I used to do lots of drugs, go clubbing a shitload, eat enough to get by, never exersise and never get any sun.

I was 'meth addict' skinny, pasty pimply skin, red eyes, everything bad.

I didn't look great, but my girlfriend loved me. She never complimented me falsely, ever. And because there was nothing to compliment, she never did. But she still loved me so much.

So then I moved from Melbourne out to the country. I quit drugs. Quit clubbing. Started working out one to two times a day. Running, surfing, swimming. Eating huge meals. Riding motocross/enduro daily. Cut sugars entirely out of my diet.

I basically became healthy.

I'm no longer pasty. I don't have bad skin any more. I'm not big, but I'm toned. I'm healthy. Being healthy has made me a better lover. Recently I made her squirt for the first time. Being healthy makes me FEEL healthy, which is just a better overall feeling. She's obviously more attracted to me now. You'd think all is good, right?

Wrong! Now, because I can get girls easier, she doesn't trust me at all. With out trust, there's nothing. Seriously, her trust for me is GONE.

I thought all these choices would improve my relationship. Initially I did them for her.

Moral of the story: If your girlfriend/boyfriend is happy with the way you look, don't fucking bother improving your self. If they can accept you, just accept your self.



Any one have any similar stories?

Now to my question: Is there a way to prove one's trust worthiness?



Now to my second, very unrelated question: In Australian towns around army bases, girls refer to soldiers as AJ's (Army Jerks). The guys are seen only as one night stand potential. Which is fucked if some one would want a girlfriend.

Would any of you totse girls be opposed to dating a soldier?

Be like me, small, frail, shy and desperate. Girls go for that.

quote:Originally posted by Iskalla:

Be like me

No.

Maybe when you were all skinny and stuff and she loved you like it, she felt that you changed for some other girl?

If someone you're dating likes you how you are and you change drastically despite her, how can she beleive that you're not trying to impress another person?

I dont know. But perhaps it's a good thing that she doesent trust you? Doesent that also read as her being jealous? Jealousy is good, because it means she really wants you.



????

Your girlfriend sounds like an amadán. Lots of small meals are better for you than a few huge meals.

I wouldn't want to date a soldier...my friend's boyfriend was in the Air Force and spent two years in Germany. Sounds like a FUN relationship to me!

If they were nice enough and stationed near me, I guess I would though.

And I don't really see why your lady friend isn't elated about the change. Everyone should be happy if/when their significant other quits drugs and treats themselves better.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:



Moral of the story: If your girlfriend/boyfriend is happy with the way you look, don't fucking bother improving your self. If they can accept you, just accept your self.

Now to my question: Is there a way to prove one's trust worthiness?



For starters, bullshit. If you want to change, do it for yourself not for someone else. I would never change myself for anyone else. Essentially, you have to live with yourself 24/7 so fuck everyone else, love yourself and don't seek validation from any fucking moron out there.

On to your question though, if she doesn't trust you she doesn't trust herself. It's just a sign of her own insecurity. It usually is anyway, it may stem from something deeper, but in most cases it's just her own insecurity about herself. She may feel she's not good enough for you anymore or something equally stupid.

Best advice I can give you is just ignore her lack of trust, laugh at her (not mockingly, but to signal to her she's being stupid) when she tries to start drama with you.

If it doesn't bother you, why should it bother her? Catch my drift?

[This message has been edited by Shayde (edited 01-09-2007).]

Your girlfriend sounds really superficial in a really twisted, freaky way. If she thinks that all of a sudden since you look/feel better you're going to think "hey, FUCK my girlfriend, I could have anyone!" then she's either really insecure, or deep down you're a huge asshole and now she thinks that side of you is going to come out.

I'm going with her being insecure.

Oh, and congrats on your transformation dude.

Edit: Shayde said it best. Listen to him.

[This message has been edited by Demoiselle (edited 01-09-2007).]

You successfully did something that I'm to busy posting on totse to get round to doing. Well done. I've being wanting to reinvent myself or whatever for a while, just for myself. I'm not happy with how I look or my personality along with a bunch of other stuff I'd like to get sorted out.

She should just be happy for you. Or at least explain any concerns or insecurities she has properly. I can't really give advice in this area though, so I'll move on.

Okay, for starters she's not my gf, she was at the time. She's now my ex. I broke up with her a few weeks ago.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

Jealousy is good, because it means she really wants you.

Jealousy is good. But double standards are not.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

or deep down you're a huge asshole and now she thinks that side of you is going to come out.

Ummm...just a few days ago she mentioned that in her last relationship, everything was going awesome, he was a great guy, treated her well...till he became good looking. She said then he became an arrogant bastard and started cheating.

Shit. Could she think I'm just like him?

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

Oh, and congrats on your transformation dude.

Why thank you

quote:Originally posted by Iskalla:

You successfully did something that I'm to busy posting on totse to get round to doing. Well done. I've being wanting to reinvent myself or whatever for a while, just for myself. I'm not happy with how I look or my personality along with a bunch of other stuff I'd like to get sorted out

You need to find a reason to stick with it. My reason for starting to work out was to substitute drugs.

My reason for sticking with it is vanity. After a work out you look fantastic, your muscles are huge, your veins are bulging, and you just look great. Slowly, that fades as you rest.

I'm addicted to seeing my self after a work out. Find a reason to start, then find a reason to stick with it. It'll change your life.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

I dont know. But perhaps it's a good thing that she doesent trust you? Doesent that also read as her being jealous? Jealousy is good, because it means she really wants you.

I don't agree with this at all. Jealousy is nothing but a right pain in the fucking arse for both people involved.

So you're saying that you'd think it's a good thing that your partner was jealous of you getting healthier and sorting your life out instead of being supportive in your decision to improve yourself overall..?

And are you also saying that you'd like your partner not to trust you and think your fucking around, because it will make you feel more wanted by them..?

Anyway, good work on the self improvement arquin! And I don't think you've done anything wrong to need to prove your trustworthiness...Maybe just explain to her that you did it mostly for her...

Rape her.

Problem solved.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Okay, for starters she's not my gf, she was at the time. She's now my ex. I broke up with her a few weeks ago.



I'm not sure if that means I should be saying 'congratulations' or if I should feel bad for you and tell you there's someone one hundred times better for you out there.

Out of curiosity, was the break up anything to do with this situation of your improving health?

quote:

so you're saying that you'd think it's a good thing that your partner was jealous of you getting healthier and sorting your life out instead of being supportive in your decision to improve yourself overall..?

nonono you misunderstand me!

Of course a partner getting jealous about their boy/girlfriends improving health is really bad.

I meant that if she's atleast jealous of the fact he could get anyone, atleast it confirms she actually wants him.



I get jealous when girls attempt to flirt with my new boyfriend. Not because I dont trust him, but because I dont trust them.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

Out of curiosity, was the break up anything to do with this situation of your improving health?

Umm...kind of.

She's the most loyal and trust worthy girl I've ever met, providing she trusts me! If that's the case, she's like a puppy dog.

But in the past, she told me when she didn't trust guys, she'd cheat on them first, so when they cheat on her she can say "HA! I cheated on you first" or just say nothing and know in satisfaction that she fucked them over first.

So we had a really fucked up relationship. My trust for her was directly linked to her trust for me. As long as she trusted me completely she was loyal. Now that she's losing trust, I don't trust her to be loyal.

So yeah, in a weird way, my getting better looking made me break up with her.

Answer to everything: Females are fucked up.

quote:Originally posted by MomentaryLapseOfReason:

Answer to everything: Females are fucked up.



QFT.

But I must add:



Answer to everything: humans are fucked up.

======



Arquin, do you beleive that she could have cheated on you? Or was that the problem: You just couldnt tell?

Either way, if she didnt trust you and didnt have good reason not to..You're better off now.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

Arquin, do you beleive that she could have cheated on you? Or was that the problem: You just couldnt tell?

She was perfect with me. She never cheated once. She always told me what she'd been doing, any guys she'd hung out with, any texts/phonecalls she thought I'd be bothered about, everything. She always updated me.

But I don't think people change. She cheated on her ex, a lot. At times, she had 2-3 relationships going at the same time.

I know she's so capable of cheating. She's just not worth the worry any more.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

Either way, if she didnt trust you and didnt have good reason not to..You're better off now.

She doesn't. I'm giving her the same treatment she gives me, and she can't handle that.

if you have a bf/gf, what is the point of looking good? your position is established.

quote:Originally posted by burntoffering:

if you have a bf/gf, what is the point of looking good? your position is established.

Please tell me you're joking.

Or have you..let yourself go, gone at the poptarts a bit, feeling safe in the assumption that your boy/girlfriend couldnt possibly dump you for something as silly as gaining 60 pounds..

Arquin, when you say you're giving her the same treatment she gives you, does that mean you're on speaking terms after a fashion?

What do you think the possibilities of the two of you getting back together are, and do you want her back at all?



Sorry if I'm asking too many questions.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

Arquin, when you say you're giving her the same treatment she gives you, does that mean you're on speaking terms after a fashion?



No. She's always had lots of male friends. A lot of it is keeping guys around for the future. All she has to do is ring one up, and go on a date.

She loved it that I never wanted female friends. She foudn security in that. Once I was with her, I started seeing all other girls in a purely platonic way. So I wanted female friends. She got jealous, so for her, I didn't allow female friends. After we broke up, I made contact with these girls. She doesn't like that I have female friends, even though she has like 100 male friends, and does more with them than I'd ever dream of doing with my female friends (for her sake).

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

What do you think the possibilities of the two of you getting back together are?

The other day I told her I never want to see her again. Ever. She asked if I'd see her one last time. She came over, we had enourmous amounts of sex. She told me she loved me atleast every hour. She's very very in to me. If I wanted her back, next time we both had free time I could get her back.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

and do you want her back at all?

I love the silly girl. But she needs to grow up. Or start treating me the way she wants to be treated. I will leave to the army, I'll grow up, and hope that she will as well. Then I hope she still has a place in her heart for me. If not...life goes on.

Man, thank god you broke up with her. She's insecure, batshit crazy and a huge bitch. Find someone worthy of your time. Shouldn't be too hard.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

Find someone worthy of your time. Shouldn't be too hard.

Was that meant as an insult?

You're too good for her.

I wouldn't date a soldier, mostly because they might have to leave the country for long periods of time. Not to mention that the stereotypical american soldier is white trash... ew.

If she's better looking than you, she knows she can leave at any time and find another guy easily.

If you are even in looks or you're better looking, it turns the tables and it will keep her on her toes because she will know you can leave and find someone else.

Am I the only one who caught the second part question about Army Jerks?

I took this to imply that you have, in fact, joined the army so tell me if I'm wrong, but couldn't you being in the army attribute more to her status of trust than your newly healthy physique? Especially since AJs have a reputation for being sex seeking assholes? Especially since you go for away for long stretches of time?

If I'm wrong and you were just asking an arbitrary question about Army men then everybody else pretty much said it: she's insecure, and bravo on the no meth.

quote:Originally posted by I_Like_Traffic_Lights:

Am I the only one who caught the second part question about Army Jerks?

I took this to imply that you have, in fact, joined the army so tell me if I'm wrong, but couldn't you being in the army attribute more to her status of trust than your newly healthy physique? Especially since AJs have a reputation for being sex seeking assholes? Especially since you go for away for long stretches of time?

If I'm wrong and you were just asking an arbitrary question about Army men then everybody else pretty much said it: she's insecure, and bravo on the no meth.

No, I'm currently sitting the tests required to get in. Passed my first interview and my second is in 12 days. Unless they keep me back because of bipolar, I will ace it.

And I've done meth less than 5 times in my life. I just meant I was as skinny as a meth head. E makes me not eat for a few days.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Was that meant as an insult?

Haha, no, it was a compliment. Sorry if it came off rude.

It sounds like she has the problem, not you.

But now you're making me doubt my plans to improve my looks, lol. I've looked like shit ever since I quit doing cocaine and smoking cigarettes. Which seems kind of counter intuitive, but they kept me thin. Now I'm a chubby, zitty, stoner girl .

My boyfriend says he loves me no matter what I look like, so hopefully it wont be an issue if I do manage to get into shape.

But yeah, you were doing a good thing for yourself by getting healthy, and it's her problem if she can't handle that. She's probably just insecure, and thought that she wasn't good enough for you once you got better looking.

Edit - forgot to volunteer answers to your questions:

1. I guess the only thing you can do to prove your trustworthy-ness is to be faithful. If you're doing everything right, but the person still doesn't trust you, then there's probably not much you can do.

2. I'm not opposed to dating a soldier, I might just be more cautious because of their reputation.

Edit again, I just read firekitty's post and realised that soldiers do have the potential to be away for a long time, not to mention the danger they'd be in. So I guess that would hold me back from wanting to get close to one. My friend is in the army and he's going to Afghanistan in October for 9 months.



[This message has been edited by Sick_Boy (edited 01-09-2007).]

Ah, sorry for the assumption then.

Yeah, E will do that to ya. I never got why some people would try to argue with me that meth was better than E when E is like meth that makes you happy and emapthetic.

^^They're both amphetamines.

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

My boyfriend says he loves me no matter what I look like

Ha Ha, a classic line us boys like to drop in now and again to try and keep the "Do you think I'm fat..?" arguements to a minimum!

quote:Originally posted by Brian_Damage:

Ha Ha, a classic line us boys like to drop in now and again to try and keep the "Do you think I'm fat..?" arguements to a minimum!

Lol! I like to think he's being sincere though...

My boyfriend used to think he was "ugly" and hardly ever made any attempts to alter his appearance.

Nowadays he's constantly reinventing himself and although I do admit that he looks more handsome - things are just different with his personality. I can't quite put my finger on it.

He's more self-absorbed now than he was in the past. I can live with it, though. Vanity never hurt ... much.

My boyfriend is starting a self-improvement thing too. He claims he's gotten too "soft" or however he describes it. I like being able to poke him, but if he feels like going back to his previous buff foxyness, I'm 100% supportive.

I however am far too lazy for physical activity, and am also quite happy with myself, so I'll be doing my usual lying around eating junk food and not gaining a pound while he does his thing. Everyone is happy.

Working out and looking in a mirror is one of the classic signs of narcissism, isn't it?

You're better off feeling good about yourself, if you're feeling good about yourself now. You'll find someone new, or get back together with her yet again.

Lol, great transformation buddy, seriously, goodwork!

Anyway, if girls wont date soldiers suppose im going to be single for a loooong time.

quote:Originally posted by ethical_digger:

Lol, great transformation buddy, seriously, goodwork!

Anyway, if girls wont date soldiers suppose im going to be single for a loooong time.

Hey! just read that you were going to the army! what are your plans?

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

My boyfriend says he loves me no matter what I look like,

Ah hahahahahahaha.

Gain 50 lbs and see if he still says that.

Uh god she sounds like SUCH a waste of time would you please, just either tell her to get the fuck over it, or that the relationship needs to end.

As far as army guys go. Ah such a conflict of interest for me. I really dislike everything about the military, but then again I'm friends with someone on totse who's in the navy and he's pretty awesome

quote:Originally posted by kAtE-:

Uh god she sounds like SUCH a waste of time would you please, just either tell her to get the fuck over it, or that the relationship needs to end.

As far as army guys go. Ah such a conflict of interest for me. I really dislike everything about the military, but then again I'm friends with someone on totse who's in the navy and he's pretty awesome



Keep in mind that the Army and Navy are very different.

quote:Originally posted by ethical_digger:



Keep in mind that the Army and Navy are very different.

Yeah, but they have a lot in common.

IE, they are both full of pussies compared to the USMC...

quote:Originally posted by ethical_digger:



Keep in mind that the Army and Navy are very different.

Well aware of that, but I'm pretty sure the rep is the similar (at least here it is).

[This message has been edited by kAtE- (edited 01-10-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by kAtE-:

Well aware of that, but I'm pretty sure the rep is the similar (at least here it is).



I don't know of any sailors here actually...

I'm off to the local army base tommorow to find out about some shit.

Even if the army sucks, at least I'll be able to quit and impress people with "yeah, I've been in the army..."

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Working out and looking in a mirror is one of the classic signs of narcissism, isn't it?[/i].

It would make sense. One whole side of my room is mirrored, pure bliss .

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

or get back together with her yet again.

lol, you've got me there.

When I think about it, drugs weren't my most destructive habit, she was.

I know I go back to her over and over, but there's one thing totse needs to understand: I've never met a better manipulator in my life. Ever.

Oh well, it took me a while to rid my self of drugs, so it will take me a while to rid my self of her.

quote:Originally posted by ethical_digger:

Hey! just read that you were going to the army! what are your plans?

Rifleman > year 12 pass > Combat Medic > Paramedics.

Good for you, arquin.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

I don't know of any sailors here actually...

I'm off to the local army base tommorow to find out about some shit.

Even if the army sucks, at least I'll be able to quit and impress people with "yeah, I've been in the army..."

I only know one sailor from NZ.

I grew up on the outskirts of one of the big army bases in new zealand so I knoew EXACTLY what those people are like lol.