 Story(appropriate forum I hope)
Last night I was incredibly horny, it was late, and I figured everyone was asleep. I got a new dvd player in my living room for Christmas, and I figured out the concept of the picture disk. I have a brother who is very nosy so it was easier to make a picture disk then download full porn movies. Anyways I pop that sucker in and I look over at my sofa chair type thing...it has a cushion. I got intrigued with it, so I pull my shorts down along with my underwear and I started to pump the chair while looking at the tv screen. I was flipping through pictures for about 10 seconds and really getting into it when I hear a noise.
I got more scared then I've ever been in my entire life. Imagine my mother/brother/dad catching me fucking the living room chair while looking at cartoon porn(first few images on the disk, sue me). I jettison my dick out of the chair, grab the remotes(I had a tv remote, dvd remote, and digital cable remote), and scramble to the other chair in the living room. Somehow I only get my shorts on, minus the underwear. The dvd remote is now in my pants, and my underwear are on the side of the chair not visible along with a few paper towels and a toilet paper roll(didn't work out so good when I tried that).
I flip the tv quickly to Roseanne, a show I watch frequently, and everything was cool. We sat and watched tv for a few minutes, she made a blueberry pop-tart, and then went back to sleep. Not the wisest of health choices, but I just ate a bowl of rice krispices with chocolate milk at 10:00 pm so I'm not exactly the advocate of good health. She's upstairs, no more interruptions, every thing's great. I go back upstairs and take a piss, also grabbing a plastic bag to put in between the couch pillow to reduce chaffing.
Downstairs not a creature was stirring, so I put the disk back in and the plastic bag in between the sofa cushion. I start pumping it and it turns out this isn't exactly as comfortable as it was bareback. Fuck that, if I'm going to be as desperate as to fuck a couch pillow, it's going to be comfortable. I start pumping away again. My neck is now hurting from turning my head to the tv, but I feel like I'm about to cum so fuck it I continue. After about 15 pics in to my Jax from Barely Evil collection that's relatively far along the disk, I feel a pain in my dick. It kind of felt good, as does some pain in the heat of the moment. I continues for a little bit until I thought about why I got the plastic bag in the first place...chaffing.
I pull my dick out and there is a small part on the back that absolutely fucking hurts to touch. I then realize I made a mistake, and I knew I had to warn my fellow Totseans: don't ever fuck a couch pillow without a condom. STB's suck, which is a sexually transmitted brushburn. That damn couch pillow, my one night stand, didn't tell my she was going to be so rough. I sometimes like to stick ice cubes up asshole when I beat off(no joke), but I'm not into hurting myself in this way. My dick ain't exactly King King, or King Kong Jr., but at least it fucking works.
After further inspection my dick is alright ..and The happy ending did come last night. I put on the Mexico On Demand thing and searched for porn, and I did find a few tits and a funny rape scene, but that's for another time. I eventually put the porn disk back in after about an hour and a half of my dick being hard and begging me to finish myself off. In the end I pleased his demand and got off to a few good pics of Liz Vicious spreading eagle.
Morale of the story: Get a job, a woman, and a life. There's nothing more pathetic or painful than fucking couch pillows bareback at 1:00 am.
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2007-01-09, 06:08
