To start off, this is going to be a long one, so no bitching about it.

My main dilemma: I've really liked the same girl since the day we've met. She does a few things I disagree with, but I actually respect her MORE for it. But I'm having a hard time deciding what to do about it.

First, background info on me is needed.

I was born from a con artist father; I haven’t seen him in over 10 years. Since I was a little boy, I have always had EXTREME disgust for 2 things: someone I can't trust & someone that makes dangerous/bad life decisions.

Now, being born how I was, and being raised mostly by a single mother, I have developed strong feelings towards kids. I consider it selfish to have sex before you are able to take care of a child well, and with everything they need. I am so disgusted by it; it makes me almost feel hatred towards anyone who does it. I have experienced first hand the life the child of single parent’s can have.

Moving on...

This girl I have known from 9th grade. From my start in school, I have always been among the best and brightest of the class. In the top 3% or better, nationally. And few girls I met were up there with me. Not to say guys are smarter or anything, but that's just my experience. This girl and I have been competing on everything since then.

We never have had an argument that either one of us got offended. She is interested in a lot of the same things as me, and me and her see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. She is one of the few people I have ever been able to say what I really think and believe. No political bullshit, no having to please someone of lesser intelligence because they are too stupid to understand me.

But here's the catch.

I am drug free. I drink, but moderately. I have NEVER been drunk. I have never had sex; I cannot provide a good life for a potential child yet.

She used to smoke weed, still smokes cigarettes. She drinks heavily when she wants to. She has sex with partners she thinks are smart and able to take care of her ect.

She violates several of the rules I've made a commitment to myself never to break. But since the day we met, I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather be with. I've been in 5 countries and every single state. I've lived in 14 houses in 18 years (used to be a military brat). I had been a lot of places and seen a lot of things. People have said I am mature beyond my years. I am 18.

In all that, never have I met someone I admire more. I respect her, even for the things I disagree with. Because she doesn't regret many things, and she is confident in herself. She can stand on her own. Without anyone else.

But I feel that being with her would be my doom. It would destroy me.

I've been having dreams recently.

In the dreams, a girl that is similar to her kisses me, in a pool, and we fall underwater. Somehow, underwater we are talking. She asks to see my ___(I don't remember what it is called, but it's another name for an std test. This girl from 9th grade and I have talked about being friends with benefits before and it came up.) And as I respond I don't have one, she smiles and keeps kissing me. And I die, I drown, because she is kissing me and I don't try to breathe.

I love this girl, but I fear loving her will destroy me. I want to be in a relationship with her, but I know we would become physical quickly. I WANT to have sex with her, but it goes against my values. I am battling with myself, and have been for years. And I feel the better of me is losing.

Well, I'm not sure whether to commit myself or become an author like Steven king.

Just to clarify:

You love this girl, but are in no sort of relationship with her?

You aren't willing to try for a relationship because she doesn't fit your "rules"?

How would she destroy or doom you?

It sounds like lust soaked infatuation from what this post.

quote:Originally posted by 1 4 the 4 1 1:

To start off, this is going to be a long one, so no bitching about it.

My main dilemma: I've really liked the same girl since the day we've met. She does a few things I disagree with, but I actually respect her MORE for it. But I'm having a hard time deciding what to do about it.

First, background info on me is needed.

I was born from a con artist father; I haven’t seen him in over 10 years. Since I was a little boy, I have always had EXTREME disgust for 2 things: someone I can't trust & someone that makes dangerous/bad life decisions.

Now, being born how I was, and being raised mostly by a single mother, I have developed strong feelings towards kids. I consider it selfish to have sex before you are able to take care of a child well, and with everything they need. I am so disgusted by it; it makes me almost feel hatred towards anyone who does it. I have experienced first hand the life the child of single parent’s can have.

Moving on...

This girl I have known from 9th grade. From my start in school, I have always been among the best and brightest of the class. In the top 3% or better, nationally. And few girls I met were up there with me. Not to say guys are smarter or anything, but that's just my experience. This girl and I have been competing on everything since then.

We never have had an argument that either one of us got offended. She is interested in a lot of the same things as me, and me and her see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. She is one of the few people I have ever been able to say what I really think and believe. No political bullshit, no having to please someone of lesser intelligence because they are too stupid to understand me.

But here's the catch.

I am drug free. I drink, but moderately. I have NEVER been drunk. I have never had sex; I cannot provide a good life for a potential child yet.

She used to smoke weed, still smokes cigarettes. She drinks heavily when she wants to. She has sex with partners she thinks are smart and able to take care of her ect.

She violates several of the rules I've made a commitment to myself never to break. But since the day we met, I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather be with. I've been in 5 countries and every single state. I've lived in 14 houses in 18 years (used to be a military brat). I had been a lot of places and seen a lot of things. People have said I am mature beyond my years. I am 18.

In all that, never have I met someone I admire more. I respect her, even for the things I disagree with. Because she doesn't regret many things, and she is confident in herself. She can stand on her own. Without anyone else.

But I feel that being with her would be my doom. It would destroy me.

I've been having dreams recently.

In the dreams, a girl that is similar to her kisses me, in a pool, and we fall underwater. Somehow, underwater we are talking. She asks to see my ___(I don't remember what it is called, but it's another name for an std test. This girl from 9th grade and I have talked about being friends with benefits before and it came up.) And as I respond I don't have one, she smiles and keeps kissing me. And I die, I drown, because she is kissing me and I don't try to breathe.

I love this girl, but I fear loving her will destroy me. I want to be in a relationship with her, but I know we would become physical quickly. I WANT to have sex with her, but it goes against my values. I am battling with myself, and have been for years. And I feel the better of me is losing.

Well, I'm not sure whether to commit myself or become an author like Steven king.

Heres the deal:

You're an adult, she's an adult. Adults can smoke cigs and pot and get hammered. Most of them do at least one of the above. Not everyday, but its okay to get a little drunk, or get a bit mellowed out. Smoking cigs isn't healthy or productive, but whatever. There are worse things a person could do. If these are her only faults, then whats the big fucking deal? You feel for her, so ignore it and go for it. If you don't, you'll regret it for quite some time.

And the "I won't have sex until I can care for the child" thats great. Honestly, not too many people fully understand that sex can lead to children. Sounds silly, but seriously. But sex does not automatically = child. We have condoms, plan b, birth control pills, the patch, and abortions. And the choice to have a child isn't exactly yours. So why don't you modify that rule to be a bit more rational: You won't get a chick knocked up until you can support a kid.

Good luck.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Just to clarify:

You love this girl, but are in no sort of relationship with her?

You aren't willing to try for a relationship because she doesn't fit your "rules"?

How would she destroy or doom you?

It sounds like lust soaked infatuation from what this post.

Lust? Hardly. It's only recently that I've wanted to be physical w/ her. But it's not my "rules" , it's that they are values that have been a guiding force for me all my life. I am not in a relationship with her, we are friends, but we both know we could be more.

I fear I am going to change into something I am not, or maybe become what I really am. I'm not sure which. But I am scared of being with her, because I feel like I would be going against myself. My own values, who I am. By no means is my feelings towards her driven by lust.

quote:Originally posted by just a name:

But sex does not automatically = child.

Good luck.

While I realize this is true, I have never wanted to take that risk. I am not against birth control, but I am against abortions(as most of S&A readies there guns for me). How could I raise I child in a less than great way KNOWING every day It is my fault?

quote:Originally posted by 1 4 the 4 1 1:

While I realize this is true, I have never wanted to take that risk. I am not against birth control, but I am against abortions(as most of S&A readies there guns for me). How could I raise I child in a less than great way KNOWING every day It is my fault?

You do realize, that you can cut the chances of having a child down to almost nothing.

Pull out, wear a condom (properly), have her on birth control, and use spermicide. Although, I get the distinct feeling that these silly rules are more just self-inflicted barriers against intimacy and not the result of rational contemplation. Would I be right?

quote:Originally posted by just a name:

You do realize, that you can cut the chances of having a child down to almost nothing.

Pull out, wear a condom (properly), have her on birth control, and use spermicide. Although, I get the distinct feeling that these silly rules are more just self-inflicted barriers against intimacy and not the result of rational contemplation. Would I be right?

My values and rules go beyond intimacy. But you could be right, if only a little. One advantage to being a single child raised by a single parent is that you have lots of time to think, and less time spent worrying about following the crowd. Maybe the reason I impose these rules upon myself is to do what is harder, not more rational....

Infatuation all the way pal.

This girl goes against many of the things you have made into pillars of your life. And good pillars they are. Stick to your convictions althought a little flexibility wouldn't kill you.

As for this girl, she goes against your strongest of convictions yet you can't stop thinking about her.

You know the things she does will eat away at you eventually and she will drag you down to a level you don't want to descend to.

You have two choices...Try the flexibilty thing or move on.

Just change her... *Says it so casually, most probably ready some sort of killing device* As I see it, if the fates wish for you two to be together, and if she really wants you, change her.

Weed out those bad qualities. If she doesn't want to be around you/with you, then she wont change for you. I've done it, and I've found out that she is the most amazing woman in the world (Love you Tink, if you're reading this), but when she took up smoking for a week, I told her, smoking or me... And I'm still around.

If she truely wants to be with you (Friend or otherwise), she'll change. It's not like you're getting rid of anything that wont kill her. People tend to change around other people, so it'll more then likely become second nature after she gets use to the fact.

Afraid this will change you? You do realise the only way to go forward, to grow is to change. And seems to me, there's a lot of life experience to gain with this girl



Course, i'm the kind of guy wich loves intelligent stoner chicks (there's no such thing as ex stoners, just stoners who aren't stonin at the moment)

I understand the issue at hand. I think you should go for it.

However, based on your writing and lack of grasp for the basic rules of the English language on many levels...I call bullshit on the "top 3%".

-Val

quote:Originally posted by Valmont:

I understand the issue at hand. I think you should go for it.

However, based on your writing and lack of grasp for the basic rules of the English language on many levels...I call bullshit on the "top 3%".

-Val

I've never placed much value on proper writing. Communication can wrok wthuiot tehm. And lsat I cckehed, msot ranked tests don't require you to write a page long report on your answer. Less the writing portions of course .

My whole point with her is that I'm nervous about becoming something I feel is beneath me. But she is the only person I never feel like I have to only be half of myself around. Like, she can understand me and I her.

You don't have to smoke and get smashed just because she does. Lead her by example, perhaps. If it really bothers you, and she loves you enough, she will tone it down eventually.

I've been in a similiar situation, except I was the drug user and she was the carefully drug-free one. I quit for her. She can do it for you.

OPh for fuck sake, how will she drag you down. Use a condom FFS and if shes on the pill its even safer. How will she drag someone in the top 3% of america (figures, the other 97% must have been hispanic illegal immigrants from south america ), Shed cant force you to do anything you dont want 9I've said this to girls before, but never a guy...).

/^/^ Michael

p.s. did you hear? he fucked her

OP: people change and you will certainly will.

My advice: go fuck her (use condom and all the methods you consider) and if you are unlucky enough to have a child deal with it and find a job and don't leave him like your father did, simple isn't it?



EDIT: I'm 25, I'm against abortion also, I dont wont to have a child yet, so what I described up there is basically how I live, although I have a job.

[This message has been edited by Beka (edited 01-05-2007).]

How fun. I have a mix of "your values are bullshit" , "your a lying dumbass", and "so what?".

quote:Originally posted by 1 4 the 4 1 1:

How fun. I have a mix of "your values are bullshit" , "your a lying dumbass", and "so what?".

I didn't think my post fit in any of those categories... but my posts are always invisible. Once I posted three times in a thread about me and people were like "why isn't Twisted_Ferret posting?".

If you know each other so well, then talk to her about this stuff. Share your issues, because that is what they are. Issues.

They are things to deal with, not things to base your life upon.

What are your values, your "rules"?

I knew a kid like that, I became friends with him, and I have never lived a day since without regreting it.

quote:Originally posted by Valmont:

I understand the issue at hand. I think you should go for it.

However, based on your writing and lack of grasp for the basic rules of the English language on many levels...I call bullshit on the "top 3%".

-Val

English doesn't mean squat. Granted, he could just have extremely poor writing and grammar skills but be a whiz with math, science, history etc.

Okay dude, I'm going to tell you to stick to your values. If you don't, your going to end up hating yourself. Dated a girl who didnt meet up with my values, I wound up subconciously hating myself for it. I became everything I hated, and to this day, I wish I could go back in time and beat the shit out of myself for being so stupid and weak.

quote:Originally posted by psycho_8b:

Infatuation all the way pal.

This girl goes against many of the things you have made into pillars of your life. And good pillars they are. Stick to your convictions althought a little flexibility wouldn't kill you.

As for this girl, she goes against your strongest of convictions yet you can't stop thinking about her.

You know the things she does will eat away at you eventually and she will drag you down to a level you don't want to descend to.

You have two choices...Try the flexibilty thing or move on.



Best advice so far.

I know what you mean, about having to dumb yourself down for other people, and the conflict of dealing with people whose lifestyles are totally opposite to your moral pillars.

What a fucking pain in the ass, she suprises me and 2 of our other friends by moving in with her 'bofriend' that no one knew about, she has never mentioned, and she doesn't tell us till shes already moved in. WHAT THE HELL? wow, that makes everything SO MUCH EASIER!

Hooray for having decisions you don't want to make go away! Hooray!!

quote:Originally posted by Valmont:

However, based on your writing and lack of grasp for the basic rules of the English language on many levels...I call bullshit on the "top 3%".

-Val

I have never taken an honors mathematics course in my life, nor have I ever studied it independently. I have never formally studied economics either, other than a moderate grasp on it from Wikipedia.

I scored in the top 1% on knowledge of economics on a statewide test.

Then again, I also scored the highest on a reading comprehension test in 9th grade, ranking well so above college level I went, quite literally, off the chart. Well above everyone else at that school, and I feel damn proud of myself for it.

But seriously, where is this guys supposed glaring deficiencies in English? I was actually respecting his writing style while reading the post, it is much better and more coherent than 90% of the garbage on this website.

be a man, and hit it.

Weak.

Sauce.

OP i think you need to stop being a pussy. Life is supposed to be fun so get your arse out the house and go live.

wait til college. there will be many people there for you to like.

quote:Originally posted by Byss:

But seriously, where is this guys supposed glaring deficiencies in English? I was actually respecting his writing style while reading the post, it is much better and more coherent than 90% of the garbage on this website.

You missed an apostrophe and used a comma splice. Off the charts, my ass.

Edit: It should be "where are," as well, and "ranking well so above college level" is the most fucked up phrase I've ever read.

[This message has been edited by Twisted_Ferret (edited 01-06-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by 1 4 the 4 1 1:

What a fucking pain in the ass, she suprises me and 2 of our other friends by moving in with her 'bofriend' that no one knew about, she has never mentioned, and she doesn't tell us till shes already moved in. WHAT THE HELL? wow, that makes everything SO MUCH EASIER!

Hooray for having decisions you don't want to make go away! Hooray!!



nice