn't have these problems. I guess I did something right.

ah, i'm happy now

So I wax and this never happens to me... maybe you have a sweating problem

lmao!!!! that was hilarious. good luck with the reqrowth process, i have shaved my hindquarters also, but with a hair clipper so i didnt suffer the same consequences

Write your own material or give credit. http://tinyurl.com/y3sjwy

going to do it when I get home I'll post before and after pics if you want

I've shaved my ass with no problems. ^^

Dont shave any pubes..it fucking hurts when they grow back as stubble, i wish I had have taken my old room buddies advice...

quote:Originally posted by flash:

Write your own material or give credit.

quote:Originally posted by MJR deus:

Dont shave any pubes..it fucking hurts when they grow back as stubble, i wish I had have taken my old room buddies advice...

No it doesn't.

It does itch pretty bad for about a week, but you can get used to it easily.

Can't... breathe... dying... of... laughter...

Oh god, dude, I love you and your shaved/stubbly ass.

This is one of the funniest pieces of writing I have ever had the luck to read in my life.

I've been laughing so hard for five minutes and my sides are hurting from the last two.

I'm sending this to all of my friends and, will most likely bookmark it.

Oh god, I love you man...

quote:Originally posted by ScaryDangerous:

and stick a peice of toilet paper in between your crack.

Haahaha you mean a Manpon.

...how hairy ARE you boys that you get into these disasters?

i've read this before and i still think the same thing.

quote:Originally posted by YouLookFourteen:

...how hairy ARE you boys that you get into these disasters?

i've read this before and i still think the same thing.

Ever seen a grown man naked?

No?

Ever seen the Yeti?

lesson of the day: dont shave ass hair

haha

quote:Originally posted by Rizzo in a box:

Ever seen a grown man naked?

No?

Ever seen the Yeti?

now, i don't usually explore my boyfriend's bum, but i'm fairly sure he's not so hairy that disaster would strike if he lost a little fuzz. and as a girl, i apparently don't have as much hair as all of you, but i haven't found any downsides to having a silky smooth bottom. definitely not the ones outlined in that article.

you're such funny little creatures.

Oh, my god. I havent laughed this hard in awhile, im in tears.

This reminded me of a story a guy once wrote about not being able to make it to the toilet in time and he got shit dried into his ass pubes... It was great. In the end he used scissors to get rid of it.

quote:Originally posted by kAtE-:

hahahahaha that was awesome

Pwned by the evil Butt hairzz

I've shaved my anal beard and my pubes many times, and I've never had problems like that. And trust me, I'm very hairy, so it's not like I'm shaving peach hairs. The only problem I have is when I shave my pubes to close, all these little red bumps appear on my skin. But if I do it infrequently, the amount of bumps seems to be reduced significantly.

I rofl'd.

quote:Originally posted by Rizzo in a box:

Ever seen a grown man naked?

No?

Ever seen the Yeti?

BAAHAHAHAHAH, ok, you just topped your other hilarious post, the erowid search plugin for firefox one.

I'm still laughing, that was great.

dude i look forward to reading this later on when im high. i laughed so much. thank u for this story/information

The correct answer is to scissor cut the hair.

Trimming the long ones is a good idea, especially when one gets dingleberries stuck in them.

Amazing. Simply the best thing Iv ever read on &Totse.

This thread seems alarmingly familiar, anyone else think that too?