Alright, I just got a new cat from the ASPCA today. They informed me that the cat is not nudered. Now, I don't want this cat to be a slutty cat you see in alleyways sucking off the pimp cats for some cat crack, okay? So, how do I go about teaching my new cat to not have sex--or--atleast use some sort of protection, whatever that is for cats, beats me! Would sitting the cat firmly on a chair next to my computer chair and having a strong open minded conversation to the cat about "the birds and bees" be worth my effort? Would the cat even pay attention or listen? Right now he's taken my teddy bear hostage into the other room and is proceding to dry hump it. What does this mean? Is it horny? I honestly don't know what to do here, guys.

If it comes down to it, how would I go about nudering the cat myself? Pliers, scissors, saw, or what? I already tied up all the phones around the house to keep him from calling a cat escort service of some sort. I'm going down to Home Depot later to buy plywood to cover my doors and windows incase the cat decides to have a night out on the town. Does anybody have any serious input on this or any answers to my questions?

Thank you...

Edit: Don't know what I was thinking with that other crap.

Not funny.

[This message has been edited by socratic (edited 12-29-2006).]

.:..How to teach your cat about sex..:.

Plan A

- Just Three easy steps -

1. Sit down with your cat and explain to it how to engage in such sexual acts, Along with this you should also use several diagrams. These diagrams should include anatomy of the male and female cat.

2. Explain to your pussy(cat) that at your request you would not like for your cat to be engaging in such acts. Unless using kitty condoms, Which are not yet on the market, Which means no sex for kitty.

3. Procede to show the cat a large knife and body bag the size of a cat.

Plan B

Don't let yout cat be the whore in the alleyways taking it in the ass at all hours of the night. Or just get the damn cat spayed/nuetured

Troll/In before lock

Hah is this thread serious? If it is, just get the bitch neutered.

Haha, I actually thought this thread was pretty funny.

Take it to the vet and get it sorted.

And if it tries dry humping your teddy anymore, give it six laceholes in the arse.