So this girl I know, she needs sex now, it's been about 2 months now, I tell her just to masturbate, she doesn't want to. I offer my services, but she declines So, anyhow, how can I get her to masturbate?

Punch her in the face.

What the hell? Why is she telling you she wants to fuck, but she won't fuck you?

She's not being a very good friend...

Why do you care if she gets off anyway? She doesn't seem to care if you do or not...

Yeah, I know man, she has a BF, and for some reason he hasn't fucked her, so I have to listen, don't worry though, soon enough. I don't really care if she gets off or not, I'd just rather her masturbate, you know.

What the fuck dude, it's not even your problem. You offered, she declined, why the fuck do you care anymore?

Tell her to stop her bitching and to not be such a fucking ugmo that even her boyfriend won't fuck her.

Yeah man, I know, it's fucked up, I already told her to stop bitching, we'll see.

I think I hear the sound of a whip cracking...