So my daughter turned 5 last July and then in August she started school and ever since then she's been growing more and more...Mature. I mean I'm very proud of her of how well she's doing(She's like a GENIOUS) But I miss her being a baby. I'm also really worried that she's going to figure out that I'm not like all of the other mothers and that our family is wierd. Then I'm worried that she'll hate me/resent me and wish I was more "normal" or something.

I know this might seem dumb, but she and I have always been very close and I don't want to have her hate me like I hate my own mother.

I don't know...Any other parents on here worry about this stuff?

Paranoid.

Not a parent (If I thought I was in danger of being one I'd stick my manbits in the nuker oven on high for awhile..)

In a way, the greatest compliment a child could give its parent(s) is if it imitates your qualities, good or bad. Because if the kiddy thought you were doing badly, it wouldn't be doing the same thing.

So be the best parent you can be, and hope the kid is like you.



Funny, I've been thinking about this subject a lot lately.

You spelt Genius wrong

this might be an inapropriate question...

But why is your family weird?

Hmm...a parent worried thier kid will hate them...how novel. Next you'll be telling us you're worried about drugs and sex! GEEZE!

quote:Originally posted by Nereth:

this might be an inapropriate question...

But why is your family weird?

Well you know...I have certain unusual things that I do and sometimes I think I might be overprotective. It's hard to explain, but I see other people with their kids and we are different. Maybe it's not a bad thing, though, I don't know.

And yes I suck at spelling.

Who cares that your overprotective.

My parents are fucking overprotective and it shits me off no end. But i dont hate them for it because i know theyre trying to help (even if they suck at it).

i judge them as irrational people, yes, but i love them just as much.

Im an asshole, and judging people is basically what i do, so in the case of your daughter (who presumably isnt as much of an ass as me), she probably wont judge you as irrational, all she will do is love you, because we do REALISE parents are trying to help, we just say un-nice things tot ry and make you stop helping because it annoys the fuck out of us.

She might have a little bit of that, but if you guys are close and you've been around for her when she needed it then she's not just going to think your family is weird and turn on you.

But, then again, I'm 17 year old guy who occasionally posts on totse. Credible family counselor? =P

quote:Originally posted by mrparks:

Not a parent (If I thought I was in danger of being one I'd stick my manbits in the nuker oven on high for awhile..)

In a way, the greatest compliment a child could give its parent(s) is if it imitates your qualities, good or bad. Because if the kiddy thought you were doing badly, it wouldn't be doing the same thing.

So be the best parent you can be, and hope the kid is like you.



Funny, I've been thinking about this subject a lot lately.

So cycles of violence and poverty are a result of good parenting?

(I'm not refering to Xaio by the way.)

Don't let her catch your husband tongue-fucking your asshole while you sleep.

I have a little experience in this ie bringing up kids when the mother is totally fucking insane (and you ain't, girl!)

For a long time their (my kids) mother wanted to literally kill them (so we could all be with jesus).

Yet despite all the shit each one of my kids would step infront of a truck, in a heartbeat, to keep their mom safe.

Your daughter will figure out that her mommy isn't like other mommies and will deal with it .

Kids can be a lot more forgiving than you think so stop worrying.Just do the best you can, no one can do more.

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 12-20-2006).]

the state has ur child now ahhaahhahaahaaha

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

I'm also really worried that she's going to figure out that I'm not like all of the other mothers and that our family is wierd. Then I'm worried that she'll hate me/resent me and wish I was more "normal" or something.

Hun, she's your first child, right? Well either way, I was my mother's first, and she is so deadly afraid for me that it's scary nearly.

She has been afraid for the longest time that she's failed as a mother, when really she's done nothing but sucedd. I give her emotional and mental hell without meaning to, but she still loves me and helps me.

Your daughter might, someday, cause you problems. But she'll ALWAYS love you, hun. Always. There isn't anyway that she could hate you. She might dislike your "No dating until you're married" policy, or whatever the hell else you'll do because you're too afraid, but though, she'll get over it.

But maybe, before you cause problems, think make yourself think about what you'll do when she's older. She'll be smarter, but not wiser. And maybe think about when YOU were that age. Try and be helpful, but don't let her get hurt, right?

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

I know this might seem dumb, but she and I have always been very close and I don't want to have her hate me like I hate my own mother.

Your mother didn't do half of the things you've done for her, and she's not even in school yet.

Children that HATE their mothers usually if not always are because their mother didn't love them. You two love each other so much, it's not even funny that you're typing and thinking this shit out.

A child will ALWAYS pull away from the parent, but that doesn't mean that they hate you. It's a part of growing up. As long as you're their for her when she needs you (when she gets dumped, when she fails a class, when someone makes fun of her) and you help her work through it (remind her to remember the good parts of the relationship, help her study for the subject, drive down and kick the kids ASS. ) she'll have no choice but to love you.

But really, if you don't stop being so over-protective of her, she'll end up not being able to handle anything when she's on her own. Start letting her do more and more things on her own. If she wants to try to walk across the street alone, let her. You'll still be looking out for her (you keep and eye on cars, and be ready to get the fuck out in the middle of the road to save her if need-be), but you need to give her the chance to mature and grow outside of your powers.

She'll be 21 soon (like me), and most likely in college. She'll have her own life, her own lovers, her own children maybe even (not if you make sure she knows to not have babies until she's rich, though!! ). And really, you do want her to have her own life, right? I know you do.

So make sure you give her the chance to become who she'll be: Herself.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

I don't know...Any other parents on here worry about this stuff?

Heh, guess my advice don't matter, sorry. I ain't having babies until I've found someone genetically and humanily compatable, and not until I'm rich!

Hopefully though my babble helped you a tiny bit, then, eh?

Well...I hear that you can expect a growing influence from her peers? Hopefully she'll have some inner reserves when it comes time (when she's...seven?) :eek to decide whether to wear clothes that show her thong?

Don't fergit? A lot of kids are raised by the poorly raised parents...let alone the wierd effects of the Media on her/our poor wee minds?

What about the leetle girlzszs love of these trashy Bratz dolls? I could see your sister having have wanted one? If you were kid a would you have? Barbie is strange enough & lots of girls burn them when they hit puberty.

Today? A lot of them become Bratz... (

[This message has been edited by moonmeister (edited 12-20-2006).]

moonmeister, stop running away from me asking for your e-mail. I'm gonna find out where you live and buy you a beer. Maybe two, if you talk like that in person (or can pretend)!!

I'm just too darn mysterious for my own good?

Heh, thanks for the words of reassurance. I'm just insecure...And you're right, Gus, I do hate my mother because she hated me.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

Well...I hear that you can expect a growing influence from her peers? Hopefully she'll have some inner reserves when it comes time (when she's...seven?) :eek to decide whether to wear clothes that show her thong?

Don't fergit? A lot of kids are raised by the poorly raised parents...let alone the wierd effects of the Media on her/our poor wee minds?

What about the leetle girlzszs love of these trashy Bratz dolls? I could see your sister having have wanted one? If you were kid a would you have? Barbie is strange enough & lots of girls burn them when they hit puberty.

Today? A lot of them become Bratz... (



Ugh I HATE those bratz dolls! They are so ghettofabulous, aren't they??

So moonmeister, are you from North or South Dakota?

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

Well...I hear that you can expect a growing influence from her peers? Hopefully she'll have some inner reserves when it comes time (when she's...seven?) :eek to decide whether to wear clothes that show her thong?

Don't fergit? A lot of kids are raised by the poorly raised parents...let alone the wierd effects of the Media on her/our poor wee minds?

What about the leetle girlzszs love of these trashy Bratz dolls? I could see your sister having have wanted one? If you were kid a would you have? Barbie is strange enough & lots of girls burn them when they hit puberty.

Today? A lot of them become Bratz... (





Best point made so far.

Hah. Many parents are no longer raising their kids. The schools + the television/media are teaching them the morals, belifs ect.. that the real parents are supposed to be teaching them.

Either way. All families are fucked up in one way or another. There is not a single pure family because we as humans are weird ass mother fuckers. our emotions interfer with our supriority so fucking much. I'll stop my philosophy before I start explaining my version of Darwins Theory on Evolution.

What I was just trying to say is that every family has it's own flaws, but it doesn't affect the fact that we love our family. That feeling will always be there because from the second the child is born, without being explained what love is, they subconsiously love you. That love stays with them for the rest of their life. So no matter how much they might say they hate their parents, they don't.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

I'm just too darn mysterious for my own good?



If you like beer you sure are. And I ain't talking the beer that I'd buy you. I'm talking about any beer you WANT.

~~~

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

Heh, thanks for the words of reassurance. I'm just insecure...And you're right, Gus, I do hate my mother because she hated me.

Your child will be fine, just as long as you give her the space to grow. You ever see what happens to a plant forced to live inside of a small box?

After a while, it'll just stop growing because it has no where else to go.

Dakota? I don't need no steenkin' coat?

There is a chinook today & eet ees warm (relatively)... http://tinyurl.com/ycmyvy

I'm building a cannon and air-mailing a six back right to you...

Seriously though, buddy, get on IRC once in a while. We'd love to see you smile!

Xiao you sound like a fucked up parent from the posts i've read.

"No dating until you're married" policy @ Gus, that made me laugh for so long, I can so relate to that, I use to think I hated my mom, with a passion, but you come to realize what your parent/s are trying to do for you...I also realized that you gotta do what they're telling you as long as you're under their roof.

What I learned is that I have to appreciate my Mother for what she has done and is attempting to do for me to be successful, I've always viewed her as being my enemy, and have disagreed to everything she thought and said to me..because of the tradition/cultural clash *Middle East vs. Western* thinking, although you are most likely residing and raising your child in a Western country, you wont have that problem with different ways of thinking as extreme as my mother and mine used to be.

Till this day, I still feel guilty for not appreciating my mother for all she has done for me, she had given up her life for me and my brother to have the best quality of life for us, without looking after herself a bit. I appreciate that, and I know, that she could have given up on me a long time ago, like some mothers here in the Western world do so, without looking back. I appreciate my mother even though sometimes I think she was really harsh and restrictive. She knew what she was talking about, but I avoided and ignored what she really meant, and went my own way.

Do the most you can do and try your best, because you want your child to learn the good and proper things at home, and have that be more important to her, than all of the other influences outside the home. So when the day comes for those big decisions, she'll think of Mom and Dad, rather than what her friends would do.

I know that if I was willing to get close with my mom and understand where she was coming from, I wouldn't have made numerous impulsive and unmeaningful choices.

E.

(p.s. This is a good thread, makes you thinks...)

I feel bad. I was expecting an incest story.

kids do grow up ya know laws of nature. although I couldn't picture being a father with a baby girl. probably stomp the shit out of anyone with thoughts of having sex with her.

[This message has been edited by C4Xplosive (edited 12-20-2006).]

Kids grow up way too fast, but dont worry there are drugs which can stop that and help them remain a healthy 120cm tall and completely child like...

Its the only way to protect them

/joke

Well, you'll find out in about 10 years.

When^^^ she's posting here? Will she be writing her name on her chest & puttin' the pics here?

Or will she have to much of the dignidad?

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

When^^^ she's posting here? Will she be writing her name on her chest & puttin' the pics here?

I'll be still on totse getting young girls to do that, just for me.

"Yeah baby, write \"Guswut\" on there... That's right... Cross that 't' right over your preky little nipple..."

It'll be like nothing has changed... Woohoo!!

Moon, I'm airlifting you a beer.

If she's an only child... Please, please, have a second. I've personally never met a truly happy only child, and I have the "privilege" of being one myself.

I'd like to be the first to mention that I'm available for refertilization processes...

Xiao, your daughter is only FIVE!

You have a long time before the conflict, never mind troubles.

quote:Originally posted by captain_kirk:

So cycles of violence and poverty are a result of good parenting?

(I'm not refering to Xaio by the way.)

It doesn't mean they're necessarily good parents, just that the kid doesn't hate the parents.

My mom was a little bit neurotic when I was little. As a result, I was horribly shy for years. It sucks, and I wish I hadn't been so shy, but I don't hate her for it.

quote:Originally posted by Docta?:

Xiao, your daughter is only FIVE!

You have a long time before the conflict, never mind troubles.

LOL There speaks a non-parent. Sorry but you're wrong on this one.

Trust me, conflicts kick of about the age a child starts to walk.

Wait till she starts hanging out with slimy guys who only want her for sex, smoking pot, sleeping round etc.

quote:Originally posted by captain_kirk:

So cycles of violence and poverty are a result of good parenting?



I think (or rather, found this out for myself) that negative attributes such as misdirected violence might have been picked up from my father, but I also do not believe it is the right thing to do because of the way I view him.

quote:Originally posted by firekitty751:

It doesn't mean they're necessarily good parents, just that the kid doesn't hate the parents.



Yep.

[This message has been edited by mrparks (edited 12-21-2006).]

First off, it is impossible for us to give you a legitimate analysis without you giving us further details...something beyond "I'm weird" or "overprotective". Jesus Christ, its Totse...quit beating around the bush.

And for all the folks saying "no matter what, she'll love you"...that is UTTER BULLSHIT! They are just feeding you a line trying to make you feel better and not being honest. I can't stand my mother and wonder often when the hell she is going to finally keel over. And no she didn't molest me or anything else weird when I was a kid. She is just the most toxic, negative wench I've ever met. She makes good times bad, and lousy times worse.

So yes, if you ARE a psycho and she has a brain and can think for herself...she could very well end up despising you. We can't make that call though until you let us know more DETAILS about whatever the fuck it is you are talking about.

[This message has been edited by DaGuru (edited 12-21-2006).]

Xiao, I would stop worrying. It doesn't matter that you're different or weird, as long as your a good mom, and from the sounds of things, you are. My mom is absolutely insane, and I love her for it. She's more like my friend than my mom, and I think that's great.

fuck ya, she will hate ya when she gets older, cause u are like my parents, and beleive me, its like a living hell with people like that controlling ur every move. step back a bit for her sake, and give her some space and freedom before she turns 35. ur actions of being over protective will make her prolly rebel/ not listen to u / have few friends cause of the "weird" u are talking about.

this is one of those things where the more you worry, the worse it gets. as her mother, you transmit what will be her beliefs about herself through example. if you show that you think you're weird, she will think she's weird. you have to get over your own issues if you want to make things better for her in the future. stop believing you're weird (or acting weird, if you are) and she'll be fine.

euda says: I agree. In addition, you've raised your daughter to this point; you have to trust that she cares for you and loves you.

quote:Originally posted by Cpt.Winters:

Xiao you sound like a fucked up parent from the posts i've read.

The OP's kid is fucked.

Your daughter will probably hates (or dislike, for a better word) you, eventually.

There's a difference between being loved and feeling loved. You know that your parents love you and all but you just don't feel it. It's more common in Asian families (not saying you are Asian, the screen name just suggested so.)

quote:Originally posted by k.hallenbeck:

Your daughter will probably hates (or dislike, for a better word) you, eventually.

There's a difference between being loved and feeling loved. You know that your parents love you and all but you just don't feel it. It's more common in Asian families (not saying you are Asian, the screen name just suggested so.)



Nooo its worse...she's American.

she wont hate u if ur nice to her. make sure ur not at work all the time, dont punish her too much. this girl i know her father did those things, granted, he is a fucking bitch, but still. just make sure ur there for her.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



Nooo its worse...she's American.



Yeah, well, at least we have good teeth!

Wait, OUCH! I think I just pulled one out... Aww man, that hurt...

Oh and Jack....

*Throws American beer at you*

quote:Originally posted by voodoonirvana:

I feel bad. I was expecting an incest story.

Uh oh, he's had a direct hit of SG! It's not safe to venture out when you are still under the influence!

I can't believe how it will be like when she's a teenager. She'll probably hate you.

I suggest introducing her to totse.

quote:Originally posted by voodoonirvana:

I feel bad. I was expecting an incest story.

ROFL.

quote:Originally posted by I-RapeTards:

Don't let her catch your husband tongue-fucking your asshole while you sleep.

HAHAH

You ROCK dude :P

Intellects tend to like the more abnormal types of people. She'll begin to realize how much better her family is. Sure she'll have some angsty thoughts, but that's just a a generic teenager.

It's alright to be a bit paranoid.

Your daughter's only five so it's normal that she's very close to you. I see you've discovered how a child changes according to outside influences. There will be days when she says or does something....and you will wonder "Who is this child?" as she expands her knowledge of what lies outside her home life.

I have a cousin who grew up with a brother who was autistic. Not an easy thing to deal with, however, she loves him to pieces. It created a depth of compassion that she might not otherwise have developed. More than likely, your daughter will experience something similar.

Her father is going to become increasingly important to her as she grows older. I went to a seminar and one of the men there said that a child seeks affection from their mother, and approval from their father. I thought that was interesting, and seems to be true according to what I've experienced thus far.

There might be times when she finds you to be embarrassing, even the most "normal" of families can be that way for a child. It's a matter of degree, I think.

As she gets older, she will begin to understand your mental disorders better and most likely she will grow to accept that as just being a part of who you are.

Keep working toward your mental health. As she gets older she should probably have her own counselor to help her deal with some of your problems as well.

Good luck.