Ugh last night she brought of her ex's so much, its starting to bug me but i dont want to just come out and say "cut that shit out i dont care about your ex" because then i would probably join their ranks... any nice way to say this?

Oh god dude I'm right there with you. The girl I'm with right now just ended a 14 month relationship like a few months ago and she still talks about him like she's still going out with the fucker. She's even got a god damn picture of him that she carries around with her.

Pisses me off so damn much. But I don't want to look like a dick so I don't say anything about it I kind of just nod my head and look away. I can kind of understand since she did go out with him for that long but still...

I have no idea how to deal with this either.

Most girls that talk about their ex are still to caught up in him. Just tell her plainly, If you want to talk about him, go date him. If you wanna be with me, don't say shit about your ex.

quote:Originally posted by Apoxyus:

Most girls that talk about their ex are still to caught up in him. Just tell her plainly, If you want to talk about him, go date him. If you wanna be with me, don't say shit about your ex.

Honest and reasonable.

If a girl still talks about her last ex enough for you to notice the problem it means she still wants/needs him. ie you are the rebound most likely, which can be good or bad. Good in the sense there can be fun mindless physical relationship. In terms of bad more likely than not the relationship wont mean very much in the end between the two of you unless there is the odd occasion where you can actually completely displace the feelings she has for her ex for feelings for you.

My advice go for what you want. Whether that be a mindless physical relationship or a real full relationship by telling her to stop or finding someone else.

quote:Originally posted by Apoxyus:

Most girls that talk about their ex are still to caught up in him. Just tell her plainly, If you want to talk about him, go date him. If you wanna be with me, don't say shit about your ex.

quote:Originally posted by Aseren:

Honest and reasonable.

And it also promotes you to the dominate position in the relationship, as well as making sure she understands that you're more important than all of them. And that you don't want to listen to her stupid babble.

This is what you do if you want to KEEP the girl.

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

And it also promotes you to the dominate position in the relationship, as well as making sure she understands that you're more important than all of them. And that you don't want to listen to her stupid babble.

This is what you do if you want to KEEP the girl.

Yeah I see what you mean. My situation is a little different. I've had this thing with this girl for almost two months now and like I said, she just got over a 14 month relationship. Me and her are completely in to each other and all and we talk about sex and our affection for each other almost nonstop. She talks about her ex way way too much though.

The thing that worries me about telling her to stop is that I think I'll come off as a dick. Especially now that I've known her for two months and have still never tried to stop her from talking about him. I just assumed it was a phase or something and she would be over him soon enough but it turns out I was wrong. Now I'm not worried a single bit about her leaving me to go back to him because I don't think he'd go back out with her and he lives like an hour away.

So how would I go about telling her to stop talking about him without coming off as a dick and still coming off as the "alpha male" as Gus put it?

quote:Originally posted by voodoonirvana:

Yeah I see what you mean. My situation is a little different. I've had this thing with this girl for almost two months now and like I said, she just got over a 14 month relationship. Me and her are completely in to each other and all and we talk about sex and our affection for each other almost nonstop. She talks about her ex way way too much though.

The thing that worries me about telling her to stop is that I think I'll come off as a dick. Especially now that I've known her for two months and have still never tried to stop her from talking about him. I just assumed it was a phase or something and she would be over him soon enough but it turns out I was wrong. Now I'm not worried a single bit about her leaving me to go back to him because I don't think he'd go back out with her and he lives like an hour away.

So how would I go about telling her to stop talking about him without coming off as a dick and still coming off as the "alpha male" as Gus put it?

This is probably a taboo answer that you won't consider at all, but you could always...you know... tell her how it makes you feel.

It's icky, I know.

Start talking about your Exes? All down & dirty about the thexxth you had with them. All the intimate details.

Either that or be honest & tell them that talking about the ex is in bad taste & ask her if she's some kinda lowlife Chav?

quote:Originally posted by voodoonirvana:

Yeah I see what you mean. My situation is a little different. I've had this thing with this girl for almost two months now and like I said, she just got over a 14 month relationship.

Alright, then she shouldn't have gotten into this relationship knowing that she's still attached to this other man mentally. But of course, women aren't logical. They're emotional, and these kind of emotions are easy to bury.

quote:Originally posted by voodoonirvana:

Me and her are completely in to each other and all and we talk about sex and our affection for each other almost nonstop. She talks about her ex way way too much though.

In what context does she talk about him?

"Oh, EX was so good at giving oral... I wish you were more like him?"

"Oh, EX was so emotional... I miss him?"

"Oh, the fucking EX never lasted more than five minutes!"

quote:Originally posted by voodoonirvana:

The thing that worries me about telling her to stop is that I think I'll come off as a dick.

You'll also come off as the alpha male, and the person in control of your relationship. Being kind but firm is the balance you need to make.

quote:Originally posted by voodoonirvana:

Especially now that I've known her for two months and have still never tried to stop her from talking about him. I just assumed it was a phase or something and she would be over him soon enough but it turns out I was wrong.

So all the more reason to be making sure you make her understand that it's NOT ok for her to be acting like that. In all seriousness, you need to take action before you end up having to break it off with her.

It's not about it being too late or too early. It's about it always being the right time when you're together.

quote:Originally posted by voodoonirvana:

Now I'm not worried a single bit about her leaving me to go back to him because I don't think he'd go back out with her and he lives like an hour away.

So he doesn't want her? So she thinks about him a lot, and how much she wants what she cannot have. She's making herself fall back in love with him, and really there isn't too much you can do about that except tell her while she's with you to NOT talk about him because as much as your respect her and her past, you don't want to hear about him anymore.

quote:Originally posted by voodoonirvana:

So how would I go about telling her to stop talking about him without coming off as a dick and still coming off as the "alpha male" as Gus put it?

Really, what I'd suggest would be the next time she says anything about him, ask her out-right "Why do you talk so much about your ex?"

From there, use a calm, kind hand, but a firm, strong fist to control the conversation and lead it into you understanding that she's a emotional nutcase as all women are, but that you want HER to want to be better.

Such things as "I find it very disrespectful that you talk about him more than you talk about me, even though we're together dear." are what I'd aim for, but if that's not your style/strong suit, then play with what you know. I can't tell you exactly how to lay your cards down, but I can tell you that the second you feel anger, or she starts getting upset, just tell her you have to leave and walk away.

Give her some time to think it over.

quote:Originally posted by Silverfuck:

This is probably a taboo answer that you won't consider at all, but you could always...you know... tell her how it makes you feel.

It's icky, I know.

That's what I did, with all dignity/seriousness possible, don't start crying like an emo, and it'll be fine, worked for me. /unmanlyness

Damn Gus your good. I think the next time I talk to her I'm just gonna ask her why she talks about him so much. Or I'll just confront her about it with something like "damn you talk about him a lot" and see how it goes from there. I just wish I wasn't such a pussy sometimes.

Oh sure. Just shut up & let her treat you like a girl...that'll keep her respect.

Dude, it sounds like you ARE a rebound...

But if you want to try and work it out, you need to just be straight up with her. And if talking about it doesn't fix the problem, then just turn into an asshole and start talking about your exes. Childish, but entertaining.

My boyfriend and I play the question game a lot. If a question comes up about an ex, too bad. Don't ask the questions if you think you won't like the answers. That's fairly unrelated to your situation though.

If she's carrying around a picture of him still, really dude, you need to reevaluate your relationship and see if you're ok with being temporary replacement fallback guy. I guarantee she'd get back together with him in a heartbeat if given the chance.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

Dude, it sounds like you ARE a rebound...

But if you want to try and work it out, you need to just be straight up with her. And if talking about it doesn't fix the problem, then just turn into an asshole and start talking about your exes. Childish, but entertaining.

My boyfriend and I play the question game a lot. If a question comes up about an ex, too bad. Don't ask the questions if you think you won't like the answers. That's fairly unrelated to your situation though.

If she's carrying around a picture of him still, really dude, you need to reevaluate your relationship and see if you're ok with being temporary replacement fallback guy. I guarantee she'd get back together with him in a heartbeat if given the chance.

Yeah I've thought about that last part you said a lot. I really think she would take him back in a fucking heartbeat but I'm not positive about that because about a week ago she was just telling me how she was actually thinking about dumping him FOR me when they were going out.

She's just so god damn confusing and all of her statements and actions seem to conflict or contradict one another. She really is an amazing girl and both of us are incredibly fond of each other and care about each other a lot, but she's just so mixed up it seems like.

Girls; would any of you be offended if asked by your boyfriend if you were just using him as a rebound, whether it be consciously or subconsciously?

Jesus, I just went on a date with a guy who wouldn't stop talking about girls at his job who flirt with him. After 20 minutes of that, I went to the restroom and faked an emergency. He sucks.

quote:Originally posted by FCAdam:

Ugh last night she brought of her ex's so much, its starting to bug me but i dont want to just come out and say "cut that shit out i dont care about your ex" because then i would probably join their ranks... any nice way to say this?

Just break up with her. It's obvious she still cares about him too much to respect you by not mentioning him.

quote:Originally posted by voodoonirvana:

Oh god dude I'm right there with you. The girl I'm with right now just ended a 14 month relationship like a few months ago and she still talks about him like she's still going out with the fucker. She's even got a god damn picture of him that she carries around with her.

Pisses me off so damn much. But I don't want to look like a dick so I don't say anything about it I kind of just nod my head and look away. I can kind of understand since she did go out with him for that long but still...

I have no idea how to deal with this either.

Well, she sounds like she's being an insensitive prick.

You really should tell her it's not acceptable and you don't feel comfortable.

I've heard stories about exs and random one night stands, even other girls stuff in my boyfriends. Makes me feel inadequate for some reason and like I don't want to do anything with him because I feel totally embaarrased about myself. No idea why. Oh well.

But you still have to tell her. Maybe she thinks that you don't really care? What kind of stuff does she say?

Kind but firm 'cut it out'.

If it's bugging you, you have to do something about it. Who cares about the risk. It's her deserving you, not the other way around.

you're all morons, when she brings up her ex-boyfriends get her way into it and start having her talk about what they were like and what they did... after gathering information respond by rounding off any of the positive aspects they just told you about the ex through minimization and casually restating things she said that seemed good, for instance "my ex worked at a gas station" becomes "he was one of those fags in a canary suit[kangaroo gas stations]" and then afterwards hit her real deep with your cock just so she knows who the one on top is

quote:Originally posted by Apoxyus:

Most girls that talk about their ex are still to caught up in him. Just tell her plainly, If you want to talk about him, go date him. If you wanna be with me, don't say shit about your ex.

Niiiiiice. *Writes down*

My girlfriend and I freely discuss our past relationships.

You are, or she is, insecure.

quote:Originally posted by Toraton:

My girlfriend and I freely discuss our past relationships.

You are, or she is, insecure.

quote:Originally posted by Duck In Fog:

Well, she sounds like she's being an insensitive prick.

You really should tell her it's not acceptable and you don't feel comfortable.

I've heard stories about exs and random one night stands, even other girls stuff in my boyfriends. Makes me feel inadequate for some reason and like I don't want to do anything with him because I feel totally embaarrased about myself. No idea why. Oh well.

But you still have to tell her. Maybe she thinks that you don't really care? What kind of stuff does she say?

Well it's usually just stuff about what they use to do when they were together. Sometimes it has to do with sex but usually it's just things like "oh james use to cuddle up next to me and rub my back until I fell asleep at nights" and stuff like that. It makes me so damn uncomfortable because it feels like she's comparing me or something.

quote:Originally posted by voodoonirvana:

Well it's usually just stuff about what they use to do when they were together. Sometimes it has to do with sex but usually it's just things like "oh james use to cuddle up next to me and rub my back until I fell asleep at nights" and stuff like that. It makes me so damn uncomfortable because it feels like she's comparing me or something.

She IS comparing you. You're not her ex though. And she's gotta be with you for a reason. That reason might be "you're a replacement" though. Just snap at her dude, I would.

I get this a bit, but with my boyfriend. I can understand though, because before we started going out, we were close friends and I heard all about the break-up etc. from him, and at the time he was pretty wrecked about it. It's still a bit of a touchy issue, that she just dumped him for no good reason, so when he brings her up I just try to comfort him and let him know that even if she doesn't give a shit about him anymore, I still do. Otherwise, all you can do is keep being yourself. Trying to be someones ex isn't going to make either of you happy.

- T_M