I met a girl a few weeks ago that seemed like she was the perfect girl for me. She liked everything I liked. Had the same taste in music, movies, activites, etc. Attractive to boot.

She broke up with her boyfriend of six months that cheated on her (this was nearly two weeks ago now), We got to know each other, started hanging out, and both liked each other.

She TOLD me that she likes me, we have been physically involved, etc. But she can't seem to get over her ex-boyfriend, and says that "it's going to be a long time before she wants a relationship" because he hurt her, and it will be a while before she can trust again.

That makes no sense to me, as we have been physical, etc. But that's not the whole problem.

She wants to be an actress when she grows up, and I sometimes feel that she trys to make her life seem like a 'movie'. She talks about how she doesn't know if she can ever fully get over her ex-boyfriend one minute, "He OWNS my heart, Clay" or *she calls crying*, "Mason [her ex] just called and said that he loved me with his whole heart and that he may never see me again because he may be moving to Colorado and staying there. He was crying.", Then the next she'll talk about how much she can't stand him.

She seemed to call / text message me nonstop for the first week or two, but now she seems to not call or text as much. She is starting to seem less and less interested. She seems to only call when she's sad about her ex.

For example, tonight she called, had to go in about 10 minutes (which is not a problem), she said "I will call you back after the movie, I promise!". She never called back.

Can someone please give me advice on what to do? I will answer any other questions. I don't know whether or not I should continue to persue her, etc.

I will update this if I can think of anything I want to add.

Any help is appreciated.

Thanks,

Clay



[This message has been edited by 42 (edited 11-27-2006).]

You already know the answer...

Sounds like she's fucking him again. Best jump ship now.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

You already know the answer...

Jack, your posts I respect the most (though you've probably never seen me), so this worries me.

I don't know the answer! Although I sort of feel I should move on, I have never met a more similar girl.

Do you think I should just give up all chances with her, and just disregard how 'perfect' for me she is?

EDIT: If so, how should I let her down? Just stop calling / texting and don't answer her calls / texts?

Thanks,

Clay

[This message has been edited by 42 (edited 11-27-2006).]

well the obvious problem here is she wants to be an actor...

what kind of a female wants to be an actor? the good ones want to be an actress...

quote:Originally posted by 42:

Jack, your posts I respect the most (though you've probably never seen me), so this worries me.

I don't know the answer! Although I sort of feel I should move on, I have never met a more similar girl.

Do you think I should just give up all chances with her, and just disregard how 'perfect' for me she is?

EDIT: If so, how should I let her down? Just stop calling / texting and don't answer her calls / texts?

Thanks,

Clay





If its meant to be then she'll come to you. Otherwise you need to move on.

quote:Originally posted by Macdaddy4738:

well the obvious problem here is she wants to be an actor...

what kind of a female wants to be an actor? the good ones want to be an actress...

Heh, thanks for pointing that out. I changed that.

- Clay

She liked you when you were just friends, but seems to have gone off you the more involved you have become, right?

I would guess your attitude and behaviour towards her has changed, and she no longer sees you as a challenge, or interesting. Rather, you have probably become a clingy pain in the neck (rather like the dude she dumped!).

Sorry for the harsh words, dude, but I bet this is a 95% chance of what the problem is.

What you need to do is step back, take a look at your behaviours, and be the same challenging guy you were for the first couple of weeks.

When you first met her, she had a boyfriend, so you probably just had fun with her, right? But then it got serious, she dumped him, and you went "shit - I had better start acting like her boyfriend now".

Just back the fuck up, be fun, and she will probably come dancing back in. And when / if she does.....DON'T FUCKING CHANGE!! If she doesn't, go find someone else..

Cheers,

Chump

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



If its meant to be then she'll come to you. Otherwise you need to move on.



So you're saying to stop initiating conversations, texting, and phone calls, but respond if she initiates them?

- Clay

quote:Originally posted by chumpion:

She liked you when you were just friends, but seems to have gone off you the more involved you have become, right?

I would guess your attitude and behaviour towards her has changed, and she no longer sees you as a challenge, or interesting. Rather, you have probably become a clingy pain in the neck (rather like the dude she dumped!).

Sorry for the harsh words, dude, but I bet this is a 95% chance of what the problem is.

What you need to do is step back, take a look at your behaviours, and be the same challenging guy you were for the first couple of weeks.

When you first met her, she had a boyfriend, so you probably just had fun with her, right? But then it got serious, she dumped him, and you went "shit - I had better start acting like her boyfriend now".

Just back the fuck up, be fun, and she will probably come dancing back in. And when / if she does.....DON'T FUCKING CHANGE!! If she doesn't, go find someone else..

Cheers,

Chump

A lot of this sounds true, thanks.

The only thing is, the first time we hung out we made out, the next we got more physcial, etc. We started hanging out after she dumped the boyfriend.

Are you, too, saying I should stop calling, etc, and let her do it?

Thanks for the great post. Any more help from you would be appreciated!

- Clay

quote:Originally posted by 42:

So you're saying to stop initiating conversations, texting, and phone calls, but respond if she initiates them?

- Clay

Yep.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Yep.

Thanks a lot!

Will do.

- Clay

Hanging out with a girl who's not over her ex is a bad idea.

Apart from anything, it's really fucking rude on her part to talk about how much she misses an ex, infront of her current interest.



Cut and run. If she's not yet fucking him she shall soon be.

I agree with the majority that this may be a lost cause. As previously stated, lose all contact, and try to get her out of your mind by focusing on more pressing matters.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

Hanging out with a girl who's not over her ex is a bad idea.

Apart from anything, it's really fucking rude on her part to talk about how much she misses an ex, infront of her current interest.



Cut and run. If she's not yet fucking him she shall soon be.

Nice post. So are you (and stab) both saying that, even if she calls me, I shouldn't answer?

Thanks,

Clay

No, it is my opinion that if she calls, you should converse with her. Just do not get emotionally attached.

You're asking for very clear answers on an ambiguous subject-matter. Can you not think for yourself?

In any event the time is off. It is highly unlikely that she'll be the perfect girl for you, seeing as you're the rebound guy for her. Doesn't matter if you're the perfect guy for her, because of the timing: you=rebound guy.

She wanted a change, and you were that change. You may have even be the catalyst in their seperation, the cheating was involved in the decision, of course, but the fact that you, a strapping young lad, had displayed interest at the right time gave her confidence.

I'd say don't hold out hope, but don't give up on her either. If nothing else she sounds like she'd be a good friend for you what with similar tastes and enjoyable company. Besides, who knows, right?

But don't force anything, and don't be surprised if nothing romantic comes of all of this

quote:Originally posted by I_Like_Traffic_Lights:

You're asking for very clear answers on an ambiguous subject-matter. Can you not think for yourself?

In any event the time is off. It is highly unlikely that she'll be the perfect girl for you, seeing as you're the rebound guy for her. Doesn't matter if you're the perfect guy for her, because of the timing: you=rebound guy.

She wanted a change, and you were that change. You may have even be the catalyst in their seperation, the cheating was involved in the decision, of course, but the fact that you, a strapping young lad, had displayed interest at the right time gave her confidence.

I'd say don't hold out hope, but don't give up on her either. If nothing else she sounds like she'd be a good friend for you what with similar tastes and enjoyable company. Besides, who knows, right?

But don't force anything, and don't be surprised if nothing romantic comes of all of this

Thanks. I can think for myself, this situation is just hard for me.

This post helped a lot.

Thanks again,

Clay

TALK TO HER ABOUT IT

Assumptions always cause problems. ALWAYS.

Based on what you've said here, there's a good chance this chick just wanted you for an ego boost and now that she has your undivided attention, she has that sense of empowerment again and will probably either A) Go back to fucking her ex boyfriend or B) All the sudden "be ready" for another serious relationship.. with someone who isn't you.

Any woman that wants to be an actress is self-centered and manipulative by nature. Best to cut your losses now.

I second tha, the harlequin just wanted you to boost her ego...make her feel attractive and shit.

the anwser is 42

quote:Originally posted by Captain Asshat:

Based on what you've said here, there's a good chance this chick just wanted you for an ego boost and now that she has your undivided attention, she has that sense of empowerment again and will probably either A) Go back to fucking her ex boyfriend or B) All the sudden "be ready" for another serious relationship.. with someone who isn't you.

I agree with this post. If she's not displaying interest in you, then it's over. She's bored. Just forget about her as best you can. If she calls, go ahead and talk to her. Just don't invest yourself, because a relationship will not come of this, and if it does somehow, it'll suck because she isn't over her ex. Sounds like a nasty situation, so you should probably avoid it.

quote:Originally posted by Captain Asshat:

Best to cut your losses now.

Don't talk to her directly, but do talk to her if she calls you.

But though, if she starts talking about her ex, tell her outright you don't give a fucking shit about that fucking loser, and don't see why she keep on talking about him.

You need to get yourself out of her personal bitch-emotional tampon level, and the best way of doing that is telling her that you don't care about what she has to say.

And don't call her or txt her. Especially if you don't have anything to say.

EDiT: This is the easy way to get into her soul, if that's what you want.

[This message has been edited by Gus (edited 11-28-2006).]

I'm also guessing by the fact you answer each post with another question, you are very insecure about yourself, and this girl is probably already sick of it.

Just take some of the good advice given above, and actually get off your arse and do something.

Let me guess - you are 16 or so?

you stated the problem pretty clearly. she wants to be an actress; she creates drama in her life. no, not all girls who are interested in acting do this, but this one seems to. she has decided in her little mind that drama must occur. it seems as though in her story, you are the innocent young lad on whom she leans for support after her "hearbreak." you are devoted to her, and though she knows you are the one for her, she cannot tear her heart away from the lover past....and she is broken....and cannot love again.....or some other bullshit. basically, if i were you i would be pretty dissatisifed with my part in her play. but you know what? if you don't like your part, you can resign. i suggest you do that.

edit - i mean, i guess if you wanted to keep being in her "play" but change your part, you could get angry at her and say you're sick of her lies and games, and you never want to speak to her again! and then she would have to fight for your love, and show you that she really is deserving of a strapping young lad as you?

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 11-27-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by chumpion:

I'm also guessing by the fact you answer each post with another question, you are very insecure about yourself, and this girl is probably already sick of it.

Just take some of the good advice given above, and actually get off your arse and do something.

Let me guess - you are 16 or so?

16, yes, but not too insecure about myself. At least, not the side of me that people see. I can sometimes be seen as 'arrogant'.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

you stated the problem pretty clearly. she wants to be an actress; she creates drama in her life. no, not all girls who are interested in acting do this, but this one seems to. she has decided in her little mind that drama must occur. it seems as though in her story, you are the innocent young lad on whom she leans for support after her "hearbreak." you are devoted to her, and though she knows you are the one for her, she cannot tear her heart away from the lover past....and she is broken....and cannot love again.....or some other bullshit. basically, if i were you i would be pretty dissatisifed with my part in her play. but you know what? if you don't like your part, you can resign. i suggest you do that.

edit - i mean, i guess if you wanted to keep being in her "play" but change your part, you could get angry at her and say you're sick of her lies and games, and you never want to speak to her again! and then she would have to fight for your love, and show you that she really is deserving of a strapping young lad as you?



Thanks a lot. I really liked this post, and agree 100%.

Thanks,

Clay

Women are fucking crazy. Odds are she just wants you as friend. Just gtfo now before you get attached.

quote:Originally posted by doornob_lightbulb:

Women are fucking crazy. Odds are she just wants you as friend. Just gtfo now before you get attached.

Sad thing is as I'm sitting here, bored, I really want to call her, but I know I shouldn't. I'll have to resist.

- Clay

^ God dammit dude, find something else to do.

She might be using you.

E

quote:Originally posted by stab:

^ God dammit dude, find something else to do.

Heh, I did. I need a job.

quote:Originally posted by QuackyIraqy:

She might be using you.

E

I wouldn't be surprised. She came up to me today at school and said not to be mad that she didn't call back, and hugged me.

I barely talked and she went and sat down. We haven't spoken all day other than that.

- Clay

At first, you were the rebound guy. Now that she went through the rebound phase, she has chosen her "Shoulder-to-cry-on-guy".

You just so happen to be both.