Well the title says it all, not sure what to do anymore. I've tried everything imaginable to get her to enjoy but it's not working she has no interest in sex. I'm not worried that she is screwing around on me, she doesn't enjoy it. I love her with all my heart but I see where this is headed, I'll screw around on her she will find out and I'll get the boot. but I'm human I'm a man I need it. I've been hit on by a couple of ladies and now I'm asking myself why not. Any suggestions what I can do?

Have a doctor perform a penectomy before it's too late!

??? WTF is it, I already don't like the sound of it

I fail to see the problem nor any justification for you to go a wandering.

She is prepared to 'do her duty' even if she receives little or no pleasure from it?

You have tried your best, and also taken her to see specialists/gynos ?

Then just be grateful that she loves you enough to spread her legs even if she'd rather be cleaning the bath.

And people change. One day she might be lying there planning the evening meal while you hump away and suddenly a wave of passion will run through her.

quote:Originally posted by 2020:

??? WTF is it, I already don't like the sound of it



Penectomy is the surgical removal of the penis for medical reasons.

No you misunderstand she is not willing, she wants me to stay and be faithful with her without being sexed by her

^^^^LOL

Sounds like my husband and I when I was pregnant!

I was responding to Jackketch BTW.

[This message has been edited by Xiao Mei (edited 12-14-2006).]

It's fucked is what it is I can't win if I stay faithful to the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with then I'm going to have to be happy with masterbation.

quote:Originally posted by 2020:

No you misunderstand she is not willing, she wants me to stay and be faithful with her without being sexed by her

Well tell her you want to have sex even if she hates it. Have her watch Tv Or do a crossword puzzle while you do your buisiness. I mean it can't take THAT long, especially if you hurry.

Did she like it before you got married?

I just wish she was a bitch, it would make things a lot easier. Except for the sex she is perfect

Your married so you must understand how good a feeling it is to be connected to the person your making love to.If I wanted the type of sex where she isn't in to it I think I can get that for $50

quote:Originally posted by 2020:

Your married so you must understand how good a feeling it is to be connected to the person your making love to.If I wanted the type of sex where she isn't in to it I think I can get that for $50

Yes I do understand, been there. There's little as soul destroying as fucking a 'log' who just lies there.

Perhaps you can describe a bit more indepth what she feels about sex and why she is the way she is?

Tell her you need sex, and if she doesn't give it to you you'll get it from somewhere else. If she refuses to let you, divorce her, as she's failed as a wife.

She experiences pain from vaginal intercourse.I understand that and I don't doubt it, been there with her in the doctors office, but like I said there is so many other ways to satisfy each other but she is just an unwilling participant. You know if I knew this before I was married i'm sure I wouldn't said I do

Maybe you're a shit root?

quote:Originally posted by 2020:

She experiences pain from vaginal intercourse.I understand that and I don't doubt it, been there with her in the doctors office, but like I said there is so many other ways to satisfy each other but she is just an unwilling participant. You know if I knew this before I was married i'm sure I wouldn't said I do

The problme ain't sex then but your relationship. As you say, there are lots of ways to have a fulfilling sex life without vaginal intercourse but if she's unwilling try out of love for you then either there is some deep rooted problem you don't know about (ie childhood abuse) or she just doesn't really love you.

First thing to do would be some 'detective' work and find out if there was abuse in her past.

ps. Or is she a christian who believes that anything but straight vaginal intercourse is sinful

?

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 12-14-2006).]

I thought about the abused child angle to but I highly doubt it. I know her family real well.I'm leaning more towards she is embarressed and unable to let go. We have had some wild sex together in the past but it was usually when I got her drunk and she was actually able to let go. We even had good intercourse because the booze let her relax

quote:Originally posted by 2020:

I thought about the abused child angle to but I highly doubt it. I know her family real well.I'm leaning more towards she is embarressed and unable to let go. We have had some wild sex together in the past but it was usually when I got her drunk and she was actually able to let go. We even had good intercourse because the booze let her relax



In that case a sex therapist should be able to help. Or does she need to be on 'prozac' generally?

I agree Jack I think it's time to seek out some therapy. I want this to work so much she is a fantastic lady,hot as hell a great friend and mother to my son. If any one has experienced this there can't be anything that hurts any worse then being rejected by the lady you love it's a real kick in the sack

quote:Originally posted by 2020:

I agree Jack I think it's time to seek out some therapy. I want this to work so much she is a fantastic lady,hot as hell a great friend and mother to my son. If any one has experienced this there can't be anything that hurts any worse then being rejected by the lady you love it's a real kick in the sack

There are worse things to have as the basis for a marriage.

However, you can at least insist she gives you the odd handjob so the pressure doesn't get too much for you. Even a 'loveless' handjob is better than feelings of wanting to commit adultery. That isn't an unreasonable demand and I'm betting she knows it too.

I agree, and I think I'm being reasonable to expect servicing once and a while even if the isn't into it.It's almost funny sometimes because she is always insecure with me being around other women. I'm not Brad Pitt but I'm decent enough and I think she worries I'm going to screw around on her. But like I've told her I want her,it's she who doesn't want me

Try talking with her about it. If that doesn't work, seek professional therapy.

If you've tried everything else and it hasn't worked and you aren't opposed to commiting a felony(in my state anyway), buy some E and both of you drop some, make sure it's real MDMA though, that stuff opens you up so much you'll almost certainly be able to talk and work it out then. I'm serious, this is the kind of thing the stuff used to be used for before it got popular in the recreational crowd and was made illegal.

Every time I read one of those posts that says 'Premarital sex is wrong, and theres no need to test sexual compatibility before marriage' I'm going to think of you.

EDIT:

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



She is prepared to 'do her duty' even if she receives little or no pleasure from it?



Theres no point in having sex with a partner that doesnt enjoy it. It's like being with a realdoll. My ex was that way, and towards the end...I couldnt get off period. It's just a total mood killer. Honestly, I'd rather just put on a porno and go solo.

And you cant expect a man to rely soley on that. Sex needs passion. Without passion, whats the point? I completely sympathize with you, OP.

[This message has been edited by SilentMind (edited 12-14-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by SilentMind:

Every time I read one of those posts that says 'Premarital sex is wrong, and theres no need to test sexual compatibility before marriage' I'm going to think of you.

I was thinking the same thing. If they truely love each other they can work it out though I'm sure.

quote:Originally posted by Cloaked Dagger:

Originally posted by SilentMind:

Every time I read one of those posts that says 'Premarital sex is wrong, and theres no need to test sexual compatibility before marriage' I'm going to think of you.

I was thinking the same thing. If they truely love each other they can work it out though I'm sure.



Maybe for now. But what about in 10-20 years from now? I'm not saying that people cant work through something like this, but every marriage has its high points and its low points. And in the future, when the marriage become stressed, then he's all the more likely to turn to someone else. He even said so himself in his original post.

quote:Originally posted by SilentMind:

Maybe for now. But what about in 10-20 years from now? I'm not saying that people cant work through something like this, but every marriage has its high points and its low points. And in the future, when the marriage become stressed, then he's all the more likely to turn to someone else. He even said so himself in his original post.

Hey, I ain't saying premartial sex is wrong. I just ain't saying it's required either. And let's keep this discussion in the thread about that(which I haven't posted in for a reason, because I truely don't give a shit what others do/think unless they try to force it on me) so as not to derail this one.

Quit crying man you married her, did you NOT see this on the horizon? Did you marry her thinking things would change and she'd come around? If so you only fooled yourself.Now if she was sexing you before hand then I don't know. I suggest you find yourself a girlfriend, shes being selfish, she can be selfish by herself....the loss of affection is grounds for divorce anyway.

Not true, before we were married it was regular sex,good sex.

Don't give her something that she wants until she starts giving you what you want.

She requires nothing from me but friendship, if we can't be that we might as well split

quote:Originally posted by xoctopusx:

Quit crying man you married her, did you NOT see this on the horizon? Did you marry her thinking things would change and she'd come around? If so you only fooled yourself.Now if she was sexing you before hand then I don't know. I suggest you find yourself a girlfriend, shes being selfish, she can be selfish by herself....the loss of affection is grounds for divorce anyway.

Some women change a lot after marriage. I've seen it happen. I guess they sorta feel safe or insured or something. Then they stop paying attention to how they look and stop putting any effort into sex cause they think they have achieved everything and there's no point in working anymore.

I know what's going to happen, I will fuck around on her she will find out and I'll be looking for a place of my own. There is a lady here at work, sexy and horney I know if I approached her she would be on her knees in my office. Not to sure how long I can go knowing that

See she is still so good looking, she hasn't let herself go and she is very successful has a high profile job, it's like she has outgrown me

I know how you feel, Mr. OP. The girl I love just isn't really interested in sex with me. She masturbates, so I know she's got a libido in there somewhere, but when it comes time for anything sexual... nope. She draws the line at cuddling/spooning/kissing, that sort of thing. Oh, she's willing to do more, for me... but I don't want to force her.

I think it might be partly nervousness, since she was raised Catholic and is a total virgin etc. (she hasn't even kissed another guy ever), but I'd've thought that would've passed by now... then again, maybe not, since she masturbates to me (!) and is very sexual when there's no chance of anything happening. Maybe she's just afraid to Take The Plunge.

Oh well. Doesn't really matter to me; I love her, not her sex. But it does make me wonder if I should feel a little inadequate.

Fake Edit: Just out of curiosity, what does she do? Career-wise?

She is a director in our provincial goverment.

quote:Originally posted by Twisted_Ferret:

I know how you feel, Mr. OP. The girl I love just isn't really interested in sex with me. She masturbates, so I know she's got a libido in there somewhere, but when it comes time for anything sexual... nope. She draws the line at cuddling/spooning/kissing, that sort of thing. Oh, she's willing to do more, for me... but I don't want to force her.

I think it might be partly nervousness, since she was raised Catholic and is a total virgin etc. (she hasn't even kissed another guy ever), but I'd've thought that would've passed by now... then again, maybe not, since she masturbates to me (!) and is very sexual when there's no chance of anything happening. Maybe she's just afraid to Take The Plunge.

Oh well. Doesn't really matter to me; I love her, not her sex. But it does make me wonder if I should feel a little inadequate.

Fake Edit: Just out of curiosity, what does she do? Career-wise?

Let me now how that goes with her.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

Tell her you need sex, and if she doesn't give it to you you'll get it from somewhere else. If she refuses to let you, divorce her, as she's failed as a wife.

Man you sound like my parents when they got divorced. I've had some candid talks with my dad about it. Mom turned out to be a lesbian. So yeah, I don't blame him at all for getting a divorce with that bitch.

You're a sexual creature. There's nothing wrong with saying you need sex from your partner. It's up to you to decide whether you want to do it with someone who doesn't enjoy sex, but it's completely unreasonable for her to deny it to you.

Here's an idea, blindfold her and tell her your taking her somewhere as a suprise.

Then take her to the sex therapist.

quote:Originally posted by 2020:

No you misunderstand she is not willing, she wants me to stay and be faithful with her without being sexed by her

That's not fair on you.



It's not fair that she's not willing to do what's her legal fucking duty to do, and it's not fair that you're considering cheating.



Sex isnt the most important thing..but a healthy relationship where the two people actually care about each others happiness and satisfaction is.

hmm...2020 have you tried sex without intercourse that focuses only on her pleasure and softening her up and getting her into heat like a poodle in springtime?

Your tongue + your hands + love + sensitivity = a winner

Does she use a vibrator?

I know I've seen a few letters in Dan Savage's 'Savage Love' column about marriages where they like each other but not for sex & they get permission to sex elsewhere?

Pretty weird...

this is interesting. maybe she is cheating on you. though it baffles me, i know women who really don't like sex. they pretend to like it for their boyfriends, but after a while they just get tired of pretending. try seeing a sex therapist, or even just a regular therapist. tell her how much it bothers you. if she's not willing to work on the problem, that's a dealbreaker. once you guys talk it out in therapy, you may be able to figure out if you can stay with her or if divorce is imminent.

Maybe, being in the political sphere, she only gets wet for the powerful men (women) she deals with? Maybe you just don't sit in a position that makes her wet?

You know the psychology of that!

"Oooooh! Mr. Minister! Excuse me a minute!? I've got to put a new panty liner in! You're sooooo powerful! Mmmmmm mmmm!"

Divorce her, marry a red-head. Problem solved.