I don't often need advice but this situation has got me completely stumped and in need of perspective.

Earlier this year I re-met a girl that I'd known in my youth.

We got along really well and spent a lot of time together. In time, we even admitted we had feelings for each other and if she wasn't with her boyfriend of the time, she'd like to be with me.

I felt guilty for what I conceived as manipulating her feelings against her boyfriend, and seeing how he depended on her, I apologised to her and broke off contact.

Cut to two months ago, we meet by chance, and with a fresh perspective start to hang around again.

She broke up with her boyfriend, sick of the stifling relationship and constant hounding. He threatened to kill himself.

Dismissed as an empty threat, everyone's world was shocked when he did.

It's now several months later and we're spending more time together than ever before. Things seem to be returning to a state of 'normality'.

To cut to the point, after a drunken night with a male friend, he's declared they're boyfriend and girlfriend. I can't help but think it's too big a step too soon.

She's beginning to feel trapped and, even worse, I'm feeling jealous (oh-oh)...

I like her and I respect her, that makes her extremely attractive to me.

I think there is a chemistry between us, but this thing with the other guy has sewn the seeds of doubt.

My plan at the moment is to just enjoy my time with her (because I do have a great time with her) and wait to see if anything develops.

I give her piggyback rides, we walk barefoot through park sprinklers barefoot at night, we make each other laugh.

I'm conflicted between what's best for her and what's best for me.

Ideally, both will be possible, but who am I to decide?

What do you think S&A? Should I wait? Go for her?

I'm especially interested as to what the female members say. But guys, don't be shy.

Have you asked her about her relationship with this other guy?

Aside from doing that...I'd go with your plan.

I've talked with her about it a few times.

She went along with it because it was easier than stopping it.

Right now she's going to give him a "two month trial" and then decide.

I asked her if it wasn't a clearcut and simple choice now, what she thought it was going to be in a few months.

Anyone that kills themself is weak..

You're even weaker in my mind if you kill yourself because your girlfriend left you. Hope it was painful you emo bitch.



Onto the topic. How does SHE feel about this? I tend to stay away from anyone that has this sorta shit in their past. So I don't have some foolproof way to deal with it.

But it seems your into loving relationships and not just living for the moment(read: having sex with lots of different people).

So on that note: TALK TO HER ABOUT IT. Find out if it's too soon for HER. Because EVERYONE is different. Most people cry when a loved one passed away. Some don't. People deal with things differently, and finish at different times.

You could have someone you REALLY loved die, and be nailing someone a couple weeks later.. or you might not beable to even LOOK at another girl like that for a year.. or more.

So, talk to her, find out what SHE feels shes ready for, and take it from there.

quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:



I give her piggyback rides, we walk barefoot through park sprinklers barefoot at night, we make each other laugh.



cute

quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:



I've talked with her about it a few times.

She went along with it because it was easier than stopping it.

Right now she's going to give him a "two month trial" and then decide.

I asked her if it wasn't a clearcut and simple choice now, what she thought it was going to be in a few months.





hmmm....maybe you'll get your shot at a "two month trial" when she's done.

* mutters..."his girlfriend my ass" *

Are you sure about this girl? Seems a bit underhanded to me.

quote:Originally posted by outcast234:



So, talk to her, find out what SHE feels shes ready for, and take it from there.

That's definitely what I've been doing.

From what we've talked about she's not ready for a relationship yet. So I'm hoping this other guy's attempt is going to blow up in his face.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:



hmmm....maybe you'll get your shot at a "two month trial" when she's done.

...

Are you sure about this girl? Seems a bit underhanded to me.

My feeling is to progress it more as a friendship with sexual tension.

It's a fine line to walk between a suffocating relationship and something so distant she doesn't feel compelled.

And yes she is a bit underhanded. A real enigma.

She is very intelligent, not so much emotionally.

It's a real want what I can't have thing (they're my favourite).