This is all a true story. First, some background.

Me: A small town police officer. Before everyone starts flipping out, note I said small town. I could care less about the rantings/doings of fellow Totseans, am for the decrimilization of marihuana, prostitution and such, and basically love you guys.

Her: A "wrong side of the tracks" kind of girl. Not a bad person, just was born into the lifestyle she was and couldn't get out. She has three kids to three different guys and lives in the projects where I work. Was on heroin very bad before, and is rumored to be a crackhead.

So it all starts in May when I get called to the projects to put down a rabid raccoon. Of course everyone is out to watch and lo and behold this girl, that I'll call "Kate", that I have had a crush on for a few years comes out too. She just had her third child in January and was looking good again. We said our hellos and went on our way. Mothers Day comes by, I run into her mother, and like a blubbering idiot I ask her to tell Kate happy Mothers Day.

So all is forgotten when about a week later she calls the station with a complaint (that I later found she made up to try and get ahold of me). The call is handled by someone else but when I come in I see her name and call her back to do a "follow up". Things could not have been better, we talked on the phone for nearly two hours and both revealed to each other our longtime attraction to one another. So that night when I am working my second job midnight shift we talk some more and she says she wants to see me. I was working by myself so I drive to the next town over, pick her up and we go back to the station. We ended up having sex, and talked about not getting too involved due to our differing roles in society. I don't want to cause her problems with where she lives and she doesn't want to cause me problems. We talk on and off for the next week and then meet up again for and have sex. After that, I stopped calling her.

A month goes by and me, feeling horny, giver her a call. She is happy to hear from me and tells me she was hurt when I stopped calling her. We again meet up and it begins to become a regular thing. Our meetings are mostly quick, either when I'm working or when I'm not and I can sneak up to her place (she was living with her grandmother at the time) or we can get out.

Over time, I begin helping her out money wise as she does not have a job, is raising three kids, and is on welfare. I guess I kind of became her sugar daddy. Also she begins to open up about her drug problems. She says she is on pain pills and basically whatever other pills she can get, but denies smoking crack, even though everyone swears she does, and I once found a push rod in her room. I can't help but start to develop feelings for her, even though I'm sure that at some point this beautiful girl has probably blown some asshole for drugs. We begin to talk constantly, see each other more often, I visit her in the hospital, and generally watch out for her well being and help her out when I can.

Then the roof caves in. Her mom and stepdad find out about us and stepdad causes a problem and stirs up trouble. The rumors were flying and people were starting to talk about the cop messing with the crackhead white trash girl. Kate and I continue our "forbidden" relationship despite all this and in October she reveals that she is in love with me. I reciprocate the feelings she ends up getting her own apartment in the projects, next door to where her grandma, mom, and stepdad are at.

Things continue between us as before but now I can go to her place, whether working or not. I am still helping her out with cash, sometimes wondering if she is using any of it for drugs but really not caring because I'd her get it from me than have to do anything else for it. Honestly, I was never happier than when I was laying up in public housing with this girl. She was poor, had nothing, could give me nothing but herself but damn. She was good to me. She was always there to talk to me and made me feel good about myself. I really got in deep and didn't give a fuck what anyone else thought. After seven years as a cop you kind of stop caring and realize you can't save the world but I thought, maybe I could save her. I wanted to, if only I was more financially set I would have gotten her out of the projects away from the life she was involved in.

So everything is going great until the end of November when she tells me her mom and stepdad are moving in with her and I can't come or call often anymore. I basically go two weeks without hearing from her and begin to have my suspicions of her seeing someone else. She finally calls me on Dec. 13th and tells me her mom is out and wants me to come up. I do, we make love and everything is as it was before. I ask her about the rumors that her mom is not living with her, that she is in fact seeing some douchebag crackhead that just got back into town and she denied it. The next day she calls me and we talk a few minutes before she says she has to go. After that, silence from her again. Over this past week I have gotten confirmation that this other guy is staying with her on and off and they are messing around. I tried to call her Sunday night and she hung up on me without saying a word.

I am so fucking hurt right now its amazing. Why? Why? Why wouldn't she just tell me whats going on? Is it because she cares about me feelings? Or because she may want me back sometime? After all, she did have me come up while this guy was with her and he was out of the house, so she must still have some desire for me. Totse, this is really fucking me up, both at work and at home. I have started smoking again and am wigging out. This guy is a real dirtbag. He has nothing to offer her. He'll either use her, hurt her, or get her seriously messed up on drugs worse than shes ever been. And you know what the sad part is, I'll be there to scoop her up and help her out when it happens. Even after she wronged me but just snubbing me and telling me nothing I still love her. I don't want her to get fucked up/over but I'm shut out. This guy is a serious user and I'm ready to go after him physically, even though I know I have no right because its her choice. But when her hurts her, all bets will be off.

I guess I'll get by with time. Lately I've just been bottling it all up. I can't even ride through the projects now for fear of seeing him there. Where did I go wrong? I only did right by her and she knows it, from her situation I was like a prince charming to her. I know we can all make crass generalizations like "don't fall in love with a crackhead" but you know what, we all have our addictions. Some people like drugs, some the affection of another, even if its from a white trash druggie. Thats what she may be but she truly treated me like I meant something, and my being a cop, she would be expected to just as soon spit on me. She opened my eyes and made me care again. I am more sensitive to the plight of the people for how she treated me and exposed me to her life. Despite how she wronged me I still do and will always love her. I wish I could let her know that and am hoping she will hit me up again someday. However it works out, good or bad, I will be there for her when she needs me. She used to say I wouldn't be or that I wouldn't talk to her anymore cause shes on welfare and does pills but I proved to her I care.

I love you Holly, and miss you.

Now you can all flame me for being a cop or loving a druggie but I don't give a fuck. Love is love and it happens in strange ways sometimes.

Dude, you got played by a crackwhore and you're a fucking pig.

She's using you, man. Don't save her this time. Let her fall and learn her lesson. If you don't, you'll just end up hurting both of you more.

Use your fucking power! Put as much pressure on this fag as you can. If he's a junkie, you can have his face known to the whole force...

Ive heard that hell knows nothing worse than a woman, scorn.

Well what about a pissed off authority figure? Hell's gotta make space for you, dude!!!

Can I have the movie rights to this? Pretty Pleaaase?!

yes, you are a cop. And you got played by a crack whore.

LOVEABLE!!!!

The movie rights are yours.

I thought about the authority figure thing but thats not my style. Probably do something when he hurts her though.

I was not played. The relationship was to involved I don't think she would put that much time/effort just to play me. We also have wanted each other a long time, that has been confirmed.

Flame me for being a cop, I'm not the kind of cop your used to probably. I really dont give a fuck if you don't like me, I'm sure I'd still treat you with respect/decency if you fucked up in my town.

I know I should let go, but I really do love her so much it hurts. I want her back. I want to know what I did wrong.

you sound pretty hurt

Shes fallen before and I guess she didn't learn her lesson. I figure she never will, but with me she never had to worry about getting hurt.

I'd really like some more opinions about this. My coworkers/friends aren't all that concerned or helpful, and theres only a limited number of people I can tell the real story.

Bump. I would love some insight on this issue. I know there was another Totsean in love with a crackhead. Bushy, I think?

quote:Originally posted by loose cannon 129:

Bushy, I think?

You REALLY don't want to be anything like THAT fellow. Really now, you'll end up flamed much worse.

quote:Originally posted by loose cannon 129:

I want to know what I did wrong.



You didn't:

1) Have a ready supply of drugs to offer her.

2) Enjoy doing those drugs with her.

I'm willing to bet that's the general problem here.

No obvious solution really, except wait until he leaves her for whatever reason.

For what it's worth, she's probably with him for reasons that have nothing to do with emotion - it's because she's too weak to stop her addictions from influencing her more than her true feelings.

[This message has been edited by fullcircle (edited 12-21-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by loose cannon 129:

Kate and I continue our "forbidden" relationship

I love you Holly, and miss you.



Howcome kate turns into holly? Someone explain this to me



[This message has been edited by Stephanie (edited 12-22-2006).]

I say, you being a cop could do something about her druggie fuckbuddy.



I think that the story is cute, I think that through the different stereotypes and such you prove people to be wrong.

Talk to her, you seem to really love her and it will be good for you to get your feelings out.



If you love her like you say you do, then letting her know is the best thing you can do.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:



You didn't:

1) Have a ready supply of drugs to offer her.

2) Enjoy doing those drugs with her.

I'm willing to bet that's the general problem here.

No obvious solution really, except wait until he leaves her for whatever reason.

For what it's worth, she's probably with him for reasons that have nothing to do with emotion - it's because she's too weak to stop her addictions from influencing her more than her true feelings.



I definitely agree with you on the addictions vs. emotions aspect. However, I don't think me not supplying her with drugs was an issue, since I helped her out with money she could have used that to buy them. Although, I know my money/help also went towards neccesities and her getting by.

quote:Originally posted by Stephanie:

[QUOTE]Originally posted by loose cannon 129:

[b] Kate and I continue our "forbidden" relationship

I love you Holly, and miss you.



Howcome kate turns into holly? Someone explain this to me

I slipped up, Holly is her real name. Oh well, I doubt anyone on here would know us in real life.

quote:Originally posted by tainteddd:

I say, you being a cop could do something about her druggie fuckbuddy.



I think that the story is cute, I think that through the different stereotypes and such you prove people to be wrong.

Talk to her, you seem to really love her and it will be good for you to get your feelings out.



If you love her like you say you do, then letting her know is the best thing you can do.



Thanks, I am definitely not your sterotypical cop. I do/did always tell her I loved her, but I guess I should have gone more into how much I care about her. I know I can say with 99% certainty I've treated her better than shes ever had. Of her babys daddys, one is a drug dealer, one is in prison, the other I think was a statutory rape deal.

On a new note, she called me tonight. I must say I was kind of short with her, due to all the shit I'm feeling right now. She again denied seeing this asshole. I wish I knew why. Do you think its cause she cares about my feelings or what? She said she would call me back later.

Dont you have a polygraph laying around somewhere heh....nah seriously though ive been here only a month and too every problem that has come up similar to this ive simply said just make her decide and be blunt about it. Theres no reason you should have your heart broken over and over if this girl realy is going and fucking some crackhead.

You stole the story from Magnolia.

Yea, I did. I was also PAID to take her in for a week, and when she ran away. I sold all the shit she left. I am not the person you should e asking.

quote:Originally posted by QueenOfHearts:

You stole the story from Magnolia.

No this is all a real, true, painful chapter in my life right now. I never saw/read Magnolia but I am going to look it up now.

I guess this is kind of a universal "love crosses all bounds" kind of story if not a bit more sordid.

Thats VERY optimistic. I wouldn't say universal, I mean she did lose contact with you for a druggie fuck buddy.

Also, may I ask why you became a cop?

Women are only ever interested in there own gain, and so are men for that matter. Sometimes the gain is love, but in this case her priorities is gaining crack and you facilitated that by giving her money and an apartment. Now shes found a quicker route. In the end druggies are only ever out for themselves, the neccesity for a fix makes them that way. I would learn your lesson and stay with middle class white women who are so much money and are interested in love rather than partnerships due to convenience and gain.

Michael

p.s. I feel bad for you and you sound like an allright police officer, if you are ver lookign to come to england, come work in suffolk, all you have to worry about is a tractor stolen and more recently a ripper whose killed five prostitutes... Well no loss there then.

Why I became a cop, wow I hate those kind of questions. Basically its something I had wanted to do for a long time, plus it gives me freedom to move around and not be stuck in an office. I also get to meet interesting people and sometimes make a difference. I'm not really into writing tickets or bothering kids smoking weed, I much more enjoy the excitement that comes with violent crime or arresting bigger crack dealers. Crack has become such a huge problem where I work, taking over so many peoples lives (Holly for one). I still have a strong rebellious, antigovernment streak in me though (why do you think I'm on Totse).

Although I must say that after seven years on the job and becoming a I kind of got ingrained into the police subculture of basically not giving a fuck anymore. That is until Holly came along. Like I said she opened my eyes and made me care again, just by showing me some support and affection. She showed me that not everyone that lives in the projects or is on heroin/crack is a bad person, just that we all have our problems, and sometimes our problems are stronger than us. Even after she hurt me I want to believe its like Fullcircle said, that her addiction is just stronger than her.