well, not as big as that guy who's 16 year old gf might by pregnant. absolute best of luck to you man.

[short follows this more detailed one]

anyway. so i met the most amazing girl i can imagine and for a year now weve been in love, and its the most amazing relationship. i got out of a really bad one before this, and so this was complete bliss but ive always been dreading the day when it might turn sour. and now it seems it finally has.

so i have these warts on my feet, most likely caused by HPV-1. They've always stayed on my feet, despite great attempts to spread them to other parts of my body. This was done to see if they were contagious, and it seems that they are not contagious (this theory is also supported by the three doctors ive been to) unless the person receiving them has a genetic susceptibility to them (which i do). I do not have gential warts and I never have. My doctors all said that sex was ok... as long as I didn't develop genital warts.

Now. My gf and I started having sex. I did not explain to her that I had been diagnosed as having HPV-1 warts in my foot, but this was not a conscious decision, as I thought nothing of it. If it wasn't an std, I didn't think it mattered. Apparently that's not true. She "found out" (not that i was hiding anything) tonight and completely flipped out and has since ceased to talk to me. we had a brief exchange after she first withdrew where i told her all the reasons it wasn't a problem, but stated that had i known she was gonna flip, i most certainly would have told her before we started having sex. but she doesnt believe me! she actually thinks that she could have gotten cervical cancer from the HPV-1 in my foot.

the problem i have with this is the total lack of trust. we went from having the most amazing relationship to her thinking i was a psycho trying to hide my stds and not caring if she got cancer. her getting cancer is the worst nightmare i can think of.

SHORT VERSION: I have HPV warts on my foot. As best as i can tell they are not sexually transmittable. my gf and i started having sex without me telling her about them. now she knows about them, and she got pissed and didnt believe me when i told her they were harmless.



now. four questions.

1. How can I regain her trust? She says shes going to go to a doctor to find out for sure if she is at risk, but thats not right. i think she ought to be able to believe me when i tell her that she is safe.

2. Was I wrong to not tell her before we had sex? Does her lack of trust have merit? I do not think so, but she obviously does, and I have grown to trust her opinion on almost everything.

3. Is she actually at risk? 3 doctors and my own research tell me no, but maybe I am mistaken? Do any of you know for sure?

4. What if I was mistaken AND I gave her and HPV infection? I realize they can be treated and most go away on their own, but even her getting infection would deal a potentially lethal blow to the relationship. i cannot even consider that as an option. in the event that this is what happens, is there any hope of recovering what we had? at the same time though, i care enough for this girl that if i am ignorant enough to give her a potentially life-threatening std, i will probably decide that i am not worthy, and i will end it myself and take the time i need to look seriously at my life and figure out what the FUCK is wrong with me.

Any other advice would be most welcome, I am a little unsure as to how to handle this.

also, my relationship with my father has fallen apart and my other best friend is being beaten by her father and im trying to help her, so please spare me the "lol u gave ur gf teh aidz" comments

Get her tested>get her the HPV Vaccene?

i think it was wrong of her to react as she did. but i also think it is reasonable for her to go to a doctor to take away her fear. i don't think you did anything wrong, and if 3 doctors said it is not contagious, then it probably isn't.

how to gain back her trust? let her go to the doctor. if she still doesn't believe you, find a way to effectively communicate your genuineness.

quote:Originally posted by NlghtVlsion:

Get her tested>get her the HPV Vaccene?

she got her second shot of the vaccine a bit before we started having sex. she gets the third and final one in january.

and zeppelinrules, thank you so much, that really jerked me back to reality. i suppose i was just worried she would stay in her state of distrust and id never get her back. but hey, either she will snap out of it and she will come back, or she wont, and shes not for me anyway. sometimes i gotta remember that im a nihilist. (ha, like any of you will believe that after me flipping out like this lol)

i always thought that those sorts of warts (or verrucas) were different to genital ones?