So, lately I've been having these sexual dreams. Not dreams that actually involve actual intercourse. More like just touching and kissing accompanied by strong emotion.

WTF. This is RIGHT after I decide to become asexual. I HATE dealing with other people, ESPECIALLY if I care what they think of me. I don't like mixing my life with others; I like the freedom that comes with a complete lack of responsibility. I like to be able to say "don't feel like it, would rather be alone" when asked to go out. Being away from my family, essentially living alone, has made me the happiest I have ever been. I love being alone; the freedom is incredible. And now these dreams have me filled with this obsession that I am unable to satisfy, and make a very good yet emotional argument against abandoning all hope of romantic contact.

What should I do? I REALLY don't think I want a girlfriend in the traditional sense. With most relationships I've seen, there seems to be either this huge rift in honesty and trust, with respective social armors clattering against each other and ritual methods of exchange being followed, or a kind of horrifying goopiness that makes it seem like a few organs are going to be pulled out if the two are separated. But nevertheless, I'm feeling this deep need to connect emotionally with a woman. I don't ever want to deeply love someone or have a completely shared life; power is the most important thing to me, and by trusting part of your life to someone else, whose feelings and actions you have absolutely no control over, you give that up. Still, I have this need, and the desire is painful.

I wouldn't even know where to begin; I'm very socially inexperienced, and usually very akward, though I no longer have a paralyzing lack of confidence. I don't even know how I'd find the time, let alone the right person. Which I assume wouldn't be exactly simple.

Desire and suffering go hand in hand, but that dream was beautiful, and I fear that I might be missing something. What should I do? Is this just a tragedy waiting to happen? I can see it ending badly both ways, with doing nothing and living with regret or trying and destroying myself in the process.

Solution- get a blow up doll. The shallowness of your typical woman with all the benefits of getting some whenever you want.

Wow, you've had sex dreams right after you "decided to become asexual"? And you don't know what the deal is?

^^Wouldn't help. Impossible to feel anything for something that isn't human. And I don't neccesarily want just sex either. Not even an integral part of my need at this point. Just contact with someone I can trust and respect.

quote:Originally posted by just a name:

Wow, you've had sex dreams right after you "decided to become asexual"? And you don't know what the deal is?

Yes, I realize that there's probably a connection there. Hence "and make a very good yet emotional argument against abandoning all hope of romantic contact."

I realized it after I wrote the first sentence; sry.

I take it this was a big decision? You dream about what you think about, and you've probably been thinking a lot about sex lately, whether you like to admit it or not. Humans are sexual beings, with desires and urges, most of which we can't control. Your dreams are simply expressing your urges, which is totally normal.

^^Lol, not really. I wrote it in a post, and then I thought "huh, is that really true? Maybe that would be a good idea"

and then I paced around for five minutes thinking about it and decided my life needed focus and sex would only get in the way. I already knew the prerequisites to this decision, I just put two and two together and made it official.

chicken of doom you should be an author.

the question is: do you enjoy those dreams? if you do, it means you are probably desiring human contact again.

if you dont have any opinion about it, then youre just acknowleging something that was in your life, and is not anymore.

Well yah, I A man doesn't feel right until he knows he can get some ass when need be. So do whatever you need to do to make that happen.

^^ Yes, the dreams are incredible. The one I had last night made my whole day. But the thing is, I've never had that in my life. In highschool, I was incredibly shy. I had expectations about how my life should be that I did nothing to meet, because I didn't care enough in the right way.

Long story short, I've never had a girlfriend or anything remotely close. Not that I didn't have crushes, make myself say 'hi' to a few whenever I saw them; I just wasn't able to make any progress. I had no drive, no confidence; I couldn't make myself do things.

That was a huge part of what I wanted back then, too. I wanted to be normal. So I wanted a girlfriend. I didn't see that being normal meant putting myself out there and being a person. The concept of just being eluded me; I had no ability to do, to persue goals, just to take whatever life threw at me and be upset about it. You might say I was an emo without the clothes, music, cutting, or emo friends.

So it's more something strange and unknown that I'm dreaming about than something I miss.