This is as vulnerable as I’m ever going to get. I often ask myself why don’t I have a girlfriend, and I tell myself it’s because I don’t want a girlfriend. I do want to have sex with a girl, but not with just any girl. I want to have sex with a girl I’m in love with. So, why do I say I don’t want a girlfriend? It’s because I don’t want to make a fool out of myself. When a girl approaches me, I ignore them as long as possible. Just yesterday a girl was walking though the parking lot, and tried to talk to me, and I ignored her at first. But, later she can up behind me, and said you don’t want to talk to me do you, and I said not really, she continued trying talk to me but I had no idea what to say. After she left me thought about saying something insightful that would make her think it wouldn’t be a good idea talking to me. I thought about saying I am socially damaged. In school I was made fun of, and in the ninth grade I was banned from campus, making it to where I had to be home-schooled. So, I wasn’t in a social environment that would help me socialize with girls. I thought about saying when I looked at her I could only think of sex. I started to think why I didn’t want to talk to her, and thought it’s because I don’t know what I want. I thought what is it I want, and came up with I will never know what I want. I thought all of my wants are influenced by what I’m told. So, I thought maybe what I need in a girlfriend is a domainatrics. That scared me. I didn’t want to think I’m that damage. My only fear is that I will never find love. Maybe I’m confusing sexual tension for love though it does go hand in hand. So what do you think.

well maybe you just have to take a chance. for all relationships are is making risks. and trying something different. you have nothing to lose but time and maybe the girl you could fall in love with. but first you have to come to an understanding of what you want in a girl.. and i mean like someone sweet and smart or someone easy going and nice. and what does love mean to you or are you still wondering that? hope that helped a bit

I didn't write this for help. I wrote it to tell why this is never going to happen for me. I don't know what I want, and I never will. I remember seeing a episode of everwood where an old guy said getting what you want is easy, knowing what you want is the hard part, and that is to hard for me to figure out. I can tell you how to cure scoliousus in a child, but I will never be able to tell you what I want.

quote:Originally posted by Harde:

I don't know what I want, and I never will.

Do you want to find out what you want? I've been in a similar position, and there are ways to uncloud your mind...

quote:Originally posted by deadteenager:

Do you want to find out what you want? I've been in a similar position, and there are ways to uncloud your mind...

Tell me more.

quote:Originally posted by Harde:

Tell me more.

-LSD, mushrooms.

-Meditation

-Courting danger openly, actively seeking out things/activities that scare the shit out of you. When you shy away from such things, you become more and more sensitive to anxiety and fear and get stuck in a grey little comfort zone, but when you put yourself in these types of situations, you see what you REALLY want and it will lead you to seek out a more intense mode of existence.

-Exhaustive, painfully honest self-analysis & introspection combining one or more of the above methods, WRITTEN DOWN. Writing is the great teacher, it will reveal to you things about yourself you've never consciously been aware of.

-Travel. Sometimes playing the field & gaining worldly experience, both pleasant & unpleasant, is the only way to discover your true desires.

-If you have anxiety/depression issues, see a professional. Such things will definitely cloud one's mind over & they distract you from what's really important to you.

-The book Prometheus Rising by Robert Anton Wilson. I personally found it to be very helpful in opening my mind, overcoming various mental blocks & shattering my own preconceptions/reality tunnels.

-Engaging in some form of creative activity, any kind of art. Writing fiction/poetry, drawing/painting, music, or a number of other endeavors.

-Cutting yourself off from your daily routine.

"When you cut yourself off from the life you've been living and you haven't yet established another life, you're free. If you don't know where you're going, you're even freer."

-Paul Bowles, writer

All in all, forcing yourself out of your normal mindset & lifestyle is the common thread here. Over the course of your life, you develop a series of coping/defense mechanisms to protect yourself from experiencing certain kinds of pain. There's nothing wrong with this inherently, but a lot of people tend to overcompensate in this area, which in my opinion leads to the closing of the mind, identity confusion & some of the issues you're dealing with here.

I'm stoned out of my mind right now, but I hope that was coherent enough for you to get something out of it. I'm certainly no guru or wiseman, some other people here may be able to offer better advice, but the above should help you find what you want.

If all else fails, you might be interested in the writer Fernando Pessoa. He dealt with this problem all his life, and much of his work deals with a theme that can basically be summed up as "the impossibility of wanting anything."

peace

quote:Originally posted by deadteenager:

-LSD, mushrooms.

-Meditation

-Courting danger openly, actively seeking out things/activities that scare the shit out of you. When you shy away from such things, you become more and more sensitive to anxiety and fear and get stuck in a grey little comfort zone, but when you put yourself in these types of situations, you see what you REALLY want and it will lead you to seek out a more intense mode of existence.

-Exhaustive, painfully honest self-analysis & introspection combining one or more of the above methods, WRITTEN DOWN. Writing is the great teacher, it will reveal to you things about yourself you've never consciously been aware of.

-Travel. Sometimes playing the field & gaining worldly experience, both pleasant & unpleasant, is the only way to discover your true desires.

-If you have anxiety/depression issues, see a professional. Such things will definitely cloud one's mind over & they distract you from what's really important to you.

-The book Prometheus Rising by Robert Anton Wilson. I personally found it to be very helpful in opening my mind, overcoming various mental blocks & shattering my own preconceptions/reality tunnels.

-Engaging in some form of creative activity, any kind of art. Writing fiction/poetry, drawing/painting, music, or a number of other endeavors.

-Cutting yourself off from your daily routine.

"When you cut yourself off from the life you've been living and you haven't yet established another life, you're free. If you don't know where you're going, you're even freer."

-Paul Bowles, writer

All in all, forcing yourself out of your normal mindset & lifestyle is the common thread here. Over the course of your life, you develop a series of coping/defense mechanisms to protect yourself from experiencing certain kinds of pain. There's nothing wrong with this inherently, but a lot of people tend to overcompensate in this area, which in my opinion leads to the closing of the mind, identity confusion & some of the issues you're dealing with here.

I'm stoned out of my mind right now, but I hope that was coherent enough for you to get something out of it. I'm certainly no guru or wiseman, some other people here may be able to offer better advice, but the above should help you find what you want.

If all else fails, you might be interested in the writer Fernando Pessoa. He dealt with this problem all his life, and much of his work deals with a theme that can basically be summed up as "the impossibility of wanting anything."

peace

I'm able to lose my mind without acid. I'm unable to meditate do to lack of consentration. Nothing scares me except the idea that I will never know what I want. Through my self-analyse I only came up with the idea that I am socially damaged, and I accept that. When I travel I get bored out of my mind, it's all the same. I only have depression and anxiety by myself, when I'm left alone with my thoughts to long. I already know of Greek Mythology. I'm un-creative, when ever I do something on my own I feel like I'm following a guideline on how to do it. My routine changes from day to day, this is the only thing that sticks. All I know is I don't know what I want, and I can't find what I want. I am a brain damaged. God, I didn't know that when I started this thread, I would go from knowing why I don't have a girlfriend to knowing why I'll never going to know what I want. I guess this should be moved on to humanities now.

quote:Originally posted by Harde:

I'm able to lose my mind without acid. I'm unable to meditate do to lack of consentration. Nothing scares me except the idea that I will never know what I want. Through my self-analyse I only came up with the idea that I am socially damaged, and I accept that. When I travel I get bored out of my mind, it's all the same. I only have depression and anxiety by myself, when I'm left alone with my thoughts to long. I already know of Greek Mythology. I'm un-creative, when ever I do something on my own I feel like I'm following a guideline on how to do it. My routine changes from day to day, this is the only thing that sticks. All I know is I don't know what I want, and I can't find what I want. I am a brain damaged. God, I didn't know that when I started this thread, I would go from knowing why I don't have a girlfriend to knowing why I'll never going to know what I want.

Well, since you've completely convinced yourself that you're "damaged" and that you'll never know what you want, there's nothing anyone can do to help you until you come to understand the power of your mind. Do you not realize that your perceived defectiveness exists entirely in your mind? It's almost as if you WANT to be this way, and you're unwilling to make any real effort to change it.

And I'm not sure what the "Greek mythology" comment was in reference to...the book I mentioned, Prometheus Rising, has nothing to do with Greek mythology.

BTW, one of the main purposes of meditation is to DEVELOP the ability to concentrate. Most people can only sustain that state of mind for a few minutes at a time when they start off, it gets easier with practice.

Anyhow, I've given you my thoughts on your situation, I have nothing more to say.