I've been with my girlfriend for well over a year, the longest I've been with someone in my life. I love her, and the feeling is mutual.

But I don't know, anymore, if the way we conducted the relationship was right.

We had sex so early. Before I even really knew her. I regret that, even though I don't quite no why. I mean, have no problem with sex before marriage. None whatsoever. But was it wrong to have sex so early in a relationship? No, I suppose. Then why does it feel wrong now?

Do you think discussing a period of celibacy would help me get over the feeling? I leave on the 8th of January for an unknown period of time, and I don't know when I'll see her again, although certainly before my birthday in late April.

I just don't know if I really truly know her, even now, I guess. Maybe this feeling is artificial, brought on by something else, I don't know.

The situation is complicated by me being an Aspergean, and thus having a difficult time explaining my emotions to others. Asperger's syndrome really changes the life experience.

Lately I feel like I want to take charge of my life and stop drifting. I want to finish school and go to a university. I want to study psychology, and I want to write novels. Perhaps this is just me reflecting on the past and pointlessly worrying about how things "might have been".

Would it really have been any more beautiful to have waited longer? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not.

Anyone else ever feel similar?

[This message has been edited by Druidus (edited 12-15-2006).]

Anyone? No one else has gone through that?

I'm not quite sure what you mean when you say the sex "feels wrong"...like, the initial passion seems to be waning & sex is no longer as intensely enjoyable on an emotional level because you fucked before you really connected?

Because if that's what you're talking about, I can certainly relate. I wish I had waited longer myself, both for my loss of virginity & the first time having sex with my last girlfriend. Yes, I think it would have been more beautiful. But it's not like you've irreparably maimed your relationship or anything by having sex early on. Or is that what you're feeling? Your post is somewhat vague, it's hard to tell exactly what you're trying to articulate here.

I know, I'm trying but it's the AS. I really do have problems articulating my emotions and the way I feel about things.

I don't really know how to express it. Maybe I just unconsciously feel we lost something when we had sex before really connecting, or that we would be closer today if we had waited longer.

I don't think you should feel bad. If you both wanted each other, what would have been the point in denying yourselves? My boyfriend and I had sex before we were even together, and I don't regret it at all. Yes, sex with an emotional connection is good, but so is animalistic "I want you now!" sex, which does not necessarily require an emotional connection.

And it's not like you can change what happened, so there's no point in mulling over it now...