I feel over my head and im not sure where to turn here.. My girlfriend is 20 years old and I'm 18, she lives with her mom who pretty much rules her life (she is a catholic prude) and tells her every little thing to do (which she obeys willingly -.- ["GO GET ME A GLASS OF WATER" ... "Ok.."]). It seems like she doesn't listen to a thing I say and it's really getting to me.

examples:

She only looks for a job because her mom tells her to and when she looks she goes to shitty places for retail jobs when she has PCA experience.(And now she has a $25,000 loan from 1 year of college for something she didn't even like and went 5 hours away from me to go to, [which I visited every month for a week -.-])

Sex she is wayy to scared to do it the normal way but has no problems with blowjobs, being eaten out, and anal. And its pissing me off that she won't have vaginal sex... I mean christ i've been with her for 2 years!

She doesn't think, she needs to be told every little thing to do from moving out of the way when i go to stand up, to following me to the damn bathroom and having to wait at the door.

I mean i understand the girl is a bit slow her father is too, and I love her to death and I don't want to be alone (terrified of people @_@). But i just don't know how to handle the situation. the loan has her screwed for years and I can't take care of her. Its just driving me crazy



[This message has been edited by SRImpulse (edited 12-15-2006).]

Is she smokin' hot?

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Is she smokin' hot?

She is pretty but whats that matter I love her

Give her a big shove in the right direction. If it fails, you know what to do.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

Give her a big shove in the right direction. If it fails, you know what to do.

I don't understand, I've threatened to leave her if she didn't straighten up, but to no avail cause i know i'd be miserable without her, and if you mean that by the sex bit i've tried a bit of force in there and she can crush me (damn you horseback riding!)

Well its fairly certain that she won't change while she's living in her mother's sphere of influence.

Which basically means you need to get her to move in with you for her to change and that change will be slow and painful (assuming you're a 'modern' non 'abusive' man).



[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 12-15-2006).]

You're going to have to break it to her that anal sex means a loss of virginity as well. Are both of you that dumb?

[This message has been edited by smallpox champion (edited 12-15-2006).]

Mentally she's probably broken, but sexually she'll come around with time. And who are you complaining if you're getting bjs and anal.

quote:Originally posted by stab:

Mentally she's probably broken, but sexually she'll come around with time. And who are you complaining if you're getting bjs and anal.

Its not a matter of virginity its a matter of "Fear of pain" she she afraid it will hurt go figure. I've talked to her along with 3 or 4 other people about the subject and she just doesn't get it. I've tried going slow and blowjobs and anal are great but it leaves me with a sort of empty hole in my heart. Makes me feel a little rejected I guess.

And the bit above about her breaking away and moving in. She is trying to break away from her mom but the way she goes about doing it is immature, she would just ignore her mom at times or lie and say she'll be home at this time to try to rebel and she doesn't realize that its childish and showing more immaturity than independence. On top of her $25k loan, her lack of interest in finding decent employment and I still live with my mother and yet to find my own job due to my own mental restraints, not really limiting me from functioning normally but as I mentioned I don't deal well with people and have panic attacks and such in public so it prevents me from getting a job (still trying to figure out if I'm able to get some sort of disability or assistance with the problem). So I'm a bit stuck in my own life and my little bit of relief, love, and affection is "broken" in a sense of intelligence and humanity.



Edit: I'm off to bed for now I'll check this in the morning



[This message has been edited by SRImpulse (edited 12-15-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by smallpox champion:

You're going to have to break it to her that anal sex means a loss of virginity as well. Are both of you that dumb?





No it doesn't, not to anyone of a catholic mentality anyway.

Some Catholics believe the loss of virginity is when its a penis entering a vagina.

Hence the reason why she may not consider it losing her virginity.

You are basically in a no-win situation. It all stems from the fears her mum has inspired into her from being Catholic. ONCE AGAIN THIS IS ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF RELIGION SCREWING THE REST OF THE WORLD OVER.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Is she smokin' hot?

JOO IS SO SHALLOW.

Of course it's much more mature of you to want to change her to suit you, than a woman trying to change a man?

A woman trying to change a man is just wrong...

A man ( a man is a God!) trying to change a woman to suit his ways? That is ok for a god to do. So you're 'k. 'K?

WTF?? According to the catholic environment I was raised in, anal and oral sex are infinitely more evil than regular sex!

I was so warped by my upbringing that I never had oral sex until I had been married for a YEAR and we STILL haven't had EAS...(The clock is ticking, though )

[This message has been edited by Xiao Mei (edited 12-15-2006).]

I have an interest in how different cultures deal with the various & terrible pressures reality places on us all?

So, though I know little first hand, I've gleaned a little info about Latin American thexxuality. I mean they tend to be Catholic....only not? Maybe that's just a C-style?

I take it that's why C's who aren't married have taken to the anal so readily? They want to be wild & sensuous hot-blooded Latins? Yet, they want to be 'Good' & get everything they want...yet not go to Hell?

I think the OP is kinda self-absorbed to have little regard (hey, is she a hot-blooded latin?) for her feelings for her virginity. I don't know if it's a 'Media' thing? Yet I imagine you might find an article or two about Catholic Virgin Girls having anal but not gettin' the front door poked?

If you have no idear about this? Then you should break up...'cause you have no idear & little care for who she is.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

WTF?? According to the catholic environment I was raised in, anal and oral sex are infinitely more evil than regular sex!

That is right but 'virignity' only aplies to vaginal according to normal catholic teaching.

I wonder if it was Catholics that influenced the Japanese after WW2? My understanding is that for many years (even somewhat today) some prostitutes there would do PiV intercourse, only Anal/Bj's because they weren't considered actual sex.

To some it seems that if there is no chance of pregnancy (birth control aside) then it really isn't sex? I can just imagine someone saying to themselves, 'Masturbation isn't the thexxth! It just feels good!'

Uh-huuuhhh...

It sounds like she's a sheep. If you aren't a shepherd, then this probably isn't the relationship for you.

This is not a rare thing, there are plenty of people that are completely submissive out there in the world.

Yet? Isn't that what people often say about older guys taking up with much younger women? That, it's not only an older guys having a greater amount of resources & weight of experience?

It's also the younger woman's lacking these things. When she matures...he might not like her greater confidence? He really wants her nievety & can't handle an 'equal' partner?

Lord know? With my emotional immaturity I certainly have trouble relating to adults... not that I like kids either...

Ahhhh...Euda...were you sayin' sumpin' about sheep?

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

It sounds like she's a sheep. If you aren't a shepherd, then this probably isn't the relationship for you.

This is not a rare thing, there are plenty of people that are completely submissive out there in the world.

Well put.

It doesn't seem to be an issue of maturity at all. I mean, following you to the bathroom and waiting at the door? Having to be told to physically get out of someone's way when there's no altercation at hand?

It sounds, however, as though you both have your sheepish issues. Chances are she's ranting to her online friends about you being too much of a pussy to get a job.

So one of you is going to have to assume some real leadership qualities. Either that or you'll both have to go find a leader somewhere else.

I guess you could join a cult together or something....you don't necessarily have to break up. Mass weddings are cute, right?

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

That is right but 'virignity' only aplies to vaginal according to normal catholic teaching.

They're going to Hell either way I guess. There's no loopholes with the LORD!

'Loopholes'? What about poopholes?

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

It sounds like she's a sheep. If you aren't a shepherd, then this probably isn't the relationship for you.



There are times when I suddenly don't despair for the youth of today, and this post is one such time.

QFT and engraved in mother-fucking stone.

quote:Originally posted by I_Like_Traffic_Lights:



So one of you is going to have to assume some real leadership qualities. Either that or you'll both have to go find a leader somewhere else.



First things first this isn't an issue about her being submissive and me not being dominant, She was brought up in a sheltered environment and she refuses to even look at another guy. She isn't afraid of sex because her mothers catholic (I mean hell she refuses to set foot anywhere near a church since she realized she didn't have to go if she didn't want to), she is afraid because she is convinced that its going to hurt when something goes in there. She'll let me do anything anywhere else, just nothing actually inside her vagina. She has been trying and trying for a year now and every time i try to put a finger in there she puts a death grip on my hand, or worse she crushes me with her legs (once again damn you horseback riding). It's not that I'm weak or refuse to take over I've tried but I'm not going to go to the extents of raping the girl if she is already scared of it in the first place.

When it comes to the immaturity issues, there are many other examples of immaturity she lacks basic understanding of every day things. Her father is mentally slow so its a genetic thing, and her being sheltered doesn't help. When it comes to the concept of her breaking away from her mother, she decided to go to a college 5 hours away as i mentioned before, and she still called mommy every week asking for money because she had no car, and the nearest store was about an hour away. And as I said before her idea of showing independence is lieing to her mother about stupid stuff and pissing her parents off. She thinks its rebelious to roll her eyes in an arguement and not say a word then bitch to me about it after saying what she should have said, and when i tell her to speak up for herself she stays silent. I'm not even allowed near her house because her moms threatened me before, and I cuss her out every time I see her.



[This message has been edited by SRImpulse (edited 12-15-2006).]

She'll have anal sex but she's afraid vaginal sex will hurt? Jesus, that doesn't even make sense. Have you explained to her that the penis is supposed to go in the vagina and therefore does not hurt? Well, maybe the very first time it might hurt a teensy bit, but that didn't stop me from enjoying it.

Maybe show her this thread?

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

She'll have anal sex but she's afraid vaginal sex will hurt? Jesus, that doesn't even make sense. Have you explained to her that the penis is supposed to go in the vagina and therefore does not hurt? Well, maybe the very first time it might hurt a teensy bit, but that didn't stop me from enjoying it.

Maybe show her this thread?

I plan on it but she is afraid because she knows that normally when you put it in her vagina the first time it actually breaks her hymen (which she may not even have from doing sports) and she can now tolerate the anal sex just fine. I've explained over and over she just doesn't get it... hence why im here

It probably is broken anyway, and unless she has an abnormally thick hymen it doesn't hurt that much to break it anyway.

you need to go outside your comfort zone and seriously take charge, if you really want this to work I think.

Despite what jackketch says, it's possible without violence:P just tell her what she is to do, in no uncertain terms, and refuse to engage in communication with her until she's done it. Most women appreciate this, as long as it's something they really need (pick your battles).

And I think you should practice what you preach. Move out yourself.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

you need to go outside your comfort zone and seriously take charge, if you really want this to work I think.

Despite what jackketch says, it's possible without violence:P just tell her what she is to do, in no uncertain terms, and refuse to engage in communication with her until she's done it. Most women appreciate this, as long as it's something they really need (pick your battles).

And I think you should practice what you preach. Move out yourself.

I tried it, didn't talk to her for over a month. she still wouldn't change

Ugh, religious freaks. Get her THE HELL away from that psycho mother of hers. I'm assuming neither one of you can do any better than eachother so don't break up with her, just try to fix the situation. Unless she's like, retarded slow, which she might be if she's 25 grand in debt at TWENTY. Why the hell is post-secondary so expensive in the U.S? I don't understand. The country is full of morons, you'd think they'd make education free in hopes of fixing that hell hole. Do you live in the bible belt? Get out of it. Don't try to financially help her. She dug herself a hole, she can dig herself out of it. Maybe. And if not, meh. There's plenty of slow 20 year olds out there waiting for some desperate young'n to find them. AM I ranting? I might be ranting. I'll stop ranting now and go to work, and then rant again later. Good luck with your... thing, dude. Whatnot.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

Ugh, religious freaks. Get her THE HELL away from that psycho mother of hers.



Just to requote this

She is not a religious freak and religion has nothing to do with her not wanting to have sex She is afraid of pain thats all it seems she will try but doesn't get anywhere and she tends to crush me between her thighs when i try to push it too much

Ahhh...it's just the anticipated pain then?

Have you/she consider a vibrator/dildo? Then she can have at herself at her own pace?

quote:Originally posted by SRImpulse:

I tried it, didn't talk to her for over a month. she still wouldn't change



18's not old enough to take care of children. I don't think there's a hell of alot more you can do. Good luck.

quote:Originally posted by SRImpulse:



Just to requote this

She is not a religious freak and religion has nothing to do with her not wanting to have sex She is afraid of pain thats all it seems she will try but doesn't get anywhere and she tends to crush me between her thighs when i try to push it too much

Noone is THAT afraid of pain. 2 years in a relationship with no sex, unless you're saving it for marriage, there is no damn reason not to have sex, and "I'm afraid it will hurt" is just a bullshit excuse. A polite way of saying "I don't want to fuck you." And yes, it is partially, if not entirely inspired by religious babble. If she's ok with anal, she should be ok with normal, WAY LESS PAINFUL sex. Why are you dating a moron, again?

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

Noone is THAT afraid of pain. 2 years in a relationship with no sex, unless you're saving it for marriage, there is no damn reason not to have sex, and "I'm afraid it will hurt" is just a bullshit excuse. A polite way of saying "I don't want to fuck you." And yes, it is partially, if not entirely inspired by religious babble. If she's ok with anal, she should be ok with normal, WAY LESS PAINFUL sex. Why are you dating a moron, again?



Hence the part of her being mentally slow, she wants to do it but sience its different she can't. I mean he'll she's never been to a gyno either so she doesn't understand

quote:Originally posted by SRImpulse:

Hence the part of her being mentally slow, she wants to do it but sience its different she can't. I mean he'll she's never been to a gyno either so she doesn't understand

Well you should get her on that. She sounds like my slow cousin. "As long as I take my birth control I won't get pregnant." Umm, you're a 23 year old VIRGIN. You'd need to have sex for that to apply first. And then she talks about god knows what for like 4 hours. I avoid her. Makes my head hurt and junk. Shame, the rest of her family are genius doctors/corporate big-shots. Anyway.

I suggest alcohol. Lots of alcohol.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

Well you should get her on that. She sounds like my slow cousin. "As long as I take my birth control I won't get pregnant." Umm, you're a 23 year old VIRGIN. You'd need to have sex for that to apply first. And then she talks about god knows what for like 4 hours. I avoid her. Makes my head hurt and junk. Shame, the rest of her family are genius doctors/corporate big-shots. Anyway.

I suggest alcohol. Lots of alcohol.



tried it on new years no matter how i make the drink or what it is she doesn't like the taste, she is a very picky eater... i wish i had some damn sedatives or something :P

I had a big long rant typed out again, but I changed my mind, since it's christmas, I guess I could be nice. So I'm not responding in this thread anymore, because if I do, I might make you cry. Good luck with your retar... slow girlfriend.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

I had a big long rant typed out again, but I changed my mind, since it's christmas, I guess I could be nice. So I'm not responding in this thread anymore, because if I do, I might make you cry. Good luck with your retar... slow girlfriend.

Thanks i guess <_<

Holy shit...just rape her! Wear a disguise though. Don't fuck her til you come; just rape her, break the hymen if it's there, and then leave.

That solves the problem of lost virginity. And the emotional damage shouldn't matter much; she seems to be far enough gone anyhow.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

I wonder if it was Catholics that influenced the Japanese after WW2? My understanding is that for many years (even somewhat today) some prostitutes there would do PiV intercourse, only Anal/Bj's because they weren't considered actual sex.

To some it seems that if there is no chance of pregnancy (birth control aside) then it really isn't sex? I can just imagine someone saying to themselves, 'Masturbation isn't the thexxth! It just feels good!'

Uh-huuuhhh...



Maybe it was because you don't get babied up making anal.

quote:Originally posted by Hexadecimal:

Holy shit...just rape her! Wear a disguise though. Don't fuck her til you come; just rape her, break the hymen if it's there, and then leave.

That solves the problem of lost virginity. And the emotional damage shouldn't matter much; she seems to be far enough gone anyhow.

Bahaha. K this I have to respond to. Pure genius.