So I went to the AIDS support group yesterday and it was the last meeting until after New Years.

Anyway, it was pretty cool...I had crocheted scarves for EVERYONE and some of the other people brought "goodie bags" and cake. I'm going to miss the meetings these few weeks when they're not being held.

SO my problem is that my husband HATES it when I go there...He insists that it's all part of the same problem, which is me being insane.(His diagnosis, not mine) He thinks the people there are a negative influence on me and that I should stop going.

Now I like going, I mean originally my motivation for being there might've been a little...Off, but since then I've developed a sincere affection for the people there. I feel like I can be myself there and everyone really seems to like me. They all like hug me and stuff and they want to hear about my daughter and what I'm up to. It's like a separate universe that I can escape to where no one is worried about the usual dumbass stuff people I meet seem concerned about.

Anyway, I WANT to keep going, but my husband is being very insistant about this...And it's difficult for me to hold out against him. I just wish I knew why he's being such a freak about this!

What would the married people on here do?

..You have AIDS?

*sigh*

No I just go there for SUPPORT. You don't have to have AIDS to go there.

And here I thought an AIDS support group would...you know..be for people who have AIDS.

Kinda reminds me of Fight Club.

You're missing the point of my thread!

And the narrator in Fight Club went to every support group, not just one.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

You're missing the point of my thread!

And the narrator in Fight Club went to every support group, not just one.

pwnt by superior knowledge of fight club.

He probably just saw the movie and skipped the book.

I said "Kinda reminds me" Emphasis on "kinda"

Anyway, Id stop going if I were you. I wouldnt want to cause waves in my relationship over a bunch of doomed sexual deviants, because as we all know, only blacks and gays contract AIDS.

You suck, padawan.

You suck for buddying up with a bunch of AIDS victims. That can't be healthy.

It all depends on the type of person you are. If you thrive on being industrious and caring for others who are in need, then it can be healthy to project that energy into something useful like this. Not only does it help you, but it helps others.

If you go more for the attention it offers and hope to find some degree of gratitude, it becomes unhealthy. Either way it can help you feel good about yourself, but if you favor the second option you should take your husbands opinion into consideration.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

They all like hug me and stuff

Watch out, you can get AIDS from hugging people with AIDS, seriously.

Does everyone else there know you are AIDS free? Because if they did they might try to share the love.

I remember you mentioning this earlier. Do you not find support in your husband, should he not be your rock? I must find being a nasty little sod I wouldnt go near someone with aids, thoguh maybe I would, I dont know since I havent met anyone I knew who had aids. But please find support in your home, since you should love and value those people enough. And your husband is right, but hes insane and so is the rest of the world, just to a different degree.

michael

p.s. have a good christmas.

I'd suggest you do what YOU want to do, and not what your HUSBAND wants you to do, love.

quote:Originally posted by smallpox champion:

Does everyone else there know you are AIDS free? Because if they did they might try to share the love.

Yes they know I am AIDS free.

And I go there just to hang out...To be friends. It's not for humanitarian reasons or to get gratitude...Why would they be grateful for me going there anyway? It's not like people with AIDS are different than anybody else. I made the scarves as christmas presents...Not to be all charitable.

quote:Originally posted by MJR deus:

I remember you mentioning this earlier. Do you not find support in your husband, should he not be your rock? I must find being a nasty little sod I wouldnt go near someone with aids, thoguh maybe I would, I dont know since I havent met anyone I knew who had aids. But please find support in your home, since you should love and value those people enough. And your husband is right, but hes insane and so is the rest of the world, just to a different degree.

michael

p.s. have a good christmas.

Of course I find support with my husband, but sometimes I just want to talk to other people about stuff.

You have a good christmas, too.

Sweet, it's like Fight Club, but for real.

I need to start going to support groups...starting with sexaholics anonymous.

Support groups are cool because everyone is all nice and non-judgemental.

And where do we learn things if not from books?

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

And where do we learn things if not from books?

On the streets? Nothing like the school of hard knocks to teach a stupid person how to wise up... Or to kill him or her.

Heh, I try to stay away from "The streets" because I am a tiny white girl and I don't want to have a can of whup ass opened up on me!:P

*obligatory "lawl, aids" post*

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:



And where do we learn things if not from books?

Yes but I know what kind of books you read...i mean..for fucks sake...you think Harry Potter is good.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

Heh, I try to stay away from "The streets" because I am a tiny white girl and I don't want to have a can of whup ass opened up on me!:P



Hehe, then you can ALWAYS count on totse to teach you some interesting things...

Incidently, if you can crush a grape, you can crush a man's balls.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Yes but I know what kind of books you read...i mean..for fucks sake...you think Harry Potter is good.



AAAGGGHHH and the 7th book isn't out yet!!!

So your husband wants to fuck up yet another aspect of your life?

Right.



Way I see it, today it's going to be a little AIDS support group he's trying to ruin for you, tomorrow it's going to be something really,really important that he's going to fuck up.



You really need to get the fuck away from this man. He's getting off on the power of you being such a submissive sap.

You dont earn monies, you're helpless without him,you'll never leave him, he can even dictate what groups you go to and which ones you dont.

..or so he thinks.



You've still got a choice, live your life as your own with your freedom and your choice to do whatever you want, or live under the thumb of this dominating fuck who gets off on ruining the things that make you happy.

I'll say one word: Freedom.

You might like it.

He's not like that, yoyobek...He doesn't hold it over my head that he earns all of our money and he's never threatened me about leaving him or anything. In fact, he always talks about how he'll always take care of me no matter what and how he'll always love me.

He just worries about me going there because he thinks it's strange and that my friends there are having a negative influence on me. Most of them are former drug addicts and like a lot of people he's kind of judgemental about that.

My husband is a good man...Just because he and I disagree, it doesn't make him an asshole or mean anything bad about our relationship.

But, though, it still is your life, hun...

What I would suggest, being that I'm the resident genius of totse, is that you should take HIM to a meeting. Tell him this...

"I'll stop going if you go with me for a few meetings [Make sure it's more than four meetings if you can help it] and after that can tell me why it's bad for me, love."

Really, after that, he'll most likely want to keep going himself. Or at least he'll understand you better, I'd hope.

You make give me hugs now love.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

So your husband wants to fuck up yet another aspect of your life?

Right.

Way I see it, today it's going to be a little AIDS support group he's trying to ruin for you, tomorrow it's going to be something really,really important that he's going to fuck up.

You really need to get the fuck away from this man. He's getting off on the power of you being such a submissive sap.

You dont earn monies, you're helpless without him,you'll never leave him, he can even dictate what groups you go to and which ones you dont.

..or so he thinks.

You've still got a choice, live your life as your own with your freedom and your choice to do whatever you want, or live under the thumb of this dominating fuck who gets off on ruining the things that make you happy.

I'll say one word: Freedom.

You might like it.

Yoy, try to relax over this. He doesn't sound like a bad husband to her at all; just concerned, and occasionally misinformed or misdirected, but with her best interests at heart. He's got reason to worry (sorry, Xiao, it's true as I see it); even if nothing bad's actually happening, there's the mental illness thing. Although we here all know the rationale behind visiting the support groups (and I think it's a great thing), he doesn't, and it's not the most normal thing to do, hence worry. Sounds like he's just acting in what he thinks are Xiao's best interests.

Although I think you should try to have a talk with him, Xiao. Work out exactly what you're gonna say beforehand and try to explain exactly why you go. Make sure you say what the visits are not (i.e. emotional leeching or whatever) as well as what they are, might put some of his fears to rest.

EDIT: And I think Gus' idea might be a good one, about taking him to a meeting. Although it might make him feel uncomfortable, and of course officers do worry about their reputation (it doesn't look good, going to an AIDS support meeting ), so it sounds like it might be tricky. Don't push it if he doesn't want to.

[This message has been edited by Mr.Happy (edited 12-20-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Mr.Happy:

EDIT: And I think Gus' idea might be a good one, about taking him to a meeting. Although it might make him feel uncomfortable, and of course officers do worry about their reputation (it doesn't look good, going to an AIDS support meeting ), so it sounds like it might be tricky. Don't push it if he doesn't want to.

It's an ultimatum. If he doesn't do it, he has no right to talk to her about it like that. If he does, he'll love it. Catch 22, even!!

To be honest, I'd be alittle afraid to even walk in the room.

I wouldn't be surprised if your husband isn't having the same thoughts as me. Sounds like an added risk to me. I mean I understand you guys aren't passing a needle around or anything, but shit happens.

I'd be willing to bet he's thinking the same thing.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

He probably just saw the movie and skipped the book.



Except in the movie he too goes to all the support groups. Also he said "REMINDS" him of fight club.

In which someone who is insane goes to support groups to basically fiend of other people's emotions. Sounds sickening to me. What kind of person would use others that are in a place of hurt? Selfishness is what I would call it.

Maybe you should get another form of support.

The people in the support group are my friends, MY FRIENDS, like any other FRIENDS. I don't leach off of anyone, I hang out there because I like the people who go. Why is it so hard to understand??

And Fight Club is a BOOK written about a guy who goes insane because of insomnia and the commercial nature of society. His life does not mirror mine.:/

Show your husband this thread. Then he'll know how you really feel.

We are talking about aides and not AIDS, right, I freely support aides, most of them work entirely too hard for what they receive in compensation.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

The people in the support group are my friends, MY FRIENDS, like any other FRIENDS. I don't leach off of anyone, I hang out there because I like the people who go. Why is it so hard to understand??

And Fight Club is a BOOK written about a guy who goes insane because of insomnia and the commercial nature of society. His life does not mirror mine.:/

Friends? You think those people are your friends? What gave you that idea? They are there for the same reason you are there. They need other people to constantly show them effection otherwise they feel empty.

Fight Club is a book, you are right. Books reflect reality, and to call that man insane and to deny your own insanity is ludacrious. If anything that you have ever said in any of your posts is true, then you need help Xiao.

Not the support group help, the 24/7 padded room with observation help.

Have you ever been to a support group? People go there to make friends and to find people to commisserate with.

And I'm not INSANE...And whatever difficulties I might have are helped by my tri-weekly therapy sessions. There's a lot to be said for talk therapy...It's helped me a lot.

Different does not equal crazy. That is a distinction my husband has trouble with as well.

If you are going to 3 weekly counseling sessions and to support groups, then believe me, you're more than different.

Insane is what I would call it, but hey! That's just me.

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

But, though, it still is your life, hun...

What I would suggest, being that I'm the resident genius of totse, is that you should take HIM to a meeting. Tell him this...

"I'll stop going if you go with me for a few meetings [Make sure it's more than four meetings if you can help it] and after that can tell me why it's bad for me, love."

Really, after that, he'll most likely want to keep going himself. Or at least he'll understand you better, I'd hope.

You make give me hugs now love.

If you keep ignoring me, Xiao Mei, I'm not going to be gentle anymore.

its a bit odd to me, wanting to go there. what were your orriginal intentions in going there? curiosity? maybe you should go to a NAMBLA meeting and make friends with people there?

it just seems odd to me.

to clarify WHY she originally started going.

She wanted to have friends who would die. Basically. Then she grew to love them. You should have an AIDS party at your house, and have your husband there!

Friends that die? No...that doesn't sound insane or anything. I'm telling you people, pathelogical liar.

Wait, are we talking about Fight Club, or are we talking about Totse Club?

I'm getting confused now... How about this... If you're gonna talk about Fight Club, remember the first rule of Fight Club.

DON'T TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB.

To be honest, if I had AIDS and went to a support group, I'd find it hard to be nice to someone who went there who didnt have aids.



Imagine if you went to an AA group, and after they'd recited their steps and introduced themselves, you stood up and said

"HI!I'm xiao, and I'm not dependant on alcohol to see me through the day!!teehee!!"

..Probably wouldnt go down too well.

When I was going through alot of silly angsty teenage eating disorder shit, I went to a COE meeting. Imagine a bunch of rather overweight middleaged men and women, and then a relatively normal sized teenage girl. I was *NOT* given a friendly welcome.

And I dont blame them really.

People go to a support group for support, not to have rubbed in their faces what they dont have,lost, or will never achieve.

Hmmm at the end of the day the decision you make should be a compromise between you and your husband, and he has to compromise too. But I want to know, first off why did you start going to the support group? And why continue going? And why AIDS? Why not cancer or another inescapable fate?



We all have to question our motives. Do, or did, you get some form of psychological gratification from them? Or has that now turned into a bond between you and them? Would you have given them a second in your day had you met them say, in the street or on a bus, rather than the support group?

But yea, time for lunch.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

AAAGGGHHH and the 7th book isn't out yet!!!



its going to be called harry potter and the deathly hallows or something

quote:Originally posted by naive_wisdom:

But I want to know, first off why did you start going to the support group? And why continue going?

Good question, but better yet is why not find a group of people who have a similar mental disorder as herself? Might that not be more helpful, or is there more security in being "different" in a group?

quote:Originally posted by Morgoroth:



its going to be called harry potter and the deathly hallows or something

Deathly Hallows you serious? Preview for Order of the Phoenix is out, also when is the 7th book going to be released?

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

Deathly Hallows you serious? Preview for Order of the Phoenix is out, also when is the 7th book going to be released?



was in the paper. dunno bout date, could be next summer

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Good question, but better yet is why not find a group of people who have a similar mental disorder as herself? Might that not be more helpful, or is there more security in being "different" in a group?



They have groups for people that are deadly afraid of the "Evil Anal Sex", eh?