i broke up with him because i was tired of him accusing me of cheating on him when i went to visit the folks. weird thing is, other than this, he was as sweet as can be, every time things were going good, he has to bring up me cheating on him,and i never have. i think maby ehs scared of getting close to people in case they leave him, but ive taken this for 5 months, and i just cant do it any more and now im sadder than fuck. i think this belongs here, its affection? thoughts i guess, idk

[This message has been edited by BloodyCandy (edited 01-04-2007).]

quote:Originally posted by BloodyCandy:

i borke up with him because i was tired of him accusing me of cheating on him when i went to visit the folks. weird thing is, other than this, he was as sweet as can be, every time things were going good, he has to bring up me cheating on him,and i never have. i think maby ehs scared of getting close to people in case they leave him, but ive taken this for 5 months, and i just cant do it any more and now im sadder than fuck. i think this belongs here, its affection? thoughts i guess, idk



Yes this does belong here.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



Yes this does belong here.

k, thanx jackketch

Suck it up, no person ever breaks up with someone without already having someone else in mind to bone.

i dont have any one in mind to bone im tired of being accused right and left, and i dont know what else to do, but that didnt work either, so im at a loss, i want to be with him, but every time i get close , he brings it up, even though i never have, and i just cant take the hurt, he says the most awful things, and then when i get mad and ask why hes with me, he doesnt answer

This is the conversation you need to have with him.

Dear boyfriend. Either you trust me, or you don't. I'm not cheating on you, and it hurts me when you accuse me of it, but I know I can't convince you of something you don't want to be, so you have a choice. Either you accept that I'm not cheating on you, and realise that I'm with *you* because I want to be, and not because I want to be with someone else, because if I wanted to be with someone else I would. So you accept that that's the case, and try really hard in your soul to believe me and trust me. Or you can choose to believe what you think is the case, you think I'm cheating on you, so you need to end the relationship if you really seriously believe that. All that's happening right now is that we're both miserable, and if things carry on the way they have been, you're going to hurt me more, as well as hurting yourself.

The foundation of any relationship is trust, if we can't have that, then we have no relationship.

quote:Originally posted by Wintermute:

This is the conversation you need to have with him.

Dear boyfriend. Either you trust me, or you don't. I'm not cheating on you, and it hurts me when you accuse me of it, but I know I can't convince you of something you don't want to be, so you have a choice. Either you accept that I'm not cheating on you, and realise that I'm with *you* because I want to be, and not because I want to be with someone else, because if I wanted to be with someone else I would. So you accept that that's the case, and try really hard in your soul to believe me and trust me. Or you can choose to believe what you think is the case, you think I'm cheating on you, so you need to end the relationship if you really seriously believe that. All that's happening right now is that we're both miserable, and if things carry on the way they have been, you're going to hurt me more, as well as hurting yourself.

The foundation of any relationship is trust, if we can't have that, then we have no relationship.



thanx, although i said something along those lines to him, and he blames me, says it hurts him to think that i think hes hurting me, blah blah

Show him this thread.

i actually copied and pasted what you said in a yahoo message to him, if thats ok, he said he went to take a nap 45 min. ago, so when he wakes up he will see it, maby then i will have my answer.

He's far too paranoid and insecure to be in an adult relationship.

maby, i guess, hes 36 and im 20, so i thought maby given his age he wouldnt do the high school game shit, and i guess i was wrong

From what i read, it's probs not REALLY him not trusting you. It's him wanting to trust you but bein to insecure to do it. You wanna get rid of it, it's not the trust you gotta change, but his selfesteem. This is hard, very hard.....but if you who love him give up on him....who won't...or somethin like that.. .i dunno

Anyways, it's insecurity, there's reasons for that, there always are.. find them

huh? so, i did the right thing by breaking it off? i thought so, but he never tells me when i ask him

She's right, he's insecure, very insecure. It's not your fault, it's his problem.

Did you do the right thing? Only you know that for sure.

I don't understand jealousy. If you're going to cheat, you're going to do it whether he acts jealous or not.

And, you don't need confirmation to know whether or not you did the right thing. And don't ask him, he clearly is in no position to tell you if it was the right thing to do.

i know, i know, i was more or less talking to myself out loud again sorry bout that.

ph, and firekitty, your advice in my last thread helped, there was a glass of water by the bed at all times

Have you two considered the 'beating'? Lots of couples have traditionally found some...some something or other in the accusations & the beating?

Would you enjoy decent & frequent beatings?

"It means he cares! It shows he loves me!"